Ramadan & overbearing WASP family

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Christianity does not accept anything in islam that goes against what is taught in the bible. Christianity is supposed to love not hate even its enemies and obviously it has enemies or it wouldnt be mandated to love them. Does not mean we are to accept islam as truth or agree with it.

Happy Ramadan Everybody

Having your christian familly be upset about their child leaving their religion does not make them hicks or bigots. It makes them very concerned. Especially if religion was a huge part of their life. For example, my family are Roman Catholics and Irish and the catholic church is a huge part of every aspect of their identity. Just because your American family is upset and shaken up because you leave a religion you grew up with,it doesnt make them hicks or bigots.

Id like to see what a muslim family in lets say Algeria or Morocco would do if their daughter just decided that she wasnt going to do ramadan anymore, was becoming a christian because they started attending church services.. Wait I have the answer. Whoever prostelatysed to them will face jail time as well as expulsion from the country and bibles are not even allowed legally to be brought into the country. Also there are hadiths that read if you leave Islam , you face death. No one is saying anyone has ever actually been faced with that reality , especially living in the west but for the love of God, its a huge thing for someone to convert or revert from either culture and its perfectly normal for their family to feel upset about it. They are after all their family. I have practised islam for over 9 years and my family is split on their conscensus but I can tell you that there are alot of things that you cannot find in the immigrant community that you will find in your home community. I have actually been through the rites of islam in a funeral and its is awful how badly my mother and female family was treated during it, literally shoved from the graveside and not even spoken to. There are huge differences in the way that the relgions are practiced and while its fine to revert to marry I guess and be living on the sidelines of the real ramifications of the religion, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. A muslim family would freak out if their child left islam. Its not anything weird for an american family to freak out, especially if they think it was only orchestrated to please a foreign mate who may or may not even be around in 5 years .. and their child is throwing away a part of their childhood for a relationship or to look better to land the relationship to begin with.

This is a huge choice and its not weird for either relgions members to be upset

The parents being hysterical is very much human nature.

Here are some articles about the expulsion of christians in mena

Article on APOSTASY, or leaving Islam. There is no state mandated punishment for leaving Christianity but there are hadiths that condemn the apostate to death

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostasy_in_Islam

Martyrs in Algeria from the Catholic ChurchCatholic Nuns and Priests killed in Algeria

Article on the dangers of leaving islam from the Uk Times online

apostasy in the UK from the times online

Prominent American pastor expelled from Algeriaprominent American pastor expelled

Church in Algeria ransacked Jan 2010 REUTERSchurch ransacked Algeria JAN 2010

Without discussing any of this, you are minimising the impact of changing religion on either cultures family members

Here is the hadith that says leaving Islam is punishable by death. I am not sure if there is anything in the bible that states the same.. Its open for interpretation

"Allah's Apostle said, "The blood of a Muslim who confesses that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah and that I am His Apostle, cannot be shed except in three cases: In Qisas for murder, a married person who commits illegal sexual intercourse and the one who reverts from Islam (apostate) and leaves the Muslims."Sahih al-Bukhari, 9:83:17

Leaving a life long religion is a huge choice. The OPs family should be respectful of her choice of course but its not really strange in any way for them to be upset. They also might not feel confident that her relationship will be a permanent one either and may have feeling about the whole situation and their panic may be more of a symptom of that as well. Its very scary for a religious christian mom to see her daughter walk away from everything she holds dear to join a relgion that is depicted in the news as barbaric. Look at the mass outrage over the mosque at ground zero. The majority of Americans are outraged about it although to deny their right to have the masjid is very racist.

We are facing alot of after math from 9 11 whether we like it or not. I think it was alot easier for parents to deal with conversion before all the carnage that Americans have had to put up with the last few years.

Even the pollsters are reflecting most Americans outrage with having a islamic center built 2 blocks from ground zero.

I personally think it would show the world that we are forgiving and tolerant but many think its a piece of glass through the heart and that the area is hallowed ground

Most New Yorkers Oppose Ground Zero Mosque: Poll

NBSNY ^ | Jul 1, 2010 | JILLIAN SCHARR

Posted on Thursday, July 01, 2010 2:38:47 PM by GOPGuide

A majority of New Yorkers oppose plans to build a mosque and Muslim cultural center two blocks from Ground Zero, according to a Quinnipiac University Poll released Thursday.

