How to deal with the down time

[Fandango 1,439]

Oh no, I agree entirely!! There are plenty of cases that are all waiting, but JustJ stands out because she has her Mum in poor health on the one hand, she and her husband wanting to start a family and a complicated situation made yet more difficult, and then on top of all that issues regarding VWP overstays (perhaps they confused her husband with someone else?) and a driving ticket being used in order to deny her application

I just read the thread, I am absolutely sick to my stomach about what she's going through. Reading how she was in the church crying? I am so angry I could hit someone.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

I just read the thread, I am absolutely sick to my stomach about what she's going through. Reading how she was in the church crying? I am so angry I could hit someone.

Me too. It's got to be at least as bad as what happened with Tom & Mary.

[Fandango 1,439]

Me too. It's got to be at least as bad as what happened with Tom & Mary.

I don't recall that one..

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

I don't recall that one..

It happened before I joined, and a lot of the posts were lost in the great purge. I'll see if I can find it; some stuff is still on here.

[Fandango 1,439]

It happened before I joined, and a lot of the posts were lost in the great purge. I'll see if I can find it; some stuff is still on here.

I'm sure I'll remember it at some point, I just need a few nudges. You can recap; that'll be easier, lolz

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

He had been caught in a car with cannabis in it on the ferry from Ireland when he was much younger. He had some bad legal advice and plead guilty to a minor drug importation offence. They were denied, even though the amount was very small and he wasn't smuggling, he was just in the car. She ended up selling her much-beloved house and moving to the UK. I think at the time it was pretty much the only flat out denied, no chance of appeal case from the UK that had been told on VJ.

[*julez* 124]

I remember Tom & Mary. It was a terrible story. She had to leave her kids and grandkids behind and it was just so heart-wrenching.

[Fandango 1,439]

He had been caught in a car with cannabis in it on the ferry from Ireland when he was much younger. He had some bad legal advice and plead guilty to a minor drug importation offence. They were denied, even though the amount was very small and he wasn't smuggling, he was just in the car. She ended up selling her much-beloved house and moving to the UK. I think at the time it was pretty much the only flat out denied, no chance of appeal case from the UK that had been told on VJ.

Oh of course, I remember that! IIRC, it wasn't his car and the weed supposedly didn't belong to him.

At least they had that option.....JustJ can't move

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Oh of course, I remember that! IIRC, it wasn't his car and the weed supposedly didn't belong to him.

At least they had that option.....JustJ can't move

Yeah, that's what makes it even worse. Reading the stories in that thread make me feel ridiculous for my own hissy fit over an RFE which delayed us by one big fat week.

[MelissaJulian 30]

I didn't know that people from the UK got denied because everyone always says London is so easy. I feel so bad for everyone stuck with doing waivers.

I came on to say I got another touch this morning but now it seems like a stupid thing to say.

[Rob and Jill 82]

You know, I happened across a thread int he waiver section about the Brits needing waivers, and it really broke my heart. If any of you have the time, you should give some of it a read....it really puts waiting in perspective.

If you could say a prayer or send good mojo to those peeps, I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

I certainly don't mean to sound heartless by saying this, so don't misunderstand. These stories are really sad and heartbreaking.

It doesn't change my perspective on waiting for it though. I've been waiting for three years already. I had to wait that long to get divorced and for both of us to get our finances in order before we could even file. If he is not here until August, it will have been over a three year wait to be together. Not to mention that while we're waiting we have no idea if it will be approved, if we'll get an RFE, or what might happen to make it all fall apart. As optimistic as I am it will all be ok, we don't know that.

I am also a ticking bomb on fertility. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I went over 6 years with no birth control and never got pregnant, so without some really expensive treatments, I might just age myself out of having a baby as well. We've talked about fostering or adopting, but the laws in our state recently changed, and you have to have been married at least two years before they will let you start either of those processes. Not to mention that Rob is older than me and there is an age limit (he's not quite there) on the parents for adoption in the US. So if we age ourselves out of that one we have to go out of the country to adopt and the problems go on and on from there.

