I feel like crying. Guh.

[rebeccajo 14]

I have a reversal of this for you. Imagine being one of the VSC'ers and trying to still be a member of this community. That was the situation for us. I remember trying SO HARD to never complain, to always be upbeat. I was almost embarrassed to post and occasionally I would get some nasty snarky comment about being a Vermont petitioner - it was almost as if we weren't welcome.

It was nearly as painful for me to watch my 'classmates' take so long to process as it was for them. I would feel so bad for them. I too felt it was unfair. I was ever so grateful for my own good fortune, but I really and truly felt terrible for those with other service centers. Back then, I should note that Nebraska was the 'offender' - now that's changed.

Just keep in mind that immigration is never done - not unless you naturalize and even then, that's many years down the road. Each step can bring challenges. We now await my husband's greencard. Our interview was March 9 and we still don't have it - his FBI clearance is not complete.

So just because people have the 'luck' of Vermont doesn't mean they won't have a hiccup later on. It's just this process - I hate to say it but you sort of get used to it after a while. If nothing else it helps teach patience with lifes other little troubles.

Wow, you must live a privileged life. . . . you had to wait an entire 22 days from the day you sent the petition in the mail to receiving the NOA2. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIGN ABOUT!!!

_

106 days and counting . . . . that is 84 more days than you!

.

That was nice.

[Kirsten L 0]

Kirsten L, you filed on August 1st and you are already feeling discouraged! You have a long way to go yet!

As for you, spiritee, do you mean to imply that my feelings are not valid because I haven't been in the visa line as long as you? I haven't seen my fiancé in seven and a half months already, regardless of my filing date. And there's a lot more going on in my life right now that you have no idea about that contributes to my feeling discouraged about the long wait that likely lies ahead. I would respectfully and politely request that you simply respect the feelings of myself and others on this board by keeping smug and self-satisfied comments to yourself. Emotions are emotions. Everyone has a right to their own. And you are not the arbiter of such things.

[rebeccajo 14]

Kirsten I hope you didn't misunderstand my post. It wasn't meant to be a lecture or admonishment in any way.

I was only expressing my recollections of how it felt to be a 'Vermonter' and watch my peers have to wait. It felt awful.

And I was also just trying to give you an idea of what your 'immigration future' may be like. Yes it is true that at least you are united with your loved one during AOS. It's hard for me to explain sometimes. Think of it like this - that's when 'real life' sets in. That's the time when waiting on immigration sometimes literally means not being able to work (and thus pay your bills) because you're waiting on an EAD. Or waiting to travel home for some family emergency because your AP isn't in yet. It means finding out that you can't qualify for a mortgage because a greencard isn't in. Theres load of little 'everyday' nuances that immigration hassles can add to your 'real life' once you are a 'real couple'. And those things cause stress.

It's just another perspective and something for you to ponder. It wasn't meant to be a put down in any way.

Rebeccajo,

I think, in fact, that I may have misunderstood you slightly. Your clarification helped me a lot. In any event, I wasn't really terribly upset--just wanted to clarify my point of view. It's true that due to a lot of bad news and stress of various sorts in the last couple of weeks, I'm particularly sensitive and pretty discouraged at the moment. That may well be a contributing factor in why I read your post in such a way that it felt a little like I was being lectured. Not your fault or your intent, obviously. Just happened due to my state of mind. If anything that I said contributed to any worry or sadness on your part, I hope this post will sweep it away. I very much appreciate your point of view and your contributionss. Again, thanks for your communication.

Eh, it's ok. I'm a big girl. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings. This process is stressful enough without those of us here upsetting each other. You're probably feeling particularly crummy as it's been so long since you've seen your man. Wes and I were dreadful at being apart - we thought about doing a K3 or CR1 but we just didn't want to be separated. Now that we see what's happened with his name check, even though the CR1 is probably the best visa to get (IMHO because AOS is already done) I'm really glad we didn't do it. It'll be 6 months this coming Saturday since we had his interview and nearly 10 months since we filed. If that kind of delay had entered into our actual visa process - well I would have been nuts.

