age different

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

An age difference where the woman is considerably younger than the man may not be comparable to the OP's situation as she is the USC considerably older than her Moroccan fiance. It really depends on the cultural norms and other factors involved.

I have to reiterate desert_fox's suggestion. The Mid EastN. Africa regional forum does have several members faced with the same issue. Would be something to check out. Good luck.

ETA: you are marrying in Morocco, I would summize you would file for a marriage based visa - the AOS forum will probably not yeild the best results for you.

My husband said that in Morocco and other muslim countries it's very rare that you will find a wife older than the husband. The reason he said this was is because the man is in charge and has to feel like he has all the power and seniority. Also if the woman is older it makes it harder to have children and one of the biggest things in the arabic culture is having children.

Now I know that there are quite a few women on VJ that are older than their husbands, and I happen to have a deep respect for the few I have been getting to know. Now I don't think that the woman being older is bad at all. My grandmother was 11 years older than my grandfather and they were married a long time. But I definately think that being 23 years older than your husband who is from an Muslim, country is going to raise some eyebrows within the USCIS. Like everyone else has said, make sure you have a lot of evidence of a relationship.

[ya falaha! 0]

Agreed. Couldn't have said it better, Janine

An age difference where the woman is considerably younger than the man may not be comparable to the OP's situation as she is the USC considerably older than her Moroccan fiance. It really depends on the cultural norms and other factors involved.

I have to reiterate desert_fox's suggestion. The Mid EastN. Africa regional forum does have several members faced with the same issue. Would be something to check out. Good luck.

ETA: you are marrying in Morocco, I would summize you would file for a marriage based visa - the AOS forum will probably not yeild the best results for you.

My husband said that in Morocco and other muslim countries it's very rare that you will find a wife older than the husband. The reason he said this was is because the man is in charge and has to feel like he has all the power and seniority. Also if the woman is older it makes it harder to have children and one of the biggest things in the arabic culture is having children.

Now I know that there are quite a few women on VJ that are older than their husbands, and I happen to have a deep respect for the few I have been getting to know. Now I don't think that the woman being older is bad at all. My grandmother was 11 years older than my grandfather and they were married a long time. But I definately think that being 23 years older than your husband who is from an Muslim, country is going to raise some eyebrows within the USCIS. Like everyone else has said, make sure you have a lot of evidence of a relationship.

[honeyblonde 0]

My husband said that in Morocco and other muslim countries it's very rare that you will find a wife older than the husband. The reason he said this was is because the man is in charge and has to feel like he has all the power and seniority. Also if the woman is older it makes it harder to have children and one of the biggest things in the arabic culture is having children.

This is not necessarily true in modern day Morocco. My husband's sister is much older than her husband and they do have a child together. In some parts of the country women are able to get work easier than men (Taza for one) so the women have the power so to speak. Even young men are happy to marry a nurse or other professional woman who can provide them a stable income, even when she is older.

Certainly the issue of children should be considered. My last Moroccan husband was 25 when I married him and I was 35. I made it clear that I wasn't having any more kids and we still ended up divorcing because he wanted kids, among other major issues caused primarily by the age difference.

[JenT 0]

My husband said that in Morocco and other muslim countries it's very rare that you will find a wife older than the husband. The reason he said this was is because the man is in charge and has to feel like he has all the power and seniority. Also if the woman is older it makes it harder to have children and one of the biggest things in the arabic culture is having children.

This is not necessarily true in modern day Morocco. My husband's sister is much older than her husband and they do have a child together. In some parts of the country women are able to get work easier than men (Taza for one) so the women have the power so to speak. Even young men are happy to marry a nurse or other professional woman who can provide them a stable income, even when she is older.

Certainly the issue of children should be considered. My last Moroccan husband was 25 when I married him and I was 35. I made it clear that I wasn't having any more kids and we still ended up divorcing because he wanted kids, among other major issues caused primarily by the age difference.

Exactly. He probably thought he could change your mind once you married. Why do people enter into marriage thinking they can change someone????

Sorry this happened to you, honeyblonde.

Edited September 25, 2006 by JenT

[honeyblonde 0]

Sorry this happened to you, honeyblonde.

It's ok Jen. I'm not sorry at all. My marriage to him introduced me to Morocco so when the professor had us choose a country to do a paper on in my International Law class a couple of years ago, I chose Morocco. I'm really glad I did that because that is how I met my current husband who is also Moroccan and much more mature (he's 39).

Ironically, we are talking about getting my tubes untied and having a baby when I graduate. I guess I just had to find a man I knew would make a good father before I was willing to do that. Whatever we decide he has already accepted that we may never have a baby and that's ok with him. He says if not, I will always be his baby.

I am really loving being married to a man close to my own age after years of dating much younger men. I never thought I would find a man my age I could love, but I'm glad I did.

[doodlebug 3]

Ironically, we are talking about getting my tubes untied and having a baby when I graduate. I guess I just had to find a man I knew would make a good father before I was willing to do that.

Oh totally off topic but I'm having the tubal ligation reversal done toooooo!!! Don't ya just wish you could turn back time and not have done it in the first place??? Will cost approx $6,000 to untie the suckers and no insurance reimbursement.

[honeyblonde 0]

Ironically, we are talking about getting my tubes untied and having a baby when I graduate. I guess I just had to find a man I knew would make a good father before I was willing to do that.

