Two Weddings? Need opinions...

[SweetheartSarah 3]

Background information:

I am Canadian and my fiancé is from Colorado. We were planning on having one wedding in Colorado, but most of myself won't travel, and his family won't travel either.

Ideally, I want to have one wedding, in Colorado, but at least half my family can't or won't travel. I realize that by pushing for one wedding in Colorado, I will will be risking some of my family not being there, including my mother, brother and all of my grandparents not coming. My family is very important to me and I wouldn't be completely happy without them there. For health concerns my grandparents can't come, and my mother decided that a year and a half is too little notice for financial and vacation time reasons. She says that if I want to see my family on my wedding day, I'll have to do it here. I will admit that if something inconveniences her, she will fight against it. And I feel that is her motive, rather than financial and vacation time reasons. The notice I've given her is more than fair, and my father, who is financially less capable than she is, is making every effort to make sure that he can be there with my siblings.

Current situation:

We're looking at having two weddings- one here in Montreal, and another in Colorado. That way we accomodate both families, and it doesn't change the budget much.

Problems:

The thing is, since it will be for individual families we won't be able to have bridesmaids and grooms men and all that. So I think it would be weird to have a wedding without any kind of 'traditional' wedding party. I'm trying to find ways and things to do that will keep a traditional feel, while not having some of those staple traditions...

Some problems:

• Lack of wedding party
  

• Two very small weddings [20-50 each]
  

• Musicians: Do we get a band, or just dinner musicians? I don't think it will be much of a party on either end, and so I'm not sure we want to spend the money on the band. They'll be more along the lines of formal dinners with entertainment celebrating our union, rather than a wedding 'party'.
  

Am I kidding myself by settling for two smaller weddings rather than pushing for the one wedding I really, really wanted?

[bigdog 376]

It is your and most importantly her wedding, you should do what both of you want and then just had a reception (with a cake cutting) later at the ranch with a small group playing music, it work for us. Good Luck. You do not have much choice on a K-1, you arrive in USA, have to get married in 90 days. Apply for your AOS, work and travel documents, when you can travel on your AP go back and have a celebration.

[SweetheartSarah 3]

We are getting married within the 90 days, just the two of us, then holding a 'wedding' for the families. My questions are for the celebrations with the families.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Take it from someone who had a wedding in line with someone else's desires: do what pleases YOU. Have the big celebration where you want it and a smaller event later in the other location for those who can't or won't travel.

Weddings are about the bride and groom and their wishes, particularly when they're paying for it. People who wish to override those wishes are thinking of their own desires and not the happiness of the couple. Do what you think best but don't mortgage the day to appease another.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

My advice, run while you still have time.

[Petition2252 7]

My Opinion: Go all out on wife's wedding and save on the other.

I got married overseas to my wife, had the weddings and receptions there, then came back to the USA and just had a reception.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

This is your wedding. Since you are legally required to get married in the US to fulfill the conditions of the K-1 visa and you want a big wedding in Colorado, then go with a big wedding in Colorado.

Sometimes our families are not going to be available on our schedule. You can make some accommodations if possible, but when it comes down to it, you are the one who is getting married. It does sound like your mother is being rather controlling if she feels a year and a half is too short of a notice. Considering you will only have 90 days, you need to make your decisions for what it is that the two of you want. Take a video of the ceremony. After you get your Green card or AOS you can travel back to Canada and arrange for a family 'reception' where the two of you will celebrate your wedding with your family. You could have a reaffirmation of your vows, and invite any of his family who want to come and meet your family. You can show the video of the actual ceremony in Colorado. Considering the time lines for AOS' these days, you won't be able to plan this event until after you know you can travel to Canada and return. It may be that your mother will find that your not being able to give her an exact date for that event until closer to its time means she won't be able to attend it either.

Since you are constrained by the terms of the K-1 visa and since you do want to have a big wedding in the US, then it is up to your family members who can travel to accommodate you. If they choose not to do so and are able to, well, they are behaving selfishly. If they cannot travel that is a different matter. Unfortunately, you are not going to be able to please everyone all of the time, no matter how hard you try, and will end up making yourself unhappy instead.

Live your life the way you want it to continue from here on, as an adult who makes her own decisions, aware of her family's desires, but ultimately, making the choices that are right for you. Your mother may actually 'come around' when she realizes that she is no longer able to pull the apron strings on you anymore.

Good luck.

Edited April 22, 2012 by Kathryn41