VAWA - and I am even scared to send the form

[outofhere 1]

Okay, maybe someone here can tell me if I am doing this right:

I got here on a tourist visa waiver with my 3 children. Met the man of dreams I thought. Went with him to Texas and married him in January. Then he changed, he was controlling and abused me verbally all the time. Then he started punching and destroying the appartment, then he started attacking me. The neighbours heard him and have written me affidavits for my vawa.

I called the police once for him threatening to kill himself, second time I didn't say anything, but he got taken away on PI. I filed two day later for what really happenend but did not charge him.

I had an abortion because I was scared to have a baby with him, was that now legally wrong?

I can prove the absuse with some bad quality cellphone pictures and I have pics of the destroyed walls and doors, but I am scared they will not believe me.

He kept me long enough here to use all my money and now he left.

I am seriously worried, can I really file the VAWA? Will they believe me, it is not that he would do it in front of people, but his family knew about his anger problem and I have emails confirming that. Does that count? My son (12) said he would write an affidavit for me, do you think that counts?

I am scare of doing this wrong. It took me already a long time to call the police because he said if I would then I will just be sent home. But the police said that that was not true and that I should just call them.

I have filed for a protective order now, so we feel a little safer. We live in the south and he has a lot of guns and has threatened a lot.

Can you tell me if I should really send the files? I have everything together. I could, but I am scared.

[AmyWrites 593]

First of all, if you haven't, get the heck out of that house. Gather every piece of evidence you can, get a lawyer if possible (see if you can find someone who will work pro-bono), and then file VAWA. I think you have a good case for it.

[dwheels76 5,463]

Yes seek a lawyer please. Many will do your case no cost to you. But you have a good head on your shoulders and have done all the right things and protected yourself legally best you can. But file and get into shelter where he can not find you. Because I am sure he will soon come around and be sorry and try to win your heart and get you all off track.

You filing would be the best thing for you. Very wise to get that protective order. And protect you and your children. A lawyer would better be able to assist you in what statements from whom you will need. But you have a very strong case and documented with the police is a good thing.

I am sorry for what you and your children have had to endure. No one likes to hear that when one is leaving their own country to come to the USA and gets mistreated and abused. Be strong and God bless you and your children.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

I'm not sure. It sounds like you, with three kids, really wanted this marriage. There is a lot of hesitation in all of your actions against him; maybe there is a chance to work it out. I can't understand jumping around like that with kids. If you don't work it out, then remember that paper doesn't stop bullet. Don't emotionaly invest in "home", you'll have to move out of reach

Okay, maybe someone here can tell me if I am doing this right:

I got here on a tourist visa waiver with my 3 children. Met the man of dreams I thought. Went with him to Texas and married him in January. Then he changed, he was controlling and abused me verbally all the time. Then he started punching and destroying the appartment, then he started attacking me. The neighbours heard him and have written me affidavits for my vawa.

I called the police once for him threatening to kill himself, second time I didn't say anything, but he got taken away on PI. I filed two day later for what really happenend but did not charge him.

I had an abortion because I was scared to have a baby with him, was that now legally wrong?

I can prove the absuse with some bad quality cellphone pictures and I have pics of the destroyed walls and doors, but I am scared they will not believe me.

He kept me long enough here to use all my money and now he left.

I am seriously worried, can I really file the VAWA? Will they believe me, it is not that he would do it in front of people, but his family knew about his anger problem and I have emails confirming that. Does that count? My son (12) said he would write an affidavit for me, do you think that counts?

I am scare of doing this wrong. It took me already a long time to call the police because he said if I would then I will just be sent home. But the police said that that was not true and that I should just call them.

I have filed for a protective order now, so we feel a little safer. We live in the south and he has a lot of guns and has threatened a lot.

Can you tell me if I should really send the files? I have everything together. I could, but I am scared.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Can the kids go stay with bio-Dad(s) for their safety while you sort this out?

Edited July 18, 2012 by Gowon

[Sandra G. 5,016]

Are you still in the house? then go to any shelter for victims of domestic violence.It will help your case a LOT. The shelter will provide counselor,lawyers.If your husband tries to contact you again CALL the police right away. There is a thread here in the Visa Journey called Vawa Part 2(176 pages already) read a bit there and you will find hundreds of people battered as well.If you need help finding a shelter send me a private message ok.

[BethandBilly 86]

Am I understanding this correctly, you entered the US on the VWP with three children in tow, met a man and proceeded to marry him in 3 months? Was there something you were running from in your home country? Is the father of your children aware you are married and the kids may now be in danger? Have you filed for AOS, if so how could you afford to if your husband has spent all your money? What were your intentions on entering the US with your three children? You have no ties to the US so why don't you return to Switzerland, its a beautiful country, you're free there, just wondering what is holding you back from returning home.

