needs advie

[disc12 0]

Hello to all VJ members,

Hope somebody can give me some advice what to do here in united states it seems like i am on the mind war over here.the story is i arrived here in US last Sept.2011 even though i already knew it i and hubby againts the world,lol maybe our age differences with my hubby,in short family of my hubby didnt accepted me here when my hubby's aunt died they didnt want me to go at her funeral it hurts because she was the only person accepted me here in US.well i didnt went to the funeral.another thing now hubby wants to sell the house here because we want to move back to Philippines,we do have a lot of issues the 2 adult children doesnt want him to sell the house,take note even before i was accused of a lot of things gave me names and etc gave me titles etc.i felt discriminated by the americans over here i knew it because went to the orientation at the CFO i was aware of the discriminations.i want to know my rights here in united states,what should i do?how i wish i can turn back the time and not to choose this type of family and people here in US,,i am thinking if iam just the only person has this experienced over here in US.me and hubby againts everybody,one thing also his daughter and friend told him to send me back home anyway we are not married here in US but we are married in Philippines.what are my rights here?

Please help me!so alone with the battle of my new family...

[jmack 1]

i am so sorry to hear about your bad experience in usa ...i can tell you not all americans are like that...i dont know what your rights are ...but i wish you the best of luck ...

[Brian121957 43]

I hate to lump groups of people together but there are culture differences across the US. What part of the US are you in. It may help understand what is going on.

[disc12 0]

i am so sorry to hear about your bad experience in usa ...i can tell you not all americans are like that...i dont know what your rights are ...but i wish you the best of luck ...

Hello,Im here in Misery Missouri..

I hate to lump groups of people together but there are culture differences across the US. What part of the US are you in. It may help understand what is going on.

Hello,im here im Missouri

[Loida and Ed 11]

so sorry u are going through this...here its said... you can pick your nose but not your family ( hope you laughed) ... but really, theres nothing much you can do. I think they feel threatened and are just un-accepting people. As was said, not all are like that. if hubby wants to go to the philippines... by all means, agree with him... because i know your life will be better away from his realitives... best wishes

[InHisTime 110]

Hello to all VJ members,

Hope somebody can give me some advice what to do here in united states it seems like i am on the mind war over here.the story is i arrived here in US last Sept.2011 even though i already knew it i and hubby againts the world,lol maybe our age differences with my hubby,in short family of my hubby didnt accepted me here when my hubby's aunt died they didnt want me to go at her funeral it hurts because she was the only person accepted me here in US.well i didnt went to the funeral.another thing now hubby wants to sell the house here because we want to move back to Philippines,we do have a lot of issues the 2 adult children doesnt want him to sell the house,take note even before i was accused of a lot of things gave me names and etc gave me titles etc.i felt discriminated by the americans over here i knew it because went to the orientation at the CFO i was aware of the discriminations.i want to know my rights here in united states,what should i do?how i wish i can turn back the time and not to choose this type of family and people here in US,,i am thinking if iam just the only person has this experienced over here in US.me and hubby againts everybody,one thing also his daughter and friend told him to send me back home anyway we are not married here in US but we are married in Philippines.what are my rights here?

Please help me!so alone with the battle of my new family...

So sorry about your situation. If your husband wants to get back to the PH, then agree with him. It is better to live away from his family. Yes, unfortunately, it is real discrimination. I still believe not all Americans behave that way. It happened to me also while I was there. Good thing with me, I brought enough money when I went there so I still enjoyed a little of America. Though it was really a nightmare I was also accused of things which I didn't do at all. It seems I was judged like an Idiot --don't know anything in life. I tried to be patient and understanding, but, I just can't tolerate sometimes especially when I know it wasn't right.It's just so hard to keep arguing because it was not my place, my relatives are in other state, and I always think --it's not worth it. So, I decided to come home before my 1-94 expires, as I even have a better job / life here in PH. My Fiance is a good and responsible man, but, I think it wasn't the right time to marry at that time because of too much issues in their house, which really affected our relationship. I should have known his actual situation before I went there. I want peace, love, and harmony. Maybe, if I got married while I was there, I maybe still in the states, but, I maybe experiencing same problem with you. The 90 days period given to me as K-1 holder was very helpful to make a rationale decision. Out of love, I decided to come on K-1 because we really had a good time with my Fiance in all his visits in PH. We got along well, but, things changed in the states because of family influences. So sad but, I have to thank God for all. Important, I have my job / life now back home.

