Overlooked Question

[smsgrl2009 1]

In our plight to reunite with our loved ones we, especially the USC, sometimes forget that our loved one is about to come live in a foreign country and in some cases, leaving their own country for the first time. This is the situation I and my husband are facing and since I do love him very much, I would like to get advice or experiences from you guys on how to help him and ease his fears of coming to the US.

Our interview at the Chennai embassy in India is coming up very fast. He has never left India and all of his perceptions of the US come from heresay and watching the news so you can imagine he hasn't heard alot of good things or even accurate things. He will be moving to the south east (NC) where I live. In my area, there is a large Indian population due to the large amount of IT jobs available (this is my husband's and my field as well). His parents have told him (they have never been to the US either), that he will not fit in, be discriminated against, not find a job as economy is bad, and be depressed and our relationship would suffer along with it. Obviously, if I thought for one second any of this would be true, I would never have agreed for him to come to the US. I would go live in India tomorrow if I did not have a 6 year old daughter to consider. If he passes the interview next month, it would mean he could come to the US within the next few weeks and I would love nothing more than him board a flight and come here the day he has his visa in hand. His fear however, is causing him to postpone his departure. I understand and definately can sympathize that he is leaving everything his life has been about for the last 29 years for something as volatile as love.

Any advice or shared experiences are welcome especially those who have immigrated from India. Information on everything from how you are able to maintain your customs, beliefs, food preferences, to your experience with finding a job. These are all the unknowns to anyone migrating to the US. I think this article may be helpful for many. Thanks for sharing and I will post our experiences once he arrives.

[rodceasar 34]

I understand your plight and your husbands's feeling. I feel you should continue to console him and let him know that he is going to have a unique yet amazing experience and will see the value of his journey, in adddition to the love you and him share for each other! He might not fel comfortable for some time but will reasonably see the value. Nothing prevents him from returinng home but am sure he will become content. NC has it's issues but is a grat alce to live and since you live in a community that has his nagtionality represented, he should be fine!!!! Just be sure to not allow acquaintances of his nationaailrty as well as others to infiltrate your marriage, at all...

My wife is from Uganda, has never left the country but looks forward to a happy future together!

[LotofPatience 65]

Conquer him with love!

Nice story, thanks for sharing it! I wish both of you good luck in your reunion and marital relationship!

Is it something like adapting difficulty to a different cultured place?

Loto

[Mononoke28 134]

I have to admit that for someone who has never left their country, it is very, very difficult to adjust, but not impossible. The same thing happened when my husband first arrived almost 3 years ago. The first 3 months were pretty tough because he missed his country, his family and his friends tremendously. On top of that, he didn't know the language, felt like a total stranger and wasn't comfortable with me taking care of the home financially. So I had a tough talk with him and told him that nothing around him was going change and that if he wanted to fit in, it was all up to him. Once he got his driver's license he found a job, started school for his English classes and sure enough things started to change.

So in summary, it's up to the people who arrive to make that change. They have to get rid of all the stereotypes, the feeling less than others just because they just landed in this country and give their all, 100%. If they don't do this, they'll be miserable and everyone around them.

Diana

[Samoray 165]

Hello

You know guys for someone who really want to fit in the American community, just be yourself and don't act up, i have interacted with Americans because of my job nature For years, and i have found that they are a very tolerant, funny, caring, and compassionate nation with values that are rare to find.

And for my wife she is the most beautiful, charming, encouraging woman i have ever met in my life.

I have never been to the US before and i think it is going to be an amazing experience and i hope it will be too for your husband

Good luck

[smsgrl2009 1]

I have to admit that for someone who has never left their country, it is very, very difficult to adjust, but not impossible. The same thing happened when my husband first arrived almost 3 years ago. The first 3 months were pretty tough because he missed his country, his family and his friends tremendously. On top of that, he didn't know the language, felt like a total stranger and wasn't comfortable with me taking care of the home financially. So I had a tough talk with him and told him that nothing around him was going change and that if he wanted to fit in, it was all up to him. Once he got his driver's license he found a job, started school for his English classes and sure enough things started to change.

So in summary, it's up to the people who arrive to make that change. They have to get rid of all the stereotypes, the feeling less than others just because they just landed in this country and give their all, 100%. If they don't do this, they'll be miserable and everyone around them.

