K1 VISA WIFE LEFT BEFORE AOS

[J&N* 68]

Who really knows what happened between the two? Only they know, and there's always another side to the story. Just because she is the foreign one from a 3rd world country doesn't mean she's a materialistic horrible person. We just don't know, we just try to offer advice and it looks like they need to get divorced and move on with their lives. Of-course the OP will defend himself.

[6060842s 1]

We do not live near a beach and I can not afford to take her to the gym. As I said, it is dangerous riding a bicycle on the narrow streets here. Vehicle drivers just don't think to see bicycles and I did not want to take a chance of her getting hurt.

[6060842s 1]

Who really knows what happened between the two? Only they know, and there's always another side to the story. Just because she is the foreign one from a 3rd world country doesn't mean she's a materialistic horrible person. We just don't know, we just try to offer advice and it looks like they need to get divorced and move on with their lives. Of-course the OP will defend himself.

I agree. Only the family involved know what really happened. I never said she was materialistic, she just had higher expectations about everything here.

[J&N* 68]

I definitely wish you the best, marriages and circumstances are always complicated and many people can get hurt, just forgive and move on if you two aren't willing to reconcile at all. It is hard to live in another country and it takes time to get comfortable (been here 20 months and it's still not easy) Take this time to heal.

[amyandjorge 76]

I think your post was a bit harsh.

OP is under austerity measures, he can't afford a gym for her, maybe they don't live near a beach, maybe he can't afford a bicycle for her?

My bad, it just seems like everyone was jumping all over her for being selfish, and she wasn't really asking for all that much... just sounds like bad timing, neither side was ready for the an intercultural marriage

and yes, I do have a spouse who was born and raised in the third world with expectations of our life in the US, and I have definitely made sacrifices to make sure he is at least comfortable and well adjusted.

Edited July 5, 2012 by amyandjorge

[nate and riyn 11]

i feel so sorry for you... *HUGS*, for me it's better to move on..blood is thicker than water.. if she loves you she will accept everything bout you.. it might be painful as of now but you will soon to realize that everything happens for a reason.. i wonder which is that woman come from...

[6060842s 1]

My bad, it just seems like everyone was jumping all over her for being selfish, and she wasn't really asking for all that much... just sounds like bad timing, neither side was ready for the an intercultural marriage

and yes, I do have a spouse who was born and raised in the third world with expectations of our life in the US, and I have definitely made sacrifices to make sure he is at least comfortable and well adjusted.

Yes. Bad timing... We weren't ready for such a change. She did not ask for a lot of things, but the money was just not there and it caused problems.

i feel so sorry for you... *HUGS*, for me it's better to move on..blood is thicker than water.. if she loves you she will accept everything bout you.. it might be painful as of now but you will soon to realize that everything happens for a reason.. i wonder which is that woman come from...

Thanks!

[Scafidi454 22]

the story sounded familiar to me as i read sometime last week about this wife who couldnt accept the USC's kids and wanted the husband to give the custody to the ex-wife or she will just go back home as she was also thinking that husband and ex-wife isnt through yet... either this is the same with the thread i got to read or not this is really a sad story. A lot of people think that US is the land of milk and honey and when they get there they sure think things will be convenient for them thus living a comfortable life, i wonder if you have talked to her about your financial situation and the kind of life you will be able to give her when she gets there or that she will be living with your kids and all these stuff because if the two of you did i think she would of had a clear view of what kind of life she is going to have ones she's there but if you didnt talk about it then there is a reason why she was disappointed with the kind of life she had when she got there because there are expectations set ahead that the life in the US will be full of comfort.

My other half and I always talk about this, we are very open when it comes to this so by the time we will be living together we would adjust together with the situation especially with the current economic state of the US. Since we plan to get married all cards should be laid and be open to each other.

I am sorry of how your marriage turn out, hopefully you will find the woman who will value you for you and will love you for you and not for what you can do for them or what you can provide them with. If she really loves you she would love the people you love esp your kids and accept what you can provide her with. Move on and be happy again. God has a better plan for you and your kids

I'm not sure where I stand on this. I'm sure my wife will be getting an earful from me later due to my, what I'm going to call, "relationship paranoia".

She has definitely complained and urged me to find a job in another city... any city... as long as it's big enough for her to feel like she's in Moscow (or something). She is originally from a small "village" (what I'm thinking we Americans call "towns") in Russia, and I think she just prefers the big city life.

She was in this area (where we're currently living) a few years ago on a J1 (student) visa (that's how we met). So, she had some idea as to what to expect.

She and I both want to move to a bigger city. She must really want to go because she's confined to the house (pretty-much) when I'm not there. She cannot drive, doesn't have a license (or the ability to get one yet), and doesn't have any friends, family, hobbies, etc. here for her.

So, I know that her increased desire is probably attributable to those things. However, I'm still going to ask her about this city, etc. AGAIN later, just because I read this story.

Either way, I know how ugly it can get when there are multiple parents involved (I had step-siblings from probably 2yrs - current (pending my mother's divorce from my crazy step-father)). Especially, when the biological parent is jealous or wants to attack the other's new spouse through the children; terrible....

But that being said, how much did you prepare her for before she came?

My former fiancee and I talked about the life we would be able to live, our assets, debts, etc. talked about this many times. Actually, I prepared her for a life worse than what we could actually maintain, but that was only to give her a real world scenario of how terrible life could be together.

We had many arguments and sleepless nights over this topic. However, she still came, and I'm still upholding my promise to support her. I told her that I knew that she had a big step to take moving her life from Russia to the US, but that I didn't want her to take it without knowing how it is and how bad it could be. I told her that I actually was trying to show a big gesture of respect and gratitude for her finally deciding to come here.

She and I are currently battling a new issue since we've become married (6/26/2012); my recent unemployment. We're not able to apply for the AOS, because of the I-864 form, but we may be able to get the I-765 done (the most important); I'll just feel so bad spending that extra $380 that wouldn't have been necessary!!!

Edited July 6, 2012 by Scafidi454

[Scafidi454 22]

Yes. Bad timing... We weren't ready for such a change. She did not ask for a lot of things, but the money was just not there and it caused problems.

Thanks!

To this, I'd say that marriage is for better and for worst, but that I think that this was just too much at one time for her to handle. I'm not sure how her English skills are, but that may be where all of these exaggerated reports are coming from (I have found that people believe / populate details of events that happen from people who cannot speak their native language fluently). <-- That is hilariously sickening

She could have wanted to tell someone that "she didn't even have a toilet for three days!!!" - But her English came out to "I didn't have toilet!!!", and that's all that the journalist needs!

[6060842s 1]

I definitely wish you the best, marriages and circumstances are always complicated and many people can get hurt, just forgive and move on if you two aren't willing to reconcile at all. It is hard to live in another country and it takes time to get comfortable (been here 20 months and it's still not easy) Take this time to heal.

Thanks for the advice. I wish someone had told us about it taking time to get comfortable (been here 20 months and it's still not easy) earlier.

Thanks.

[Scafidi454 22]

Thanks for the advice. I wish someone had told us about it taking time to get comfortable (been here 20 months and it's still not easy) earlier.

Thanks.

Did I miss something. Are you two still together, or not?

[InHisTime 110]

Hi there! I am so sorry reading your story. I think you just need to move on with your life and kids. You could divorce her as well, so you would be free in the future. You may be telling true stories, but, right now, it's just hard to judge your wife. I'm sure, she also has valid reasons why she left. We all know nobody here at VJ exactly knows what happened between you and her. I'm just saying this, because, I too....had to come back home after I've seen and experienced how I was badly treated by one member of the family of my Fiance - which really affected our relationship. Things didn't turn out good as expected, as I felt everyday, I was living on hell or in the darkest side of the earth. It was very good that I had enough money when I went there so I did eat and enjoy America well.

I honestly tried my best to get along and understand their situation knowing what we went through a lot of hardships with the paper works and immigration expense, but, it's just hard to continue staying with selfish one, especially that it was not a genuine care.

To lessen damages and avoid conflicts, I decided not to marry and come back home before my 90 days expire. Let the future holds for us -- marriage shouldn't be taken for granted, therefore, if it wasn't right -- don't ever continue -- it's a sign that I have to slow down.

I like America - the place is nice and clean, but, still requires me with lots of hardships and sacrifices to have the life we all envisioned for. I was hoping that there had been a positive and inspiring atmosphere / environment in the house so it could greatly help adjust my life in the US, thus, sharing harmonious life with them. Instead of making things easy for me, they make it so difficult. I wasn't expecting all material things to be ready -- I was hoping to see genuine care and sharing. They maybe have thought that I have a hidden agenda in coming to the US. Trust is very important to me, so I could bring out the best in me and in the relationship. I think it was a blessing then because now I am back home and work happily. I had so much risks in getting to the US (leaving my home, family, friends, nice and secured job, and important of all -- ability and freedom to make decisions on my own). Now, I realized how good is God to me - enjoying normal life here with peace of mind.

I have no regrets in coming home -- at least, I tried to give out the best in the name of love !

My advice to the poster -- just move on ! Maybe it's not meant to be.

To other petitioners -- if possible, please create a positive and supportive environment when your Fiance / Fiancee arrives. It is very important as he / she is a total stranger in America -- especially at the start when she arrives (first 3 months is very crucial) -- because, after seeing America -- if she / he is not treated well, definitely he / she would want to go back home, feeling lonely and homesick, especially if he / she has a lot of good things left in his / her home country. Please give love to the fullest ! That's all we need --

Hope this serves as good input in avoiding your fiance / fiancee coming back home. Thank you all --- have a blessed day everyone !

[Darnell 8,478]

Can she still get money from me if we are divorced?

Depends on the divorce settlement, at your local county courthouse, but, IMO, no.

[masipag 6]

Confuse 30,I love your post.thank u for sharing it to us!!

[Scafidi454 22]

To other petitioners -- if possible, please create a positive and supportive environment when your Fiance / Fiancee arrives. It is very important as he / she is a total stranger in America -- especially at the start when she arrives (first 3 months is very crucial) -- because, after seeing America -- if she / he is not treated well, definitely he / she would want to go back home, feeling lonely and homesick, especially if he / she has a lot of good things left in his / her home country. Please give love to the fullest ! That's all we need --

Hope this serves as good input in avoiding your fiance / fiancee coming back home. Thank you all --- have a blessed day everyone !

I find it really great that your epiphany and time coincided to your great benefit!

Unfortunately, we don't all have our epiphanies on USCIS's time clock, and some of us end up in worse situations (assuming / not pointing).

I have much more I could share, but I'm uncomfortable posting it here (not eluding to the statement above. Rather, this statement replaces the paragraph I had after this.)

Anyway, I think my wife and I are going to get through this.

I guess, according to the logic that basically the petitioner(s) should entertain their beneficiary(ies) for the first three months in order to build a solid foundation on which the relationship will stand, is very common to the first few years of a child's life relating to their cognitive development. Here's a great link that I found to a PDF file that describes four stages of adaptation:

http://www.caseybarnes.org/TxP2PStages.pdf

I think that we have to allow our beneficiaries to at least get to the settling-in stage (of the four stages in the PDF above), within our means of control, because it can make a difference.