Wife's son is moving out already. I have concerns.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

New wrinkle.

As I mentioned, my wife wants citizenship. What she finally owned up to is she spoke with a lawyer who's urged her to get that citizenship. I looked into it and I don't like what I see. First, it cost $600 and she says she has the money...the question is where did it come from? But my real issue is I may have to get involved with more documentation bull #######. For citizenship we're supposed to have a "real marriage" for her to qualify and here we are talking divorce. If I support her documentation, I will have to lie to the Federal Government and commit fraud. I'm not willing to do that.

Two steps forward, one step back.

Hey, they squirrel away money. Alla does it also. She will surprise me sometimes and say "I want a new sofa and I have been keeping this money in my drawer..." They are basically frugal people and find ways to do it. I wouldn't worry about that so much. We had planned on the citizenship costs (actually $680 with the biometrics) and she had been very diligent in making sure we had the money ut away for that (as she always does with any of our upcoming expenses) Though I handle the daily expenses and such, she just likes to know our long term plan and what kind of things we have coming up, whether it is immigration stuff, new tires for one of the cars, basement remodel, etc.

We just sent in Alla's citizenship documents and YES the 3 year qualification is based on a marriage to the same US citizen that petitioned them. We DID include documentation that we are still married (just as you are) and some of the same type documents we sent for the Removal of Conditions. I suppose if you had an interview, planning a divorce would not be a good thing. I have not gotten to that part yet.

You have to make your own call on that

[eekee 182]

I can't do things like that. I cannot speak for all the RUB women but the ones I know, and Alla in particular, are VERY VERY posessive of what is "theirs". This includes husbands, cell phones, computers, rifles, shoes, etc. If I said I was at some Blonde's house....OMG!!!!!!!! She would bite me, maybe until death.

Oh my GOD my neighbro just wasted half an hour of my life and half an hour of my other neighbor's life because we share a fridge and someone ate a piece of her salami. I am guessing it was one of my hungry friends when they were drunk, but JESUS CHRIST. She even tried to accuse me of purposely eating the PIECE OF SALAMI in order to make a scandal.

Whatever.

Best of luck to all you, VV. Everyone deserves a spouse who is there for them and loves them unconditionally.

Edited November 19, 2011 by eekee

[visaveteran1 33]

Continued thanks for help and support with my ongoing soap opera.

New, new wrinkle.

I decided that I will not participate in the citizenship deal as I've spoken to lawyers and talked to too many people about divorce, and so has she. At this stage I can not risk fraud to get a divorce. Plus that will take maybe six months...and a big part of my reasoning for a Russian divorce was the speed at which I could be free.

So...Plan B.

I will do my own divorce just as I did with my first marriage. My first divorce cost my $250 plus court costs of $75. My current wife is willing to go for this thus far anyway. She will live with her son to honor the six month separation agreement. Then we'll file the divorce papers WITHOUT lawyers and be done with it. That's the latest plan...but with my wife, who knows.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Oh my GOD my neighbro just wasted half an hour of my life and half an hour of my other neighbor's life because we share a fridge and someone ate a piece of her salami. I am guessing it was one of my hungry friends when they were drunk, but JESUS CHRIST. She even tried to accuse me of purposely eating the PIECE OF SALAMI in order to make a scandal.

Whatever.

Best of luck to all you, VV. Everyone deserves a spouse who is there for them and loves them unconditionally.

Alla is not like that about salami. Are you kidding, in a house with a husband and at least one teenager that eats constantly (two when Sergey is here) OMG it was always the biggest joke when we paid his room and board that Russia was going to go bankrupt feeding the kid for what we paid!

Besides she would just say "We need more salami" and someone will go to the store on the corner and get some.

Continued thanks for help and support with my ongoing soap opera.

New, new wrinkle.

I decided that I will not participate in the citizenship deal as I've spoken to lawyers and talked to too many people about divorce, and so has she. At this stage I can not risk fraud to get a divorce. Plus that will take maybe six months...and a big part of my reasoning for a Russian divorce was the speed at which I could be free.

So...Plan B.

