Divorce, Hindsight, and Doing the Immigration Dance Again...

[Fandango 1,440]

This is a topic that has kept me wondering for quite a while. I would love it if this situation applies to you, to come in and share your experience.

I met my man thru a chance encounter in the flesh. I am petitioning him not because of some 'oh the ideals of the men there are this that and the other'...I am doing it for him. We have lived together for years, and we both know each other like the back of our hands.

It just so happens that his nationality is different than mine.

I see many people on here who met on the internet. I don't really understand it fully, but hey..diff strokes! Ok, so the relationship blossoms online, there's one or two meetings in person, then marriage. Then the posts come how so and so is not like the USC thought, etc...then divorce. Then you see them talking about re-petitioning for someone else. When's the Monday morning quarterbacking come into play to say 'hrmm, seems like I didn't really get to know him/her online'? Granted, there's always a chance in any relationship that someone is fooling another, but at what point does 'once bitten twice shy' come into play?

If D and I were to ever break up....I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER go thru this immigration thing again. I would never knowingly get into a situation where I'm alone at night, always pining for my partner, all the immi bs, all the problems that ensue...no, you couldn't pay me enough to ever endure this kind of torture. Yes, I willingly go thru it for him, because he's THAT worth it, but in my instance, I feel fairly certain that we know each other better than we know ourselves sometimes. I see the words 'leap of faith' thrown around here so often...and yes, while any marriage is a leap of faith, I see many to be complete base jumps with no parachutes. I could never do something like this for someone I've met only a few times.

I am not trying to belittle anyone who has been in multiple bi-national relationships.....please don't misunderstand. Just REALLY curious!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Yeah I would. In hindsight the immigration process was easy and painless so why not?

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

I'd have to say I honestly don't know.

You can never tell who you are going to fall in love with or where they'll be from. I never thought I'd marry an American or anyone from overseas (actually I vowed never to marry again). If it wasn't for us having to be married for immigration purposes, we both would have been happy just living together. But then in hindsight, I'm glad we are.

We were lucky that our immigration process ran pretty smoothly and quickly. We were only separated 3 months through the process. I'm sure those who face delays and hurdles would have a different view.

Interesting question tho

[maya62 7]

I don't think I would ever get married again, if somehow I lost my beloved husband.

But if I were ever to consider another marriage, I would not let the immigration process stop me.

I think we are dearer to each other now because of the separation we endured.

I really don't think I've ever met another guy (ever in my life!) who could hold a candle to my husband anyhow, so the chance of my finding another jewel like him would be pretty slim.

Maya

[StarProg 0]

If I'd known what was involved in the immigration process in the first place, I probably never would have started this relationship. Saying that, however, I would now say that if I were to lose my wife (won't say divorce, because that can never happen), I would not purposely avoid falling for another foreigner. This relationship has been better than any others I've had in the past, and I believe the immigration process is actually easier than my divorce was.

[Fandango 1,440]

Ok, lemme clarify....I know none of us are going to break up....surely I know in my water that me and D aint gonna ....but this question is not about if partner (God forbid!) dies....this is in the instance that your LDP comes over, is not what you thought he/she was...

Would you go back to the country of origin to find another?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Would you go back to the country of origin to find another?

I wouldn't go there with the express purpose of finding another, no. But I would go there anyway since I have family there and if I were to run into someone, I'd be open to it.

[StarProg 0]

Pretty much still the same answer. I would not avoid falling for another Filipino. But I wouldn't actively seek another out.

[Nikita2Charles 33]

Married for life, but if something would happen I don't think I would go through it again, With muli racial or multi cultural marriages you have to work harder at it, I don't think I would have any energy to go through that same process again, NEVER.

[chri'stina 190]

I'm not sure how to answer.

I would not intentionally look for someone from a foreign country if something happened with me and hubby(which won't happen but answering this theoretically). Yet I would not be completely closed to it if it naturally happened. But, I wouldn't say "Only another person from India". But since I don't chat online, I'd think the only way it'd happen again is if I met someone in real life who could be from another country here on business/travel or something.

I'd find it very aggravating to have to go through it again! It wasn't fun and the distance is awful. But that doesn't mean I would be totally opposed to it again, I just would be stunned if I had to.

But I am not even sure how I'd feel about re-marrying if such a situation arrived. I might not even want to get married again, or not for a long long time. It'd be too horrible for me.

[Ta Ta 1]

I can't see myself going through this ever again...........at this time anyway.

