Sharing some red flags

[dwheels76 5,463]

Good idea. Yes mail, packages are gone threw like crazy. Well soon as I get home I will do that. Thanks

[His Glory 25]

A secret to sending notes to Nigeria , use post cards . I think there are some evil people in the postal service that assume card contain cash and they open them looking for money. Post cards there is nothing to take and have a bit better luck at getting there. Pick something and send a note that you will be showing this in person soon.

This is a trip to read....Ive sent gift to my friends there in 9ja even cell phones and all have gotten my gifts...funny that a simple card wouldnt make it thru. btw i send 1st class registered mail.

[His Glory 25]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :dance: SENDING SOME LOVE TO YOU ALL WHOOT WHOOT!!!! LOL.

No, seriously though things are pretty good, finally making some progress. My emotions have been semi-bipolar per my kids. Happy! finally laughing the way we did when I was in Nigeria both times! Scared with tears, hoping I've made the rigt decision! Mad! How dare this man put me through this, I'm out!!!!!! racing thoughts through my mind! Shoud I ask him to go, should he stay! Last but not least, we just might make it this time around!!

He is coming around. Understands that phone has to be available for me to answer since everything has to be transparent! He's beginning to soften up and not be so pig headed. He has completely admitted his actions were down right evil, senseless and admitted he was a horrible person for putting me through this. He's begun attending religious meetings again, after going through a period of guilt. We have gone out on dates, we text each other more through out the day with love you baby, I'm so soo sorry are his infamous words right now, we laugh more.

We still have a long road ahead but he has said several times, he has grown so comfortable with being with me and can't get his mind off of what he did and how much he loves me!!

Don't worry yall, I aint no fool, My eyes and ears are still wide open and will be for a long time.

Love you all, wishing you all MUCH success and happiness without the pain! Please be wise and learn from this forum. I'm sharing my life because we are in this together.

Bye!

awww sis this is wonderful!!!! Love u guys... and no matter what..yr not a fool...yr a Christian wife...yr supposes to love yr husband. The shame is not on the innocent mate. Keep perserving in prayer...u know i always felt u guys made such a good match. You guys would have me rolling on the phone!!!

[dwheels76 5,463]

This is a trip to read....Ive sent gift to my friends there in 9ja even cell phones and all have gotten my gifts...funny that a simple card wouldnt make it thru. btw i send 1st class registered mail.

Yo are so right it is s trip. I too have sent cellphones, laptops, and other gifts no problem. But cards and letters wow. Now mine eventually got to their destination after about 6 to 8 months. But coming to me nothing from 3 different people in 3 different cities in Nigeria.

Oh well.

[His Glory 25]

Yo are so right it is s trip. I too have sent cellphones, laptops, and other gifts no problem. But cards and letters wow. Now mine eventually got to their destination after about 6 to 8 months. But coming to me nothing from 3 different people in 3 different cities in Nigeria.

Oh well.

oh ok...thanks for the heads up...so its the little cards and letters...wow thanks...i was aobut to send a get well card there...hmm. lol ill put it in a big box to guarantee it reaches there.

[P and G 5]

MAO you are true to your word about updating us. Again I applaud you for being so open. I'm happy for you guys, so nice to hear that a couple can work through their differences. We're pulling for you.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :dance: SENDING SOME LOVE TO YOU ALL WHOOT WHOOT!!!! LOL.

No, seriously though things are pretty good, finally making some progress. My emotions have been semi-bipolar per my kids. Happy! finally laughing the way we did when I was in Nigeria both times! Scared with tears, hoping I've made the rigt decision! Mad! How dare this man put me through this, I'm out!!!!!! racing thoughts through my mind! Shoud I ask him to go, should he stay! Last but not least, we just might make it this time around!!

He is coming around. Understands that phone has to be available for me to answer since everything has to be transparent! He's beginning to soften up and not be so pig headed. He has completely admitted his actions were down right evil, senseless and admitted he was a horrible person for putting me through this. He's begun attending religious meetings again, after going through a period of guilt. We have gone out on dates, we text each other more through out the day with love you baby, I'm so soo sorry are his infamous words right now, we laugh more.

We still have a long road ahead but he has said several times, he has grown so comfortable with being with me and can't get his mind off of what he did and how much he loves me!!

Don't worry yall, I aint no fool, My eyes and ears are still wide open and will be for a long time.

Love you all, wishing you all MUCH success and happiness without the pain! Please be wise and learn from this forum. I'm sharing my life because we are in this together.

Bye!

[MAO36 30]

Thanks Pammy, Efiado and anyone else who responded.

I always like to be true to my word. It really defines a person.

Thanks for the post!!

[MAO36 30]

awww sis this is wonderful!!!! Love u guys... and no matter what..yr not a fool...yr a Christian wife...yr supposes to love yr husband. The shame is not on the innocent mate. Keep perserving in prayer...u know i always felt u guys made such a good match. You guys would have me rolling on the phone!!!

Efiaodo! You are dear to my heart Sis. So many late nights you and I were on the phone trying to work through my life and yours. There is no greater love than true friendship. *** Sisters to the end****

[His Glory 25]

Efiaodo! You are dear to my heart Sis. So many late nights you and I were on the phone trying to work through my life and yours. There is no greater love than true friendship. *** Sisters to the end****

thats right love u.

[patient2010 93]

Efiaodo! You are dear to my heart Sis. So many late nights you and I were on the phone trying to work through my life and yours. There is no greater love than true friendship. *** Sisters to the end****

Glad you are able to work it out.....

[NigerLA 1]

Whoa!!!

I occasionally come to VJ to read the discussions from this section and happened to stumble on this very interesting topic. I've read through most of the pages and responses and I've been very moved by the comments.

I am a Nigerian man happily married to an American woman for about five years now. Let me start, by apologizing to all the women who've been hurt by the actions of African men in general. My wife and I did not meet over the internet like a lot of people here and I have no idea how that process works. I've lived in the U.S.A for over 14 years; came here as an International Student and met my wife seven years ago at our church in NYC. The truth is no marriage is easy, and we've had our ups and downs along the way, but I LOVE my wife and know that I married the one woman in the world who was meant for me.

I'll say this, I've been very hesitant to say this but I feel like I must "BE SKEPTICAL ABOUT DATING AFRICAN MEN ONLINE". I am African and I can say emphatically, that 90% of these relationships will not end well. My wife and I knew a lady from our church who was dating (online) this particular guy online and she mentioned his name to me and I asked a friend about him. The first words out of my friends mouth, were tell her to run. I did not know how to tell her that without offending her and turned to prayer (asking God to give her wisdom in the relationship). She actually made the trip to visit him in Nigeria and he bled her dry. She ended up paying for every single thing because he always had one excuse or another, but she came back and realized that the relationship will not work. Please women, let that be your first sign that something's wrong with these men. I was in Nigeria last year and I had to an internet cafe because the printer at home was not working. I was stunned seeing several men chatting with American women and laughing and talking about the (JACKPOT) they've hit. If they are constantly in the internet cafe that means they are sometimes juggling multiple internet relationships to see which one comes through. If your potential Boy friend is constantly surrounded by women, that's a problem.

I'll say this, "yes" I've had a privileged life and I'm grateful for everything God has done for me and I realize not too many Nigerians are as fortunate. My wife has counselled many of our friends who are enamored by Nigerian men and have been heart broken. I am not saying that there are no good men in Nigeria, but it requires a lot of due diligence on your part before venturing into any relationship. Do you know his parents, do you know extended family members, have you met his friends, what does he or she do for a living, ask other Nigerians (Nigeria is a big country, but everyone knows everyone)? Ask for your family's thoughts before you embark on such a journey.

