Dialog about the relationship building

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

We had a running thread about immigration and these british women who both married turkish men they met in the south of turkey

I am reposting it and want to bring up some other elements relating to mena

After watching this, I did not feel repulsed as much as sad, even after I thought about the women. They may not have started out this way when they first went there. It seems the red haired one seemed to be thinking about petitioning for the man she just met. Apparently other western countries have the same pursuit of love overseas

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

We had a running thread about immigration and these british women who both married turkish men they met in the south of turkey

I am reposting it and want to bring up some other elements relating to mena

After watching this, I did not feel repulsed as much as sad, even after I thought about the women. They may not have started out this way when they first went there. It seems the red haired one seemed to be thinking about petitioning for the man she just met. Apparently other western countries have the same pursuit of love overseas

What bothered me the most about all of this was not the womens actions. It was the fact they took their kids with them traveling and exposed them repeatedly to all of this.

Is there any comparison we can make to the american immigration process? Is exposing children to a spouse from over there before arriving here a good thing? What about preparing them if the person gets over here and the relationship is not working?

[Peter_Pan 661]

Going on sex trips with your mom ... sounds great.

I don't get casual sex. And I don't get how you can have sex wih someone you despise.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Going on sex trips with your mom ... sounds great.

I don't get casual sex. And I don't get how you can have sex wih someone you despise.

Yes the video is extremely offensive. We had a dialog here about it and I think that if we can continue the dialog in a quiet and polite way, we can get a lot out of the film. Both women petitioned for turkish husbands they met on vacation and they continue to travel there.

The kids being exposed to this stuff is extremely offensive

[Ihavequestions 419]

Romance building?

Wait, what?

Those skanks spent $50,000 on prostitutes - while their children and grandchildren for the love of God looked on.

I fail to see the romance.

Edited June 3, 2012 by Ihavequestions

[Nasturtium 500]

Romance building?

Wait, what?

Those skanks spent $50,000 on prostitutes - while their children and grandchildren for the love of God looked on.

I fail to see the romance.

Haha! Skank is one of the first words I taught Ammar... because he heard me call girl a skank and he had to know what it meant. Ah yes, good times.

We've had people pass through this forum before who bring their children to visit their MENA SOs. Sometimes, they do it in a normal way. Other times, they do it in a ####### way, basically ignoring the kid and making it suffer while they get their freak on in the next room. Others leave theirs at home for months while they play Lawrence of Arabia with some guy-- because that's responsible parenting right there.

I think romance is obviously subjective. I think these women maybe saw this as romance.. because romance is completely mental in their case. They built up their expectations about tons of guys and whatnot. Obviously, reality was different. Reality was they were skanky and the guys were smarmy and everything was gross.

So I think the questions become what really is this? How is this different than a real relationship? What are our expectations as Westerners approaching these MENA societies? How much do we project, they project, and is there a mutual reality of expectations?

[Jenn! 918]

Reality was they were skanky and the guys were smarmy and everything was gross.

LOL. Best MENA forum advice ever. If you think you might in any way resemble this description, do not proceed.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Haha! Skank is one of the first words I taught Ammar... because he heard me call girl a skank and he had to know what it meant. Ah yes, good times.

We've had people pass through this forum before who bring their children to visit their MENA SOs. Sometimes, they do it in a normal way. Other times, they do it in a ####### way, basically ignoring the kid and making it suffer while they get their freak on in the next room. Others leave theirs at home for months while they play Lawrence of Arabia with some guy-- because that's responsible parenting right there.

I think romance is obviously subjective. I think these women maybe saw this as romance.. because romance is completely mental in their case. They built up their expectations about tons of guys and whatnot. Obviously, reality was different. Reality was they were skanky and the guys were smarmy and everything was gross.

So I think the questions become what really is this? How is this different than a real relationship? What are our expectations as Westerners approaching these MENA societies? How much do we project, they project, and is there a mutual reality of expectations?

I love the whole leave kids at home while they play lawrence of arabia. I wondered always how anyone could go over there for any period of time when they had kids.. Skanky and smarmy hahahahahahh

LOL. Best MENA forum advice ever. If you think you might in any way resemble this description, do not proceed.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....well there goes the neighborhood jenn

[SaharaSunset 165]

Wow! That was highly disturbing on so many levels! But lets not just attack the "skanky women."....what about the scum of the earth married men, trolling the streets for foreign women to scam for sex and "gifts." I too am repulsed by the women taking their little kids....but I was equally appalled at the behavior of the married man, and just the guys in general. Those guys on "bar street" are a scummy as the whole situation. Shudder.

[tany1157 161]

This was disgusting to watch....as a mother, I was horrified at how they were acting with their children around

[SaharaSunset 165]

But let me clarify - I don't think the women are skanky - just some of their actions. I agree with Beauty for Ashes, I felt more sad for them. All women want and deserve to be loved. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I totally understand the thrill of sudden and overwhelming male attention. While in college I studied for 6 months in Europe...and I'll never forget my first time in Italy - I felt like the most beautiful and desirable woman in the world! Now granted I didn't sleep with any of them, but I thoroughly enjoyed the validation of being a desirable woman. I see the woman in this documentary as victims of the same intoxication that all women feel when they suddenly feel the attention of an attractive man...just they took it way too far.

And I did feel sad for them - so obviously insecure, and feeling past their prime, and wanting to validate their existence as women in a very negative and ultimately unfulfilling way. But they are grown-ups - and in fairness to them, you could argue, as they suggested, that some women find "love"(or casual sex) in a bar in their home country, and some find it abroad. But as I watched that poor little boy acting out because he was dragged along on his mothers poor choices and escapades at bars, I truly shuddered. That is wrong, no ifs ands or buts! What is the chance that as an adult he'll value women and sex as anything more than cheap thrills...not likely. And so sad to see the 17 year old following the example of her mother and getting entangled in such a degrading situation at such a young age.

And finally again - although the movie (and many of our posts) focus on the women and their questionable choices...I personally find the actions of the men equally, if not more reprehensible. Especially the married guy- yuck!....

[tany1157 161]

I find the men repulsive as well, but to expose your kids to that kind of life, and be ok with them following in your footsteps??? And the mouth on that 11 year old! I don't blame him for being angry with his mother. How are you supposed to get respect from your kids when you carry on like a teenager in heat?! Wow, I feel so dirty after watching that

[Moh&Tamz 3]

wow this was so sad! the women are old enough to go on these vacations, but taking their children??? so disturbing.

[Ihavequestions 419]

So I think the questions become what really is this? How is this different than a real relationship? What are our expectations as Westerners approaching these MENA societies? How much do we project, they project, and is there a mutual reality of expectations?

Before they left for the zinafest, one of the skanks (sorry, I call it like I see it) was sitting at a table, ruminating about males (men?) and clearly did not view them as humans. Twisted.

At one point, grandma knotted up her face and bellered about visas, laying the blame for this potential Jerry Springer episode on a piece of paper. One can only imagine what they would do if the tables were turned and they were locked into a horrible life because they couldn't get permission to leave it.