Fifty-two percent of the respondents said they did not want the mosque to be built at all, 31 percent are in favor of it, and 17 percent are undecided.

"New York enjoys a reputation as one of the most tolerant places in America, but New Yorkers are opposed to a proposal to build a mosque two blocks from Ground Zero," said Quinnipiac University Polling Institute Director Maurice Carroll in a press release.

"Is it because we're still nursing the wounds from the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center or is it more like bigotry?" he asked.

Broken down by borough, Manhattan was the most in favor of the mosque, with only 36 percent of residents against it. On the other end of the spectrum was Staten Island, where 73 percent of respondents were opposed.

"Liberal Manhattan accepts the mosque and trusts Islam," observed Carroll. "Staten Island, where there's controversy about another proposed mosque, is more skeptical."

According to the poll, 56 percent of white voters, 45 percent of black voters, and 60 percent of Hispanic voters oppose the mosque. Along religious lines, 66 percent of Jews, 66 percent of Catholics, and 46 percent of Protestants were opposed.

The poll also researched New Yorkers' opinions of Islam. Fifty-five percent of New Yorkers believe that mainstream Islam is a "peaceful religion, while only 22 percent said Islam "encourages violence against non-Muslims." Twenty-three percent of New Yorkers are undecided. The full report can be found here.

I think there are alot of factors here at play and they go far beyond the actual conversion or reversion or whatever you want to call it

I hope everyone is having a great ramadan. This is just some food for thought. I just wanted to maybe open the discussion to perhaps see things from the familys side because there are definite concerns that they may be feeling, however bullying her is very wrong....

[Crossed_fingers 128]

This post seems to go incredibly far off the topic of Meghan's original post. Not sure how it is relevant.

Anyway, Zaytoona, I really enjoyed hearing your story, and although I know this must be SUCH a painful situation for you, I am impressed that you can put a bit of a humorous spin on it! I feel a lot in common with what you and Meghan have said, and I've prayed for family harmony for both of you and will continue to do so. God willing, we'll all get through this and reach a day, someday!, when we can all practice our faiths openly and have our husbands and family love each other. Happy Ramadan!

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

You had to have known that coming from a christian family its unacceptable to be married to a muslim. Its no surprise that your mom would react this way if she thinks you have converted or thinking to convert.

Tamara, Ive always known your views are shallow but this really surprised me. YOU SHOULD KNOW that by converting Adam to Christianity he had to abandon his family, culture, his friggin identity for god's sake. This girl asked for advice, not for the diluted views of born again Christians.

moving on....

You really need to just take everyones advice and come out. If you converted you need to tell everyone you did. There wont be a right time. I didnt convert nor do I practice organized religion but I still have shallow a$$ people always asking me "did you stop eating pork because your husband made you?" or "did you convert?" etc etc. The questionning wont ever end and if you just open and honest with everyone, the awkwardness will pass and you will be much happier.

Ive been married 5+ years now and my family adapted well, they wont even serve pork at family functions. It takes time, but it does happen.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Tamara, Ive always known your views are shallow but this really surprised me. YOU SHOULD KNOW that by converting Adam to Christianity he had to abandon his family, culture, his friggin identity for god's sake. This girl asked for advice, not for the diluted views of born again Christians.

moving on....

You really need to just take everyones advice and come out. If you converted you need to tell everyone you did. There wont be a right time. I didnt convert nor do I practice organized religion but I still have shallow a$$ people always asking me "did you stop eating pork because your husband made you?" or "did you convert?" etc etc. The questionning wont ever end and if you just open and honest with everyone, the awkwardness will pass and you will be much happier.

Ive been married 5+ years now and my family adapted well, they wont even serve pork at family functions. It takes time, but it does happen.

Sorry Kelly, I thought you knew this already. Adam became a Christian at the age of 19. We met online 2 years after that. I dont convert people. Adam didnt know me or of me when he became a christian. His own family knew of him as being a christian before he knew me. This has already been stated a number of times.

Also, he never abandoned his culture. Hes quite the Egyptian fella. His own christian religious views are more Coptic Orthodox where as mine are not quite so much.

Edited August 17, 2010 by ~PalmTreeGurl~

[msheesha 548]

I was watching this video clip tonight, as I like to listen to and/or read Islamic materials, in addition to reading the Quran, during Ramadan, and thought it may be relevant and/or useful to some of those who have discussed experiencing difficulty with friends/family/community because of their choice to follow Islam. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/user/zaidshaki

[~ameriptian~ 54]

I haven't posted in a while...but this thread really caught my attention...