My wife and I have spent the last five years predominantly in the East Coast and most of our friends (Nigerian men are still happily married to American women). I recently did a quick survey of these relationships and notcied the following common threads. The men and their wives tend to be very active in their respective churches and are well educated (MBA, Dr or Attorneys). I also fall into this particular bucket (MBA and my wife is an attorney). I am not saying this is a recipe for a successful marriage, no by no means. Your Christianity comes into play when your relationship is under strain and you can both fall on your knees to pray about it. The first year of marriage was very difficult for us, we were in counseling all the time. We were laughing this week about how far we've come and especially now that were parent's. Education helps because it allows the conversation about very difficult topics to be amicable and encourages communication. My wife access to all our bank accounts, phone records, email accounts and every other information she needs. I do not hide anything from her, she's the first person I go to about an problems. I am not a party animal, I am happiest when I am home with our son and my wife. I always come straight home from work, if I need to stay behind to socialize for work functions, I tell in advance and the only time we are seperated is when I have to travel for business trips. Let me add this, I 90% of the cleaning at home, my wife has not worked in a year and we are still happy and financially stable. I thank God for all the success I've had, and I am very grateful for the support I've had from my wife. An African Proverb states (Behind every successful man is his wife ). Let me add that my wife is closer to my family than I am when I think about it. My aunts who I never call, always call her and I type this email my father is visiting from Nigeria and she's been killing him with her Cajun cooking .

To all you going through difficult times, we'll pray for you that the Lord will heal your marriages and grant you the grace to to forgive your spouse. For those of you relationships, please pray and be very observant if you notice anything funny confront the man and if you don't get a good enough answer (PLEASE WALK AWAY). Thank you ladies for being very honest and forthcoming.

Nigerla

Edited June 30, 2011 by NigerLA

[His Glory 25]

Whoa!!!

I occasionally come to VJ to read the discussions from this section and happened to stumble on this very interesting topic. I've read through most of the pages and responses and I've been very moved by the comments.

Nigerla

Wow! Thank you so much for this. Very kind of u.

[S_R 148]

Whoa!!!

I occasionally come to VJ to read the discussions from this section and happened to stumble on this very interesting topic. I've read through most of the pages and responses and I've been very moved by the comments.

I am a Nigerian man happily married to an American woman for about five years now. Let me start, by apologizing to all the women who've been hurt by the actions of African men in general. My wife and I did not meet over the internet like a lot of people here and I have no idea how that process works. I've lived in the U.S.A for over 14 years; came here as an International Student and met my wife seven years ago at our church in NYC. The truth is no marriage is easy, and we've had our ups and downs along the way, but I LOVE my wife and know that I married the one woman in the world who was meant for me.

I'll say this, I've been very hesitant to say this but I feel like I must "BE SKEPTICAL ABOUT DATING AFRICAN MEN ONLINE". I am African and I can say emphatically, that 90% of these relationships will not end well. My wife and I knew a lady from our church who was dating (online) this particular guy online and she mentioned his name to me and I asked a friend about him. The first words out of my friends mouth, were tell her to run. I did not know how to tell her that without offending her and turned to prayer (asking God to give her wisdom in the relationship). She actually made the trip to visit him in Nigeria and he bled her dry. She ended up paying for every single thing because he always had one excuse or another, but she came back and realized that the relationship will not work. Please women, let that be your first sign that something's wrong with these men. I was in Nigeria last year and I had to an internet cafe because the printer at home was not working. I was stunned seeing several men chatting with American women and laughing and talking about the (JACKPOT) they've hit. If they are constantly in the internet cafe that means they are sometimes juggling multiple internet relationships to see which one comes through. If your potential Boy friend is constantly surrounded by women, that's a problem.

I'll say this, "yes" I've had a privileged life and I'm grateful for everything God has done for me and I realize not too many Nigerians are as fortunate. My wife has counselled many of our friends who are enamored by Nigerian men and have been heart broken. I am not saying that there are no good men in Nigeria, but it requires a lot of due diligence on your part before venturing into any relationship. Do you know his parents, do you know extended family members, have you met his friends, what does he or she do for a living, ask other Nigerians (Nigeria is a big country, but everyone knows everyone)? Ask for your family's thoughts before you embark on such a journey.

