Can absence make the heart wander?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Ok my new question is-where are these phone-loving men coming from?

Javier detests the phone and if given the option, wouldn't own one.

Aisle 8, bottom shelf.

[Traviesa 0]

Ok my new question is-where are these phone-loving men coming from?

Javier detests the phone and if given the option, wouldn't own one.

Aisle 8, bottom shelf.

Alright, what about you Gupt? Are you a phone-loving or hating type of man? Would you have been willing to sit on the phone for a couple of hours or would that have just driven you up the wall?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Alright, what about you Gupt? Are you a phone-loving or hating type of man?

Let's just say I have plenty of unused minutes since my wife got here. I am back to normal now, I call no one and if I do the conversation lasts no more than a few minutes.

The period between when I met my wife and her arrival in the US was a bit of an anomaly. I found (to my surprise) that I had a lot more to say than I realized and (even more of a surprise) that mundane details of her life didn't bore me as much as I thought they should have.

Today, if she tries to talk to me about the same stuff, I'll probably just turn the TV up

[MrMrsKnight 1]

discussing the mundane details of daily life, whether it's the fact that you had to take a different route to work because of road construction, or that you have a 2 p.m. meeting with a new client, or that you had a turkey sandwich for lunch

This is why I talk to my fiance for more than 4 hours a day, if you ask. Not because I have to, but because we like sharing every little aspect of life just like we would if we were physically together.

Maybe some of you and your fiances don't have access to the internet, which makes that harder, but insulting us because we talk to our fiances longer than you do, is poor.

I think it's a natural thing to try to have a "normal" life with our fiances while we're apart. If a "normal" couple usually talks more than once a week, why can't we eliminate the distance factor as much as we can and talk just as much as them?

It's interesting.... Aren't you gonna be with your soon to be husband/wife more than 4 hours a day when he/she gets there? Is it gonna be wrong and needy too? Are you just gonna talk when you have something really important to say? Having our webcams on while we're home doesn't cost a thing. So, why not?

Edited October 23, 2006 by MrMrsKnight

[PlatyPius 5]

Alright, what about you Gupt? Are you a phone-loving or hating type of man?

Let's just say I have plenty of unused minutes since my wife got here. I am back to normal now, I call no one and if I do the conversation lasts no more than a few minutes.

The period between when I met my wife and her arrival in the US was a bit of an anomaly. I found (to my surprise) that I had a lot more to say than I realized and (even more of a surprise) that mundane details of her life didn't bore me as much as I thought they should have.

Today, if she tries to talk to me about the same stuff, I'll probably just turn the TV up

LOL!

Sian and I talk about anything and everything. We talk about who's a chopf##k on VJ, what kind of ####### someone is spouting on the other message boards we visit, we talk about the house, plans for the house, and the reality of the house. We talk about jobs, we talk about money, we talk about things we'd like to do. We talk about news, we talk about space, we talk about cars. We talk about amusing incidents at work.....we talk about anything. I love talking to Sian. We talked a lot when she was here, too.

My current phone obsession, however, will end when she arrives. If I'm not talking to her, then phone calls should last no more than 3 minutes. Call, say what you gotta say, then get the hell off of the phone. When she gets here and I convert my cell phone plan to Family Talk, I doubt that we'll use up all of the minutes on the smallest available plan. lol

I really don't "get" the people who are giving those of us who like to talk to our fiances a bunch of #######. I haven't seen anyone here say "What the hell's wrong with you??? Why don't you talk to your fiance more?!?!", so why the need to jump on us saying that we don't have lives? I reckon that by most people's standards, I don't have a life anyway. I wake up 3pm, talk to Sian until 6 or 7pm, go back to bed or work on the house, leave for work at 10pm, get there at 11pm, work until 7:30am, get home by 8:30am, go to bed, repeat.... On my days off, I work on the house and talk to Sian. Sometimes I go do something, but I've never been much of a "social" person. What else do I need to do to qualify as "having a life"?

Edited October 23, 2006 by PlatyPius

[Fandango 1,440]

Every couple should do what's best for them, as long as both parties are happy with it

[Sinergy 3]

I was without my husband for a year and a half, and never once did i ever feel the need to be with another man, wheather as a companion or sexually. I realised the process is lengthy and when you start the process its best to realise that. it sucks that the only companionship with fiance is chat or phone or webcam, but for me it was all i needed until it came the day i held him in my arms.

In MY opinion, if you are inlove, truely inlove, there would be no need for anyone elses companionship of the other sex, just the need to find any way possible to be a companion and have the companionship of my husband. thats just my opinion (making sure to verify that so no one lashes at me over my statement).

[Traviesa 0]

It's interesting.... Aren't you gonna be with your soon to be husband/wife more than 4 hours a day when he/she gets there? Is it gonna be wrong and needy too? Are you just gonna talk when you have something really important to say? Having our webcams on while we're home doesn't cost a thing. So, why not?