It's frustrating, annoying, and enough to drive me nuts on occassion. What's holding us up now? An incompetant police department who can't seem to get it together enough in a week to sign some damn photographs.

At the end of the day the frustration for everyone on this forum is the future of OUR lives rest in the hands of a stranger. I don't think there could be much out there that is more nerve racking than that.

[Jewel-8 21]

It's frustrating, annoying, and enough to drive me nuts on occassion. What's holding us up now? An incompetant police department who can't seem to get it together enough in a week to sign some damn photographs.

I thought that someone that has known you a long time was able to sign the photographs for the police cert?

[Fandango 1,439]

I certainly don't mean to sound heartless by saying this, so don't misunderstand. These stories are really sad and heartbreaking.

It doesn't change my perspective on waiting for it though. I've been waiting for three years already. I had to wait that long to get divorced and for both of us to get our finances in order before we could even file. If he is not here until August, it will have been over a three year wait to be together. Not to mention that while we're waiting we have no idea if it will be approved, if we'll get an RFE, or what might happen to make it all fall apart. As optimistic as I am it will all be ok, we don't know that.

I am also a ticking bomb on fertility. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I went over 6 years with no birth control and never got pregnant, so without some really expensive treatments, I might just age myself out of having a baby as well. We've talked about fostering or adopting, but the laws in our state recently changed, and you have to have been married at least two years before they will let you start either of those processes. Not to mention that Rob is older than me and there is an age limit (he's not quite there) on the parents for adoption in the US. So if we age ourselves out of that one we have to go out of the country to adopt and the problems go on and on from there.

It's frustrating, annoying, and enough to drive me nuts on occassion. What's holding us up now? An incompetant police department who can't seem to get it together enough in a week to sign some damn photographs.

At the end of the day the frustration for everyone on this forum is the future of OUR lives rest in the hands of a stranger. I don't think there could be much out there that is more nerve racking than that.

Hey, I can relate. I didn't file for years because timing wasn't right, so no one understands that more than me. And when we finally did file, once he got packet three and was planning the interview stage, I found out a bunch of stuff that had transpired during the wait, which made it impossible for me to continue to want the marriage. But at the same time, there's a difference to having to wait to do things the right way, and being told by your gov't that it can't be done, and you as a couple are stuck in limbo, without even an option of HOW it can be accomplished that you are finally together. Also, and please don't take me wrong here either...but blips of delays like an RFE or whatnot, well the couple isn't sitting there being told there's no way they can be together...I cannot imaging how heartbreaking that is. RFEs, yeah v frustrating. But still, with that there's hope. And without hope...what the hell do you have once that's taken away?

Edited June 23, 2010 by Happy Bunny

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

I kept reminding myself when we were going through the process that at least we were doing DCF and were together. If something went wrong, we could still be together and nothing would change. I have never forgotten that us DCF folks are the luckiest of all. Much love to my other UK peeps at all stages of this.

[Rob and Jill 82]

But at the same time, there's a difference to having to wait to do things the right way, and being told by your gov't that it can't be done, and you as a couple are stuck in limbo, without even an option of HOW it can be accomplished that you are finally together. Also, and please don't take me wrong here either...but blips of delays like an RFE or whatnot, well the couple isn't sitting there being told there's no way they can be together...I cannot imaging how heartbreaking that is. RFEs, yeah v frustrating. But still, with that there's hope. And without hope...what the hell do you have once that's taken away?

Very true. We're not done yet though, so technically we're all still waiting for that hammer to fall and to have someone tell us to run along and play elsewhere.

Honest to god, as much as I love Rob that is why I didn't marry him before I knew he could come over. 3 years was a long enough wait to start/work through the process, that I knew if we were married and something like what happened to the people on the waiver thread happened, that I didn't know if I could deal with it. I know couples now who are married and living apart due to finaces, military, immigration, and other issues. I also know I am NOT a woman who could handle that well. It's been a tough 3 years and I'll be glad when it's all finished!

I thought that someone that has known you a long time was able to sign the photographs for the police cert?

I have no idea. I haven't seen his paperwork, not sure what it's called or where to look for it to find out. I did find out today he can go ahead and book his medical, so I am going to have him do that soon.