Opinions please

[sarah9 14]

Ok, so this is going to be a long one, but i'll do my best to put things in point format so it's easier to read!

I moved to the US about a month ago on a K1 visa, and married my fiance about 2 weeks ago - not yet filed for AOS.

I initially decided to move here (and not him move to the UK) for 2 main reasons, my fiance had a house (i had sold mine already), and a secure job that he has been in for 8 years (while i had left my job for extended trips to visit him).

I have spent a lot of time here with him before the move, and although i knew things wouldn't be easy, i felt confident that we would be happy! And before I start, I am not regretting my decision to marry him at all, just looking for opinions on how best to proceed!

We are facing a lot of dificulties right now, some of which we knew about before i moved, and others that have suddenly appeared to make things even harder!!

1. His first day back in work after our wedding he was told he may lose his job. Currently we are in limbo waiting to hear.

2. His older brother shares our house - supposed to be gone before i arrived but now likely to be for 6 months to a year Not how i pictured my first year of marriage! It's made worse by the fact he has no respect for our privacy, or the house in general, he makes a mess everywhere, eats our food - is basically treating the place like a student house - but he is almost 40. I am very house proud and it is making me quite miserable.

3. My husband lost his driving licence on a dui - so we now have no car, and until i have my michigan driving licence, it seems that i can't get insurance if i get one of my own - not 100% sure on that, but it's how it appears. So I can't go anywhere, even to the grocery store when his brother has eaten everyhthing. It means we are dependant on his mother to drive us anywhere we need to go - and she is in her late 60's.

4. I have discovered that the house that he owns is actually more of a choke hold that an asset, as it is worth about half of the amount it once was, and he owes considerably more on the mortgage, than the house is worth. meaning we are stuck there, and i do not want to stay in that area long term.

5. I discovered last week that my husband was declared bankrupt in 2005, and has a terrible credit score, which will make things more difficult in general.

Now I want people's opinion - should we be filing for AOS - or would it make more sense to cut our losses and look at moving to the UK?

The positives that I see there are:

1. I have a much higher salary potential in the UK - our combined earnings would be a lot more. I would be taking a huge pay cut here, as my accountancy qualifications do not transfer - whereas he works in retail, so could probably get a comparable job in the UK.

2. I have a perfect credit score,and could quickly help him build one in the UK.

3. We could move in with my parents until we have built up some savings/found a house of our own.

4. Most importantly to me - I can get a car and insure it for a fraction of the cost of getting one here!

5. Free health care!

This is just a very short version of what's running through my head right now. It feels a little like things are against us. My husband is a wonderful guy, and he keeps asking me what he can do to make things better - but i genuinely can't think of anything that will wave the magic wand right now. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them! I think sometimes it's hard to see clearly with so many emotions running through your head..... some impartial advice would be greatly appreciated

[rheanick 42]

Talk with your husband. If UK has better opportunity and he agrees, then its UK instead of US.

[san diego 407]

My opinion is that you are over-exaggerating.. A lot of people go through this and still in good shape. My ansewrs to your concern:

1) His first day back in work after our wedding he was told he may lose his job. Currently we are in limbo waiting to hear. NO problem. Everyone loses jobs and he will find one. So will yhou

2. His older brother shares our house - supposed to be gone before i arrived but now likely to be for 6 months to a year Not how i pictured my first year of marriage! It's made worse by the fact he has no respect for our privacy, or the house in general, he makes a mess everywhere, eats our food - is basically treating the place like a student house - but he is almost 40. I am very house proud and it is making me quite miserable. KICK HIM OUT!! Period!!

3. My husband lost his driving licence on a dui - so we now have no car, and until i have my michigan driving licence, it seems that i can't get insurance if i get one of my own - not 100% sure on that, but it's how it appears. So I can't go anywhere, even to the grocery store when his brother has eaten everyhthing. It means we are dependant on his mother to drive us anywhere we need to go - and she is in her late 60's. You can get car insurance. I got my wife car insurance within 2 days of her arrival from Russia based on her russian DL. Farmers Insurance.

4. I have discovered that the house that he owns is actually more of a choke hold that an asset, as it is worth about half of the amount it once was, and he owes considerably more on the mortgage, than the house is worth. meaning we are stuck there, and i do not want to stay in that area long term. Is living with parents better? I mean, now it seems bad. Living with your parents will be worse.. At least for him..

5. I discovered last week that my husband was declared bankrupt in 2005, and has a terrible credit score, which will make things more difficult in general. I think 60% of US population living with something similar

Overall my recommendation would be to proceed, get a green card, and then decide. I have a feeling that you are trying to escape financial problems by forgetting about them and moving..