That point is an arguing point that I have used on Javier-what will you do when we're together and you're stuck with me for the entire evening? But he is right about one thing-time spent together does not equal time on the phone, not even close. When we're together, we can sit together on the sofa and not say a word for an hour, and that's ok. But when we're on the phone, and basically hindered from doing anything productive during that time, silence is a lot less tolerable. There's this pressure to talk about something, although neither of us really want to talk about anything. It took me a while, but I finally got to the point where I agreed with him-it's no use for us to force something that's not enjoyable to us-and sitting on the phone for extended periods of time is not.

[Fandango 1,440]

I don't think the OP should be judged as 'not being committed/in love enough'....distance is hard, physical isolation is hard...not having anyone to hold your hand or hug you can get to be intolerable sometimes.

[Traviesa 0]

I don't think the OP should be judged as 'not being committed/in love enough'....distance is hard, physical isolation is hard...not having anyone to hold your hand or hug you can get to be intolerable sometimes.

[MrMrsKnight 1]

It's interesting.... Aren't you gonna be with your soon to be husband/wife more than 4 hours a day when he/she gets there? Is it gonna be wrong and needy too? Are you just gonna talk when you have something really important to say? Having our webcams on while we're home doesn't cost a thing. So, why not?

That point is an arguing point that I have used on Javier-what will you do when we're together and you're stuck with me for the entire evening? But he is right about one thing-time spent together does not equal time on the phone, not even close. When we're together, we can sit together on the sofa and not say a word for an hour, and that's ok. But when we're on the phone, and basically hindered from doing anything productive during that time, silence is a lot less tolerable. There's this pressure to talk about something, although neither of us really want to talk about anything. It took me a while, but I finally got to the point where I agreed with him-it's no use for us to force something that's not enjoyable to us-and sitting on the phone for extended periods of time is not.

I agree 100% with you. I think that webcamera and phone are two different things. I couldn't hold the phone for 4+ hours with nothing to say. I couldn't do it for 10 minutes to be honest with you. The internet gives me freedom of a "normal" life while having him around. It's just like sitting together on the couch.

That's why I said in my post that it's harder for people who don't have access to the internet.

[aussiewench 9]

I say go for it!

If its companionship and just the "interaction" with a female that you're seeking.... do it. It may complicate things, but the one thing that it will do to is keep you "in practice" for when you have a woman around again. We, as guys, get out of practice when we're not in the presence of a lady. We make ####### and fart jokes, we leave the toilet seat up, we let our personal hygiene slide back a little bit. A lady cleans that up nicely!

You can draw the lines where you want as far as "cheating" goes, but me personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. You're a man, you're supposed to be with a woman. If you're not with the one you love, another can (and will) fill in for her temporarily.

Many people will debate the ethics of this, and I'm not going to do that. The mere fact that you've posted this relates to me that you've considered it and are just wondering if it's "OK" to do it. Perhaps you really want to, but just need a little "permission" that it's OK. If that's what you're looking for, you've got my blessing all day, but the only person with an oppinion that matters on this topic is your fiancee. I'd say bring it up with her, and just test the waters a little. Tell her how you're feeling, chances are she's feeling the same way too. And even if she's the jealous type, she'd probably rather you go out with a girl and tell her about it than sneak around behind her back, only to find out about it later.

Who knows, if you're lucky, it may even turn her on a little bit!

Good luck, and just remember, you're only feeling what you're (biologically speaking) supposed to be feeling. Those that say "you should only want your fiancee" are not referring to the natural happenings inside their body (or they're much better at "channelling" these feelings into an "imagined" state) they're just going by what they ethically believe is right or wrong. Do what YOU (and your fiancee) want to do. She may even appreciate the fact that you'll stay "in practice" for her.

May surprise some, but I'm in agreeance with much of what you are saying slim only the other knowing about it, in most cases just doesn't work lol The green eyed monster always rears its head. I can understand that side of things too. I have always had a huge interest in sexuality and human nature. Moral standings often cloud ones view. Being in love has little to do with one remaining faithful, hence why the ladies of the night in particular have always had a booming business. Men in many cases (and I stress not all), have a distinctive primal need. Plenty of evidence out there that proves this. Love and sex whilst intertwined are also seperate needs. Making love and sex/sex acts are two seperate animals. If one isnt' getting it from home, you can bet a surprising % are getting it from somewhere, including self help.

Did I remain faithful, you betcha. Would I have understood if hubby didn't, I can honestly say yes.

Would like to add as per the OP's title. Big difference when the heart wanders as opposed to the body.

Edited October 23, 2006 by aussiewench

[almaty 19]

Alright, what about you Gupt? Are you a phone-loving or hating type of man?

Let's just say I have plenty of unused minutes since my wife got here. I am back to normal now, I call no one and if I do the conversation lasts no more than a few minutes.

The period between when I met my wife and her arrival in the US was a bit of an anomaly. I found (to my surprise) that I had a lot more to say than I realized and (even more of a surprise) that mundane details of her life didn't bore me as much as I thought they should have.

Today, if she tries to talk to me about the same stuff, I'll probably just turn the TV up

same here...ifn she got time to lean and talk..she got time to clean

[Fandango 1,440]

I say go for it!

