The big day is Saturday, but I am nervous. It's been tough.

[mychelle 1]

good luck matt. i would think that she has a better understanding of why cost of living is more expensive here than in Saigon when she had had lived in Europe before. i think she's just picking a fight just because she can.

i agree with that one who guy said to not letting her run over you. most women will do that, if you let them. i notice i do that with my fiance too and when he lets me get away with things i usually take it to another level...but somehow he knows when to put the brakes so i just stop...then i'll try again and see what i can get away with. j/k.

you can't expect EVERYTHING to go as smoothly as you would hope. i just hope the "adjustment" period won't ruin you both. take care.

[woodgc 0]

Just a quick update Matt,

My Angel saw my post and after apperently many reads she said she agrees with me but reminded me I only was hearing one side of the coin. I thought to myself boy I of course know this and am completely unbias but as my lady is very smart and my best friend I listen to her comments and thought it best to reread what I said and what you said.

So the alpha male in me skipped over a very very Glaring thing you said and that is:

" I do love this woman and believe she loves me, but I am uncertain if she has the ability to make this work. Believe me, I am bending over backwards to make that happen. "

WOW 100% her fault at 26, in a foreign country, has lived a sheltered life, a virgin, etc. etc. etc. You both need a reality check!!!

First I am not in any way trying to flame you but life says you are the man and you will be guiding the lady through her life so start doing it. There is no group discussing walking in a unknown street at 1am just let her know if she wants sex with a group of men that is the best way to go about it. I find hard cold facts are best.

She does not understand the cost of rent so we can assume she has no understanding of taxes. Does she realize that when you sell some of your writtting for say 100 grand that you may or may not get 60 grand when its all finished???? I am sure your laughing at my figures but why not dream of being a rich writter then a poor one! I say this because my Lady is absolutly brillent and very good with figures and we have had many talks about taxs and she understands somewhat but only to the level that a big part of your Gross pay is taken by the goverment. Other less astute people would think you are hiding the money giving it to some other girl etc etc etc. My fiencess' sister lives in the same area as I do and has repetely asked me never to discuss her finiances with anyone back in Vn except my future Vo'; she feels they will not in anyway understand her gross pay virse her net pay. Does your lady understand you work is a feast or famine type of employment???? That is how mine is and it is very very hard for many people to grasp

My Princess thought that the DVD recommondation was right on. we have no major problems but we learned so much from it and I think you could also. I also gave my Lady a copy of Men are from mars wemon are from venus and she found it extreamly helpful we read it at the same time and had lots of long talk on our female male differencence. She decided to rename it men are illogical women are logical

As far as the wedding just let her know it is impossable to have a large wedding in the USA and offer any time she wants you both can return to Vn and have that big beautiful wedding; Do it on your 5 or 10 annaversity let her decide. This is apperently common my future sister in law was married in a court house here and then sevserl years later when it all worked out had a big 200 person wedding in Vn so it is done and even though my Sweetheart has said the engagement party was enough and a simple weeding is all she wants in the USA any time she decides she does want a big wedding in Vn I will be happy to do that.

$600 for her brothers job??? Get the money and send it down and get rid of a large stress of what is a very very stressfull time for her. Let her know it is alot of cash but you want to help her family and make her happy and of course help yourself at the same time.

I still think I would delay the marrage. Since we do not know how much rooling in the hay you have done with her I would say to ask your self this very serious question. After the wedding night and you have had your spin with a very very beautiful women the curesity will all be gone and she will always be the same naked body from here on out with, the slowly matureing mind. Sex can be graet but will she be your best friend you spirtual partner will she fight for and with you in life or will it be against??

You still have several weeks left on her visa let her know how important marraige is to you and the life long commerment you both are makeing and spend that time really getting your relationship squared away.

Good Luck

[Matt_Stevens 5]

Thank you all for your well wishes and support. There is much advice beiong given here that is worth my time to think about and use. Things have been interesting since I started this thread. Last night I pretty much put my foot down about everything. I said what I would and would not do and told her what I would and would not accept and if she didn't like it, the wedding is off. I sent $500 to Vietnam and made it clear not a penny more will come from my pocket until we move to North Carolina and even then it will be a while because I have to get settled. In detail I explained cost of living issues here in CT and what I make, what is taxed, what I spend on my mortgage, insurance, etc. She was shocked and admitted that because she has never had the responsibility of taking care of herself she just could not understand these issues. Last night was an excellent breakthrough in communication.

