Sharing some red flags

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

After a long day at work all reply buttons look too much alike

[atl2012 1]

From your response here I can almost conclude you are one of JWs like myself. If that is correct I have suggestions for others to avoid this kind of situation. There are several ways of getting things done properly here in Nigeria. You can actually find out if the person you are contemplating to marry is real or a mere pretender. We belong to congregation and we know that elders can sometimes be involved in things like these. They can verify so many things for us. I am sure you understand what i am trying to say, provided you are a JW.

This is very true. I had my elders call his elders in Nigeria first hand to do a little background check. The Elders are wonderful!!

[atl2012 1]

hello Ayodeb!

My hubby is indeed a JW, confirmed and verified way before I decided to go to Nigeria. My hubby was a Ministerial Servant and gave the Sunday discourse the week i was there at the KH. I think the bigger issue is internet dating is a huge risk. This just goes to show you no matter what religion you profess to be, there are people who may be living a double life. His family is filled with very spiritual people. His parents are full time pioneers and he and his sister both attended pioneer school together. The bible warns us to watch our association both out and in of the congregation. My elders also got his records from the branch office. Oh is is as real a JW as I am. Society has warned us to stay away from internet dating. unfortunately i thought i could beat the odds without consequences.

Thanks for the post

Thanks for sharing. I am a JW as well about to start a process with another JW in Nigeria. All your post have really been helping me.... Thanks

[atl2012 1]

I would like to take the time to post a little something.......I think no one ever knows for sure if things are going to work out in a long distence relationship such as ours until our husband or wife gets here to the states.......Yes there are plenty of warning signs before it gets that far....However let me say there are also signs to let you know this could be for real......in my case the signs that I looked at was how he treated me when I was there....did I have his attention? did he enjoy being with me? was he embarresed of me? Yes I am a plus size.....well let me tell you this ......The moment I got off the plan really told me a lot and is something I will never forget......Once I got within his reach....He grabbbed me and pulled me close and gave me such a kiss that would have even embarresed me here in the states......He would not let go of me from the airport all the way home......we did get married there and afterward we stayed with his family......while there he washed my clothes and took care of my ever need.....I got seprated from my clothes that I had brought with me so him and his family bought me traditonal clothes......when we went out to walk around he always went with me holding my hand and even holding my dress up so I would not fall.....He kept reminding me I was in Nigeria........there was a couple of times I had decided to talk a walk with his aunt....I was maybe out the door for five min......he came looking for me.....said he could not sleep knowing that I was not there with him.....next time I went out was to go visit a women that had just had a baby and due to rain we got stuck there for over an hour till the rain stopped.....when I arrived back to the house I found him sleeping with pictures of our wedding laying all around him as he slept......I asked him what he was doing......He said he just wanted to feel close to me even though I was not there.......those were the moments that let me know that this was for real.....words can not express how this man has taken care of me since he has been here......we have gone through a lot and he has been right there by my side.....we have lost 3 preg. and now losing a foster child that we had taken in trying to help the grandmother of this little girl.....He has and is right there by my side through it all......I Thank Jehovah every day that I married this man....I also Thank him for not letting me fall into the wrong hands which I could have done so very easily.....Always depending on Jehovah and trusting him 100% is the key....

THIS IS WONDERFUL NEWS. MAY JEHOVAH CONTINUE TO BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE. AGAPE'

[dwheels76 5,463]

I would like to take the time to post a little something.......I think no one ever knows for sure if things are going to work out in a long distence relationship such as ours until our husband or wife gets here to the states.......Yes there are plenty of warning signs before it gets that far....However let me say there are also signs to let you know this could be for real......in my case the signs that I looked at was how he treated me when I was there....did I have his attention? did he enjoy being with me? was he embarresed of me? Yes I am a plus size.....well let me tell you this ......The moment I got off the plan really told me a lot and is something I will never forget......Once I got within his reach....He grabbbed me and pulled me close and gave me such a kiss that would have even embarresed me here in the states......He would not let go of me from the airport all the way home......we did get married there and afterward we stayed with his family......while there he washed my clothes and took care of my ever need.....I got seprated from my clothes that I had brought with me so him and his family bought me traditonal clothes......when we went out to walk around he always went with me holding my hand and even holding my dress up so I would not fall.....He kept reminding me I was in Nigeria........there was a couple of times I had decided to talk a walk with his aunt....I was maybe out the door for five min......he came looking for me.....said he could not sleep knowing that I was not there with him.....next time I went out was to go visit a women that had just had a baby and due to rain we got stuck there for over an hour till the rain stopped.....when I arrived back to the house I found him sleeping with pictures of our wedding laying all around him as he slept......I asked him what he was doing......He said he just wanted to feel close to me even though I was not there.......those were the moments that let me know that this was for real.....words can not express how this man has taken care of me since he has been here......we have gone through a lot and he has been right there by my side.....we have lost 3 preg. and now losing a foster child that we had taken in trying to help the grandmother of this little girl.....He has and is right there by my side through it all......I Thank Jehovah every day that I married this man....I also Thank him for not letting me fall into the wrong hands which I could have done so very easily.....Always depending on Jehovah and trusting him 100% is the key....

