Not thinking

[UKGirl123 24]

I have been a member on VJ for a while now and I read the posts daily.

I know how hard it has been so far for my finance and I, both emotionally, financially and the waiting. So I find it really hard to understand the people who are on there 4th K1 visa, or relocated to the US and married someone else etc. Now don't get me wrong I am all for second chances but I know that before I agreed to marry my fiance I thought about it long and hard. I wouldn't be doing it if I had a single doubt in my mind that I am going to be with him for the rest of my life. It just seems that some people rush into things, eg, meeting online, then meeting once a few months later and getting engaged the same time. It just baffles me.

Anyway vent over, I just wanted to see what everyone elses thoughts on this were thats all.

[MeggyMo 4]

I have been a member on VJ for a while now and I read the posts daily.

I know how hard it has been so far for my finance and I, both emotionally, financially and the waiting. So I find it really hard to understand the people who are on there 4th K1 visa, or relocated to the US and married someone else etc. Now don't get me wrong I am all for second chances but I know that before I agreed to marry my fiance I thought about it long and hard. I wouldn't be doing it if I had a single doubt in my mind that I am going to be with him for the rest of my life. It just seems that some people rush into things, eg, meeting online, then meeting once a few months later and getting engaged the same time. It just baffles me.

Anyway vent over, I just wanted to see what everyone elses thoughts on this were thats all.

I completely agree with everything you said. I have felt that way for a long time well basically ever since we started thinking about this process. The people who are not truly committed to this and end up not going through with their marriage just annoys me. They held up the line for people who really knew this was going to succeed instead of just saying ok lets do this on a whim. So I definitely feel you on that situation but alas nothing we can do about it except complain! And hey even that makes me feel a little bit better

[Otto 83]

It baffles me too sometimes - doesn't happen as often as we might think though. Thankfully.

*Moved thread from K-1 Proc. to "Moving Here and Your New Life in America" since it doesn't necessarily relate to just K-1's or any particular process.

Edited March 20, 2010 by Otto und Karin

[HeatDeath 430]

Me and my now-wife met online in 2001. We finally got engaged at the end of August 2008. I'd been visiting every spring and summer for 6 years! No whirlwind romance for us! Her parents say that in a lot of ways, we're like an old married couple, and we've only been married for 6 months!

[BirdyGirl85 23]

I do think it's a little weird that a lot of people that go through this process end up getting engaged after only one or two very short visits. But hey, that works for some people, so who I am to judge? I know for some people it's hard to get much time off from work to visit their loved one. But for me and my fiance, we have been together for almost five years, and have met up in person two to three times a year, so far we have spent over two years together in person. The separation was hard when we were apart, but we would talk every day and that helped. But it took me a couple years to feel ready for marriage, and I'm glad we didn't rush into marriage. You have to make sure you feel ready for it. I'm also thinking that it looks good to the USCIS when they review our relationship for our K-1 Visa, I think to them it will look more like a real relationship since we have been spending so much time together in person before filling for the K-1 Visa.

Edited March 21, 2010 by BirdyGirl85

[Damian&Kelly 16]

I completely understand how you feel. As for my husband and I, we got married after being together almost 3 years and we even felt that we were rushing in to marriage and if we could have it our way; we'd probably still be engaged or just a couple but to be together without the distance, we had to get married. I can't judge those people but how much could you really know about living together as a couple after spending a couple days together. We spent 16 months straight together in person, 3months here 3months there. and when we settled down and got married, it was still an adjustment.

We can't really blame them, though if their relationship can't withstand the distance, I'm unsure how it can work out. But as I was saying, you can't really blame them. The way immigration is set up, it's a choice of marriage or distance and for those who live in countries that don't belong to the VWP, it'd be a lot harder. As for us, we could travel without a lot of worrying.

But I can't say we didn't think about getting married after the first visit, though in our case the 1st visit was a 3 month visit.

