age different

[Together4ever 1]

And we can all come around full circle on this, having discussed these "social implications" tirelessly on this forum, to say that IF a couple is honest and forthcoming about their relationship with each other and when presenting it to the Consulate they can better their chances of proving their relationship "valid". Perhaps what exactly constitutes a "valid relationship" and to whom is where the problems arise. Even if a couple of older/younger are cognizant of all these factors and still accept each other fully aware in a commited and agreed up relationship, does this "invalidate" the relationship or does it just make seem less savory to those who prefer another perspective?

[sarah and hicham 3]

And we can all come around full circle on this, having discussed these "social implications" tirelessly on this forum, to say that IF a couple is honest and forthcoming about their relationship with each other and when presenting it to the Consulate they can better their chances of proving their relationship "valid". Perhaps what exactly constitutes a "valid relationship" and to whom is where the problems arise. Even if a couple of older/younger are cognizant of all these factors and still accept each other fully aware in a commited and agreed up relationship, does this "invalidate" the relationship or does it just make seem less savory to those who prefer another perspective?

I would think that being a Consular Officer would be very difficult, especially in high fraud countries. They basically judge a relationship from what they have on paper and from a 5 minute drilling session to see if the person knows everything about their fiance without hesitation. I always wonder if the Consulate has guidelines or an actual list of red flags that they use in considering and approving or denying a case. I guess tha will be the age long question that no one will ever really know. I also wonder if they have their minds made up before the fiance/husband/wife even enters the Consulate for the interview.

[ya falaha! 0]

Again, deeshla, I agree with you. I like the way you think. What you say is so true not only in Morocco but in Egypt and I'm sure much of the ME/NA. That's what I was trying to say in my posts but ppl took it the wrong way. Young ME/NA men do not marry much older Western women for love alone. This is not saying they don't love their wives. But love is not the deciding factor.

[Together4ever 1]

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree with this as well. Most of the couples are either in arranged or semi arranged marriages and have not spent enough time with each other to develop feelings of love prior to the marriage. Some develop love in time and some do not. Actually these marriages tend to be more successful. I'm talking about traditional ME/NA marriages where both parties are of the same culture.

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

[jordanianprincess 0]

and yet the interesting thing is how low the divorce rate is over there.

I agree with this as well. Most of the couples are either in arranged or semi arranged marriages and have not spent enough time with each other to develop feelings of love prior to the marriage. Some develop love in time and some do not. Actually these marriages tend to be more successful. I'm talking about traditional ME/NA marriages where both parties are of the same culture.

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

[ya falaha! 0]

Yes, that is why I said these marriages tend to be more successful. Also in these arrangements whole families are involved and if the couple runs into problems the family steps in to help out.

and yet the interesting thing is how low the divorce rate is over there.

I agree with this as well. Most of the couples are either in arranged or semi arranged marriages and have not spent enough time with each other to develop feelings of love prior to the marriage. Some develop love in time and some do not. Actually these marriages tend to be more successful. I'm talking about traditional ME/NA marriages where both parties are of the same culture.

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Exactly. I would like to add that falling in love is not really a tell tale sign of the sucess of the marriage. I was married before and I knew my ex for 5 years and thought I was in love. In the end I didn't know him at all. So many marriges end in divorce that it really makes you question just how important the "love" factor is. In the middle east, they tend to discuss important issues to the couple and see if they agree on things. Once they are engaged, they date like a normal couple. In most cases, even if they don't love each other at the start of the marriage, they grow to love each other with time.

Yes, that is why I said these marriages tend to be more successful. Also in these arrangements whole families are involved and if the couple runs into problems the family steps in to help out.

and yet the interesting thing is how low the divorce rate is over there.

I agree with this as well. Most of the couples are either in arranged or semi arranged marriages and have not spent enough time with each other to develop feelings of love prior to the marriage. Some develop love in time and some do not. Actually these marriages tend to be more successful. I'm talking about traditional ME/NA marriages where both parties are of the same culture.

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

[ya falaha! 0]

Yep

I know MANY ME/NA couples (husband and wife from the same culture) that have really strong marriages. They're in it for the long haul. Some of them only met once before getting married. They didn't get married for love but they do love and respect each other. That's why I don't understand why ppl get offended when I say these men aren't marrying the women for love. Usually it's young, poor ME/NA men who can't afford to marry a woman from their country so they look to Western women who don't have the cultural requirements. Most of these women happen to be older. They're financially secure and that's very attractive to these young, poor men. These men may have good intentions and develop true love feelings for these women. On the other hand..they may not and may be in it only for what they can get.

Exactly. I would like to add that falling in love is not really a tell tale sign of the sucess of the marriage. I was married before and I knew my ex for 5 years and thought I was in love. In the end I didn't know him at all. So many marriges end in divorce that it really makes you question just how important the "love" factor is. In the middle east, they tend to discuss important issues to the couple and see if they agree on things. Once they are engaged, they date like a normal couple. In most cases, even if they don't love each other at the start of the marriage, they grow to love each other with time.