Thank you for posting something so uplifting and positive. I swear your husband and mine are cut out the same blessed fabric. It's so good to see such a love story unfolding to give the world the good side of romance. Of course there are red flags everywhere for every nationality. My husband was reading some of these threads and had to just walk away shake his head and say you should respond with red flag if he's tall, short, fat, skinny, cute, ugly, poor, rich, black, white. I feel when you seek God and get his stamp of approval he will make it all good and well.

Really happy for you and pray for a house full of babies and love forever. Bless you.

[MAO36 30]

Thanks for sharing. I am a JW as well about to start a process with another JW in Nigeria. All your post have really been helping me.... Thanks

Hello Renda21!

Thanks for posting!! you are very welcome! Anything you can take away from this thread is a wonderful thing. This is the story of MY life right now, I've revealed my journey for those who might be looking for feedback. Your journey may be smooth sailing and I hope and pray it is. Take what you can and use it for your advantage. All the best on your journey! For those who have made it through with very little hiccups, my smile is as wide as the sea for you. See ya!

Agape!

[MAO36 30]

All red flags are welcomed! Thanks again all for posting your own personal red flags. Again, I 've learned so much and continue to be educated from all of the wonderful posts.

Thanks again my VJ Family. No matter what, we're in this journey together. As mentioned before, if you've helped one person then the mission has been accomplished from this thread.

Hubby and I are still together and trying to work through things. I'm sorry my story couldn't be full of wedded bliss so as not to bring on any negative connotations to the thread. I believe most members know I posted my private life on a public site out of love and concern for others and nothing more. It's been a long hard road in MY journey but it HAS indeed made me stronger and wiser. Thanks to all and I continue to want nothing but the best for all of you, especially my Sisters.

See ya!

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

MOA36, your post has helped all kinds of people, Nigerians or otherwise. Thanks for being so open with your life's facts. You have put things in prospective for many of us on VJ with your thoughts and facts about "red flags" in relationships.

Everyone has a red flag or two in their relationship, with a Nigerian or otherwise. There are no guarantees with long distance relationships. For the matter of fact, there are no guarantees even with relationships established with a mile from each other.

No one knows the long term of any relationship accept God himself. It boils down to having faith in God, in each other, and the desire to make the relationship work, regardless of all or any of the RED FLAGS, or the obstacles and mistakes encountered along the way. It is about accepting responsibility when needed and making things right, when given the chance. NO one is perfect, no relationship is perfect and marriage, love and commitment is hard work. It requires continued work from both partners on daily bases to succeed.

When all is said and done, your courage to post your situation, and its reality, has touched many lives and helped couples who have similar situations, to look beyond the pain, the anger, the blame...and the guilt, and find love, forgiveness, healing and the strength within to look beyond the encountered, and look forward to a better day. With your faith in God, you have shown us with patience and forgiveness it can be done. With or without "red flags" when one works on themselves first, and learn to love themselves, then finding happiness is in progress.

Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers, and honesty. God bless and make your life's journey a happy one.

[MAO36 30]

MOA36, your post has helped all kinds of people, Nigerians or otherwise. Thanks for being so open with your life's facts. You have put things in prospective for many of us on VJ with your thoughts and facts about "red flags" in relationships.

Everyone has a red flag or two in their relationship, with a Nigerian or otherwise. There are no guarantees with long distance relationships. For the matter of fact, there are no guarantees even with relationships established with a mile from each other.