If its companionship and just the "interaction" with a female that you're seeking.... do it. It may complicate things, but the one thing that it will do to is keep you "in practice" for when you have a woman around again. We, as guys, get out of practice when we're not in the presence of a lady. We make ####### and fart jokes, we leave the toilet seat up, we let our personal hygiene slide back a little bit. A lady cleans that up nicely!

You can draw the lines where you want as far as "cheating" goes, but me personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. You're a man, you're supposed to be with a woman. If you're not with the one you love, another can (and will) fill in for her temporarily.

Many people will debate the ethics of this, and I'm not going to do that. The mere fact that you've posted this relates to me that you've considered it and are just wondering if it's "OK" to do it. Perhaps you really want to, but just need a little "permission" that it's OK. If that's what you're looking for, you've got my blessing all day, but the only person with an oppinion that matters on this topic is your fiancee. I'd say bring it up with her, and just test the waters a little. Tell her how you're feeling, chances are she's feeling the same way too. And even if she's the jealous type, she'd probably rather you go out with a girl and tell her about it than sneak around behind her back, only to find out about it later.

Who knows, if you're lucky, it may even turn her on a little bit!

Good luck, and just remember, you're only feeling what you're (biologically speaking) supposed to be feeling. Those that say "you should only want your fiancee" are not referring to the natural happenings inside their body (or they're much better at "channelling" these feelings into an "imagined" state) they're just going by what they ethically believe is right or wrong. Do what YOU (and your fiancee) want to do. She may even appreciate the fact that you'll stay "in practice" for her.

May surprise some, but I'm in agreeance with much of what you are saying slim only the other knowing about it, in most cases just doesn't work lol The green eyed monster always rears its head. I can understand that side of things too. I have always had a huge interest in sexuality and human nature. Moral standings often cloud ones view. Being in love has little to do with one remaining faithful, hence why the ladies of the night in particular have always had a booming business. Men in many cases (and I stress not all), have a distinctive primal need. Plenty of evidence out there that proves this. Love and sex whilst intertwined are also seperate needs. Making love and sex/sex acts are two seperate animals. If one isnt' getting it from home, you can bet a surprising % are getting it from somewhere, including self help.

Did I remain faithful, you betcha. Would I have understood if hubby didn't, I can honestly say yes.

Would like to add as per the OP's title. Big difference when the heart wanders as opposed to the body.

I deffo agree with the bit in red.

Aussie, out of curiosity, would your hubby have understood if you physically did not remain faithful?

[aussiewench 9]

I say go for it!

If its companionship and just the "interaction" with a female that you're seeking.... do it. It may complicate things, but the one thing that it will do to is keep you "in practice" for when you have a woman around again. We, as guys, get out of practice when we're not in the presence of a lady. We make ####### and fart jokes, we leave the toilet seat up, we let our personal hygiene slide back a little bit. A lady cleans that up nicely!

You can draw the lines where you want as far as "cheating" goes, but me personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. You're a man, you're supposed to be with a woman. If you're not with the one you love, another can (and will) fill in for her temporarily.

Many people will debate the ethics of this, and I'm not going to do that. The mere fact that you've posted this relates to me that you've considered it and are just wondering if it's "OK" to do it. Perhaps you really want to, but just need a little "permission" that it's OK. If that's what you're looking for, you've got my blessing all day, but the only person with an oppinion that matters on this topic is your fiancee. I'd say bring it up with her, and just test the waters a little. Tell her how you're feeling, chances are she's feeling the same way too. And even if she's the jealous type, she'd probably rather you go out with a girl and tell her about it than sneak around behind her back, only to find out about it later.

Who knows, if you're lucky, it may even turn her on a little bit!

Good luck, and just remember, you're only feeling what you're (biologically speaking) supposed to be feeling. Those that say "you should only want your fiancee" are not referring to the natural happenings inside their body (or they're much better at "channelling" these feelings into an "imagined" state) they're just going by what they ethically believe is right or wrong. Do what YOU (and your fiancee) want to do. She may even appreciate the fact that you'll stay "in practice" for her.

May surprise some, but I'm in agreeance with much of what you are saying slim only the other knowing about it, in most cases just doesn't work lol The green eyed monster always rears its head. I can understand that side of things too. I have always had a huge interest in sexuality and human nature. Moral standings often cloud ones view. Being in love has little to do with one remaining faithful, hence why the ladies of the night in particular have always had a booming business. Men in many cases (and I stress not all), have a distinctive primal need. Plenty of evidence out there that proves this. Love and sex whilst intertwined are also seperate needs. Making love and sex/sex acts are two seperate animals. If one isnt' getting it from home, you can bet a surprising % are getting it from somewhere, including self help.

Did I remain faithful, you betcha. Would I have understood if hubby didn't, I can honestly say yes.

Would like to add as per the OP's title. Big difference when the heart wanders as opposed to the body.

I deffo agree with the bit in red.

Aussie, out of curiosity, would your hubby have understood if you physically did not remain faithful?

No