I have a feeling the moment you kick his brother out of the house you will be relieved and forget all about moving LOL

[sarah9 14]

My opinion is that you are over-exaggerating.. A lot of people go through this and still in good shape. My ansewrs to your concern:

1) His first day back in work after our wedding he was told he may lose his job. Currently we are in limbo waiting to hear. NO problem. Everyone loses jobs and he will find one. So will yhou

2. His older brother shares our house - supposed to be gone before i arrived but now likely to be for 6 months to a year Not how i pictured my first year of marriage! It's made worse by the fact he has no respect for our privacy, or the house in general, he makes a mess everywhere, eats our food - is basically treating the place like a student house - but he is almost 40. I am very house proud and it is making me quite miserable. KICK HIM OUT!! Period!!

3. My husband lost his driving licence on a dui - so we now have no car, and until i have my michigan driving licence, it seems that i can't get insurance if i get one of my own - not 100% sure on that, but it's how it appears. So I can't go anywhere, even to the grocery store when his brother has eaten everyhthing. It means we are dependant on his mother to drive us anywhere we need to go - and she is in her late 60's. You can get car insurance. I got my wife car insurance within 2 days of her arrival from Russia based on her russian DL. Farmers Insurance.

4. I have discovered that the house that he owns is actually more of a choke hold that an asset, as it is worth about half of the amount it once was, and he owes considerably more on the mortgage, than the house is worth. meaning we are stuck there, and i do not want to stay in that area long term. Is living with parents better? I mean, now it seems bad. Living with your parents will be worse.. At least for him..

5. I discovered last week that my husband was declared bankrupt in 2005, and has a terrible credit score, which will make things more difficult in general. I think 60% of US population living with something similar

Overall my recommendation would be to proceed, get a green card, and then decide. I have a feeling that you are trying to escape financial problems by forgetting about them and moving..

I have a feeling the moment you kick his brother out of the house you will be relieved and forget all about moving LOL

Well I honestly don't think that i am over exagerrating anything!

His financial situation is dire! I can speak as an accountant who has worked hard her entire life, always had a good job, lots of excess money, and most importantly to me, a perfect credit score!

It may be that way for a lot of people here - but it WOULD NOT be that way for me in the UK - therefore not for him either!

In response to your comments:

1. if he loses his job, he can't support me financially, & we do not have anyone to be a co-sponsor for the i-134. = no AOS

2. The reason his brother is still here is purely financial - if we kick him out, my husband can't support us

3 did your wife get HER OWN insurance policy? I can't be added to his - he is not even allowed to own a vehicle, nevermind insure one. Also different states have different driving laws - we are in michigan, and the advice i have been given so far indicates that i need a US licence.

I am not trying to run away from anything - I just think things would be easier in the UK

I appreciate your comments

[canadian_wife 1,791]

I'm a bit confused, are you looking to leave to the UK alone or with your husband?

If you are looking to go alone, then that is a decision you'll have to make on your own

If you are looking to leave with your husband, there are some things to consider. You say that you are upside-down on your mortgage, meaning you cannot sell it for what you have in it, what do you suppose you'll do with that?

There will be a time if you move to the UK where both of you will be unemployed while you look for another job and then where will you live?

Just a question, did you not discuss the financials with your husband (the house, the bankruptcy etc) or his dui before you married him?

I am sorry you are having trouble adjusting, just imagine how your husband will adjust to the uk, it will be hard for him as it is for you in the US

Good luck

[Robert&Karen 264]

My fiancee and I considered the options of the UK or the US. I visited her for 30 days straight to see what I thought, and she came to the US for 30 days straight. It is really the only way to know. It was very educational, and the end result is that she decided to move here. We have our pluses and minuses just as you do. She likes the fact that petrol is only $4 a gallon and not $9 a gallon. She likes 7% sales tax and not 20% sales tax. She likes the freedom to carry a pocket knife, and though she does not want a gun she realizes that the people own this country, not the government. I hated that I could not go through London without getting a ticket for a "Congestion charge."

But all this is fluff. The real thing is that we love one another and we will make it work. People lose jobs, have bad credit scores, and we recover and learn a lesson. Some of us learn at 22, some at 52, life is easier if we learn sooner. That's just how it works.

The brother is a parasite to be living there at 40 and treating your house that way. I had to stay at my brother's house for 4 days when the roads were out to my house, and I felt awful. I bought them food and movies and whatever I could to show my thanks. It's not so much the stay as the attitude that comes with it.

