Irritating BS your SO does

[marlea 84]

The problem is that people ARE telling him not to marry me, like his best friend and his mother, and even some people on VJ. I have been called a gold digger which is NOT TRUE. Can't you see why I would be upset?

OK, my turn to jump in. Melissa, you have two ways with which you can deal with all this adversity.

1) Rant, rave, throw your fists in the air and shout at the gods that this is so unfair, that the whole world is against you, that you have so many problems and you can't see why EVERYONE is against you. This (what you seem to be doing now) takes a lot of energy and is completely useless. It's spinning your wheels for no reason and you will NEVER be able to prove that you are right and everyone else is wrong. Not because you aren't right but because there will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees. That's how life works.

2) Realize that not everyone in the world will agree with you, but just say "OK" and move on. The ranting and the raving is just an attempt to prove EVERYONE ELSE wrong, when, in all honesty, who cares what other people think? Do you love Julian? Does he love you? Do you want to be together? Case closed. Everyone else's opinion is just that, opinion, and you don't have a duty to change their opinion. Don't feel that you have to be right. Just trust your choices, realize that others may disagree, but if you give up the need to PROVE to everyone else that you are right, life gets a whole lot easier.

The easiest way to live your life according to the second option is to focus on the good, not on the bad. Think about all the things you have going for you, not all the things that you don't have. Think about how much worse it could be, and think about how lucky you have been to be able to go through an easy embassy, to be able to see Julian during the process, to be able to move into a new home with him once he's here. While you are telling other people what they should be thankful for (telling another member that she went through the process faster than you did and now has her husband with her), other people could say the same to you. You get a new home, I'm living in a small apartment and working two jobs just to stay afloat. You got to see Julian recently, I haven't seen my fiance since April, and not for almost 2 years before that. But even with all that, I know I still have it better than so many others out there. You can't play the "who has it better" game because there will always be someone who has things harder than you do.

So, everything I have just written is written with concern. I am just trying to help. Just let all the criticism roll of your back like it didn't even happen. Put your focus where it needs to be, and let the rest just fade away.

[Asila 10]

I have been called a gold digger which is NOT TRUE. Can't you see why I would be upset?

Well, no. You just said it isn't true, so have a laugh and move on.

Also I dunno, I might be way out of line here, but pulling up timelines and then making snarky comments about them may not be the way to change any... not... nice opinions about yourself. Just a thought.

So hey everyone, who thinks we need a thread called "I'm waiting for the consulate to get a move on and boy am I testy!" because there's five or six of us.

[marlea 84]

So hey everyone, who thinks we need a thread called "I'm waiting for the consulate to get a move on and boy am I testy!" because there's five or six of us.

Agreed. I may not come here to moan about it, but YES, I'm completely agreed.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I'm still not convinced you aren't really a sock puppet, Rob.

You've caught me. I am really Eric in disguise.

[CoffeeMuse 5]

Two things to this thread, I KNOW it is a lighthearted thread, so please don't get angry with me for being a little more serious with this question:

1) My ex-husband was such a complete and total jerk to me for so many years, I don't think much of anything Rob could do would ever compare.

2) Rob and I have a mutual friend named Scott. We've known Scott for over 4 years. Scott and I talk on a pretty regular basis, as he is a wonderful person and a great friend. He's been married the entire time I've known him, and has two precious children with his wife. Aside from the fact that they are both completely wonderful people, the thing I adore most about Scott is this:

In four + years, not once, not ever have I heard him say a single bad thing about his wife. Not once. He never has anything but positive things to say about her. He found his dream woman, and they are living a dream together.

I've spent time watching the relationships of others around me, and I have to tell you, Scott has one of the best I have ever seen and I generally think it is a mutual respect they have for each other. They don't pick at each other, degrade each other, or try and "fix" each other. I HATE watching it when people are mean to each other.

Sometimes the little things are the things that end up breaking up marriages. Don't waste precious moments together in your lives arguing over silly things or trying to change one another.

I am going to add the Optomists Creed in here, and underline a line of it I have had to chant over and over to myself on occassion.

I promise myself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

- Christian D. Larson

+1

I have to agree with the spirit of the above post. I'm not really sure of what good can come from a complaint topic about your fiancee/spouse topic other than to stir the pot of discontent which may some day lead to the disolution of the relationship. Or is that misery loves company? If people are that miserable with their significant other, they may need to re-evaluate the relationship altogether.