Oh totally off topic but I'm having the tubal ligation reversal done toooooo!!! Don't ya just wish you could turn back time and not have done it in the first place??? Will cost approx $6,000 to untie the suckers and no insurance reimbursement.

Only $6,000? I was told at least $7,000 last time I asked, and when I had a similar surgery this summer, the hospital bill alone was over $10,000. I'm guessing overall it will cost us about $15,000 for everything - Dr, anethesiologist, hospital, etc.

Honestly, I wouldn't turn back the clock. I had it done when I was 23 after my second son was born. When I think how many kids I would have probably had by now if I hadn't had it done I don't regret it. I was a freaking rabbit. My husband just had to look at me and I was pregnant (not quite, but I only missed my birth control once and got pregnant). Considering the cost to raise a kid, even $15,000 isn't so bad for 21 years of birth control.

[doodlebug 3]

Ironically, we are talking about getting my tubes untied and having a baby when I graduate. I guess I just had to find a man I knew would make a good father before I was willing to do that.

Oh totally off topic but I'm having the tubal ligation reversal done toooooo!!! Don't ya just wish you could turn back time and not have done it in the first place??? Will cost approx $6,000 to untie the suckers and no insurance reimbursement.

Only $6,000? I was told at least $7,000 last time I asked, and when I had a similar surgery this summer, the hospital bill alone was over $10,000. I'm guessing overall it will cost us about $15,000 for everything - Dr, anethesiologist, hospital, etc.

Honestly, I wouldn't turn back the clock. I had it done when I was 23 after my second son was born. When I think how many kids I would have probably had by now if I hadn't had it done I don't regret it. I was a freaking rabbit. My husband just had to look at me and I was pregnant (not quite, but I only missed my birth control once and got pregnant). Considering the cost to raise a kid, even $15,000 isn't so bad for 21 years of birth control.

Try this guy out. http://www.tubal-reversal.net/tubal_revers...e_financing.htm That's where I'm going next fall insha Allah. It's outpatient surgery and they have a very comprehensive followup. I have heard very good things about him and since it's all he does ... practice makes perfect. Most ob/gyn types do the kind where you have to stay in the hospital...either that or they just do IVF so this option was much better for me. There are similar clinics elsewhere if you live on the west coast too.

Edited September 25, 2006 by doodlebug

[deeshla 0]

My questions would be -- did you meet on the internet? Do you have a common language? These are the other big red flags in Casa. I have met so many couples in Morocco where all of these red flags are up but they still got the visa -- but usually done through DCF -- this shows that the relationship is a little more valid -- seeing the woman stay in the home country with the man. Unfortunately, there is a new epidemic in Morocco of young 20-somethings men cruising the internet dating scene for older women -- the consulate knows all about it, as does the rest of the populace.

It isn't very normal within Moroccan culture for men to marry women that much older than them -- maybe 1-3 years or so, but not more than 5 or so. This is considered "hashouma" for better or for worse (i.e. whether we agree with it or not). Then again there are a few free-thinkers who just don't care and want a partnership. But most people agree that if the woman were not an American citizen (or a Canadian or a UK citizen, etc) the "attraction" would not be there.

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree with deeshla. We gotta be honest with ourselves...if we weren't Americans would they still be all that interested? If they marry an American even if they love them they are still doing it for reasons other than purely love. Not only do they get a wife who they didn't have to buy buckets of gold for and a fully furnished apt....they get a visa! Nothin's better than that.

[Jenn! 918]

if we weren't Americans would they still be all that interested?

I would never have married my husband if I thought the answer to this was "no".

[ya falaha! 0]

Then you're not being honest with yourself.

[Jenn! 918]

Then you're not being honest with yourself.

I disagree. Furthermore, you don't know the circumstances of my relationship and you can't just go around making sweeping generalizations calling people who genuinely trust the intentions of their husbands liars.

Are you saying that all of the husbands of the women in MENA had ulterior motives? And you're ok with that?

ETA: I went back and read your first post and I think we're missing each other's point here. I will concede that being an American is a plus, but if you think that your fiance would not marry you if you weren't American, that's a different story.

Edited September 25, 2006 by jenn3539

[ya falaha! 0]

Whoa hold up..I wasn't calling anyone a liar. I'm a realist in every aspect of my life. I realize that there are women in these countries our husbands come from...why aren't they marrying them? Are we better or something? I'm not making generalizations here and you're right, I don't know the circumstances of your relationship. I wasn't directed my comments to you. But as usual you jump to conclusions and become defensive. Unless I say..jenn3539's husband used her for a green card...please don't take offense or become defensive. I believe we only become defensive if something we hear or read rings true on some level. Otherwise..why would it bother us?

Then you're not being honest with yourself.

I disagree. Furthermore, you don't know the circumstances of my relationship and you can't just go around making sweeping generalizations calling people who genuinely trust the intentions of their husbands liars.

Are you saying that all of the husbands of the women in MENA had ulterior motives? And you're ok with that?

[Jenn! 918]

I believe we only become defensive if something we hear or read rings true on some level. Otherwise..why would it bother us?

There are many things that bother me that do not ring true for me. Sorry, not a convincing argument, and really just a clever way to accuse someone of something IMO.

And I know your comments were not directed towards me. Since when can one have an opinion only when one is addressed specifically?

I'm not interested in an argument here.