I'd be happy to put you in touch with my fiance who is in the UK.

[rostov007 29]

Well I honestly don't think that i am over exagerrating anything!

His financial situation is dire! I can speak as an accountant who has worked hard her entire life, always had a good job, lots of excess money, and most importantly to me, a perfect credit score!

It may be that way for a lot of people here - but it WOULD NOT be that way for me in the UK - therefore not for him either!

In response to your comments:

1. if he loses his job, he can't support me financially, & we do not have anyone to be a co-sponsor for the i-134. = no AOS

2. The reason his brother is still here is purely financial - if we kick him out, my husband can't support us

3 did your wife get HER OWN insurance policy? I can't be added to his - he is not even allowed to own a vehicle, nevermind insure one. Also different states have different driving laws - we are in michigan, and the advice i have been given so far indicates that i need a US licence.

I am not trying to run away from anything - I just think things would be easier in the UK

I appreciate your comments

Just a thought, have you checked into whether he can qualify for a visa to the UK with a DUI conviction? Our process here for a IR1/CR1 requires the beneficiary to present a police record (My guess is they don't offer visas to people with certain types of convictions). Now, I don't know how a DUI would affect his eligibility. Do you? It might make your decision easier if you can answer this first.

Cheers, and good luck.

R

[sarah9 14]

I'm a bit confused, are you looking to leave to the UK alone or with your husband?

If you are looking to go alone, then that is a decision you'll have to make on your own

If you are looking to leave with your husband, there are some things to consider. You say that you are upside-down on your mortgage, meaning you cannot sell it for what you have in it, what do you suppose you'll do with that?

There will be a time if you move to the UK where both of you will be unemployed while you look for another job and then where will you live?

Just a question, did you not discuss the financials with your husband (the house, the bankruptcy etc) or his dui before you married him?

I am sorry you are having trouble adjusting, just imagine how your husband will adjust to the uk, it will be hard for him as it is for you in the US

Good luck

With my husband of course. We are very happy together, just trying to decide which is the smartest move.

He can't really damage his credit score any further - so he would basically give the house back to the bank, i'm not sure of the american terminology, but i know this is what his sister did a while ago.

As far as where we would live - 2 choices - if we both move at the same time we could stay with my family until i find work, alternatively, i can go back first, and he could follow when i had a job.

We did discuss financials, but i did not know the extent of the house situation, or anything at all about the bankruptcy.

We did discuss the DUI in great detail, but there has been a complication which means he could not get his licence back when he should have - i don't really think it's fair for me to discuss that in detail on here.

I am well aware that it would be difficult for him if we moved - just as it is for me. But would it not be a little easier if we didn't have the financial burden?

I wouldn't say that i am having trouble adjusting though - i am just trying to get opinions on the situation.

[Robert&Karen 264]

Restrictions to enter the UK are that you need to wait twice the period of the penalty of your crime. So if you have 2 years probation because of a DUI then you cannot immigrate for 4 years. If the penalty is 5 years you need to wait ten years. Some crimes are not waiverable at all. The US is much more strict, anything can stop you from coming here.

[sarah9 14]

My fiancee and I considered the options of the UK or the US. I visited her for 30 days straight to see what I thought, and she came to the US for 30 days straight. It is really the only way to know. It was very educational, and the end result is that she decided to move here. We have our pluses and minuses just as you do. She likes the fact that petrol is only $4 a gallon and not $9 a gallon. She likes 7% sales tax and not 20% sales tax. She likes the freedom to carry a pocket knife, and though she does not want a gun she realizes that the people own this country, not the government. I hated that I could not go through London without getting a ticket for a "Congestion charge."

But all this is fluff. The real thing is that we love one another and we will make it work. People lose jobs, have bad credit scores, and we recover and learn a lesson. Some of us learn at 22, some at 52, life is easier if we learn sooner. That's just how it works.

The brother is a parasite to be living there at 40 and treating your house that way. I had to stay at my brother's house for 4 days when the roads were out to my house, and I felt awful. I bought them food and movies and whatever I could to show my thanks. It's not so much the stay as the attitude that comes with it.

I'd be happy to put you in touch with my fiance who is in the UK.

You've brought a little smile to my face

You are absolutely right, if you love each other you can make anything work!!

I know that I decided to move here - no one forced me, it just feels like the situation has changed a lot since then!!