It is hard to describe how things change once you are finally together. Oh for sure, it's better to be together. But when you are separated, you tend to think that as a couple you are invincible - while it's true that two are always stronger than one, the regular everyday grind is hard on a marriage. When you throw in the curves of immigration, like the single example of waiting for work permits - well it's almost as if it's a system designed to try these marriages to the very edge of commitment.

I can tell you this. You may find it hard to believe, but this separation you are experiencing now is part of the very glue that will hold you together later on. When you've been married a while, and he's left dirty socks on the floor, sugar on the counters, or done some other thing to just drive you mad - try to remember what it was like to live without his presence in your life. It helps put things in perspective. It'll still your tongue - at least enough so you don't wring his neck! And over time, it will be part of your story. Part of what you will tell your friends, your children, and your grandchildren.

Cass, sorry to hijack your thread. I hope this helps you too.

Edited September 7, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Kirsten L 0]

Eh, it's ok. I'm a big girl. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings. This process is stressful enough without those of us here upsetting each other. You're probably feeling particularly crummy as it's been so long since you've seen your man. Wes and I were dreadful at being apart - we thought about doing a K3 or CR1 but we just didn't want to be separated. Now that we see what's happened with his name check, even though the CR1 is probably the best visa to get (IMHO because AOS is already done) I'm really glad we didn't do it. It'll be 6 months this coming Saturday since we had his interview and nearly 10 months since we filed. If that kind of delay had entered into our actual visa process - well I would have been nuts.

It is hard to describe how things change once you are finally together. Oh for sure, it's better to be together. But when you are separated, you tend to think that as a couple you are invincible - while it's true that two are always stronger than one, the regular everyday grind is hard on a marriage. When you throw in the curves of immigration, like the single example of waiting for work permits - well it's almost as if it's a system designed to try these marriages to the very edge of commitment.

I can tell you this. You may find it hard to believe, but this separation you are experiencing now is part of the very glue that will hold you together later on. When you've been married a while, and he's left dirty socks on the floor, sugar on the counters, or done some other thing to just drive you mad - try to remember what it was like to live without his presence in your life. It helps put things in perspective. It'll still your tongue - at least enough so you don't wring his neck! And over time, it will be part of your story. Part of what you will tell your friends, your children, and your grandchildren.

Cass, sorry to hijack your thread. I hope this helps you too.

You know, Rebeccajo, you're absolutely right about what you say. And most of the points you raise I'm usually pretty good at believing myself. In fact, as a woman of faith, I'm even convinced that God has a reason for everything that happens in life. He may not cause everything that occurs, but He allows certain things because He knows He can use them for good--however cruddy they may feel at the time. Like I said, I'll bounce back soon. My attitude will adjust back to where it needs to be. I'm a tough cookie. Been through lots, lots worse than this in my life. Yeah, it's just that right now I'm temporarily feeling a little beaten down and, you guessed it, lonesome for someone I haven't even had a chance to look in the eye, much less hold, in what is beginning to feel like an eternity. Thanks for understanding so well and for your wise words. I'm glad you're around, Rebeccajo. Truly I am.

And Cass, my apologies to you, likewise, if I've in any way hogged your moment of venting. You just struck a chord that resonated loudly in me. So I chimed right in.

[spiritee 0]

Wow Kirsten,

Well excuse me, I was not making a smug comment I merely think that at this early on in the process to be complaining is rather pointless when there have been people waiting for months. I am five months pregnant but I do not have time to ###### and waste energy complaining about the process as I recognise that I am dealing with bureaucracy and my complaining is not going to speed up the process. You are telling me to keep my comments to myself yet you are on here complaining because you have not been approved in a month! Please get a grip, and trust me I can bet that 95% of the people on here have problems that is life.

Kirsten L, you filed on August 1st and you are already feeling discouraged! You have a long way to go yet!