Never say never though is one thing I have learned and I never thought I would be

in this position in the first place, dealing with this immigration mess.

[rebeccajo 14]

Probably not.

Even though it's said you can't control who you fall in love with, it's a good idea to know yourself. I know from participation in other chat rooms that talking to a non-english speaker isn't even fun for me. There's no way I could establish a connection with someone who doesn't speak english as their native tongue. I just don't have the patience. Plus it's my opinion that men and women have enough trouble communicating without adding a foreign language into the mix! LOL

So that takes a whole lot of the globe out of the equation. What I find most frustrating about this process is the LDR part. Especially when there's a big old body of water in the way.

I just don't think I could deal with being separated again. Being in a LDR does cloud things. My husband IS the man I thought he was. And I won't hesitate to add there was a LOT more I learned about him after I met him face to face. You can 'fall' for someone on the internet and the phone, but it's pretty one-dimensional. And face it - you don't even know if you have 'chemistry' till you're together. And the length of time most of us get together is really - well - not enough.

LDR's can cause you to 'gloss over' things about the person that you might not so easily overlook if you lived closer. So again, you've got to know yourself - and I mean in a really brutal kind of way. You've got to know what kind of habits, behaviors, traits, etc. you can tolerate. Because you can bet your bottom dollar they will be magnified once you are together.

I probably wouldn't do this again unless I or the man had the financial resources for us to visit often and frequently. The immigration part I can deal with - it's a pain but I can get past it. What I'm not good at is being apart.

I cry and moan on here about my husband's AOS not being complete. But thank God he's here and we are together. I want his immigration process to be complete so that he can feel comfortable and fully documented in America. I guess being with me must be worth it to him to put up with being a 'non person' in a foreign land. And it's those kind of things about him that cause me to believe I won't ever have to worry about doing this again, because he won't ever leave my side.

Edited October 26, 2006 by rebeccajo

[kisschick1976 0]

I didn't think I would, but I will be. I had Anton immigrated here from Romania and it turns out he lied about everything just so he could get here. Now that he hates it he wants to go back, I have already filed for a divorce and we have been separated for over a year.

But this past January, I wasn't really looking for love, especially overseas but I did, it just happened. At first I thought at the very most I would have a couch to crash on if I ever wanted to visit England. Needless to say we are now very crazy for each other. I went to go meet him in person last march and he's coming to visit me in a little less than 3 weeks. We also have another trip in the works for me to visit him next may. We aren't engaged or anything but the subject of the m-word has come up a couple of times We have a few ideas about what we may do immigration wise but for now we are just having fun being in love.

so my answer is yes, I would. It just happened that way.

Edited October 28, 2006 by kisschick1976

[Alex+R 0]

I know from participation in other chat rooms that talking to a non-english speaker isn't even fun for me. There's no way I could establish a connection with someone who doesn't speak english as their native tongue. I just don't have the patience. Plus it's my opinion that men and women have enough trouble communicating without adding a foreign language into the mix! LOL

I always said that, too. Language and communication are a big part of who I am and how I connect with people. I had trouble dating an Irish guy because I couldn't understand him on the phone half the time when we were apart! That didn't last long after I left Ireland... but here I am, in a relationship with a guy who I think is really fabulous, and occasionally we DO have language issues, but for some reason it just isn't the issue I thought it would be. He still gets my jokes, I get his (except some Brazilian cultural references) and we don't often have miscommunication issues. I dunno.

Rey and I met in person and were living together/spending a lot of time together for a year before starting the LDR, so there are no surprises in my case.

I REALLY like to travel, so I know that if something happened to this relationship, an international thing *could* happen again. But NOOOOO I would NOT seek it out, and I would try very hard to stick to Americans or those in the U.S. on other visas. Ha.

[eclowjpd 0]

I just did repeat! The immigration part for the first once was quite easy because we married in her country and we were able to apply for her visa that same day at the embassy. She got her visa a couple months later.

However, it was a horrible experience. We divorced. And very ugly for a brief marriage.

I never thought that I would marry again, much less someone from another country. I should probably have my head examined! Getting her K1 one visa was considerably more work and expense.

I do think that the 90 day deadline to marry a K1 is not long enough. I think it should be 180 days. I am very curious to know what percentage of K1 marriages end.

I can say now that the only way that I would do it again (hope it does not come to that!) is if the person were in the US on a different type of visa and we were to decide to marry.