I have to say that I'm quite ashamed we are in the 21st century and some people are so opinionated that they want to impose their own views on others even though it's unrelated to the subject of discussion!

Meghan started the thread to ask for advice from people who have been through a SIMILAR experience (with fasting Ramadan). She did not ask to know how a Christian family would act to their daughter marrying a Muslim man, nor she asked to hear a story about 'the ground-zero mosque'. Nobody is fit to speak for a whole religious group, sect, race, nationality, etc. Every individual should speak for him/herself and out of personal experience. Also, the collected articles and stories that are irrelevant to what the OP has asked shows deep shallowness and a need to take their whole depression out of an unsuccessful experience on a whole culture or a religion which is not right.

Meghan, I have no advice for you more than, stand up for yourself and your personal choice. Your family is an important part of your life there's no doubt, but they will not live YOUR life for YOU. There's a difference between respecting your family's feelings and letting them interfere with your choices in life. It is their right that they should know what you have decided, and it is your job to convince them you have made the right decision and that you are happy.

Good luck and I hope your family comes around and becomes more accepting of your choice!

[Crossed_fingers 128]

I haven't posted in a while...but this thread really caught my attention...

I have to say that I'm quite ashamed we are in the 21st century and some people are so opinionated that they want to impose their own views on others even though it's unrelated to the subject of discussion!

Meghan started the thread to ask for advice from people who have been through a SIMILAR experience (with fasting Ramadan). She did not ask to know how a Christian family would act to their daughter marrying a Muslim man, nor she asked to hear a story about 'the ground-zero mosque'. Nobody is fit to speak for a whole religious group, sect, race, nationality, etc. Every individual should speak for him/herself and out of personal experience. Also, the collected articles and stories that are irrelevant to what the OP has asked shows deep shallowness and a need to take their whole depression out of an unsuccessful experience on a whole culture or a religion which is not right.

Meghan, I have no advice for you more than, stand up for yourself and your personal choice. Your family is an important part of your life there's no doubt, but they will not live YOUR life for YOU. There's a difference between respecting your family's feelings and letting them interfere with your choices in life. It is their right that they should know what you have decided, and it is your job to convince them you have made the right decision and that you are happy.

Good luck and I hope your family comes around and becomes more accepting of your choice!

I couldn't agree more.

No advice here either, but I'm sure there are quite a few of us, including me, who could continue to swap similar stories and show some empathy for Meghan.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Happy Ramadan Everybody

Having your christian familly be upset about their child leaving their religion does not make them hicks or bigots. It makes them very concerned. Especially if religion was a huge part of their life. For example, my family are Roman Catholics and Irish and the catholic church is a huge part of every aspect of their identity. Just because your American family is upset and shaken up because you leave a religion you grew up with,it doesnt make them hicks or bigots.

Id like to see what a muslim family in lets say Algeria or Morocco would do if their daughter just decided that she wasnt going to do ramadan anymore, was becoming a christian because they started attending church services.. Wait I have the answer. Whoever prostelatysed to them will face jail time as well as expulsion from the country and bibles are not even allowed legally to be brought into the country. Also there are hadiths that read if you leave Islam , you face death. No one is saying anyone has ever actually been faced with that reality , especially living in the west but for the love of God, its a huge thing for someone to convert or revert from either culture and its perfectly normal for their family to feel upset about it. They are after all their family. I have practised islam for over 9 years and my family is split on their conscensus but I can tell you that there are alot of things that you cannot find in the immigrant community that you will find in your home community. I have actually been through the rites of islam in a funeral and its is awful how badly my mother and female family was treated during it, literally shoved from the graveside and not even spoken to. There are huge differences in the way that the relgions are practiced and while its fine to revert to marry I guess and be living on the sidelines of the real ramifications of the religion, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. A muslim family would freak out if their child left islam. Its not anything weird for an american family to freak out, especially if they think it was only orchestrated to please a foreign mate who may or may not even be around in 5 years .. and their child is throwing away a part of their childhood for a relationship or to look better to land the relationship to begin with.

This is a huge choice and its not weird for either relgions members to be upset

The parents being hysterical is very much human nature.