As for you, spiritee, do you mean to imply that my feelings are not valid because I haven't been in the visa line as long as you? I haven't seen my fiancé in seven and a half months already, regardless of my filing date. And there's a lot more going on in my life right now that you have no idea about that contributes to my feeling discouraged about the long wait that likely lies ahead. I would respectfully and politely request that you simply respect the feelings of myself and others on this board by keeping smug and self-satisfied comments to yourself. Emotions are emotions. Everyone has a right to their own. And you are not the arbiter of such things.

[ready4ONE 5,400]

Wow Kirsten,

Well excuse me, I was not making a smug comment I merely think that at this early on in the process to be complaining is rather pointless when there have been people waiting for months. I am five months pregnant but I do not have time to ###### and waste energy complaining about the process as I recognise that I am dealing with bureaucracy and my complaining is not going to speed up the process. You are telling me to keep my comments to myself yet you are on here complaining because you have not been approved in a month! Please get a grip, and trust me I can bet that 95% of the people on here have problems that is life.

Kirsten L, you filed on August 1st and you are already feeling discouraged! You have a long way to go yet!

As for you, spiritee, do you mean to imply that my feelings are not valid because I haven't been in the visa line as long as you? I haven't seen my fiancé in seven and a half months already, regardless of my filing date. And there's a lot more going on in my life right now that you have no idea about that contributes to my feeling discouraged about the long wait that likely lies ahead. I would respectfully and politely request that you simply respect the feelings of myself and others on this board by keeping smug and self-satisfied comments to yourself. Emotions are emotions. Everyone has a right to their own. And you are not the arbiter of such things.

spiritee you do seem to be lashing out.

Even those of us who filed just a month ago have reason to be concerned and/or depressed as to our prospects of approval via CSC. And yes, some such as yourself at VSC get the same horrendous delay in approval. I for one did not go into this expecting instant approval and am keeping my hopes alive that perhaps we will get lucky.

But those such as yourselves who have gone before and experienced unreasonable delays in approval do make it hard to always be chipper even after waiting just a month. The sympathy I feel for those who have experienced long delays in approval, such as yourself, creates exactly the feeling which leads to the fear it could happen to us...

Kirsten is, in my experience, a kind and thoughtful person. Perhaps you could make some effort to be perceived that way yourself?

[spiritee 0]

Ready4one, I was not lashing out I was responding to someone saying that I should keep my feelings to myself and not post!

When we entered the K1 process we knew it was going to be a long ride so expecting an approval after a month would have been silly. Jealousy is an ugly thing and just because others are getting approved does not mean a thing, be happy for them your time will come.

“Kirsten is, in my experience, a kind and thoughtful person”- Gosh you don’t even know her, from what she has written on here I do not perceive her as that only irrational and impatient and jealous. Her opening line to me was “ As for you” !!

Thank you for your comment, but if you honestly believe that I care how others perceive me you are truly mistaken. I tell it how it is and lets be realistic here, there are people who have been waiting for months to be approved so one month is nothing to complain about.

Wow Kirsten,

Well excuse me, I was not making a smug comment I merely think that at this early on in the process to be complaining is rather pointless when there have been people waiting for months. I am five months pregnant but I do not have time to ###### and waste energy complaining about the process as I recognise that I am dealing with bureaucracy and my complaining is not going to speed up the process. You are telling me to keep my comments to myself yet you are on here complaining because you have not been approved in a month! Please get a grip, and trust me I can bet that 95% of the people on here have problems that is life.

Kirsten L, you filed on August 1st and you are already feeling discouraged! You have a long way to go yet!

As for you, spiritee, do you mean to imply that my feelings are not valid because I haven't been in the visa line as long as you? I haven't seen my fiancé in seven and a half months already, regardless of my filing date. And there's a lot more going on in my life right now that you have no idea about that contributes to my feeling discouraged about the long wait that likely lies ahead. I would respectfully and politely request that you simply respect the feelings of myself and others on this board by keeping smug and self-satisfied comments to yourself. Emotions are emotions. Everyone has a right to their own. And you are not the arbiter of such things.

spiritee you do seem to be lashing out.

Even those of us who filed just a month ago have reason to be concerned and/or depressed as to our prospects of approval via CSC. And yes, some such as yourself at VSC get the same horrendous delay in approval. I for one did not go into this expecting instant approval and am keeping my hopes alive that perhaps we will get lucky.

