cultural differences vs. stereotyping

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

It at least matters to the international dating industry that depends on stereotyping these Filipinas for a good sales pitch. If an American guy who knows his odds are slim that he'll be able to find a pretty, young woman who is docile and submissive here in the states, using an international dating site that promises him instant access to a plethora of beautiful, nubile Filipinas who are all more than eager to get married to an American no matter his physical appearance or limited source of income, so they can please him in every way, shape and form is a no-brainer. That is until she gets here and he soon finds out that she wasn't holding out on him to be virtuous, but because she made a promise to her pinoy bf back home that she wouldn't. There are many cunning Filipinas that are just biding their time, going through the motions until they've gotten their permanent resident card to carry out their true plans.

Are you saying that cute, demure, submissive angel sleeping next to me is nothing more than a ticking timebomb?

[rlogan 2,036]

Thanks, but I've been at this for years and I prefer the way I handle it. To each his/her own. I know full well when someone is trying to get me to respond a certain way and when someone is just plain trying to be undercover nasty. I'm not very passive and usually take care of the matter immediately and in no uncertain terms. And to my satisfaction this ALWAYS nips that ####### in the bud. I've never had anyone ever present such a statement or anything like it more than once. And that's my goal.

Sounds like you have a handle on it better than me, actually.

No problem B_J. I also just went to the dentist supposedly for fixing a crown, and ended up getting the tooth chopped up and removed, a bloody nightmare. I can't do heavy work with these stitches, it's raining anyway, and am on these pain killers. So I may not even be coherent, rambling on the internet.

DaveandRoxy yeah, exactly.

[B_J 2,752]

Sounds like you have a handle on it better than me, actually.

No problem B_J. I also just went to the dentist supposedly for fixing a crown, and ended up getting the tooth chopped up and removed, a bloody nightmare. I can't do heavy work with these stitches, it's raining anyway, and am on these pain killers. So I may not even be coherent, rambling on the internet.

DaveandRoxy yeah, exactly.

I have a totally irrational fear of dentists.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I have a totally irrational fear of dentists.

Try being married to one. I sleep with my hand over my mouth.

[B_J 2,752]

Try being married to one. I sleep with my hand over my mouth.

[mudbugntx 2]

In the end, does any of it really matter? If you love and respect your wife, and she knows it, then it won't matter how you refer to her. And if someone says something that is truly mean or vindictive about her culture, then that is just showing the speaker's lack of intelligence, right?

Many people in the US have never been outside the borders, and have no right to comment on another land's way of life or culture... yet they do it, and probably mostly because of what they have seen/read in the media. My asawa may appear to be more meek and submissive than my ex wife... but she is quick to tell me that "I will always make people think that you are the boss, and might even let YOU believe it from time. But rest assured, I am in charge, and you will end up doing what I want, so best for you not to resist me!" Yeah, she says it laughingly, but in the end, she usually gets what she wants.

On some things, we are equals. On others, one of us takes the lead and the other follows. But whether I call her "My Filipina", or sweetheart, or FiliPAINa, or Flipper, or Honey... she always knows that I love her. And if someone attacks her for her culture, grammar, or whatever, I just sit back and smile, cuz she can handle it. Like when it comes to mocking her grammar (yeah, I have teased her from time to time, cuz it's so darn cute!), but she is not in the mood, she will still my words by saying, "Ok, so my English is not as good as my Tagalog, or my Visayan... but it's better than the other 4 languages I can speak. How many languages are YOU fluent in???" Yeah, she can handle herself, and usually with a smile on her face (that I have come to discern as more dangerous than her frown).

So again I say... does it matter when others show their ignorance? Not really. Cuz in the end, if they are truly sincere in trying to slam my asawa, either directly or thru me by attacking our marital reasoning... then I simply will exclude them from my life. Mostly, it's just honest mistakes, I think. Then again, I don't have the years of being with a FiliPAINa like some of you; but I DO have the luxury of having spent a lot of time outside the US and living in other cultures. And IMHO, getting hot under the collar and "putting someone in their place" probably is a waste of time. If they truly believe what they say, will I change their mind? No. Nothing will, except getting to know my wonderful asawa better.

And for those of you who think ALL Filipinas are good, they ain't. Just as all American women ain't. The nationality does not matter. What matters is that in my Filipina sweetheart, I feel like I have found my soul mate. And I am so lucky to have her.

I think this post really says it all when talking about love and RESPECT. I have a friend that married a Filipina to have his arm candy. She married him for money and a green card. They are now getting divorced, what a surprise. I am madly in love with my Filipina wife of one week . We both love and respect each other. We do everything together including cooking, cleaning, and washing dishes after meals. She is my life partner and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think very often, American men and Filipino women marry for they wrong reasons. But that happens without marrying outside of ones borders as well. If both parties truely love and respect each other and are committed to making the marriage work, I believe a lifetime of happiness is achievable.

[R&W 5]

Stereotyping: With negative offense mechanism

e.g. Filipinas become materialistic after they arrive in the US.

Cultural difference: Naive comments with what they think they know

e.g. Filipinas love to serve home cooked meals.

It is nice to read posts on this thread how they love their wives. That is so sweet putting it out there for the world to see.

I hope everyone is keeping marriages alive.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I have a friend that married a Filipina to have his arm candy. She married him for money and a green card. They are now getting divorced, what a surprise.

Some trophy wives enjoy their new life. We know of a couple where the husband paid for her breast implants. He dresses like a guy would when he's at home on a Sunday watching football, and she dresses like she's a 21 year old clubber, but she seems to enjoy being his arm candy. Who knows though - maybe she's got a boyfriend on the side.

Edited June 30, 2011 by 8TBVBN

[jim 66 6]

In the end, does any of it really matter? If you love and respect your wife, and she knows it, then it won't matter how you refer to her. And if someone says something that is truly mean or vindictive about her culture, then that is just showing the speaker's lack of intelligence, right?

Many people in the US have never been outside the borders, and have no right to comment on another land's way of life or culture... yet they do it, and probably mostly because of what they have seen/read in the media. My asawa may appear to be more meek and submissive than my ex wife... but she is quick to tell me that "I will always make people think that you are the boss, and might even let YOU believe it from time. But rest assured, I am in charge, and you will end up doing what I want, so best for you not to resist me!" Yeah, she says it laughingly, but in the end, she usually gets what she wants.

On some things, we are equals. On others, one of us takes the lead and the other follows. But whether I call her "My Filipina", or sweetheart, or FiliPAINa, or Flipper, or Honey... she always knows that I love her. And if someone attacks her for her culture, grammar, or whatever, I just sit back and smile, cuz she can handle it. Like when it comes to mocking her grammar (yeah, I have teased her from time to time, cuz it's so darn cute!), but she is not in the mood, she will still my words by saying, "Ok, so my English is not as good as my Tagalog, or my Visayan... but it's better than the other 4 languages I can speak. How many languages are YOU fluent in???" Yeah, she can handle herself, and usually with a smile on her face (that I have come to discern as more dangerous than her frown).

So again I say... does it matter when others show their ignorance? Not really. Cuz in the end, if they are truly sincere in trying to slam my asawa, either directly or thru me by attacking our marital reasoning... then I simply will exclude them from my life. Mostly, it's just honest mistakes, I think. Then again, I don't have the years of being with a FiliPAINa like some of you; but I DO have the luxury of having spent a lot of time outside the US and living in other cultures. And IMHO, getting hot under the collar and "putting someone in their place" probably is a waste of time. If they truly believe what they say, will I change their mind? No. Nothing will, except getting to know my wonderful asawa better.

And for those of you who think ALL Filipinas are good, they ain't. Just as all American women ain't. The nationality does not matter. What matters is that in my Filipina sweetheart, I feel like I have found my soul mate. And I am so lucky to have her.