Here are some articles about the expulsion of christians in mena

Article on APOSTASY, or leaving Islam. There is no state mandated punishment for leaving Christianity but there are hadiths that condemn the apostate to death

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostasy_in_Islam

Martyrs in Algeria from the Catholic ChurchCatholic Nuns and Priests killed in Algeria

Article on the dangers of leaving islam from the Uk Times online

apostasy in the UK from the times online

Prominent American pastor expelled from Algeriaprominent American pastor expelled

Church in Algeria ransacked Jan 2010 REUTERSchurch ransacked Algeria JAN 2010

Without discussing any of this, you are minimising the impact of changing religion on either cultures family members

Here is the hadith that says leaving Islam is punishable by death. I am not sure if there is anything in the bible that states the same.. Its open for interpretation

"Allah's Apostle said, "The blood of a Muslim who confesses that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah and that I am His Apostle, cannot be shed except in three cases: In Qisas for murder, a married person who commits illegal sexual intercourse and the one who reverts from Islam (apostate) and leaves the Muslims."Sahih al-Bukhari, 9:83:17

Leaving a life long religion is a huge choice. The OPs family should be respectful of her choice of course but its not really strange in any way for them to be upset. They also might not feel confident that her relationship will be a permanent one either and may have feeling about the whole situation and their panic may be more of a symptom of that as well. Its very scary for a religious christian mom to see her daughter walk away from everything she holds dear to join a relgion that is depicted in the news as barbaric. Look at the mass outrage over the mosque at ground zero. The majority of Americans are outraged about it although to deny their right to have the masjid is very racist.

We are facing alot of after math from 9 11 whether we like it or not. I think it was alot easier for parents to deal with conversion before all the carnage that Americans have had to put up with the last few years.

Even the pollsters are reflecting most Americans outrage with having a islamic center built 2 blocks from ground zero.

I personally think it would show the world that we are forgiving and tolerant but many think its a piece of glass through the heart and that the area is hallowed ground

Most New Yorkers Oppose Ground Zero Mosque: Poll

NBSNY ^ | Jul 1, 2010 | JILLIAN SCHARR

Posted on Thursday, July 01, 2010 2:38:47 PM by GOPGuide

A majority of New Yorkers oppose plans to build a mosque and Muslim cultural center two blocks from Ground Zero, according to a Quinnipiac University Poll released Thursday.

Fifty-two percent of the respondents said they did not want the mosque to be built at all, 31 percent are in favor of it, and 17 percent are undecided.

"New York enjoys a reputation as one of the most tolerant places in America, but New Yorkers are opposed to a proposal to build a mosque two blocks from Ground Zero," said Quinnipiac University Polling Institute Director Maurice Carroll in a press release.

"Is it because we're still nursing the wounds from the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center or is it more like bigotry?" he asked.

Broken down by borough, Manhattan was the most in favor of the mosque, with only 36 percent of residents against it. On the other end of the spectrum was Staten Island, where 73 percent of respondents were opposed.

"Liberal Manhattan accepts the mosque and trusts Islam," observed Carroll. "Staten Island, where there's controversy about another proposed mosque, is more skeptical."

According to the poll, 56 percent of white voters, 45 percent of black voters, and 60 percent of Hispanic voters oppose the mosque. Along religious lines, 66 percent of Jews, 66 percent of Catholics, and 46 percent of Protestants were opposed.

The poll also researched New Yorkers' opinions of Islam. Fifty-five percent of New Yorkers believe that mainstream Islam is a "peaceful religion, while only 22 percent said Islam "encourages violence against non-Muslims." Twenty-three percent of New Yorkers are undecided. The full report can be found here.

I think there are alot of factors here at play and they go far beyond the actual conversion or reversion or whatever you want to call it

I hope everyone is having a great ramadan. This is just some food for thought. I just wanted to maybe open the discussion to perhaps see things from the familys side because there are definite concerns that they may be feeling, however bullying her is very wrong....

[zaytoona 8]

Anyway, Zaytoona, I really enjoyed hearing your story, and although I know this must be SUCH a painful situation for you, I am impressed that you can put a bit of a humorous spin on it! I feel a lot in common with what you and Meghan have said, and I've prayed for family harmony for both of you and will continue to do so. God willing, we'll all get through this and reach a day, someday!, when we can all practice our faiths openly and have our husbands and family love each other. Happy Ramadan!