No one knows the long term of any relationship accept God himself. It boils down to having faith in God, in each other, and the desire to make the relationship work, regardless of all or any of the RED FLAGS, or the obstacles and mistakes encountered along the way. It is about accepting responsibility when needed and making things right, when given the chance. NO one is perfect, no relationship is perfect and marriage, love and commitment is hard work. It requires continued work from both partners on daily bases to succeed.

When all is said and done, your courage to post your situation, and its reality, has touched many lives and helped couples who have similar situations, to look beyond the pain, the anger, the blame...and the guilt, and find love, forgiveness, healing and the strength within to look beyond the encountered, and look forward to a better day. With your faith in God, you have shown us with patience and forgiveness it can be done. With or without "red flags" when one works on themselves first, and learn to love themselves, then finding happiness is in progress.

Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers, and honesty. God bless and make your life's journey a happy one.

Awwww Girl! ***wiping the tears from my eyes***** It was my pleasure. You are the one who inspired me to write about my unusual journey. I am not ashamed, I am no longer troubled, I don't have to hide anything. Everything you posted was spot on! This was my life and i had to share it. I take full responsibility for marrying a complete stranger. August 9TH will be our 4 year anniversary and I still don't know this man! how sick is that? I mean yes I know him but not all the "ins and outs" the way a wife should know her husband. We are still on the roller coaster ride as we speak. Thank God there hasn't been anymore infidelity that has come to light. We are going for some serious counseling from many angles to make this work. Even after that, there are still no guarantees. This past week has been nice. We have been communicating better than we had been for a long time. I made a vow that know matter which way it finalizes, I will not lose my temper and become enraged. This thing called marriage has taught me that even if someone has completed offended you, do not allow yourself to become in such a provoked state that you lose all senses. We both know that our marriage is stil on the rocks. There is no more room for any other affairs, "None". Personally I could take it or leave it most times BUT, we have decided to give counseling a try as well as having a couple from our place of worship who have been married for many years, spend some time with us, studying the bible and just teaching me how to be a capable wife and this man how to be an honest, trustworthy, head of his wife.

Thanks again Girl!!

I'm also thinking about the success you so deserve!

Love ya!

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

As always you rise above things with faith. Best wishes my friend in all the things life brings your way. May you find the happiness which you are so worthy of, and deserve completely. I appreciate your candid openness and for sharing your story with us. In the process many have been helped, and many have found relief knowing they are not alone. Either way, I still think that Nigerian you are married to better appreciate you and praise God for having you.

God bless.

[MAO36 30]

Either way, I still think that Nigerian you are married to better appreciate you and praise God for having you.

God bless.

Thanks Love! He certainly better before it's too late

[MAO36 30]

HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VISA FAM!

I really hope things are going well for everyone! I really do. Things are going fairly well with us. We've gotten a little closer, there's still a lot of work ahead of us in terms of understanding one another better and getting comfortable with his thought process on matters. He's doing well spiritually. The Elders have been praying with him and providing him with bible based direction to get to the root of his past actions and so forth. I realize without God in your marriage, especially these foreign marriages, you have NO chance of success. That three fold cord is the only thing that can sustain the marriage when divorce seems unavoidable. I still would not do this again if I had a choice. I feel like marraiage is hard enough already in the times we are living in with someone here in the states. One can only imagine how much harder it is with someone you married under non-traditional circumstances. Nonetheless at times the love is strong, at times I'm frustrated at myself for not knowing him well enough before making one of the biggest decisions in life, but he has come a long way and continues to make progress. He wants to make it work and most times so do I. Only time will tell-God willing.

SEE YA!!!

[naijaboy 16]

HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VISA FAM!

I really hope things are going well for everyone! I really do. Things are going fairly well with us. We've gotten a little closer, there's still a lot of work ahead of us in terms of understanding one another better and getting comfortable with his thought process on matters. He's doing well spiritually. The Elders have been praying with him and providing him with bible based direction to get to the root of his past actions and so forth. I realize without God in your marriage, especially these foreign marriages, you have NO chance of success. That three fold cord is the only thing that can sustain the marriage when divorce seems unavoidable. I still would not do this again if I had a choice. I feel like marraiage is hard enough already in the times we are living in with someone here in the states. One can only imagine how much harder it is with someone you married under non-traditional circumstances. Nonetheless at times the love is strong, at times I'm frustrated at myself for not knowing him well enough before making one of the biggest decisions in life, but he has come a long way and continues to make progress. He wants to make it work and most times so do I. Only time will tell-God willing.

SEE YA!!!

:thumbs: