Starting Over

[Ban Hammer 12,863]

Hey Slim, don't beat yourself up too much. We all do stupid things in relationships and I probably head the list boneheaded stunts. But I like to think I learned from it and now I'm not going to settle for anything less than the right match.

And I'm looking forward to finding out if this is going to BE a go-round. It's looking good so far.

You know I have six-pack-abs myself. A six pack of giant marshmallows that it is. She says she likes it too!

you need to get in shape. and remember, round is a shape.

[slim 1,514]

We all do stupid things in relationships

Luckily for me the stupidity (minor legal issues) didn't affect the relationship too much. It was outside stupidity and she was pretty understanding, only adding a simple, "you so stupid" with an accompanying finger to the side of the head twisting back and forth.

Actually, she's been great through the whole process. Much to the surprise of family, friends and former girlfriends (who somehow always send me facebook messages when things happen) she's still around. "I'm surprised she didn't take this opportunity to leave you. I thought she'd be gone. Well, maybe she really does love you." I keep telling them.... it's like a baby's arm. (That's why the former girlfriends still stalk me on fb and wait for updates!)

You know I have six-pack-abs myself. A six pack of giant marshmallows that it is. She says she likes it too!

I have a six pack too. It looks more like a keg and it's hidden under my recoil buffer.

FSU women prefer old, fat, bald men.

I do my best to fit the stereo type.

[1HappyGuy 45]

Actually, she's been great through the whole process. Much to the surprise of family, friends and former girlfriends (who somehow always send me facebook messages when things happen) she's still around. "I'm surprised she didn't take this opportunity to leave you. I thought she'd be gone. Well, maybe she really does love you." I keep telling them.... it's like a baby's arm. (That's why the former girlfriends still stalk me on fb and wait for updates!)

You know that's something I still get too. "So, is everything going okay? She's still with you?" I don't remember getting this type of inquiry in my first marriage. Is that because she was American and everyone expected it would be okay? It's almost like they are all waiting to hear it failed this time. So many figure she married me because she wanted to come to America. It's actually insulting because they are really saying something else, that she doesn't love me, but just wanted to live here.

[Tnic 5]

you need to get in shape. and remember, round is a shape.

Well, I'm good to go then. I do my best workouts at the table.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You know that's something I still get too. "So, is everything going okay? She's still with you?" I don't remember getting this type of inquiry in my first marriage. Is that because she was American and everyone expected it would be okay? It's almost like they are all waiting to hear it failed this time. So many figure she married me because she wanted to come to America. It's actually insulting because they are really saying something else, that she doesn't love me, but just wanted to live here.

I haven't heard that from any of my family, and it is a huge family. But we also have the situation where four of the eight children have lived and worked overseas in everything from first world UK to central Africa. None of them would say "Oh she just wants to come to the US" because they know that situation does not exist everywhere at all. Ukrainians are not Mexicans and I rarely ran into anyone that even had a desire to visit America. Most were afraid of it!

So far, so good on that matter for us. The age difference, not so much in our case, (12 years) was no problem either. My father was 15 years older than my mother. We are not even the biggest age spread amoung my siblings, so that is a non issue. I am the only of 8 kids to actually marry a foreigner, though my brother is married to a Chinese girl whose parents immigrated here, she is first generation American and speaks fluent Chinese. Plus, since I was single when I went to Ukraine, I don't think anyone expected me to return unmarried. Or at least un-attached.

[Tnic 5]

My family just asks how's everything going. Only 2 years difference for us.

And I'll bet money I'll be returning (reluctantly) very firmly attached.

In the meantime I'm enjoying (for a change) doing a bit of gift shopping. The nice young lady at VS was very helpful and I found a set of Rosetta Stone English level 1 & 2 for a good price today so another little gift out of the way.

Edited August 21, 2010 by Tnic

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My family just asks how's everything going. Only 2 years difference for us.

And I'll bet money I'll be returning (reluctantly) very firmly attached.

In the meantime I'm enjoying (for a change) doing a bit of gift shopping. The nice young lady at VS was very helpful and I found a set of Rosetta Stone English level 1 & 2 for a good price today so another little gift out of the way.

During our engagement I traveled back and forth a lot, about every 6 weeks, I think 2 months was the record for longest separation. So I took a lot of gifts. I would say "go easy on the VS stuff" some is OK. FSU women, especially mature FSU women, have developed a fondness for enduring things, useful things. While it is very true that they want their man to think of them in a sexual manner, have desire for them, she will appreciate 12 pairs of her regular underwear for every lace thong you give her. Alla is STILL thrilled about the lightweight, hi-tech, long underwear I brought her. She had two sons, and her mother of course. Bringing a couple pair of gloves or knit hats for the boys, or new down coats for them brought me far more rewards than a VS Teddy for her. They cost about the same also! While my gifts may not seem so romantic (flash drives for her computer, maple syrup, an MP3 for Pasha, a laptop for Sergey, warm socks, etc.) they were very well recieved and appreciated. She, like any real woman, was always pleased to find a bit of lace in one of the boxes.

Remember, these are things they need and are very expensive there. A $50 Columbia coat you buy on sale at Sears, is worth $300 or more in her eyes...and she struggles to make that much in a month! People in Ukraine plan and save and put away pennies all year to buy a pair of boots in October. (buying boots for women is risky...don't do it without her!)

All that said....NEVER let her think she isn't the most beautiful and desireable woman on earth!

[Tnic 5]

All that said....NEVER let her think she isn't the most beautiful and desireable woman on earth!

Hey thanks Gary.

I only went to VS (not a thong, btw, just something nice that she'll like and wear) because of the direction things have gone with us lately. I will be packing some usefull things that will be used and loved. I'll have a much better idea of things to bring the next time after I get there.

I don't normally buy clothes for people, especially if they aren't there to try stuff on, but some gloves and a cute hat would go over very well with her (if I knew her sizes). Maybe for New Years when I'm better prepared. This trip is a little too shoe string for a lot of gifts.

Didn't think about the flash drives, I'll have to grab some. Her job has her chained to the PC all day.

If all goes well I'm thinking about a new laptop when I get back, but I don't know what shape her home PC is in, it could be fairly new for all I know. She works at home too.

And I don't plan to ever let her forget that she IS the most beautiful and desirable woman in my world.

Right now I'm looking at about a 90 day rotation and I have to plan around our major holidays here for my job, which I might be leaving in the Spring anyway. Anything longer than 3 months will just be too unbearable.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hey thanks Gary.

I only went to VS (not a thong, btw, just something nice that she'll like and wear) because of the direction things have gone with us lately. I will be packing some usefull things that will be used and loved. I'll have a much better idea of things to bring the next time after I get there.

I don't normally buy clothes for people, especially if they aren't there to try stuff on, but some gloves and a cute hat would go over very well with her (if I knew her sizes). Maybe for New Years when I'm better prepared. This trip is a little too shoe string for a lot of gifts.

Didn't think about the flash drives, I'll have to grab some. Her job has her chained to the PC all day.

If all goes well I'm thinking about a new laptop when I get back, but I don't know what shape her home PC is in, it could be fairly new for all I know. She works at home too.

And I don't plan to ever let her forget that she IS the most beautiful and desirable woman in my world.

Right now I'm looking at about a 90 day rotation and I have to plan around our major holidays here for my job, which I might be leaving in the Spring anyway. Anything longer than 3 months will just be too unbearable.

Alla was always pleased to get "gifts for life" because she needed those but was always happy to get a "gift for love" also. I don't think I would have tried one without the other. She once told me..."life is 75% of the time and love is 25%..." I was glad to hear that "love", (sex) would be 6 hours every day. "um...that isn't exactly what I mean"

I never had the experience of meeting someone as you are, so I don't know what is appropriate for a "first visit" and buying clothes for a woman can be deadly anyway...I don't usually go there, but gloves, hats, winter underwear, lingerie is pretty safe. FWIW Elizabeth Arden perfume always seemed to be in favor among Ukrainian women, especially in Odessa. Alla doesn't like it, but she is from Donetsk. Kenzo "Summer" was a hit also. Alla DOES like that one.

I was bringing a suitcase of gifts on every trip and returning with TWO bags of her stuff and my things in a carry on duffle. Seems a bit counter-productive, but what can you do?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Electronic "stuff" is much cheaper here. The great thing is that spending $20 here is like spending $75 there, and $75 is a whole lot more to them than it is to us. Electronics seem to run 2-3 times the price in Ukraine that they are here.

[Tnic 5]

Gary, thanks for all the advise. Really appreciate it.

I won't be packing an extra bag for gifts, but I think I'll bring enough practical items to keep the 25% time rolling along nicely, except I might have to limit it to 10%, I'm not a young man anymore, ya know. Of course she keeps saying she only wants one big expensive gift, Me.

One of her biggest gifts I want to bring is some Rosetta Stone English CDs for her. She writes English at an advanced level, but rarely gets the chance to speak it so she's very self conscious about it.

Her 3 y/o grandson is probably getting the most goodies though along with something for his Mama (perfume?) and Papa (Tee shirt?) and/or maybe some inexpensive watches (gotta love Khol's). That should keep my score pretty high with the whole family. You can't go far wrong spending money on the kids especially the younger ones and I can't wait to meet little Max. He's gonna love finding a Hot Wheel (if Mama yes its ok of course) in my pocket every time I see him.

Things will have to be fairly generic this time, but the next trip I can and will make it more personal.

[slim 1,514]

One of her biggest gifts I want to bring is some Rosetta Stone English CDs for her. She writes English at an advanced level, but rarely gets the chance to speak it so she's very self conscious about it.

Add to that some American movies and TV shows (maybe even some pop music although she has pretty good access to that already) so she can see how we interact and how tone and inflection are different in English.

Friends, The Nanny, and even Married with Children are all popular in Russia (with the latter two having their own remakes) so she's probably familiar with them but it could be helpful for her to see them in English to get an idea of how folks sound over here.

More modern shows like Grey's Anatomy would also bring her up to speed with "modern pop culture" in the US. Not that any of that is really important, but it may make her more confident in her speaking.

[elya 17]

maybe some inexpensive watches (gotta love Khol's).

I got in big trouble giving a watch to my fiance's Dad - apparently there's a superstition that a gift of a watch will result in fights in the family. which made it my fault when he ended up sleeping in the kitchen (at least from the perspective of my future mother-in-law) :-)

just a small heads up, i know there's no way to keep track of all the superstitions and they seem to vary from place to place, but I might skip the watches :-) enjoy your trip!

[Tnic 5]

I got in big trouble giving a watch to my fiance's Dad - apparently there's a superstition that a gift of a watch will result in fights in the family. which made it my fault when he ended up sleeping in the kitchen (at least from the perspective of my future mother-in-law) :-)

just a small heads up, i know there's no way to keep track of all the superstitions and they seem to vary from place to place, but I might skip the watches :-) enjoy your trip!

Yes, I was out finishing up my gift shopping yesterday and as I was leaving Marshals I listened to "that little voice" that told me forget the watches. So no trip to Burlington coat.

I knew about the superstition though. Not my first rodeo ya know. But the one about fighting is new to me. I always heard it meant the relationship would "wind down" and stop if the watch quit working.

Thanks for the tip about the movies and shows Slim. I'll have to dig around the basement and try to find the box. I have some flicks she might enjoy.

And I'm not the only one shopping for gifts. Mila told me last night she already has my mother's gift. It just floored me. She saw this handcrafted Shawl that she said is pretty rare and bought it for my mom. I'm sure it wasn't cheap either. Think I got me a keeper here.

[easyukraine 1]

Think I got me a keeper here.

good luck.

what is it them always wanting to ride the bus and refuse the taxi? my girl insists the bus is much cheaper so I should let her ride the bus for 7 hours insted of 4 hours in a taxi.