Yes, that is why I said these marriages tend to be more successful. Also in these arrangements whole families are involved and if the couple runs into problems the family steps in to help out.

and yet the interesting thing is how low the divorce rate is over there.

I agree with this as well. Most of the couples are either in arranged or semi arranged marriages and have not spent enough time with each other to develop feelings of love prior to the marriage. Some develop love in time and some do not. Actually these marriages tend to be more successful. I'm talking about traditional ME/NA marriages where both parties are of the same culture.

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

[Ban Hammer 12,835]

Yep

I know MANY ME/NA couples (husband and wife from the same culture) that have really strong marriages. They're in it for the long haul. Some of them only met once before getting married. They didn't get married for love but they do love and respect each other. That's why I don't understand why ppl get offended when I say these men aren't marrying the women for love. Usually it's young, poor ME/NA men who can't afford to marry a woman from their country so they look to Western women who don't have the cultural requirements. Most of these women happen to be older. They're financially secure and that's very attractive to these young, poor men. These men may have good intentions and develop true love feelings for these women. On the other hand..they may not and may be in it only for what they can get.

i'm sure some of it is less bs too. an older woman knows what is important and what's not in a relationship, and the usual games a young woman might use to get her way don't happen with an older woman. and then there is also the song "older women know just how to please a man."

[ya falaha! 0]

You're talking about how American men think. I'm talking about ME/NA men..they don't think like that.

[Ban Hammer 12,835]

You're talking about how American men think. I'm talking about ME/NA men..they don't think like that.

k

[jordanianprincess 0]

Well unfortunatly thats the way the ball bounces. I get rather concerned when I see some of the members here that only take their husbands opinion into consideration when making judgements about the ME/NA culture. Learning a whole culture is not easy, I am still learning things about it and its my own culture.

I think anyone including myself would get offended by the fact of someone else implying that maybe their husband/fiance doesn't love them and is marrying them for a green card. However, without pointing out anyone or an age group or even generalizing at all, we all know it happens AND we all know that its even happening to some members on VJ. Who are they? Who knows...only God himself knows a persons true intentions.

Exactly. I would like to add that falling in love is not really a tell tale sign of the sucess of the marriage. I was married before and I knew my ex for 5 years and thought I was in love. In the end I didn't know him at all. So many marriges end in divorce that it really makes you question just how important the "love" factor is. In the middle east, they tend to discuss important issues to the couple and see if they agree on things. Once they are engaged, they date like a normal couple. In most cases, even if they don't love each other at the start of the marriage, they grow to love each other with time.

Yes, that is why I said these marriages tend to be more successful. Also in these arrangements whole families are involved and if the couple runs into problems the family steps in to help out.

and yet the interesting thing is how low the divorce rate is over there.

I agree with this as well. Most of the couples are either in arranged or semi arranged marriages and have not spent enough time with each other to develop feelings of love prior to the marriage. Some develop love in time and some do not. Actually these marriages tend to be more successful. I'm talking about traditional ME/NA marriages where both parties are of the same culture.

Love is rarely the deciding factor in traditional ME/NA marriages anyway.

Yep

I know MANY ME/NA couples (husband and wife from the same culture) that have really strong marriages. They're in it for the long haul. Some of them only met once before getting married. They didn't get married for love but they do love and respect each other. That's why I don't understand why ppl get offended when I say these men aren't marrying the women for love. Usually it's young, poor ME/NA men who can't afford to marry a woman from their country so they look to Western women who don't have the cultural requirements. Most of these women happen to be older. They're financially secure and that's very attractive to these young, poor men. These men may have good intentions and develop true love feelings for these women. On the other hand..they may not and may be in it only for what they can get.

i'm sure some of it is less bs too. an older woman knows what is important and what's not in a relationship, and the usual games a young woman might use to get her way don't happen with an older woman. and then there is also the song "older women know just how to please a man."

Actually its not that. In the ME/NA the women are alot less likely to backtalk. They do what their husbands want. So you don't have women playing games or doing the stuff we do here in the USA , the man is the head of the family there and makes all the rule, what he says goes.

[Ban Hammer 12,835]

Actually its not that. In the ME/NA the women are alot less likely to backtalk. They do what their husbands want. So you don't have women playing games or doing the stuff we do here in the USA , the man is the head of the family there and makes all the rule, what he says goes.

women in mena don't backtalk? oh right

[jordanianprincess 0]

Actually its not that. In the ME/NA the women are alot less likely to backtalk. They do what their husbands want. So you don't have women playing games or doing the stuff we do here in the USA , the man is the head of the family there and makes all the rule, what he says goes.

women in mena don't backtalk? oh right

Women that are born and raised there...no. Women like me that were not raised in their home countries, HELL YES

In my last trip to Jordan, I kinda liberated a few of my cousins. Lets just say their husbands were not pleased