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cultural differences vs. stereotyping

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Okay, I've been thinking about this for a while.

When discussing people, in this case Filipinas, at what point does discussing cultural difference cross over to become stereotyping? And when I use the word stereotyping, I really mean when it becomes sort of offensive.


 

 

 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline

As soon someone says "All Filipinas......." and its something derrogatory, then it is offensive, In my opinion. Like saying something like "All Filipinas are after money and a Green Card". Something like "All Filipinas are sweet and loving", may not be completely accurate but then its not derogatory either so I would say that's a statment atesting to ones experience, exposure or knowledge about the Culture of the Filipina.

My opinion...


10/17/2008 - First Contact via message in CB

03/15/2009 - Engaged

05/15/2009 - First meeting in person (I traveled to Philippines)

10/05/2010 - Sent I-129F package to Fiancee VISA service for review and forwarding

12/08/2011 - Interview - Approved!

12/20/2011 - VISA in hand! (Never showed up in 2go online tracking!)

01/04/2012 - POE San Francisco(SFO)I met her there.

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02/14/2012 - Married Valentine's Day 2012!

05/04/2012 - Mailed AOS/EAD/AP packages via FedEx ground

07/26/2012 - EAD/AP Combo card received

"TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear"

(Derrick and Ritchie)

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As soon someone says "All Filipinas......." and its something derrogatory, then it is offensive, In my opinion. Like saying something like "All Filipinas are after money and a Green Card". Something like "All Filipinas are sweet and loving", may not be completely accurate but then its not derogatory either so I would say that's a statment atesting to ones experience, exposure or knowledge about the Culture of the Filipina.

My opinion...

I agree. It's always a case to case basis. One can say 'my fiance who is a filipina' but not 'Filipinas'. It's annoying when you read stuff about what people think of Filipinas and you're/your girl is not one of those mentioned. :bonk:


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Filed: Timeline

When you take the culture as a group, you can make certain generalizations. Even when dealing with individuals, you have to be aware of certain tendencies of the group as a whole. However, the way each person fits into that collage is unique. We all have our quirks.

First impressions are correct about 90% of the time and that comes from somewhere.

Edited by Some Old Guy

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But what if someone is being "complimentary" and only talking about "their Filipina"?

Here's something that always bothers me. I've seen posts in the past where people compliment "their Filipina" in almost the same way they would brag about their car. :angry:

"I love my Filipina. My Filipina is so reliable and dependable. I haven't had to spend much money on my Filipina either. I'm really happy that I found this Filipina."

That's the type of thing I would say about my Toyota; not my spouse. Those are the type of things I find degrading to hear about a person. I cringe whenever I read anything like that.


 

 

 

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But what if someone is being "complimentary" and only talking about "their Filipina"?

Here's something that always bothers me. I've seen posts in the past where people compliment "their Filipina" in almost the same way they would brag about their car. :angry:

"I love my Filipina. My Filipina is so reliable and dependable. I haven't had to spend much money on my Filipina either. I'm really happy that I found this Filipina."

That's the type of thing I would say about my Toyota; not my spouse. Those are the type of things I find degrading to hear about a person. I cringe whenever I read anything like that.

Some of it is bragging. A lot of it is trying to convince other people that things are not as bad as they look. I see it as raising the daughter I never had. There is a plus: People are not constantly trying to set you up with their friends.

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What about cultural anthropologiccal differences too? I am proud of my wife's heritage, and that of my son's. Their native Filipino heritage and culture I think is something to be embraced. Native Filipinos were also warriors, and to me that is something to be proud of as well. They were brave, strong and courageous. But my wife didnt like it very well when I found an early photograph of a Filipino warrior holding by the hair a severed head of another. But that was also part of the culture at that time. Even though it is not accepted culture now, it is part of the anthropological culture that should be remembered and appreciated. And I want our son to know the rich and strong heritage of his ancestors as well. Some things like that were admired as strengths and greatness in those days. I dont think such things should be hidden from our son. I think he should have a full understanding of where he comes from, and to be proud of it. I would be proud if I decended from warriors like that and I want him to feel pride in where he comes from too. It is not stereotyping. it is not to say "my son is a headhunter" hehe. But his ancestors were a part of that culture. They were kings AND wariors, great hunters, farmers and fishermen and statesmen. A proud and quite varied cultural heritage.

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But what if someone is being "complimentary" and only talking about "their Filipina"?

Here's something that always bothers me. I've seen posts in the past where people compliment "their Filipina" in almost the same way they would brag about their car. :angry:

"I love my Filipina. My Filipina is so reliable and dependable. I haven't had to spend much money on my Filipina either. I'm really happy that I found this Filipina."

That's the type of thing I would say about my Toyota; not my spouse. Those are the type of things I find degrading to hear about a person. I cringe whenever I read anything like that.

If "my filipina" is an established endearment between the couple, then this should not be an issue.

If it is meant the way you interpreted it, then it would be degrading.

My hubby never refers me as "my filipina" .... its "my queen"/ :lol:


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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline

But what if someone is being "complimentary" and only talking about "their Filipina"?