I will do my own divorce just as I did with my first marriage. My first divorce cost my $250 plus court costs of $75. My current wife is willing to go for this thus far anyway. She will live with her son to honor the six month separation agreement. Then we'll file the divorce papers WITHOUT lawyers and be done with it. That's the latest plan...but with my wife, who knows.

Even without being married to you she can file for citizenship herself after 5 years as a resident.

Edited November 19, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[visaveteran1 33]

Alla is not like that about salami. Are you kidding, in a house with a husband and at least one teenager that eats constantly (two when Sergey is here) OMG it was always the biggest joke when we paid his room and board that Russia was going to go bankrupt feeding the kid for what we paid!

Besides she would just say "We need more salami" and someone will go to the store on the corner and get some.

Even without being married to you she can file for citizenship herself after 5 years as a resident.

Yes, I understand this fact and that's fine with me. I just don't want to put myself at risk with the 3-year application.

Edited November 19, 2011 by visaveteran1

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes, I understand this fact and that's fine with me. I just don't want to put myself at risk with the 3-year application.

Probably not a bad idea. The application itself is fairly harmless you could do that and not even tell a fib...but when it came time for the interview there would be little getting around it I fear.

She needs to make some big girl decisions also, and live with them. She DOES have options. If she wants a divorce it will impact her citizenship eligibility but not prevent it...so deal with it. Her son will have to wait five years in any case so it is no difference to him.

They should keep in mind that they need to be present in the USA at least 50% of the preceding three years before filing for citizenship UNLESS she has an absence for which she can request a waiver. Education is one and family emergencies are another. Not sure about about any others but it means she will need to be in the USA most of the time until she becomes a citizen

[baron555 934]

I say take the Russian divorce deal and end it quickly.

If the situation is bad, cutting your loses and moving on is best.

They had their opportunity and decided for whatever reason to leave it. Their loss, not yours.

Plenty of deserving folks out there if you choose to try again.

My wife and son are now in Russia and both are hopelessly homesick to return here!!!

Edited November 20, 2011 by baron555

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I say take the Russian divorce deal and end it quickly.

If the situation is bad, cutting your loses and moving on is best.

They had their opportunity and decided for whatever reason to leave it. Their loss, not yours.

Plenty of deserving folks out there if you choose to try again.

My wife and son are now in Russia and both are hopelessly homesick to return here!!!

The first year Alla returned to Ukraine for a 2 month visit, she was anxious to come home after 1 month. The next year it was a 1 month vacation and she was anxious to come home in about 2 weeks. This year it was a three week vacation and she was b*tching even before she got there that she wanted to come "home".

She now HATES buses and subways, 5th floor apartments with no AC in the summer, electricity is out AGAIN, hot water is not working AGAIN, keeping the internet online is hopeless... And that is in a GOOD downtown flat!

[slim 1,514]

She now HATES buses and subways, 5th floor apartments with no AC in the summer, electricity is out AGAIN, hot water is not working AGAIN, keeping the internet online is hopeless... And that is in a GOOD downtown flat!

There's a reason we have the good stuff in America.

We can.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

There's a reason we have the good stuff in America.

We can.

we moved from the island to the "city" to be closer to htings and because she said if our car broke we would die on the island So now we are about 300 yeards from a bus stop and said "If your car breaks that bus goes right by your college" "I am NOT taking a bus, I could take a bus in Ukraine!"

Now after three accidents in three winters she is saying "If I have to drive and it is snowing or will snow, I am calling a TAXI!" I think you would have to drug her and drag her on to a bus again.

[Used to be broken 143]

Great help and advice! Thanks to all! I'm feeling a lot less stressed. And the means test deal is a detail I had forgotten...so thanks to you guys who refreshed my memory.

Slim, I'm 64 going on 21 in "certain ways" if you know what I mean! Having a tall, long-legged, hot body walking around in skimpy outfits while vacuuming the floor helps! Better than Viagra! I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. I do think she liked our private life before her son arrived. It has put a crimp in spontaneous "activities." But I'm still not clear why so quick to push him to independence.