Don't get me wrong I don't condone anyform of violence and he should be punished for what he has done, I'm just trying to figure out your situation and how it came about.

[37shells 5]

I truly hope, nay, pray, that you are not really living like this. If so, please take action TODAY to change this life.

What are the worst case scenarios? You are deported back to the UK? Big deal, it's a developed country. You give up your kids to their Father? Children are not property and they actually need BOTH parents.

I cannot fathom treating any person like this and I can not fathom anyione allowing themsleves to be treated like this.

Gowon - the whole point is NOT leaving these beautiful children with an abusive father - he is a formally diagnosed sociopath - he has done NOTHING for them - not lifted a finger for any children, either the ones he has with me or the numerous others he has with other people that I found out about only years after meeting him. He cares nothing about any of his children - if i leave them with him then I would be the worst parent on the planet knowing what I would be leaving them with. They are the reason i'm here - they are USC's and I know that no judge will allow me to remove them to another country - I would be charged with kidnapping if i try that. Please know that for years I have been trying to get out of this situation - I am taking action, but it is slow - very slow - I am doing the one thing that is my only option - trying to get a self petition approved with not much official evidence. Thanks for your concern it is appreciated and i know i'm on a long rocky road - if i got this far I cant quit now - i'll deal with RFE's as they come... somehow!

[SingleDad2usc 71]

"my spouse will drag me into court, simply tell the judge that I cannot support the children because of my status, and then he will get the children."

My experience in Family Court is opposite: financial ability is not considered main virtue for custody. Unless he's a successful self-made capitalist - then others and the system would pay him honor for his abilities, not his purse

[37shells 5]

"my spouse will drag me into court, simply tell the judge that I cannot support the children because of my status, and then he will get the children."

My experience in Family Court is opposite: financial ability is not considered main virtue for custody. Unless he's a successful self-made capitalist - then others and the system would pay him honor for his abilities, not his purse

Singledad - i am glad your experience is different to that, without being able to work how DO i support them? How do you manage? Until I hear from USCIS I couldn't even answer that question. If I could work... I could leave. I have thought about filing i-485 so I can get EAD and leave, but then it comes back once again to 'if i-360 is denied, my i-485 will be denied and i'll be put in removal and never see my kids again' My kids are my life - as are yours obviously from reading your posts. Of course without a doubt they come first.

[37shells 5]

Please if any further posts could be made with Swissmiss in mind - just want to remember that it is her thread here and I only posted out of encouragement to her because I can relate, not to take over her question! Sorry swissmiss - please stay encouraged.

[37shells 5]

Just to ease any concerns - i should have included in my previous posts some idea of time frames I know some of what i have written could imply that things are currently happening - i am NOT in any immediate danger of physical harm - that is NOT what I had intended to imply by my posts. My replies to OP was to give encouragement from my past experiences, some MANY years back not to state that I was in any immediate danger, I apologize for coming across that way. I do not want to portray that, only that I was where OP is at once and to let her know she should not delay.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Gowon - the whole point is NOT leaving these beautiful children with an abusive father - he is a formally diagnosed sociopath - he has done NOTHING for them - not lifted a finger for any children, either the ones he has with me or the numerous others he has with other people that I found out about only years after meeting him. He cares nothing about any of his children - if i leave them with him then I would be the worst parent on the planet knowing what I would be leaving them with. They are the reason i'm here - they are USC's and I know that no judge will allow me to remove them to another country - I would be charged with kidnapping if i try that. Please know that for years I have been trying to get out of this situation - I am taking action, but it is slow - very slow - I am doing the one thing that is my only option - trying to get a self petition approved with not much official evidence. Thanks for your concern it is appreciated and i know i'm on a long rocky road - if i got this far I cant quit now - i'll deal with RFE's as they come... somehow!

It's quite a quagmire.

I have some strong opinions but I will reserve them so I don't incur infractions. In any case I wish you and the OP the best of luck.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

37shells I sent you a private message, please check your inbox.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

37shells you said " I know that no judge will allow me to remove them to another country". YOU ARE WRONG! . In cases involving children, the child’s best interest and welfare are always of paramount consideration and a judge would take in consideration the child’s best interest, and if your husband was diagnosed with some "mental or disorder personality" like you said, do you think any Judge will give him the children's custody? Hell No. No way, no how. You really need help my dear. I am here if you need me!