This morning we had our third meeting with the pastor who will perform the ceremony on Saturday and it was very useful, like the first two. The pastor is very open to non-Christian beliefs and Anh feels very comfortable with him, though not in talking about certain subjects of course.

Afterwards she said to me that she treated her ex-boyfriend much in the same way and that all they did was fight. She apologized and talked a great deal about how she thinks she needs to grow up and become a woman. Long story short, we had an exceptional dialogue, one that really made us feel better about all of this.

This afternoon she asked my father to walk her down the aisle, something that surprised me because she is so shy. But she wants to be closer to my family, so I am thankful for this.

As I write this I am being called to dinner. She's cooking up a storm right now, so I need to go. Just know that things are moving forward. I feel OK. I think we will get married on Saturday. Hopefully I can post back here Friday, but it's hard to get onto the computer. I will keep you all posted.

Thanks once again for all the well wishes.

Edited August 17, 2006 by Matt_Stevens

[CancelAccount 0]

Thank you all for your well wishes and support. There is much advice beiong given here that is worth my time to think about and use. Things have been interesting since I started this thread. Last night I pretty much put my foot down about everything. I said what I would and would not do and told her what I would and would not accept and if she didn't like it, the wedding is off. I sent $500 to Vietnam and made it clear not a penny more will come from my pocket until we move to North Carolina and even then it will be a while because I have to get settled. In detail I explained cost of living issues here in CT and what I make, what is taxed, what I spend on my mortgage, insurance, etc. She was shocked and admitted that because she has never had the responsibility of taking care of herself she just could not understand these issues. Last night was an excellent breakthrough in communication.

This morning we had our third meeting with the pastor who will perform the ceremony on Saturday and it was very useful, like the first two. The pastor is very open to non-Christian beliefs and Anh feels very comfortable with him, though not in talking about certain subjects of course.

Afterwards she said to me that she treated her ex-boyfriend much in the same way and that all they did was fight. She apologized and talked a great deal about how she thinks she needs to grow up and become a woman. Long story short, we had an exceptional dialogue, one that really made us feel better about all of this.

This afternoon she asked my father to walk her down the aisle, something that surprised me because she is so shy. But she wants to be closer to my family, so I am thankful for this.

As I write this I am being called to dinner. She's cooking up a storm right now, so I need to go. Just know that things are moving forward. I feel OK. I think we will get married on Saturday. Hopefully I can post back here Friday, but it's hard to get onto the computer. I will keep you all posted.

Thanks once again for all the well wishes.

Matt,

I am extremely proud of you for putting your foot down. Be aware that she will attempt at to break that foot several times. It sounds you have your head on straight about it. Just don't get down when things fall off the cliff once in awhile.

Be her husband first, it is your responsibility to guide the family through the journey, and be her friend second.

Good luck brother.

[woodgc 0]

Great to hear it is working out

My Lady did tell me Love will solve all problems.

One thing I learned from living and traveling overseas for years was do not assume anything what she says she understands, she may not; what you think she understand she may not; what you think she does not understand she may understand very well. Never get anger or at least show it let some time pass before you react as you may just be missunderstanding.

A few times when my Lady did something that bothered me I waited and relized we were on 2 very different pages. If I had not waited I would have made some really incorrect assmtions maybe said some very wrong things and hurt her feelings unnessarly.

It took me 9 months to learn that what I thought had been a very funny provicative astute joke on my Angels part was not ment as a joke at all but was some very incorrect information that a freind had told her about americans.

I will leave with with this one example from my X wife.

The X always said and did things that I could not every win at i.e. a Catch 22 stuation I for many years thought that prased summed up many behaviors of the miltary and also weman. After listening to me say this remark for over 8 years one day I used it for a sisiuation I do not recall but the end result was that she started screaming "Catch 22 Catch 22 Catch 22 you think you are so smart you think you are such a smart american and say all these things that know ones knows or understands!!!!!!!!!!!"