Here's something that always bothers me. I've seen posts in the past where people compliment "their Filipina" in almost the same way they would brag about their car. :angry:

"I love my Filipina. My Filipina is so reliable and dependable. I haven't had to spend much money on my Filipina either. I'm really happy that I found this Filipina."

That's the type of thing I would say about my Toyota; not my spouse. Those are the type of things I find degrading to hear about a person. I cringe whenever I read anything like that.

Hmmmmm. Interesting. Sounds like some people look at thier wives/fiancees as objects. Even when I was much younger with my first Filipina wife I don't recall making that distinction when referring to her in any way. I was often asked where she's from and she was often mistaken for Chinese or Japanese - and I would then responde saying she was from the Philippines (usually brought on more inquiries about her!). But I always refered to her as my wife - period. Even my fiancee, I refer to as my fiancee or girlfriend. I would feel weird always referring to her as "My Filipina".

I agree with you on this. I've not been int he habit of doing that but since you brought it up I will now be extra careful to be sure I never do that. I would hate for people to think I view my fiancee/wife as an object to tote around and show off. Gosh! How would that make her feel?


10/17/2008 - First Contact via message in CB

03/15/2009 - Engaged

05/15/2009 - First meeting in person (I traveled to Philippines)

10/05/2010 - Sent I-129F package to Fiancee VISA service for review and forwarding

12/08/2011 - Interview - Approved!

12/20/2011 - VISA in hand! (Never showed up in 2go online tracking!)

01/04/2012 - POE San Francisco(SFO)I met her there.

01/05/2012 - We're Home!

02/14/2012 - Married Valentine's Day 2012!

05/04/2012 - Mailed AOS/EAD/AP packages via FedEx ground

07/26/2012 - EAD/AP Combo card received

"TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear"

(Derrick and Ritchie)

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Hmmmmm. Interesting. Sounds like some people look at thier wives/fiancees as objects. Even when I was much younger with my first Filipina wife I don't recall making that distinction when referring to her in any way. I was often asked where she's from and she was often mistaken for Chinese or Japanese - and I would then responde saying she was from the Philippines (usually brought on more inquiries about her!). But I always refered to her as my wife - period. Even my fiancee, I refer to as my fiancee or girlfriend. I would feel weird always referring to her as "My Filipina".

I agree with you on this. I've not been int he habit of doing that but since you brought it up I will now be extra careful to be sure I never do that. I would hate for people to think I view my fiancee/wife as an object to tote around and show off. Gosh! How would that make her feel?

I found myself in the situation where people ask me about the Philippines. "What's it like there? What are the people like?" And in the process of answering those questons it's very easy to start giving the same responses that I find offensive. :blush::bonk:

It's sometimes really difficult to describe the cultural differences without it becoming something I view as negative. Even when the person is being complimentary. Maybe the problem is really me and I am finding something negative that shouldn't be seen that way. I don't know.

and another thing: TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear? really? That's too cute. :)

Edited by B_J

 

 

 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
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If you really want to tick me off, then make references to Asian women like this in my presence "American (or other) men just want Asian women because they are submissive"! Now, I'm usually pretty good at keeping my cool but when I hear things like this..I'm almost guarunteed to lose it. And I have. Mostly the people making this and comments like it are American woman. A few things you can be sure of:

They've probably never met a Filipina, probably not any Asian woman.

They definitely have never met my ex or my girlfriend - especially if they are angry about something and heaven forbid it be at me!

They would love for it to be true and are probably referring to the movies that depict the old world Asian woman as docile and submissive (which we all know how accurate hollywood is - NOT!)

Talk about stereo typing!! They say this despite the fact the the Philippines has had a Woman president!!!!

Besides, for me, that's the last thing I want is someone catering to me in the way they incorrectly suggest. I mean, I understand the Filipina way, mostly very serving and caring and slow to anger and I love all those things and had to learnt o be able to handle them actually because I wasn;t fully prepared for the extens of the depth of the love Filipinas can have and how they express it. I've learned too late for my first marriage.

But anyway, this is a common and totally inacurate stereotype os Asian women (as most stereotypes are!) Actually I love Filipinas for the exact opposite reasons!


10/17/2008 - First Contact via message in CB

03/15/2009 - Engaged

05/15/2009 - First meeting in person (I traveled to Philippines)

10/05/2010 - Sent I-129F package to Fiancee VISA service for review and forwarding

12/08/2011 - Interview - Approved!

12/20/2011 - VISA in hand! (Never showed up in 2go online tracking!)

01/04/2012 - POE San Francisco(SFO)I met her there.

01/05/2012 - We're Home!

02/14/2012 - Married Valentine's Day 2012!

05/04/2012 - Mailed AOS/EAD/AP packages via FedEx ground

07/26/2012 - EAD/AP Combo card received

"TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear"

(Derrick and Ritchie)

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline

I found myself in the situation where people ask me about the Philippines. "What's it like there? What are the people like?" And in the process of answering those questons it's very easy to start giving the same responses that I find offensive. :blush::bonk:

It's sometimes really difficult to describe the cultural differences without it becoming something I view as negative. Even when the person is being complimentary. Maybe the problem is really me and I am finding something negative that shouldn't be seen that way. I don't know.

and another thing: TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear? really? That's too cute. :)

HAHA! Thanks!