My wife and I have spent the last five years predominantly in the East Coast and most of our friends (Nigerian men are still happily married to American women). I recently did a quick survey of these relationships and notcied the following common threads. The men and their wives tend to be very active in their respective churches and are well educated (MBA, Dr or Attorneys). I also fall into this particular bucket (MBA and my wife is an attorney). I am not saying this is a recipe for a successful marriage, no by no means. Your Christianity comes into play when your relationship is under strain and you can both fall on your knees to pray about it. The first year of marriage was very difficult for us, we were in counseling all the time. We were laughing this week about how far we've come and especially now that were parent's. Education helps because it allows the conversation about very difficult topics to be amicable and encourages communication. My wife access to all our bank accounts, phone records, email accounts and every other information she needs. I do not hide anything from her, she's the first person I go to about an problems. I am not a party animal, I am happiest when I am home with our son and my wife. I always come straight home from work, if I need to stay behind to socialize for work functions, I tell in advance and the only time we are seperated is when I have to travel for business trips. Let me add this, I 90% of the cleaning at home, my wife has not worked in a year and we are still happy and financially stable. I thank God for all the success I've had, and I am very grateful for the support I've had from my wife. An African Proverb states (Behind every successful man is his wife ). Let me add that my wife is closer to my family than I am when I think about it. My aunts who I never call, always call her and I type this email my father is visiting from Nigeria and she's been killing him with her Cajun cooking .

To all you going through difficult times, we'll pray for you that the Lord will heal your marriages and grant you the grace to to forgive your spouse. For those of you relationships, please pray and be very observant if you notice anything funny confront the man and if you don't get a good enough answer (PLEASE WALK AWAY). Thank you ladies for being very honest and forthcoming.

Nigerla

Hey Nigerla,

You made some very valid points... but i would caution when it comes to generalizations such as this & i quote ;"BE SKEPTICAL ABOUT DATING AFRICAN MEN ONLINE" .

There are 47 countries on the African continent , including the disputed territory of Western Sahara . However, the islands off the coast are also usually listed as African, bringing the total to 53.

Some sources do not count all of the island countries as African, so the total number fluctuates. It is important to remember that they all have diverse populations and cultural traditions

and you SIR are not in any position to make such a general statement unless of course you have had first hand interactions with the men in these countries. Just my 2cents

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Hey Nigerla,

You made some very valid points... but i would caution when it comes to generalizations such as this & i quote ;"BE SKEPTICAL ABOUT DATING AFRICAN MEN ONLINE" .

There are 47 countries on the African continent , including the disputed territory of Western Sahara . However, the islands off the coast are also usually listed as African, bringing the total to 53.

Some sources do not count all of the island countries as African, so the total number fluctuates. It is important to remember that they all have diverse populations and cultural traditions

and you SIR are not in any position to make such a general statement unless of course you have had first hand interactions with the men in these countries. Just my 2cents

Actually you should beware any internet suitor that spends way more time online than his/her position in life should allow for. If you are dealing with someone from a third world country that has a less than top tier job it is quite likely that they have turned internet spouse mining into their job. These people with lay out the most glorious string of love gestures to you ( and others). Americans tend no be non verbal about their feelings and are easy prey for the "we are meant for other " and yahoo falling hearts. I personally know more than one woman how have fallen head over heels for such and even when their "lover" is caught red handed they will fall for excuses like "my brother was using my account "

[S_R 148]

Actually you should beware any internet suitor that spends way more time online than his/her position in life should allow for. If you are dealing with someone from a third world country that has a less than top tier job it is quite likely that they have turned internet spouse mining into their job. These people with lay out the most glorious string of love gestures to you ( and others). Americans tend no be non verbal about their feelings and are easy prey for the "we are meant for other " and yahoo falling hearts. I personally know more than one woman how have fallen head over heels for such and even when their "lover" is caught red handed they will fall for excuses like "my brother was using my account "

Nigeriaorbust

why r u quoting ma comments? whats the correlation between what you have said and my post?