But those such as yourselves who have gone before and experienced unreasonable delays in approval do make it hard to always be chipper even after waiting just a month. The sympathy I feel for those who have experienced long delays in approval, such as yourself, creates exactly the feeling which leads to the fear it could happen to us...

Kirsten is, in my experience, a kind and thoughtful person. Perhaps you could make some effort to be perceived that way yourself?

[Sheriff Uling 3]

bebop + rocksteady - I have wanted to post my opinion on this particular thread but never have until now. I understand where you are coming from but your time will come (like someone was kind enough to write to me). Truly rejoice in the success of others only makes your success that much sweeter. There have been folks here that appear to be down right bitter (IMO) when others receive their NOA2 because of the unacceptable delays in their case. Maybe it's human nature or maybe it's just their personalities. Who really knows. I just wish that people weren't like that...

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

Edited September 7, 2006 by Uling

[spiritee 0]

Fantastic post Uling. You have hit the nail on the head. I believe that people who get depressed about the process probably get depressed about other things in their lives. They are viewing the glass as half empty rather than half full. I am being positive about the whole thing rather than allowing it to eat me up I am looking forward to knowing that my fiancée and I will finally be together whether it takes 3 month or 6 months.

bebop + rocksteady - I have wanted to post my opinion on this particular thread but never have until now. I understand where you are coming from but your time will come (like someone was kind enough to write to me). Truly rejoice in the success of others only makes your success that much sweeter. There have been folks here that appear to be down right bitter (IMO) when others receive their NOA2 because of the unacceptable delays in their case. Maybe it's human nature or maybe it's just their personalities. Who really knows. I just wish that people weren't like that...

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

[Kirsten L 0]

Let me try one more time. I'd really like to think there's a way to make myself understood...though that means, spiritee that you will have to move beyond what I think is a very sensitive spot for you so that you can truly hear what I'm saying. We're all sensitive right now. That means we all have to work extra hard. Me included. So here goes...

Ready4one, I was not lashing out I was responding to someone saying that I should keep my feelings to myself and not post!

If that's what you got from what I said, then I think you're really misunderstanding me. I have no problem with you expressing your feelings, spiritee. I simply have a problem with you implying or telling others that they do not really have a right to theirs. Like I said, feelings are feelings, and everyone is entitled to theirs--and to the respectful expression of those feelings. I think I did that. I said, "Hey, I'm delighted for these people. I congratulate them personally. At the same time, I get this sinking feeling thinking about what my own timeline is going to look like." I think that's normal. All I'm gonna say.

When we entered the K1 process we knew it was going to be a long ride so expecting an approval after a month would have been silly. Jealousy is an ugly thing and just because others are getting approved does not mean a thing, be happy for them your time will come.

I, too, knew that this could be a long ride. I didn't expect approval in a month, either. I think that's why it was such a shock to the system when I started seeing other people receiving those sorts of speedy NOA2s. Again, it wasn't that I wasn't happy for those people. I absolutely WAS and AM! But you can be happy for someone else and sad for yourself at the same time. Differing feelings coexist within the same person all the time. I think it's o.k. to be honest about that. I'm not bashing anyone. I'm supporting a whole lot of Vermonters and anyone else who gets approvals. I always send a personal message to say, "WONDERFUL! FANTASTIC! CONGRATULATIONS!" with lots of happy emoticons. Go back and look. I'm not the guilty party you're accusing me of being.

Gosh you don’t even know her, from what she has written on here I do not perceive her as that only irrational and impatient and jealous. Her opening line to me was “ As for you” !!

I wrote "as for you" only because I had just written to Rebeccajo and was trying to differentiate between two thoughts to two different people. I thought it would all end up in the same post, but others ended up posting in between my two thoughts. It therefore came across as condescending in a way I didn't mean it to be. I see now that it was a poor way to begin. I apologize for an opening that must have felt inflammatory.

ready4ONE is my filing buddy. And I consider him my friend. I think he understands me. If you don't want to listen to him as a character reference, I guess you don't have to. I can't make you. Neither can he. But I do appreciate beyond measure his words in my defense: “Kirsten is, in my experience, a kind and thoughtful person”

Thank you for your comment, but if you honestly believe that I care how others perceive me you are truly mistaken.

