Feeling Dumb

[Tim/Mav 305]

You are 100% correct! I did not call him, he did call me. Clarified what happened, and said some of the most heartfelt, most sincere things I have ever heard. He's so diplomatic that he made me want to smack myself for having such thoughts. In the end all I can say is I think this is real, I have to learn not to jump to conclusions, I hate my sign! my sister does this all the time we are the same sign, I see her do it all the time. But in my mind I just think the worst, think that people are against me. But he is not he said some of the most beautiful words I've ever heard...I must do better.

Well. that clarifies were all NUTS HERE. I Always knew that. Get some rest tonight and just think later. You don't have a worry in the world tonight. I told you he would call and he will keep calling you if you stop calling and texting him. He will drive you up the wall.. WANNA BET. PS.. You look like Tina Turner.. lol...

LOL

[Tim/Mav 305]

Actually there are days when I would use those words first. Nigerian men can be very hard headed. And the OP does have enough of a brain to look at boths sides of a coin, she doesn't need you demanding that everyone paint the world full of happy fairy dust and rainbows because it isn't.

Keep your world to yourself if you wish to offend a member. Rainbows/Fairy Dust. No, you jump to Conclusions. I don't... And I mostly believe she has a brain. But, Love sometimes make you confused and that I know. So, we all can be Hard-Headed. I just fell that support was needed and not opinions that could damage them when there was nothing really there that any relationship could go through.

[Nancan 10]

No it doesn't mean it's fake. Could be he's trying to get everything sorted out before coming over.

I was once upset that my fiance wasn't online on time. When he finally got on I told him that I was upset at waiting hours to talk to him. It was also after our approval. Turns out he'd been scrubbing the kitchen floor in preparation for my arrival (he worked full time and went to school full time and that was one of the few times he had the chance to do it)... and yep, I felt like a total cow about being upset about it.. especially when you consider we'd be together in person soon.

What exactly did she say to you? So you told her about the approval and she was like "YAY!! Shame he's moving to be with a fattie but yay for his approval"?. Or was it more like "You only have a short time to lose weight before he gets here"? If the latter maybe you mentioned it to her at some stage and she didn't realise it was rude?

She said something to the effect of not even a yay, more of a fake smile, and did not want to talk about the approval, then when my fiance asked for my size for a mini gown he wanted to have made for me I told him I didn't know when I could get to a taylor here in the US, but my friend mary could show me in some time, she's nigerian. So my fiance said well can you use mary's size, I said nooo she's way bigger than me, his sister looked at my fiance and smirked and said that's hard to believe. Then cut her eyes at my fiance again like I was lying. I was so offended.

All is well Vanessa, I spoke to my fiance who made a lot things very clear, and yes I felt like a cow for doubting him. He told me not ever let anyone call me dumb for bring in love, which is what my ex did. He told me he understood about the stress of school, caring for a family and managing everything, told me to keep my head up because I was going to make it. I know it sounds childish, but it's what I needed to hear. It was so damn good to hear that it makes me worry! He's way too kind, this scares me. But I have work to do, and can only pray I learn the skills it takes to be grateful, thankful, and appreciative of this kind of kindness.

[Nancan 10]

Well. that clarifies were all NUTS HERE. I Always knew that. Get some rest tonight and just think later. You don't have a worry in the world tonight. I told you he would call and he will keep calling you if you stop calling and texting him. He will drive you up the wall.. WANNA BET. PS.. You look like Tina Turner.. lol...

LOL

Yeah, well thanks for the compliment I can only pray to have those kind of looks at the age of 102! lol, thanks for the good words.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Well you had a long day. Tell you what. We all Love You.

Yeah, the song sucks. LOL get some rest..

[hamigirl710 112]

yay!! I have bee following your thread all day and I am glad things worked out!! Best wish to you both for a Happy future!!!