You know, I definitely have to put some serious comedy into this matter because I try to stay away from what is negative. Remember, things can always be worse. My mom and I both have a great sense of humor and we are both loud, so I think this was the best way to handle this situation for me. No matter what my mom thinks, I still express extreme love an gratitude towards her. I think the biggest thing my mom worries about is that she will lose her daughter. My husband seems to be a big threat to her right now and so did Islam. Time will only tell. Just have faith.

Zaytoona

I haven't posted in a while...but this thread really caught my attention...

I have to say that I'm quite ashamed we are in the 21st century and some people are so opinionated that they want to impose their own views on others even though it's unrelated to the subject of discussion!

Meghan started the thread to ask for advice from people who have been through a SIMILAR experience (with fasting Ramadan). She did not ask to know how a Christian family would act to their daughter marrying a Muslim man, nor she asked to hear a story about 'the ground-zero mosque'. Nobody is fit to speak for a whole religious group, sect, race, nationality, etc. Every individual should speak for him/herself and out of personal experience. Also, the collected articles and stories that are irrelevant to what the OP has asked shows deep shallowness and a need to take their whole depression out of an unsuccessful experience on a whole culture or a religion which is not right.

Meghan, I have no advice for you more than, stand up for yourself and your personal choice. Your family is an important part of your life there's no doubt, but they will not live YOUR life for YOU. There's a difference between respecting your family's feelings and letting them interfere with your choices in life. It is their right that they should know what you have decided, and it is your job to convince them you have made the right decision and that you are happy.

Good luck and I hope your family comes around and becomes more accepting of your choice!

Aya, you're such a sweetheart!

[Prawninator 138]

Meghan, I really hope you find acceptance with your family, as I have with mine (for different reasons, which I will explain in a little bit...)

Zaytoona, I just read your story and it was well... heartwarmingly hilarious (is that even possible?). Hehehe.

My story isn't really about religion or Islam, but it has similar tones. Both my parents are super traditional Chinese parents that were brought up Christian, and are very staunch Christians now that they're in their later years. Of course, I was brought up a Christian as well, and as much as I love my Christ, I'm not very... attached to the label of "Christian" (read: Westboro Baptist Church, and those of the Church of Jesus Christ-Christian; you'll see what I mean).

My mother ALWAYS told me to marry a "good Chinese Christian boy", but the guys I dated were... not my type. So she said she MAY compromise if I find someone that she can like. Because you know... marrying someone is like marrying their family (right? Right....?)

And then I met my husband... He was (and still is) a great guy despite his long, smooth, curly locks (I'm jealous, can you tell?) and scruffy almost-unkempt beard... My mother didn't like him at first because he was Caucasian (remember that my parents are super traditional) and he had long hair and a beard, but after a while, warmed up to him. We even had a hilarious conversation at his expense that would not sound right in any other English accent except Singlish.

So I told her, "Well... he's not Chinese and he's not really Christian (brought up Lutheran, does not practice any longer), but even so, would a Caucasian guy who looks like Jesus an okay compromise? Oh, and he proposed." She looked at me like I just stabbed her in the eye, then laughed.

Phew!

- P

[mspain 1]

Thanks so much for the lovely stories from P, Zaytoona, Crossed fingers, and all. I enjoyed their sweetness and humor. I hope we hear more stories like theirs and more happy endings.

I got a visit from my mother today at my house. She wanted to know why I was treating her "this way" I was firm and straightfaced when I said I didn't like the way she behaved with me last time and that Iam fasting and do not want to be forced to do anything I don't want to do. I explained I was doing Ramadan and she made a disgusted face and some comments. She then turned and left with a very upset face and asked "Is this how you treat your mother?"

I pretty much can't deal with anymore drama, so what do I do? I open up my email to find a letter my aunt (the one who told me I was dead to her and she didn't know me.) This letter is like 5 pages long and really made me sick. I'm debating whether to post it or not.

Here's a short portion:

When you rode off last night on the elephant named Islam and stuffed him in the car with you, I felt a very deep sadness for you because if your relationship cannot bear the scrutiny of two innocent vital, life-altering questons from one who loves you unconditionally, ones that will be uppermost in the minds of not only every born-again Christian who knows you, but also every savvy U.S. citizen that your decision will affect, you will continue to be hurt and/or angry every time they surface.

Not only Christians, but every informed American who recognizes that Islam, whose guidebook, the Koran, demands that its members "kill the infidel", (that's us who are not Muslims)-and know of thousands of atrocities to prove it- is keenly aware that Muslims who believe their holy book are a grave threat not only to our country, but to each one of us individually. Some Muslims apparently do not believe it. . . . .

We are aware that Sharia law has taken over Dearborn, MI, of how Muslims are taking over Europe, of their goal to dominate the world, of their pervasive suppression of women, etc. You obviously are unaware of this perception/knowledge, choose not to believe it, or you simply suppress it because you are "in love"with one of them. Those of us who love you can see an indescribably hard road ahead for you if you persist on your present path, and because I am naturally outspoken, I can no longer remain silent. You need to know that your uncle Jim agrees completely, but his temperament and personality keep him from expressing his feelings on the subject. He strongly believes that I should send this letter, the draft of which he has read.

The letter goes on and really gets offensive.

I was forty years old with an M.S. degree in counseling when your mother became engaged to G B, Aunt K to B, and Aunt C S S in 1974, and all of us who knew the couples had deep misgivings regarding the decisions that they were making, but we kept our mouths shut for fear of alienating those "in love" girls with their heads in the clouds and their dreams in Brides magazine. I have since learned from experience, and from the Bible, that to remain silent is to do a person a grave disservice. If I saw you placidly floating down a calm river knowing that there are treacherous, deadly rapids ahead, it would be criminal not to warn you, which I hoped to do last night with you.

If, however, I had known that your s would become a lesbian, and then a man, I would have been crushed at her decisions, but again I would have kept my mouth shut for I had already participated in an intervention with the family at Tom's house which did not change the course of her life, but seemed to impel her to be more determined to go her own way. You can be assured that I will not attempt to intervene in your life again for you made your intentions clear last night by fleeing.

When I asked you if your decision to follow Christ and be baptized was real, and you answered yes, you need to know that at the moment you believed and accepted you became, with Christians all over the world, a member of the Body of Christ, who believe that the Bible is the guide to our attitudes and actions, and as such are committed to look out for each other. "When one member of the body suffers, we all suffer", so we are not islands unto ourselves, independent to make decisions that are diametrically opposite to its teachings. Our holy book very clearly warns us"not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers". We Christians believe that Christ is indeed God; not a "good prophet and teacher" as Islam declares. By Jesus' declaration that He is God, He is either the Lord, as He claims to be; a liar, who is pretending to be God; or a lunatic, who thinks he is God.

I asked you, "Why are you planning to marry a Muslim?" You responded that it was a personal matter between you, Anwar, and God. When I responded that Allah is not the God of the Bible, it was then that you completely withdrew, and the conversation ended when I was called to the computer room. I told Jeff that I had offended you by asking about your Christianity and why you were marrying a Muslim, and he responded that he couldn't talk with you about it . . .There was no time for further discussion with him since we were trying to scan a document.

My premise is that when the upcoming marriage of a close family member cannot even be discussed, then something is desperately wrong with the relationship . . . . . . .

Regarding your hypersensitivity to these very valid questions, which will definitely be in the minds of every Christian who saw you baptized, as well as every American who knows you: You probably have a wide circle of friends, fellow students, and colleagues, not to mention relatives, who will not only wonder, but some will have the audacity to actually ask you about your decision. Therefore, if you persist toward your present goal of joining your life with this man, you need to grow some thicker skin to be able to cope with the questions, and respond without having to go lick your wounds. I'm speaking the truth in love here, and if you are as intelligent as I believe you are, and as wise as you perceive yourself to be, you will at least think about what I am attempting to express.

I am wondering if you have done everything in your power to assist the Holy Spirit in converting Anwar to your faith . . .If you have and he is still resistent, then you will be deliberately disabeying the commands of Jesus (to Whom you vowed your allegiance when you committed your life to Him, and sealed it with your Christian baptism) if you unite your life with an unbeliever! Serious consequences will be yours, and I could not, in good conscience, continue to make small talk last night with the giant elephant in the room without at least raising those most important questions which will affect your entire life forever. The most important decision a person will ever make is whether or not she/he will commit to Christianity because it determines where you will spend eternity. The second most important decision is if, and whom you will marry, for this decision affects your life until you die. If I didn't love you unconditionally, I would have pursued the aforementioned 'small talk'as I am quite adept at it, and it is WAY easier to do so, but because I care deeply for you, I had to raise the issues when I had a minute with you privately.