[littlecrazyangel 1]

I totally agree with you guys. We 'dated' almost 6 years and then we got married. WE met in person first time and every year more than a month we were together 24/7. Our paperwork took a lot of time to be approved, we waited after NOA2 more than 8 months, and others who "dated" 1 or 2 years got approved faster. WE were so frustrated back then when we waited for noa2. But now we are married for 5 months and we are happy together.

We needed a lot of patience, understanding and love :X

[BirdyGirl85 23]

The way immigration is set up, it's a choice of marriage or distance and for those who live in countries that don't belong to the VWP, it'd be a lot harder. As for us, we could travel without a lot of worrying.

Oh yes, that is very true, I didn't even consider that. My fiance is from Finland and Finland is apart of the Visa Waiver Program. If Finland wasn't apart of the Visa Waiver Program, I don't think we would of been able to visit each other as often as we have. I have been to Finland of course, I have been there for a total of nine months, but still, my fiance has visited me in the U.S. more often, just because it was easier for him to quit his job to visit me for three months at a time and be able to get his job back right away when he got back home. For me it wasn't as easy, so it's better for him to visit me.

Edited March 21, 2010 by BirdyGirl85

[victorious 0]

I agree with all of you and I enjoyed reading all your opinions and stories. It will be my 1 yr wedding anniversary this May. Time goes by so fast

This kind of situations happened a lot of times in my country. Meeting online or introduced by friends, then meet once and decided to get married in just a blink of an eye.

My husband and I first meet in 2004 in my church, been friends for a year and in 2005 we became a couple. We got engaged in 2007 and filed for K1 in 2008. I always get to see him every year and stayed for few months. But most of our relationship is long distance. We chatted almost everyday, lots of emails and he called me every week. See what Love can do, a lot of waiting and no rush. But others can't deal on waiting so there they go, their intention may good or bad. But hey its their life there is nothing we can do about it right?

[coraliesolms 47]

I 100% agree, my visa has taken 3 years to get to this point.. certainly if I wasnt totally into my marriage I would have bailed out by now. And its frustrating that these people who arent 100% plugged into their marriages clog up the system for the rest of us that want to start a "normal" life with our spouses. And DEVASTATING for the amcit who paid for them to come over, under the premise that this was their happily ever after, only to find out that they were used. Very sad.

[UKGirl123 24]

Ok here's me continuing with my venting.

Fraud

It makes me so angry!

When someone posts on here about how they want to commit immigration fraud I can't help but tell them my opinion!

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I wouldn't be doing it if I had a single doubt in my mind that I am going to be with him for the rest of my life.

Plenty of people believe that as strongly as you do and thought about it as hard and long as you did, but it still doesn't work out for them. That's life.

Lots of people were betting that my husband and I would be divorced in six months because of our age, how little time we had spent physically together before marriage, and living most of the first year of our marriage in a 19sqm dorm room, among other things. We did everything the 'wrong way' in their opinions, but we'll be married six years in August. Go figure.

I'm not going to begrudge honest couples for spinning the wheel. How else will you really, truly know if you don't just suck it up and take the plunge?

[celticstar 2]

Interesting thread.

I'm one half of the "rush into marriage" couples that has been mentioned, I know on my part that I never had any intention of moving from the UK and certainly not to the US.

I've never even held a passport before in my entire life!

Me and Darryl (my fiancé) have spent so much time talking (messenger conversations that have lasted for upwards of 16 hours!) that I truly believe we know each other as well as couples who live in the same country and see each other regularly, maybe even more so as the time we have together - be it online or in person - is so precious to us that we don't waste it on silences or rubbish.

Darryl came over here in early March after we'd been talking for three or four months constantly every night.

We went on a vacation to Scotland and spent my birthday there.

I didn't need that time away to tell me that he was/is the man for me, from when we first started talking it was obvious that we had a really special connection and are truly soulmates, I really do believe that with 100% of my heart, soul and mind.