Well said !

[gretchen_darren 67]

We if they lived in Scottsdale or PV, That would make perfect sense..... besides, he dressed down, to make her look better... imagine if he wore an armani.... nobody would pay attention to her.... but then again... they "might" look better together.... your motives are what you get... the problem is, some people are not always truthful on their motives.... until it is too late

[TeddyHoney 42]

In the end, does any of it really matter? If you love and respect your wife, and she knows it, then it won't matter how you refer to her. And if someone says something that is truly mean or vindictive about her culture, then that is just showing the speaker's lack of intelligence, right?

Many people in the US have never been outside the borders, and have no right to comment on another land's way of life or culture... yet they do it, and probably mostly because of what they have seen/read in the media. My asawa may appear to be more meek and submissive than my ex wife... but she is quick to tell me that "I will always make people think that you are the boss, and might even let YOU believe it from time. But rest assured, I am in charge, and you will end up doing what I want, so best for you not to resist me!" Yeah, she says it laughingly, but in the end, she usually gets what she wants.

On some things, we are equals. On others, one of us takes the lead and the other follows. But whether I call her "My Filipina", or sweetheart, or FiliPAINa, or Flipper, or Honey... she always knows that I love her. And if someone attacks her for her culture, grammar, or whatever, I just sit back and smile, cuz she can handle it. Like when it comes to mocking her grammar (yeah, I have teased her from time to time, cuz it's so darn cute!), but she is not in the mood, she will still my words by saying, "Ok, so my English is not as good as my Tagalog, or my Visayan... but it's better than the other 4 languages I can speak. How many languages are YOU fluent in???" Yeah, she can handle herself, and usually with a smile on her face (that I have come to discern as more dangerous than her frown).

So again I say... does it matter when others show their ignorance? Not really. Cuz in the end, if they are truly sincere in trying to slam my asawa, either directly or thru me by attacking our marital reasoning... then I simply will exclude them from my life. Mostly, it's just honest mistakes, I think. Then again, I don't have the years of being with a FiliPAINa like some of you; but I DO have the luxury of having spent a lot of time outside the US and living in other cultures. And IMHO, getting hot under the collar and "putting someone in their place" probably is a waste of time. If they truly believe what they say, will I change their mind? No. Nothing will, except getting to know my wonderful asawa better.

And for those of you who think ALL Filipinas are good, they ain't. Just as all American women ain't. The nationality does not matter. What matters is that in my Filipina sweetheart, I feel like I have found my soul mate. And I am so lucky to have her.

The times I have had to "put people in their place" because of something they've said or implied or whatever, it was not to change their minds. I don't give a ####### what they think. I just don't want my fiancee/wife and I to have to hear it or experience it. That works for me. I don't need to change anyone's mind or what they think or feel. I just let them know - don't present that ####### to me or her. I never get any of that from the same person(s) more than once. I won't tolerate it.

[BJZags 17]

The times I have had to "put people in their place" because of something they've said or implied or whatever, it was not to change their minds. I don't give a ####### what they think. I just don't want my fiancee/wife and I to have to hear it or experience it.

This here, embodies the biggest problem with the Filipino groups (or any such group) that hang out together in whatever area your from. Just because all these people are from the Philippines, does not make them our friends. There will be "bad apples" in the bunch who will say things because that is what people like to do. Choose your friends carefully, and be aware of those who aren't.

[TeddyHoney 42]

This here, embodies the biggest problem with the Filipino groups (or any such group) that hang out together in whatever area your from. Just because all these people are from the Philippines, does not make them our friends. There will be "bad apples" in the bunch who will say things because that is what people like to do. Choose your friends carefully, and be aware of those who aren't.

Sorry - I don't understand your reply to my comment which was a replay to part of another comment. How does this even relate to my comment you replied to, or did you mean to reply to the comment I replied to? Problems with Filipino or any such group? Help me out here.