Gary, I hear you. I've had the biggest issues with my wife around this apartment deal. I like her son...he's a good kid so I have no issues with him living here for the meantime. I I'll give it time...I'm pretty sure he'll be back...and I'll insist he go to school if he does. That's my strategy at this point.

As to you folks suggesting I add him to my military TriCare Plan...well, yes, I think I could but it is crazy expensive...like $2,500 a year! That'd be a big hit for me. I'd be better risking out of pocket to that high of a bill.

To Neon...the military is a good idea if someone speaks English well enough to make the recruiter happy. Alexey was in the Russian Army...and I'm not sure if that's good or bad as far as recruitment is concerned? I'd suggest a military career to him if his English improves...but given how he was treated in the Russian Army...that might be a hard sell to enlist here.

Again, thanks for all the great replies!

Go on e-quote at his age with no prior medical issues, he can get medical insurance for peanuts. We did it between jobs, high deductible I think like $5000 but for a serious accident or illness a couple days in the hospital you could rack up crazy bills. I think its like $35 a month.

[visaveteran1 33]

FYI, I'm now separated from my wife. She and her son moved out this week and moved into an apartment. We have a verbal agreement to separate and next week we'll sign a real agreement in front of a notary. After that, we wait six months and I file for a divorce myself. No rip-off lawyers needed...at least it seems not.

I'm feeling quite liberated at the moment and enjoying my alone time greatly. The energy in my condo has shifted to a pleasant calm and tranquility.

I can't say how this will turn-out, but today I'm feeling I've taken an important step in getting out of an emotional Gulag. Perhaps that's too dramatic, but I do feel this is the right thing to do.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

FYI, I'm now separated from my wife. She and her son moved out this week and moved into an apartment. We have a verbal agreement to separate and next week we'll sign a real agreement in front of a notary. After that, we wait six months and I file for a divorce myself. No rip-off lawyers needed...at least it seems not.

I'm feeling quite liberated at the moment and enjoying my alone time greatly. The energy in my condo has shifted to a pleasant calm and tranquility.

I can't say how this will turn-out, but today I'm feeling I've taken an important step in getting out of an emotional Gulag. Perhaps that's too dramatic, but I do feel this is the right thing to do.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wish you the best, all of you. I am not thrilled to hear of a family breaking up on Thanksgiving, but I do wish you all the best

Edited November 25, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[Brad and Vika 129]

VV - I have been out of pocket for awhile, but I am sorry to read all of this and hope all is resolved amicably. At the risk of being flamed - I do have a law degree and would like to offer a few comments. Please take them in the good spirit in which I offer them. No promises about the spelling though.

First, I agree completely with your decision to not do a Russian divorce. This will not necessarily take you off the hook here, and even if it did, the burden is on you to prove all.

Second, I would advise against a do-it-yourself divorce. It is cheaper up front, but very easy to contest later if she stays here for any reason. Even if her status here isn't legal, those issues (support and residency)in most states are not related. Make her get a lawyer and negotiate every single thing, and have it documented. Not to make a lawyer rich, but to protect you later. I did my divorce myself years ago, and speak from experience here.

Third, although it is tough to believe for some, try not to worry too much about the cost of support during separation, or the cost of separation itself. Based on what I read about your stress level and health, you will see that anything you paid was a bargain.

Fourth and finally, I agree that you should not support any settlement that allows her to rely on you in any way for citizenship. You might escape your affadavit-based support obligation, but you are on the hook for a very real American priced support agreement with multiple adjustments after that. If she stays and uses your I-864 based promise to file for government support, the burden is on her to file and prove up front (the government takes it from there). As a citizen and therefore permanent resident, I would worry that she could come back over and over for adjustment to the initial support. She is an immigrant, newly divorced, unfamiliar with the cost of things, you are a blankety-blank, etc. You would have to pay to defend yourself from every accusation or request.

Edited November 25, 2011 by Brad and Vika

[TBoneTX 43,488]

It's very generous of Brad to offer the benefit of his experience and insights, si man.

VV-dude, you're experiencing an upgrade in the hierarchy of relationshippial happiness, si man:

1. Happily married

2. Happily single

3. Unhappily single

4. Unhappily married.