My views on marriage were very much of the opinion that who needs a bit of metal and a bit of paper that prove you love each other?

My family likes wedding cake which explains that thinking....My Father has been married three times, my Mother has been married twice, my eldest Sister is onto her fourth marriage and my second eldest sister has also been married twice.....So, eleven marriages between them meant that I didn't exactly believe that those vows meant anything.

Those views have changed so dramatically since meeting Darryl that I now can't understand why I ever thought that not having that legal commitment and tie was enough for me.

I know for me that marriage will be for life and that I'll do anything I have to, to enable it to work.

I'm marrying him because I want to be bonded to him in every way that I can be, I want to show him that I love him so deeply that I don't ever want to be anything less than his.

That may be a slightly archaic view but hey....That's how I feel!

The fact that I have to move to a different continent to be with him doesn't actually figure into it, it's just something that I have to do, if he lived in deepest darkest Peru I'd be moving there because it would just be the country that he lived in.

I'll be leaving behind my family and friends when I move, that's no small thing for me as my family and friends mean the world to me, but, it's not like it's the other side of the world....Oh...Wait a second.....

So, yeah, really all I'm saying is that sometimes people do move fast in a relationship, it doesn't mean that the relationship is anything other than genuine or any less loving than a couple who have been together for years.

I've waited 28 years to find my man and I don't want to waste any more time than we have to before we can properly share the rest of our lives as we were meant to!

[JeNo 0]

Interesting thread.

I'm one half of the "rush into marriage" couples that has been mentioned, I know on my part that I never had any intention of moving from the UK and certainly not to the US.

I've never even held a passport before in my entire life!

Me and Darryl (my fiancé) have spent so much time talking (messenger conversations that have lasted for upwards of 16 hours!) that I truly believe we know each other as well as couples who live in the same country and see each other regularly, maybe even more so as the time we have together - be it online or in person - is so precious to us that we don't waste it on silences or rubbish.

Darryl came over here in early March after we'd been talking for three or four months constantly every night.

We went on a vacation to Scotland and spent my birthday there.

I didn't need that time away to tell me that he was/is the man for me, from when we first started talking it was obvious that we had a really special connection and are truly soulmates, I really do believe that with 100% of my heart, soul and mind.

My views on marriage were very much of the opinion that who needs a bit of metal and a bit of paper that prove you love each other?

My family likes wedding cake which explains that thinking....My Father has been married three times, my Mother has been married twice, my eldest Sister is onto her fourth marriage and my second eldest sister has also been married twice.....So, eleven marriages between them meant that I didn't exactly believe that those vows meant anything.

Those views have changed so dramatically since meeting Darryl that I now can't understand why I ever thought that not having that legal commitment and tie was enough for me.

I know for me that marriage will be for life and that I'll do anything I have to, to enable it to work.

I'm marrying him because I want to be bonded to him in every way that I can be, I want to show him that I love him so deeply that I don't ever want to be anything less than his.

That may be a slightly archaic view but hey....That's how I feel!

The fact that I have to move to a different continent to be with him doesn't actually figure into it, it's just something that I have to do, if he lived in deepest darkest Peru I'd be moving there because it would just be the country that he lived in.

I'll be leaving behind my family and friends when I move, that's no small thing for me as my family and friends mean the world to me, but, it's not like it's the other side of the world....Oh...Wait a second.....

So, yeah, really all I'm saying is that sometimes people do move fast in a relationship, it doesn't mean that the relationship is anything other than genuine or any less loving than a couple who have been together for years.

I've waited 28 years to find my man and I don't want to waste any more time than we have to before we can properly share the rest of our lives as we were meant to!

NICE... ...THIS, to me explains everything...hats off to U...

[celticstar 2]

NICE... ...THIS, to me explains everything...hats off to U...

Thanks JeNo, I'm really lucky in that I've found the one man who completes me, I'm not saying that every couple who rush into things are 100% genuine but it's not a case of we're all looking for a GC or don;t love our partners