Diana

Thank you for sharing this. My husband will indeed miss his family and friends the most. His advantage is that he is very westernized as far as his movie, music, clothing preferences..and his english is better than mine..lol. He has never driven so this will be a challenge but one that he is looking forward to I think. What makes him most uncomfortable is the idea that I will be supporting him financially until he finds a job which I am assuming will take at least a month or two since he has to get his SSN and learn to drive first. I love him dearly but his ego is as big as they come and I know this will indeed be a blow. I make enough money so that we won't have financial woes but still..its just backwards from everything he has known.

Everyone, thanks for the advice, please keep it coming!! I plan to copy these texts and make one big motivational speech for him!

[LotofPatience 65]

IT job market is picking up (you know it, right?) from this year onwards, rates are not caught up as in 2006/2007 levels generally. But in some areas, it is still lucrative. If you are near RTP in NC, there are big shot companies in that area.

Loto

[mamamimi 8]

I have to admit that for someone who has never left their country, it is very, very difficult to adjust, but not impossible. The same thing happened when my husband first arrived almost 3 years ago. The first 3 months were pretty tough because he missed his country, his family and his friends tremendously. On top of that, he didn't know the language, felt like a total stranger and wasn't comfortable with me taking care of the home financially. So I had a tough talk with him and told him that nothing around him was going change and that if he wanted to fit in, it was all up to him. Once he got his driver's license he found a job, started school for his English classes and sure enough things started to change.

So in summary, it's up to the people who arrive to make that change. They have to get rid of all the stereotypes, the feeling less than others just because they just landed in this country and give their all, 100%. If they don't do this, they'll be miserable and everyone around them.

Diana

So true, good story and advice...my hubby is from Chile.

[smsgrl2009 1]

IT job market is picking up (you know it, right?) from this year onwards, rates are not caught up as in 2006/2007 levels generally. But in some areas, it is still lucrative. If you are near RTP in NC, there are big shot companies in that area.

Loto

I live in the Charlotte area..plenty of IT here with all the banks and there are several large companies here like IBM and Siemens..It is a perfect for us both since we are both in the IT industry. Of course his company is actually headquartered out of NY and I offered to move there if he wanted to transfer though I think we would live better here due to costs of living comparisons... Bottom line is..I just have to get him over the hurdle and get him here. His parents have forced him to choose between me and them...and he is just in turmoil..he wants to come but he literally feels he is leaving his world totally behind. The only way to prove to him that he will flourish here and we will be happy together is to just take the leap of faith.

[smsgrl2009 1]

By the way, today is our one year anniversary..We made it a year through all this and it sure hasn't been easy but definately worth it!

[LotofPatience 65]

By the way, today is our one year anniversary..We made it a year through all this and it sure hasn't been easy but definately worth it!

Hey, congratulations!

Loto

[smsgrl2009 1]

Hey, congratulations!

Loto

Thanks!

[inpitb 3]

Congratulations on the anniversary.

I am an American from Tampa, Florida. I work in the engineering field. There are many Indians in my field as well. Some of my best friends at work are from India. All over America there are large groups of Indians who fit in very well and maintain their culture. From an American's perspective Indians are one of the most well liked groups of immigrants. Not to say there is any specific group is not liked, but in general Indians have a good image with Americans. The Governor of Louisiana is Indian, and a leading candidate for Governor of South Carolina is of Indian descent. In almost all medium to large cities across the country there are Hindu Temples, Indian food and clothing stores, and Indian restaurants. As long as your husband can speak English, he will be fine. It will probably help his transition to have a large group of Indian friends who can understand what he is going through and where he came from.

By the way Indian food is my favorite. The hotter the better.

Good Luck

[CaliforniaGuy 2]

I am glad his English is well, which makes the transition a whole lot easier. Do you have a circle of friends who are also Indian? If you do have Indian friends than I'm sure they will welcome him and show him friendship. But just like rodceasar mentioned above "Just be sure to not allow acquaintances of his nationaailrty as well as others to infiltrate your marriage, at all..." That statement is so important and so so true! Don't let anyone get between you! Good luck!

[smsgrl2009 1]

I am glad his English is well, which makes the transition a whole lot easier. Do you have a circle of friends who are also Indian? If you do have Indian friends than I'm sure they will welcome him and show him friendship. But just like rodceasar mentioned above "Just be sure to not allow acquaintances of his nationaailrty as well as others to infiltrate your marriage, at all..." That statement is so important and so so true! Don't let anyone get between you! Good luck!

This may sound like a dumb question, but what do you mean by infiltrate our marriage? I have a circle of friends and they are all excited to finally meet him in person. It never occurred to me that anyone could affect our marriage but I can be naive. Thats why I am getting advice from you guys.