Not to worry. I can tell by your post you're a real intelligent guy and you will naturally find pat answers that do two things - One is satisfy the questions just enough and the other is answering in a polite way that also says "I know what you are really asking so knock it off and don;t go there again!!", cuz some people will think they're being cute and try to ask otherwise embarrassing questions about your wife/fiancee and why you are together, etc. - and that is really none of their business. If you don't know what I mean already, you will. But i also know you will be able to handle it and it will stop after awhile.


10/17/2008 - First Contact via message in CB

03/15/2009 - Engaged

05/15/2009 - First meeting in person (I traveled to Philippines)

10/05/2010 - Sent I-129F package to Fiancee VISA service for review and forwarding

12/08/2011 - Interview - Approved!

12/20/2011 - VISA in hand! (Never showed up in 2go online tracking!)

01/04/2012 - POE San Francisco(SFO)I met her there.

01/05/2012 - We're Home!

02/14/2012 - Married Valentine's Day 2012!

05/04/2012 - Mailed AOS/EAD/AP packages via FedEx ground

07/26/2012 - EAD/AP Combo card received

"TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear"

(Derrick and Ritchie)

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If you really want to tick me off, then make references to Asian women like this in my presence "American (or other) men just want Asian women because they are submissive"! Now, I'm usually pretty good at keeping my cool but when I hear things like this..I'm almost guarunteed to lose it. And I have. Mostly the people making this and comments like it are American woman. A few things you can be sure of:

They've probably never met a Filipina, probably not any Asian woman.

They definitely have never met my ex or my girlfriend - especially if they are angry about something and heaven forbid it be at me!

They would love for it to be true and are probably referring to the movies that depict the old world Asian woman as docile and submissive (which we all know how accurate hollywood is - NOT!)

Talk about stereo typing!! They say this despite the fact the the Philippines has had a Woman president!!!!

Besides, for me, that's the last thing I want is someone catering to me in the way they incorrectly suggest. I mean, I understand the Filipina way, mostly very serving and caring and slow to anger and I love all those things and had to learnt o be able to handle them actually because I wasn;t fully prepared for the extens of the depth of the love Filipinas can have and how they express it. I've learned too late for my first marriage.

But anyway, this is a common and totally inacurate stereotype os Asian women (as most stereotypes are!) Actually I love Filipinas for the exact opposite reasons!

I'm in no way an expert on the Filipino culture. I tried to describe the relationship between men and women as being more tradional or old fashioned; but I know that's not really correct either. Like you mentioned, having a woman President goes against that stereotype. And there are other differences as well. Maybe it's just when we try to describe things in just a few phrases or sentences that we run into problems.

I think I'll just stop trying to answer peoples questions and tell them they have to go there to understand. :thumbs:


 

 

 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline

I'm in no way an expert on the Filipino culture. I tried to describe the relationship between men and women as being more tradional or old fashioned; but I know that's not really correct either. Like you mentioned, having a woman President goes against that stereotype. And there are other differences as well. Maybe it's just when we try to describe things in just a few phrases or sentences that we run into problems.

I think I'll just stop trying to answer peoples questions and tell them they have to go there to understand. :thumbs:

I would think you probably describe things pretty well. Maybe you're no expert on that culture (me neither), but you've seen it and I'm sure can describe it in a way people tuly interested can understand without having experienced being there themselves, as much as they can anyway. Sometimes we have to consider the audience and what they're thinking and motives are. many people will resent the fact that you married this exotic (meaning different and from another land, culture, etc) woman and will resent that for any number of reasons. Now how are you going to explain anything to someone who has already made up his/her mind as to why you wanted to marry her and her you? Can't. And you're not responsible for them understanding anything you did/do. those who care and want to understand, will, no matter how you explain it. Those that don;t want to, well, to hell with them. And if they don't like it then too bad. I don't care who it is.

I was so amazed because before I married my ex, nobody seemed to give a damn what I did or with whom or why. But it was amazing how interested everyone became in my life when she got here! With my fiancee coming, we won't have to go through that again, at least not the the extent my forst wife and I did.


10/17/2008 - First Contact via message in CB

03/15/2009 - Engaged

05/15/2009 - First meeting in person (I traveled to Philippines)

10/05/2010 - Sent I-129F package to Fiancee VISA service for review and forwarding

12/08/2011 - Interview - Approved!

12/20/2011 - VISA in hand! (Never showed up in 2go online tracking!)

01/04/2012 - POE San Francisco(SFO)I met her there.

01/05/2012 - We're Home!

02/14/2012 - Married Valentine's Day 2012!

05/04/2012 - Mailed AOS/EAD/AP packages via FedEx ground

07/26/2012 - EAD/AP Combo card received

"TeddyHoney and SqueezyBear"

(Derrick and Ritchie)

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