[olumides_wife 17]

I would say shut up your mouth for saying Nigeria is the #1 country in fraud. for your information my husband do have egyptian friends and many have duped him before and my husband is a Nigerian, that does not mean all egyptians are fraudsters neither does it mean all Nigerians are fraudsters. what about if another person said Egypt is a terrorist country, are we going to say they are incorrect, ofcourse they are. they are bunch of craps in Egypt, but i will be a fool to say because Egyptians are terrorist then someone's else relationship or marriage might be bad because of this. so if you don't know how to advise, is better you keep shut and don't say a damn word.

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: Could not have set it better if I tried...smh just because this man is from Nigerian does NOT MEAN he IS HIS A scammer! SCAMMERS, FRAUDSTERS, FAKE PEOPLE exists EVERYWHERE and in EVERY country. It's funny how you can see the true colors of people come out in regards to another person's race..I've said it before and I will say it again...I married and American man...and he was the biggest fake person of them all...we really need to move away from judging people based on their country...as stated here it's clearly easy to make some judgments about Egypt too be it right or wrong or any other country... the conclusion...if a person has a bad character that has NOTHING to do with their country it's the person as an individual...

now to you OP...trust your gut as someone else said...maybe you are overreacting maybe you aren't but you are going to have to truly figure that one out on your own. You know your fiance better than any of us and yourself...my advise from one woman to another....don't ignore your intuition...maybe you are reading too much into his response maybe not...just pray...don't just write him off now as maybe wanting to get over on you or use you...just b/c he is Nigerian or didn't respond...maybe there is a reason he didn't respond finally as someone else already said ignore the fraud comments...it's pure ignorance...get on your knees and just pray girl...ask God to show you what to do!

Edited November 5, 2012 by olumides_girl

[memlaura 60]

Actually there are days when I would use those words first. Nigerian men can be very hard headed. And the OP does have enough of a brain to look at boths sides of a coin, she doesn't need you demanding that everyone paint the world full of happy fairy dust and rainbows because it isn't.

No truer words have been spoken... if you asked him what his intentions are or anything questioning his honesty I can bet it took a while for him to cool down and answer you. sometimes how you word things even if it isnt what you mean can cause issues. but you are at the end of the journey have you felt like this all along? When I met my husband I was alot heavier and some of his friends made comments about my weight and he didnt say anything at the time. Of course they didnt say it in English so I didnt know. But I did over hear him having a dispute with one of them later and after I bugged him he told me about what was said and that he talked to him later. I use to wonder about text I sent to him or why he didnt answer until I was there and the same things happened to me when some one text me from the states. I am not saying he is or is not being honest with you I dont know your relationship I am however saying he sounds like a man. And his comment about it being too early for you to have a bad day actually does make sense sometime they dont always listen to everything you are saying and you said you told him about it the next morning and his first thought was how could this be happening that early in the day not realizing you were talking about the day before., I speak from experience on that one lol.... But only you know for sure what it is like between the two of you so only you can make the decision... I pray for your happiness and remember marriage is never easy and when you are so different from each other it is even harder. And Gowen is right it is such a different world there and he is getting ready to leave everything he knows behind to be with you that has got to be very scary no matter how much he loves you. And by the way you know how much people are telling you about Nigerians well there are just as many people there telling him all the bad things about Americans so keep all these things in mind and I am sorry to all the guys reading this post but most importantly remember he is a Man and they cant help themselves sometimes.

[Nancan 10]

No truer words have been spoken... if you asked him what his intentions are or anything questioning his honesty I can bet it took a while for him to cool down and answer you. sometimes how you word things even if it isnt what you mean can cause issues. but you are at the end of the journey have you felt like this all along? When I met my husband I was alot heavier and some of his friends made comments about my weight and he didnt say anything at the time. Of course they didnt say it in English so I didnt know. But I did over hear him having a dispute with one of them later and after I bugged him he told me about what was said and that he talked to him later. I use to wonder about text I sent to him or why he didnt answer until I was there and the same things happened to me when some one text me from the states. I am not saying he is or is not being honest with you I dont know your relationship I am however saying he sounds like a man. And his comment about it being too early for you to have a bad day actually does make sense sometime they dont always listen to everything you are saying and you said you told him about it the next morning and his first thought was how could this be happening that early in the day not realizing you were talking about the day before., I speak from experience on that one lol.... But only you know for sure what it is like between the two of you so only you can make the decision... I pray for your happiness and remember marriage is never easy and when you are so different from each other it is even harder. And Gowen is right it is such a different world there and he is getting ready to leave everything he knows behind to be with you that has got to be very scary no matter how much he loves you. And by the way you know how much people are telling you about Nigerians well there are just as many people there telling him all the bad things about Americans so keep all these things in mind and I am sorry to all the guys reading this post but most importantly remember he is a Man and they cant help themselves sometimes.

Well said, and a beautiful read. I have learned a lot today and am thankful for all the input. I need to realize that sometimes my intuition is just suspicion and nothing else. Thanks again.

[patient2010 93]

Feeling dumb as hell right now. Called my fiance last night to tell him about a horrible day at work, he said kinda short I'm in the shower I will call you back, so I never got to tell him why I was calling..... he didn't call me back. I understood he was getting ready for church , so I let it go. So this morning I text my fiance told him I had a horrible day at work yesterday, it was so bad i didn't get to study, but I promised I would go to church early today, asked what should I do. he wrote back, it's too early to have had such a bad day, all will end in praise. I thought, wow that didn't make sense. So I felt snubbed, not once from last night, but twice now. So I called my ex to discuss the work issue( he is a nurse like me.), who promptly began to tell me how dumb I was for beli

eving the intentions of my fiance, that it is almost assured that once he able to leave, he will do so. I have always disregarded what my ex would say because I felt an honest connection to my fiance and was/am head over heels in love with him and his kindness. To add insult to injury, the other day my fiances sister made fun of my weight in front of me to him and it hurt very much. I discussed it with him but it just made me feel a little doubt, even though he apologized for his sister's actions. So back to this morning, after speaking to my ex, I text my fiance and asked him to swear before God that his intentions are true, he has not responded, it's been over and hour. Am I being too sensitive? Am I watching the clock a little too closely? I'm feeling super stupid right now....

Too sensitive why second guess yourself and if it is this easy for you to think his intentions are not good then why be in the relationship......

[GAFL 16]

Wow,

Gowon, you truly stated this so perfectly clear. It definitely help give me a personal reality check. Thank you. **49 days until I'm in my fiance ARMS, who's excited, yes you guessed it, Me ....

I am assuming he is still in Nigeria?

Nigeria is a tough place to exist in, just getting up in the morning (after battling the night with Mosquitos), taking that shower (where is the water coming from, did he have to pull it from the well), getting to work or school or church (on the back of okada or even if he owns a car the cursed traffic is enough to drive one bonkers). So us as USC, well me, I take a step back sometimes when I'm dealing with my Fiancee. It's easy for me to sit back in my comfortabel environment sometimes and not watch my conduct with my Fiancee until I catch myself. For example, I've been on her to get copies of her school transcripts and I get pissed off at times. But when I realize that it's not like here where you can just saunter to the school and they'll give you a print out right away, then I chill out.

I am not making any excuse for him or his perceived conduct but I just want you to also realize that it's not just you that is apprehensive, he is about to leave everything and everyone he knows, his comfort zone to come to the US to be with you.

One thing for me as a person, I am not comfortable with you discussing him with your Ex, I am of the opinion that conversations with your Ex should be solely about the Kids that you have together. Does he know that you talk to your Ex in other than Kids relationship?

There's nothing wrong with being needy or seeking reassurance from your SO but is he on board with that in your relationship? Did you Guys talk about acceptables and unacceptables?

Weight is a big issue and it's generally not a good thing health wise (I'm overweight myself and working on it but what I do not do is BS myself that it's okay), is he okay with your weight? If he is then regardless of what his Sister says it shouldn't matter. He's not going to attack his Sister back in front of you like you probably want but if he is anything like I know most Nigerians I am certain that she and her had a good tete a tete.

Are his intentions true? About immigrations? I don't know since I don't know him. The benefits and opportunities that is available to even the most average American here in America draws folks from other countries (not just Nigeria) to consider things that they may not necessarily want to do (marrying older people, marrying outside of their faith, marrying without possibility of producing offsprings, etc). They may hide it for a while but it usually rears up typically after the GC is in hand. Does yours have the same potential? Only you know and I hope that you've done the due diligence necessary. Love, falling madly in love, etc on FaceBook IMHO is generally a disaster in the making, in my own personal opinion and of course there are always exceptions to the rule.

One more thing, do not shy away from your SO, follow your heart and don't play games. If you need to call him, do so. If you need to hear his voice, call him. Remember that he is going to be like your conjoined twin for at least the first 3 months (maybe less) when he arrives here. You two better be on the same wavelength mostly so that you and your kids have a stress free home life. He can't work, drive, etc, won't know where stuff is, and is going to be like potty training a newborn.

Good luck to you Guys. You've reached a milestone in your Visa Journey that most would envy, I know I do.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

No truer words have been spoken... if you asked him what his intentions are or anything questioning his honesty I can bet it took a while for him to cool down and answer you. sometimes how you word things even if it isnt what you mean can cause issues. but you are at the end of the journey have you felt like this all along? When I met my husband I was alot heavier and some of his friends made comments about my weight and he didnt say anything at the time. Of course they didnt say it in English so I didnt know. But I did over hear him having a dispute with one of them later and after I bugged him he told me about what was said and that he talked to him later. I use to wonder about text I sent to him or why he didnt answer until I was there and the same things happened to me when some one text me from the states. I am not saying he is or is not being honest with you I dont know your relationship I am however saying he sounds like a man. And his comment about it being too early for you to have a bad day actually does make sense sometime they dont always listen to everything you are saying and you said you told him about it the next morning and his first thought was how could this be happening that early in the day not realizing you were talking about the day before., I speak from experience on that one lol.... But only you know for sure what it is like between the two of you so only you can make the decision... I pray for your happiness and remember marriage is never easy and when you are so different from each other it is even harder. And Gowen is right it is such a different world there and he is getting ready to leave everything he knows behind to be with you that has got to be very scary no matter how much he loves you. And by the way you know how much people are telling you about Nigerians well there are just as many people there telling him all the bad things about Americans so keep all these things in mind and I am sorry to all the guys reading this post but most importantly remember he is a Man and they cant help themselves sometimes.

My first words in his language was the phrase hard headed ( thanks to an older sister in Enugu who knew I would need it ) Yes I still warn him that he is going about things in a way that isn't going to end well under US customs. Almost without hesitation he goes ahead with the Nigerian way only to grumble later about how it is done here. No changing that way about doing things.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Keep your world to yourself if you wish to offend a member. Rainbows/Fairy Dust. No, you jump to Conclusions. I don't... And I mostly believe she has a brain. But, Love sometimes make you confused and that I know. So, we all can be Hard-Headed. I just fell that support was needed and not opinions that could damage them when there was nothing really there that any relationship could go through.

If asked an opinion in the regional where my spouse if from I am free to give it. I don't need your permission nor do I care about what you think of my opinion. It is just that my opinion. I am not about to lie about what I think just for the sake of people that want this board to be all about aiding people get to the US with no though to the damage to the USC. The OP is also free to ignore my opinion. That is how life works.

Edited November 6, 2012 by NigeriaorBust

[jilliannep 13]

I usually don't weigh in on VJ... ever. But, you seem like you need some encouragement.

I hope that you've talked to your fiancee by now.

2 things

1. About the response to your bad day that made no sense. I have to say, that I've done that to my husband before. There's a 9 hour difference between us. Sometimes I will ask if he's done this or that yet forgetting that it may be 1am there. When he tells me it's too early/late I say "pishposh." I'm betting that this is the case. You called him in the morning his time and he didn't think about the fact that your day was over.

2. Forget about others opinions about your weight. It's their opinion and as important as this person may be to you, their opinion shouldn't be. I was in your place too (at almost 300 lbs for a 5'1' frame) and thought, It's just more cushion for the pushin. But, I do agree with what others have said... lose weight for your own peace of mind, health and child.