I think that may be a big part of the problem here. If you don't care how others perceive you, then I'm guessing you're not working that hard to communicate. You're just spewing. And that doesn't really work in an environment like this. We need you to care at least a little how you're coming across. I'm going back and looking at what I said and did in an effort to make this all right. I need you to do the same. It's a two way street. Can you do this with me?

I tell it how it is and lets be realistic here, there are people who have been waiting for months to be approved so one month is nothing to complain about.

Well, you're telling only part of how it is, spiritee. And that's fine. But people like Cass and myself were politely expressing another part of how it is. You seemed to indicate that we didn't have a right to express that part. It felt very much like I was being told that until I've been in line for ages and ages, I'm expected to just put up and shut up. That doesn't feel much like a supportive community to me...and I think that's what VJ is supposed to be...supportive.

Again, regardless of filing date, we all have our situations and our feelings. There's nothing wrong with that. I applaud Cass for having the courage to say out loud what she was feeling in a way that I and many others could relate to and understand. If you don't understand, o.k., but I really don't think it's fair or realistic to expect that we shouldn't be allowed to say where we're at. Again, I haven't seen my fiancé in seven and a half months now. That's already a long time, and I'm just at the beginning of the filing process. It is depressing for me. I have no way to get to him for visits...nor he to me. It's very hard. Please try to understand. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation, as well. It must be terrible to be pregnant and be without your partner. I'm really very sorry. Let's support and hear each other in our respective situations rather than escalating a conflict.

Well excuse me, I was not making a smug comment I merely think that at this early on in the process to be complaining is rather pointless when there have been people waiting for months.

Again, I don't think it is pointless to feel any way at all. I think feelings are feelings, and it's o.k. for people to feel what they do about their particular situation--and to express those feelings and experiences in a respectful way. I believe I did just that.

I am five months pregnant but I do not have time to ###### and waste energy complaining about the process as I recognise that I am dealing with bureaucracy and my complaining is not going to speed up the process. You are telling me to keep my comments to myself yet you are on here complaining because you have not been approved in a month! Please get a grip, and trust me I can bet that 95% of the people on here have problems that is life.

Again, your situation must be very difficult. I can understand that you must have a very hard time yourself going through this process. I never asked you to keep your situation to yourself--or your feelings. I only respectfully asked you to keep to yourself comments which seemed to deny others the right to express what they were thinking and feeling. Everyone else has a story, too...and feelings about that story, feelings about what is going on with USCIS right now. We all relate to it in different ways. As long as everyone stays respectful, then I think everyone should be able to talk and express what they're experiencing, regardless of the amount of time they've been "standing in line."

I am not a jealousy-ridden monster. I am not standing on the side-lines booing when people get approved. I'm standing and cheering with everyone else. And I'm only temporarily discouraged, a point I've tried to clarify again and again. I always bounce back. I'm a very strong woman that way. Please don't make me out to be something I'm not. The picture you're trying to paint is neither accurate nor fair.

I hope this post helps to alleviate what I'm perceiving as a lot of anger in you. My intention is not to create enemies here. I certainly don't consider you an enemy. I think there are simply some communication issues occurring. I hope you'll work with me to iron them out. If you don't, then I guess that's your choice, too. In any event, I wish you the best in your journey.

Edited September 7, 2006 by Kirsten L

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

This attidude is NOT what my original post was about at all.

I think we ALL are stressed and ALL are worried from those that it takes 200 days to those that it takes 15.

And I would never, in a million years wish slower approvals for those at VSC.

I just wish I lived in New England!

Cass (bebop the great)

Wow, you must live a privileged life. . . . you had to wait an entire 22 days from the day you sent the petition in the mail to receiving the NOA2. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIGN ABOUT!!!

_

106 days and counting . . . . that is 84 more days than you!

.