[The_Dude 1,142]

+1

I have to agree with the spirit of the above post. I'm not really sure of what good can come from a complaint topic about your fiancee/spouse topic other than to stir the pot of discontent which may some day lead to the disolution of the relationship. Or is that misery loves company? If people are that miserable with their significant other, they may need to re-evaluate the relationship altogether.

You clearly don't get the spirit in which this thread was intended. No offense, but this is a humorous and light hearted thread, not one about serious relationship gripes.

[CoffeeMuse 5]

Ah sorry, I misread the title then. Perhaps England and the US are truly two nations separated by a common language. =P

*backs slowly out of the thread*

[Gemmie 142]

Melissa, I don't know what happened in the other thread in Site Updates that got closed because post/s were deleted. I posted those examples of the things Julian has said because you didn't believe that he could possibly say something like that. I hate to break it to you, but you DO know he can say things like that, because he's made several antagonizing posts in topics that you have been involved in (and you even spent a while apologizing on his behalf) and they were towards Americans, Jamaicans, Russians etc. If you need proof of that, I can find those too.

If you don't like that people are saying these horrible things about your relationship, then ignore it. Do you know what I would do if someone told me that I'm with my husband for selfish gain? Let them think what they like, because it doesn't affect me or my relationship. I know why I'm in this. Don't come in here once the topic has been closed just to open up another can of worms. If you were really upset that Julian has said certain things, why not log off VJ and speak to him directly about it? The moment someone else agrees with you and says that Julian has been saying horrible things for a long time, you jump to his defense and claim that no one here knows him and calling us condescending b!tches.

Comparing how much your situation is worse than others is a losing battle, as someone else pointed out. In the time your entire process has taken until now, we hadn't even gotten the NOA2 yet. You're lucky enough to see Julian often while many people either don't have the money to do so, or have too many ties meaning they can't leave. You're lucky enough to have bought a 4/5/whatever bedroom house that is to your liking while many people are either living with in-laws trying to save up the money or living paycheck to paycheck after the visa process has cleared their bank accounts. You're lucky enough to have the option of working full/part time, being a housewife, being a mother, whatever you want because you're financially secure enough to choose; while many people are dying for their EAD so they can work any job they can to pull money. Try focusing on those things whenever you feel the need to whine about how many hurdles you've had to overcome. And by the way, I don't say that out of jealousy. I say that because it's offensive to see you bring up your horrible process and compare it to others when you've been extremely lucky.

****

Please don't close this topic, it isn't involving language, sexual tone, racism, sexism, etc. There's not even any bullying going on here. It's no different to any other topic where there's a different in viewpoint.

[ValerieA 350]

My damned husband won't admit that I'm right. ALL THE TIME. Pffffttt.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

You've caught me. I am really Eric in disguise.

Knew it.

My damned husband won't admit that I'm right. ALL THE TIME. Pffffttt.

How disrespectful. Everyone knows Val is right ALL the time!

[ValerieA 350]

How disrespectful. Everyone knows Val is right ALL the time!

Exactly. He's back to school this week, so expecting the b1tchiness to kick in soon. Not my fault he scheduled his classes at 7 in the fricking morning. And he expects me to get up and make breakfast for him at 5:30! I mean really, do I SEEM like a morning person? Obviously, mistakes will be made in the kitchen, I'm not awake at that time!

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Exactly. He's back to school this week, so expecting the b1tchiness to kick in soon. Not my fault he scheduled his classes at 7 in the fricking morning. And he expects me to get up and make breakfast for him at 5:30! I mean really, do I SEEM like a morning person? Obviously, mistakes will be made in the kitchen, I'm not awake at that time!

You need to nip this behaviour in the bud, or else you know what we do to misbehaving husbands.

You are not a maid OR a morning person. He can fix his own bloody breakfast!

[ValerieA 350]

You need to nip this behaviour in the bud, or else you know what we do to misbehaving husbands.

You are not a maid OR a morning person. He can fix his own bloody breakfast!

But I look so cute in the outfit!!!

Oh, and he has wisely hid the gun. Again.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

But I look so cute in the outfit!!!

Oh, and he has wisely hid the gun. Again.

It's true, you are pretty cute in that get-up. It's so massively unfair that he's hidden the gun -- doesn't he know that you have to be prepared?

[Dodi 69]

Obviously, mistakes will be made in the kitchen, I'm not awake at that time!

Please tell me you own a fire extinguisher?