I then realized that here was a women that had for the better part of 10 years listen to a phrase and had no idea what it ment - she had a bachlors and a masters from two american universities. It was a real eye opener; and very funny, I will add.

So please do not assume anything and please reread what you said in your first post

" I do love this woman and believe she loves me, but I am uncertain if she has the ability to make this work. Believe me, I am bending over backwards to make that happen. "

Go to her an apoligize for not shareing at least 80% of the blame.

Have a Great and Beautiful wedding

God Bless

[woodgc 0]

I THOUGHT I WOULD ADD ANY OF YOU GUYS THAT READ THIS AND HAVE HAD YOUR LADIES IN THE STATES AWHILE: PLEASE HELP US OTHER GUYS OUT AND TELL US WHAT THE LADIES HAD PROBLEMS WITH THAT WAS UNEXPECTED

THANKS

[sarah and hicham 3]

Good luck Matt,

I'm sorry to hear about these problems. Take care of yourself,

Sarah

[Anh map 2,098]

Matt & Anh, today is the day!!!

Have a wonderful ceremony. And give each other all the support and love to make it the beginning of a wonderful marriage!!

Best wishes !!!!

[dalegg 143]

Well,

It's all over but the cryin' now, eh? Nobody had any reason to object or anything at the last moment? We have a marriage now? Actually, he better NOT be on VJ on his wedding night!

[sarah and hicham 3]

Well,

It's all over but the cryin' now, eh? Nobody had any reason to object or anything at the last moment? We have a marriage now? Actually, he better NOT be on VJ on his wedding night!

yeah good thing he's not here!

[Donna A 4]

my husband still uses the "i want to go back to syria" ####### every time something doesnt go his way. i get so sick of hearing it i just say "go" and then he dont say it again for a while. i know it hurts but its just an answer to all their problems.

good luck on the wedding

[djcess 0]

Thank you all for your well wishes and support. There is much advice beiong given here that is worth my time to think about and use. Things have been interesting since I started this thread. Last night I pretty much put my foot down about everything. I said what I would and would not do and told her what I would and would not accept and if she didn't like it, the wedding is off. I sent $500 to Vietnam and made it clear not a penny more will come from my pocket until we move to North Carolina and even then it will be a while because I have to get settled. In detail I explained cost of living issues here in CT and what I make, what is taxed, what I spend on my mortgage, insurance, etc. She was shocked and admitted that because she has never had the responsibility of taking care of herself she just could not understand these issues. Last night was an excellent breakthrough in communication.

This morning we had our third meeting with the pastor who will perform the ceremony on Saturday and it was very useful, like the first two. The pastor is very open to non-Christian beliefs and Anh feels very comfortable with him, though not in talking about certain subjects of course.

Afterwards she said to me that she treated her ex-boyfriend much in the same way and that all they did was fight. She apologized and talked a great deal about how she thinks she needs to grow up and become a woman. Long story short, we had an exceptional dialogue, one that really made us feel better about all of this.

This afternoon she asked my father to walk her down the aisle, something that surprised me because she is so shy. But she wants to be closer to my family, so I am thankful for this.

As I write this I am being called to dinner. She's cooking up a storm right now, so I need to go. Just know that things are moving forward. I feel OK. I think we will get married on Saturday. Hopefully I can post back here Friday, but it's hard to get onto the computer. I will keep you all posted.

Thanks once again for all the well wishes.

I am very glad (and proud) of what you did. You were very mature in handling the situation. Wishing you a happy marriage!

[yogib37 3]

B)

Edited August 20, 2006 by yogib37

[kvtran 0]

Another explaination to this could be is that she has PMS. That's what my friends, who are girls, tell me when my fiance suddenly turns angry.

[dalegg 143]

I THOUGHT I WOULD ADD ANY OF YOU GUYS THAT READ THIS AND HAVE HAD YOUR LADIES IN THE STATES AWHILE: PLEASE HELP US OTHER GUYS OUT AND TELL US WHAT THE LADIES HAD PROBLEMS WITH THAT WAS UNEXPECTED

THANKS

wood, can't talk now. too dangerous. fear opposition is watching.