As far as the comments about Kristen not being allowed to complain, well you obviously haven't been looking at my timeline, because I'm the chief complainer in this post and send my petition in AFTER her. You can't say "you have the right to complain and you don't." Because getting through this process sucks no matter what way you cut it. Even those lucky enough to go through VSC in 15 days still have to go through the overwhelming process of paperwork.

It's the same as far as long-distance relationships. I have a friend who lives a 45 minute drive away from her boyfriend, she's miserable. Am I worse off that her? Sure. 1,000 miles is a heck of a lot more daunting than driving to the next city. But does she have a right to complain? Heck yes she does. Distance is distance, and any amount of miles between loved ones is horrible. Do I wish I was in her situation? Every dang day of my life. Do I wish that she'd have to deal with a longer distance to make myself feel better? Of COURSE NOT.

Cass (bebop the great)

[Alex+R 0]

Cass: Agreed. Everyone has the right to kvetch, and nobody is any better than anyone else because the US gov't has tortured them more and for a longer period of time. The worst waiting was right after I filed.

I hate that "holier than thou" attitude, when all anyone who's waited a long time is is unluckier than thou.

[ajames79 0]

I had a nightmare last night about the K-1 process....

seriously.

And I am not a very stressed person normally.

Once you send the paperwork out...you just feel so helpless.

I haven't been touched since July...which is fine. But everyday I look just to see if there is some sort of movement. But nope. Then you start to question if you should call...but really you already know that won't get you anywhere! Then you see these people who are waiting 7-9 months...and you feel silly for worrying because you know they are worrying....it is a never ending cycle of BLAH!

But...I am happy to do it. I will be happy when he is here...and I am sure there will be a whole different batch of worries.

I got a wedding dress....that made me smile!

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

I guess that's just it. While I was still gathering all my documents, I was still in control. I knew exactly what was going on. Now, that I've relenquished all control, it's absolutely terrifying.

Cass (bebop the great)

Once you send the paperwork out...you just feel so helpless.

[spiritee 0]

I am not angry whatsoever, have I complained once? In life I have learned that some things you have to accept as you cannot change them I make the most out of a situation and this is one of them. There is nothing I can do to speed up the process so I refuse to let it consume or depress me, but instead focus my energy on the positives and have faith. I guess as Uling said, everyone has different ways of looking/dealing with things

Patience is a virtue

Let me try one more time. I'd really like to think there's a way to make myself understood...though that means, spiritee that you will have to move beyond what I think is a very sensitive spot for you so that you can truly hear what I'm saying. We're all sensitive right now. That means we all have to work extra hard. Me included. So here goes...

Ready4one, I was not lashing out I was responding to someone saying that I should keep my feelings to myself and not post!

If that's what you got from what I said, then I think you're really misunderstanding me. I have no problem with you expressing your feelings, spiritee. I simply have a problem with you implying or telling others that they do not really have a right to theirs. Like I said, feelings are feelings, and everyone is entitled to theirs--and to the respectful expression of those feelings. I think I did that. I said, "Hey, I'm delighted for these people. I congratulate them personally. At the same time, I get this sinking feeling thinking about what my own timeline is going to look like." I think that's normal. All I'm gonna say.

When we entered the K1 process we knew it was going to be a long ride so expecting an approval after a month would have been silly. Jealousy is an ugly thing and just because others are getting approved does not mean a thing, be happy for them your time will come.

I, too, knew that this could be a long ride. I didn't expect approval in a month, either. I think that's why it was such a shock to the system when I started seeing other people receiving those sorts of speedy NOA2s. Again, it wasn't that I wasn't happy for those people. I absolutely WAS and AM! But you can be happy for someone else and sad for yourself at the same time. Differing feelings coexist within the same person all the time. I think it's o.k. to be honest about that. I'm not bashing anyone. I'm supporting a whole lot of Vermonters and anyone else who gets approvals. I always send a personal message to say, "WONDERFUL! FANTASTIC! CONGRATULATIONS!" with lots of happy emoticons. Go back and look. I'm not the guilty party you're accusing me of being.