About your rights, I'm really not sure, but, since your husband is on your side, then, you cannot file for any abuse. Best thing is to stay away from his family, get a job, and get your own place. Be still... and know that our God is bigger than anything. God will make a way, if you allow HIM. Take care and God bless !

[ThailandToIndiana 11]

As far as what you wrote about you being married in the Philippines and not the United States, that's not true. The United States recognizes marriages from the Philippines, so in the government's eyes, your marriage is valid in the United States.

Best of luck to you.

[disc12 0]

As far as what you wrote about you being married in the Philippines and not the United States, that's not true. The United States recognizes marriages from the Philippines, so in the government's eyes, your marriage is valid in the United States.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks for the response yes this people are ignorant...

[disc12 0]

So sorry about your situation. If your husband wants to get back to the PH, then agree with him. It is better to live away from his family. Yes, unfortunately, it is real discrimination. I still believe not all Americans behave that way. It happened to me also while I was there. Good thing with me, I brought enough money when I went there so I still enjoyed a little of America. Though it was really a nightmare I was also accused of things which I didn't do at all. It seems I was judged like an Idiot --don't know anything in life. I tried to be patient and understanding, but, I just can't tolerate sometimes especially when I know it wasn't right.It's just so hard to keep arguing because it was not my place, my relatives are in other state, and I always think --it's not worth it. So, I decided to come home before my 1-94 expires, as I even have a better job / life here in PH. My Fiance is a good and responsible man, but, I think it wasn't the right time to marry at that time because of too much issues in their house, which really affected our relationship. I should have known his actual situation before I went there. I want peace, love, and harmony. Maybe, if I got married while I was there, I maybe still in the states, but, I maybe experiencing same problem with you. The 90 days period given to me as K-1 holder was very helpful to make a rationale decision. Out of love, I decided to come on K-1 because we really had a good time with my Fiance in all his visits in PH. We got along well, but, things changed in the states because of family influences. So sad but, I have to thank God for all. Important, I have my job / life now back home.

About your rights, I'm really not sure, but, since your husband is on your side, then, you cannot file for any abuse. Best thing is to stay away from his family, get a job, and get your own place. Be still... and know that our God is bigger than anything. God will make a way, if you allow HIM. Take care and God bless !

Thank you for the reply true its a nightmare and trauma being here with this time of people,you are right.worthless to depend ourselves here,you are very lucky you came here with a fiance visa you still have time to get out of this place,thanks for the good words.yes we will be out of here soon..

[LSnBigBear 61]

If your married in the Philippines and came here did you go through Adjustment of Status as in did he get you a social security card and do all the paperwork to start your immigration status here longterm??? Example is after you arrive here the petioner (your husband in this case) must take your documents to Social Security to get you a card, start your Status Change etc. If he did this then you should have a green card which means you are not hostage to him in terms of going or coming. Keep in mind in the USA we are immigrant friendly country if you go through the proper steps. I am not as versed on marriage Visa which is what I am guessing he brought you here on so maybe someone else can correct me from the above if I am wrong. A few things to consider. If you love your husband then go back and live a better life in your home country. Family is family. I did not agree with my son marrying who he married and they both are USC born and raised here. My daughter in law hates me as I figured her out before their marriage. However I accepted them marrying and supported them until she whacked out again. Lesson learned as fmaily issues are not just from immigrants that marry is what I am getting at. Missouri has down home family values so him marrying you a foreigner may force racism out in his family. I have an ex brother in law from Missouri and Ic an say the thought process is different than say Indiana where I am originally from. Not saying bad. Bad is in the eyes of the beholder. I wish you the best of luck. I hope I explained everything for you and believe I am correct on the AOS part... Good luck again

[disc12 0]

If your married in the Philippines and came here did you go through Adjustment of Status as in did he get you a social security card and do all the paperwork to start your immigration status here longterm??? Example is after you arrive here the petioner (your husband in this case) must take your documents to Social Security to get you a card, start your Status Change etc. If he did this then you should have a green card which means you are not hostage to him in terms of going or coming. Keep in mind in the USA we are immigrant friendly country if you go through the proper steps. I am not as versed on marriage Visa which is what I am guessing he brought you here on so maybe someone else can correct me from the above if I am wrong. A few things to consider. If you love your husband then go back and live a better life in your home country. Family is family. I did not agree with my son marrying who he married and they both are USC born and raised here. My daughter in law hates me as I figured her out before their marriage. However I accepted them marrying and supported them until she whacked out again. Lesson learned as fmaily issues are not just from immigrants that marry is what I am getting at. Missouri has down home family values so him marrying you a foreigner may force racism out in his family. I have an ex brother in law from Missouri and Ic an say the thought process is different than say Indiana where I am originally from. Not saying bad. Bad is in the eyes of the beholder. I wish you the best of luck. I hope I explained everything for you and believe I am correct on the AOS part... Good luck again