I really appreciate your comments

[sarah9 14]

Just a thought, have you checked into whether he can qualify for a visa to the UK with a DUI conviction? Our process here for a IR1/CR1 requires the beneficiary to present a police record (My guess is they don't offer visas to people with certain types of convictions). Now, I don't know how a DUI would affect his eligibility. Do you? It might make your decision easier if you can answer this first.

Cheers, and good luck.

R

You have raised an excellent question, one that i had not even considered!

We looked into it a long time ago, and i have something in my head that says it is possible.... but i will go check that out!

Thank you

[JoannaV 173]

Obviously, like other people have said, the DUI is something you need to check into to see if moving is even an option right now.

If you two decide to stay in the US (or are forced to), it will work out. The first year(s) can be a struggle for all kinds of reasons, but if you love each other then you will get through it. I am sure people on here could tell you all kinds of stories about their first years here. I moved here for similar reasons as you did, and then my husband lost his job and was unemployed for half a year. But it worked out :-) And I've been able to improve my husband's credit and finances, just as you will too.

Of course, it may be that the UK is the right choice for you guys. It need not be permanent: you could live there for a few years, build up some savings, and then return to the US. Maybe that will be the better financial choice.

I think it's a decision you need to make now. Well, you can always apply for your green card and then make the decision to go back to the UK, but what I'm saying is that if you're going to stay you should probably apply for AOS as soon as possible. It will allow you to work sooner, and do all the other financial things over here (which will make your situation look considerably better!). Maybe you can't get a job like you used to have right now...but you will be able to get some kind of job and also work for the qualifications which will give you a similar job. But also, if your husband's job is potentially in jeopardy but you decide to stay then applying asap will mean you can fill in the I-864 with his current job details. Unless you are called for an interview, this will work as affidavit of support even if he subsequently loses his job.

I do totally see why the UK is looking attractive right now. If your husband is up for it then it may indeed be the right choice, for a few years :-)

[웃 910]

I'd have him default on the mortgage and disappear off to the UK to start over. Sounds like you guys will be more successful there than here (considering his record, possibility of losing his job, underwater on his mortgage, "dire financial situation", etc.).

But if you decide to stay I have a good contact at AAA insurance in the Detroit area for when you get a car and license. My wife paid $176 for 3 months insurance (or was it 6?)....I can't remember but it destroyed all competitors rates.

[Harsh_77 716]

Talk with your husband. If UK has better opportunity and he agrees, then its UK instead of US.

I think thats the simple short and best answer.

As you have done it in your post, put the pros and cons of each place and talk to your husband to see what makes more sense for you guys.

It might not be easy as I m guessing both are leaning in opposite direction he might want to stay in US and u in UK there could be some give and take and it could be worked out.

[Bec_Dipu 103]

2. His older brother shares our house - supposed to be gone before i arrived but now likely to be for 6 months to a year Not how i pictured my first year of marriage! It's made worse by the fact he has no respect for our privacy, or the house in general, he makes a mess everywhere, eats our food - is basically treating the place like a student house - but he is almost 40. I am very house proud and it is making me quite miserable.

3. My husband lost his driving licence on a dui - so we now have no car, and until i have my michigan driving licence, it seems that i can't get insurance if i get one of my own - not 100% sure on that, but it's how it appears. So I can't go anywhere, even to the grocery store when his brother has eaten everyhthing. It means we are dependant on his mother to drive us anywhere we need to go - and she is in her late 60's.

1. I have a much higher salary potential in the UK - our combined earnings would be a lot more. I would be taking a huge pay cut here, as my accountancy qualifications do not transfer - whereas he works in retail, so could probably get a comparable job in the UK.

2. I have a perfect credit score,and could quickly help him build one in the UK.

My thoughts on the above:

2) Your brother-in-law may end up being a Godsend. If your husband does lose his job, you have another working adult in the house who can contribute to the bills. Quid pro quo.

3) Can your brother-in-law drive you? Bring him along for the grocery shopping and then split the bill with him.

1) Don't discount your accountancy qualifications. The FASB is looking towards adopting or aligning with IRFS. As such, many companies are starting projects to map out the accounting changes that would need to happen with IRFS. If it's in your skill set, market yourself as an international accounting consultant and seek employment with placement agencies that specialize in long-term projects.

2) Perhaps your perfect credit score could be of use in the US. Look into transferring your credit history into our credit scoring companies here. If you have a good score here, perhaps you can leverage it on a house refinance if that will help you. If you can lower the mortgage rate and change from a 30 to a 15, your payment may stay the same but you'll pay down the balance faster so that you can get out of the mess. Of course, depending on the individual situation, this may not be an option for you.

Good luck!