Gosh you don’t even know her, from what she has written on here I do not perceive her as that only irrational and impatient and jealous. Her opening line to me was “ As for you” !!

I wrote "as for you" only because I had just written to Rebeccajo and was trying to differentiate between two thoughts to two different people. I thought it would all end up in the same post, but others ended up posting in between my two thoughts. It therefore came across as condescending in a way I didn't mean it to be. I see now that it was a poor way to begin. I apologize for an opening that must have felt inflammatory.

ready4ONE is my filing buddy. And I consider him my friend. I think he understands me. If you don't want to listen to him as a character reference, I guess you don't have to. I can't make you. Neither can he. But I do appreciate beyond measure his words in my defense: “Kirsten is, in my experience, a kind and thoughtful person”

Thank you for your comment, but if you honestly believe that I care how others perceive me you are truly mistaken.

I think that may be a big part of the problem here. If you don't care how others perceive you, then I'm guessing you're not working that hard to communicate. You're just spewing. And that doesn't really work in an environment like this. We need you to care at least a little how you're coming across. I'm going back and looking at what I said and did in an effort to make this all right. I need you to do the same. It's a two way street. Can you do this with me?

I tell it how it is and lets be realistic here, there are people who have been waiting for months to be approved so one month is nothing to complain about.

Well, you're telling only part of how it is, spiritee. And that's fine. But people like Cass and myself were politely expressing another part of how it is. You seemed to indicate that we didn't have a right to express that part. It felt very much like I was being told that until I've been in line for ages and ages, I'm expected to just put up and shut up. That doesn't feel much like a supportive community to me...and I think that's what VJ is supposed to be...supportive.

Again, regardless of filing date, we all have our situations and our feelings. There's nothing wrong with that. I applaud Cass for having the courage to say out loud what she was feeling in a way that I and many others could relate to and understand. If you don't understand, o.k., but I really don't think it's fair or realistic to expect that we shouldn't be allowed to say where we're at. Again, I haven't seen my fiancé in seven and a half months now. That's already a long time, and I'm just at the beginning of the filing process. It is depressing for me. I have no way to get to him for visits...nor he to me. It's very hard. Please try to understand. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation, as well. It must be terrible to be pregnant and be without your partner. I'm really very sorry. Let's support and hear each other in our respective situations rather than escalating a conflict.

Well excuse me, I was not making a smug comment I merely think that at this early on in the process to be complaining is rather pointless when there have been people waiting for months.

Again, I don't think it is pointless to feel any way at all. I think feelings are feelings, and it's o.k. for people to feel what they do about their particular situation--and to express those feelings and experiences in a respectful way. I believe I did just that.

I am five months pregnant but I do not have time to ###### and waste energy complaining about the process as I recognise that I am dealing with bureaucracy and my complaining is not going to speed up the process. You are telling me to keep my comments to myself yet you are on here complaining because you have not been approved in a month! Please get a grip, and trust me I can bet that 95% of the people on here have problems that is life.

Again, your situation must be very difficult. I can understand that you must have a very hard time yourself going through this process. I never asked you to keep your situation to yourself--or your feelings. I only respectfully asked you to keep to yourself comments which seemed to deny others the right to express what they were thinking and feeling. Everyone else has a story, too...and feelings about that story, feelings about what is going on with USCIS right now. We all relate to it in different ways. As long as everyone stays respectful, then I think everyone should be able to talk and express what they're experiencing, regardless of the amount of time they've been "standing in line."

I am not a jealousy-ridden monster. I am not standing on the side-lines booing when people get approved. I'm standing and cheering with everyone else. And I'm only temporarily discouraged, a point I've tried to clarify again and again. I always bounce back. I'm a very strong woman that way. Please don't make me out to be something I'm not. The picture you're trying to paint is neither accurate nor fair.

I hope this post helps to alleviate what I'm perceiving as a lot of anger in you. My intention is not to create enemies here. I certainly don't consider you an enemy. I think there are simply some communication issues occurring. I hope you'll work with me to iron them out. If you don't, then I guess that's your choice, too. In any event, I wish you the best in your journey.