Thank you so much for the response yes that is what we are doing now to move back in my country to have a peace in our marriage i and hubby is doing good together it is just the people that surrounds us made us so stress opinion here opinion there,thats why we have this issues because husband is selling the house here and his adult children doesnt want to sell the house here..yes i got my SSN and GC here,i came here as a spouse visa.i really felt bad they want me to feel like i am the cause of the family arguments specially about selling the house even before i arrived here husbands wants to sell the house and live in my country, how i wish i knew this before that he has this type of family i would never came here.but now i will never let them win i will stand stood for my husband no matter what. seems like we are a prisoners or no rights to be happy just wants us to listen to all their opinions and for us we are not allowed to say anything because they are the right one we are wrong....

[Ron-Tanya 23]

Thank you so much for the response yes that is what we are doing now to move back in my country to have a peace in our marriage i and hubby is doing good together it is just the people that surrounds us made us so stress opinion here opinion there,thats why we have this issues because husband is selling the house here and his adult children doesnt want to sell the house here..yes i got my SSN and GC here,i came here as a spouse visa.i really felt bad they want me to feel like i am the cause of the family arguments specially about selling the house even before i arrived here husbands wants to sell the house and live in my country, how i wish i knew this before that he has this type of family i would never came here.but now i will never let them win i will stand stood for my husband no matter what. seems like we are a prisoners or no rights to be happy just wants us to listen to all their opinions and for us we are not allowed to say anything because they are the right one we are wrong....

Good for you, you stick to your guns. Please understand you are an outsider and have taken someone's father away. And they are afraid you will talk your husband into selling the house and leaving with what they (children) think is theirs. Also you live in a so called rural state (show me) and believe me you will have to show them. Show them that you are better than they are by not causing trouble, what ever they say go along with it to their face. What you really do is up to you and your husband. I have seen this type thing in the past. An uncle married a lady from overseas and the whole family was hell bent on not excepting her. It took a long time but she won the family over, it was hard for her I am sure but she became a very beloved member of the family. Your rights are not being trampled on just your feelings, I am sure they do hurt. It is very hard for a lot of Americans to accept an outsider even if its an American,they are afraid of what they don't understand.So chin up and act like a duck and let it roll off your back. Good luck

[Darnell 8,478]

for a small amount of peace, give the family (not your husband) some exlax-imbued brownies. You'll have peace and quiet for a few days.

Good Luck !

ps - his family are racists.

[disc12 0]

Good for you, you stick to your guns. Please understand you are an outsider and have taken someone's father away. And they are afraid you will talk your husband into selling the house and leaving with what they (children) think is theirs. Also you live in a so called rural state (show me) and believe me you will have to show them. Show them that you are better than they are by not causing trouble, what ever they say go along with it to their face. What you really do is up to you and your husband. I have seen this type thing in the past. An uncle married a lady from overseas and the whole family was hell bent on not excepting her. It took a long time but she won the family over, it was hard for her I am sure but she became a very beloved member of the family. Your rights are not being trampled on just your feelings, I am sure they do hurt. It is very hard for a lot of Americans to accept an outsider even if its an American,they are afraid of what they don't understand.So chin up and act like a duck and let it roll off your back. Good luck

Thanks yep,i will stood still for my husband no matter what they say,their advice for my husband to send me back home and leave me etc.your right they think i manipulate their dad which is not true at all,i dont even want to come here just for my husband i came.this is their dad's decision 2 yrs ago its not mine i dont have any voice here at this house how come i can manipulate their dad...

[Theresa0828 65]

We are somewhat in a similar situation... my husband is way older than me... one of his sons, son's wife and kids lives with us... but i must say they have been very kind but i can still feel the stress of the situation... they know that my husband is the boss of the house so they do not say anything... I think that they think that Philippines is so backward and we are privileged that we are here... If only they knew that I consider the setting we live now as provincial (even though we live an hour outside Philly)... I have been living in Makati for several years before coming here so there is a big difference... I comfort myself in knowing that I know more than they do, I have seen the world more than they do... and understand diversity more than they do... even if they think I am stupid... as long as you have confident in yourself and your place... and you have your husband at your side... that is all that matters... although I am hoping that we can go back to the Philippines, with our situation right now... it is very unlikely... Goodluck to you!!!