That you responded in such an immature manner, more like a petulant, defiant 12-year old than a mature woman soon to be a quarter of a century old, my gut feeling about your unreadiness for the second most important decision in your life, is confirmed. You recall that the last time you were here, you stayed in this room with the computer the entire time so that we had absolutely no time alone with each other to discuss this subject. . . .I continue to wonder what that was about since you were not physically ill . . .

You may, or may not know that married life, even with someone with the same background, socio-economic status, education, religion, race, cultural values/traditions, and the same English language in common with all your associates, is not a walk in the park! Having been married for almost 60 years to your uncle Jim, who is an absolute prince, we have experienced some really hard times relationally even with all the commonalities. You haven't a clue to the pitfalls that potentially lie ahead with a North African who shares few or none of these commonalities.

Because you lived with Anwar in Spain, you probably think that you know everything about him, but you haven't yet introduced him to your family and friends, sent him to take care of business alone, allowed him to function without your translating and interpreting for him, had to meet alone with another man for business related to your work, or even a male physician, cover for his ignorance of our customs and his social faux pas',attempted to have and raise children with him, deal with his lack of employment, etc., etc. Love is not enough! I regret that it is a subject that you are unable or unwilling to discuss, for if your relationship were transparent and exposed to the light of day, you may gain some greater insight into your future. Sometimes older people have accrued some wisdom that they are willing to share that can benefit younger ones who lack their experience. Prudent and mature people at least can bring themselves to listen.

With a heart that is breaking for you, and much love, I will close this very long letter, with the intense and sincere hope that you will give careful consideration to the concerns that I have expressed.

This is pretty intense. What do you think?

[Prawninator 138]

Not to offend, but it almost seems like your aunt was born back when everyone BELIEVED that the world was flat.

(trying to inject some humor...)

[Jenn! 918]

You may, or may not know that married life, even with someone with the same background, socio-economic status, education, religion, race, cultural values/traditions, and the same English language in common with all your associates, is not a walk in the park! Having been married for almost 60 years to your uncle Jim, who is an absolute prince, we have experienced some really hard times relationally even with all the commonalities. You haven't a clue to the pitfalls that potentially lie ahead with a North African who shares few or none of these commonalities.

Because you lived with Anwar in Spain, you probably think that you know everything about him, but you haven't yet introduced him to your family and friends, sent him to take care of business alone, allowed him to function without your translating and interpreting for him, had to meet alone with another man for business related to your work, or even a male physician, cover for his ignorance of our customs and his social faux pas',attempted to have and raise children with him, deal with his lack of employment, etc., etc. Love is not enough! I regret that it is a subject that you are unable or unwilling to discuss, for if your relationship were transparent and exposed to the light of day, you may gain some greater insight into your future. Sometimes older people have accrued some wisdom that they are willing to share that can benefit younger ones who lack their experience. Prudent and mature people at least can bring themselves to listen.

From my own experience, I think this is good advice!

The rest of it, however, is bullshite. Sorry.

[mspain 1]

I sent the following email back tonight:

I am just opening this email as I do not use this account anymore. Had I seen this letter before,I would have replied to tell you how dare you say such things about me and my future husband. Do not try to contact me. Do not try to speak to me. I do not want your advice, emails, or letters.

Hopefully this will get the message across

Edited August 19, 2010 by meghan.spain

[mandyu1 5]

I sent the following email back tonight:

I am just opening this email as I do not use this account anymore. Had I seen this letter before,I would have replied to tell you how dare you say such things about me and my future husband. Do not try to contact me. Do not try to speak to me. I do not want your advice, emails, or letters.

Hopefully this will get the message across

Wow, your aunt seems worse than your mother (no offense). As Jenn said, she does have a valid point about marriage, but thats the same no matter who you marry. You didn't share the rest of the email but I can only imagine what she said. I think you did the right thing by replying to her in a calm, mature way and hopefully she gets the point. But your family is thinking that you are changing for your fiance/husband, when really this is your choice when you became muslim. I have no room to give advice on this matter, as I'm in some what the same situation, but I think the longer you hold off telling them that you're muslim, the more likely they will resent him because they will feel that your change in faith is because of him and/or his influence on you.

I wish you the best of luck