African Husbands/ Cooking?

[Radical Lover 0]

hello everyone. it has been a while for me. i have a question for you guys. for those of you who are married, does your husband expect you to cook everyday? this is presenting itself as a problem in my marriage. we have been together for 5 years, married for 3. i am a teacher and i work at least 10 hours a day. my husband works too, on average 6-8 hours a day. he cooks sometimes but not all the time. we are getting into huge arguments now because if i don't cook african meals, he gets angry and ignores me. i don't know how to cook many african meals at all. i am american with a caribbean background so i make mostly caribbean food and occasionally african food. my husband told me that he is unhappy because he wants to eat african food every day. i feel this is an unrealistic expectation. any thoughts? i'm at the point where i don't know what to do...

Edited January 9, 2010 by Radical Lover

[ForeverAmen 0]

Hi Radical!

Sorry for your frustrations. In my household, my husband does 90% of the cooking. Mainly for two reasons: 1) he is a V-E-R-Y picky eater and 2) he often is home before me. For the few occasions that I do arrive home first, we simply eat left overs. Personally, I am not a big fan of cooking. On the otherhand, it can sometimes be frustrating when I do take the time to cook only to have my husband either not eat the food, eat the food, yet add something he's already cooked to the meal, or pull out left overs that he has cooked from the night prior. But oh well ... we are soon approaching 4 years of marriage, so at this point it suits me just fine.

Back to your situation - may I suggest that you and your husband try the 'whoever gets home first, should cook' plan. Do you think he would be willing to try this? Does he even know how to cook? Also, do you guys have any children? The reason for my question regarding children, is that perhaps he can help out more with the children while you cook. That way you won't become so overwhelmed.

One more thing ... for the few times that I do make it a point of cooking, it's during the school semester in which he's working and going to school. During this period, we both are in the kitchen on the weekends, preparing several different dishes so that during the week, it's just a matter of heating up the food.

As for cooking African dishes .... um .... I will pass on offering any such advice. Cooking is not my area of expertise. For some odd reason, when I have tried to cook an African dish (via a receipe from the internet) my husband frowns on the fact that I went to the internet to learn how to cook a meal. He would rather me ask him. But oh well ... suits me just fine.

I bid you all the best.

Boaz

[Dina-Rich 0]

hello everyone. it has been a while for me. i have a question for you guys. for those of you who are married, does your husband expect you to cook everyday? this is presenting itself as a problem in my marriage. we have been together for 5 years, married for 3. i am a teacher and i work at least 10 hours a day. my husband works too, on average 6-8 hours a day. he cooks sometimes but not all the time. we are getting into huge arguments now because if i don't cook african meals, he gets angry and ignores me. i don't know how to cook many african meals at all. i am american with a caribbean background so i make mostly caribbean food and occasionally african food. my husband told me that he is unhappy because he wants to eat african food every day. i feel this is an unrealistic expectation. any thoughts? i'm at the point where i don't know what to do...

What kind of meals is he requesting? Where are you located? I looked in the library for some african cookbooks but my husband said not to worry so much about what to cook for him. I am a soup & salad girl, simple cooking. If I recall Ghana had rice & rice & rice....soups and fish dishes - Goat, (although goat isn't in the stores here....) I understand you are tired and he should try to help - it is a partnership & while he may want traditional roles, you are working and sounds like more hours then he is. To me, partners pick up slack when the other can't - not that you are unwilling - maybe it is somethng you to can do together?

Good Luck!

[onwa 6]

Well my husband cooks his own food. He tried to teach me but it was a lost cause. I do end up doing all the dishes most the time though.

[tdf1942 0]

I'm sorry for your difficulties my wife is from Ghana and i know i cant eat all of her cooking ,ie-too much pepper but i will manage and when she comes i will compromise severly in order to make this marriage work, this journey has been hard for us and i wont let something as cooking get in the way just remind him of the journey you both took to get this far..........

[Radical Lover 0]

thanks so much for your help everyone.

boaz, i normally get home first, but i leave way before he does. so i have fallen into the routine of doing most of the cooking. he can cook, but is never satisfied with his own food and always says he doesnt expect me to be an expert on cooking african dishes, but his actions prove otherwise. sigh. we had a mini chat in which i said we need to compromise more on helping each other cook. i told him that we cannot let cooking tear us apart, he said that cooking is a huge part of marriage in ghanaian culture. we have been together for 5 years, he knows that i cook caribbean food because i am caribbean. i think he is homesick and frustrated.

tdf1942, yes i think we can overcome cooking and will remind him of how long it took for us to finally be together under one roof! good point.

dina-rich, yes we have goat here and i do make it often. my husband loves goat! lol

i am attempting to make some jollof rice again today. i have made it well once. wish me luck! thankfully, we don't have kids yet, so still learning about each other, etc.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Radical Lover

[lori7734 6]

I'm sorry for your difficulties my wife is from Ghana and i know i cant eat all of her cooking ,ie-too much pepper but i will manage and when she comes i will compromise severly in order to make this marriage work, this journey has been hard for us and i wont let something as cooking get in the way just remind him of the journey you both took to get this far..........

YOU PUT THAT SO WELL....DID U GET INTERVIEW YET

[reeses16 8]

My husband and I had food/cooking issues, which we've managed pretty well. But it did take a lot of time to find a happy common ground. My husband has enjoyed eating non-Ethiopian food. So our experiences are different.

I like to cook, even though it can be a chore some days. I have made it easier by choosing easier to prepare foods, I don't like frozen or pre made foods, but opt for quicker cooking. So instead canned tomato sauce, I'll saute a diced tomato and herbs and serve over pasta. Are there any Ghanaian foods that are quick to prepare? Ethiopian food takes too much time, so we (ah hem, my husband) doesn't make it often, usually just for holidays or special occasions. I also don't mind cooking everyday because my hubby helps- he washes dishes and he'll prepare meals. Maybe you can get your hubby more involved- he could wash dishes or chop up the veggies measure ingredients. Also I don't cook everyday (probably 5 days a week)...we eat out once a week- that way we can relax and enjoy dinner together and neither of us has to cook or wash dishes. And we try not to waste food, so we'll have a clean the fridge day where we eat the little left overs from the week.

I hope cooking in your house become an easier task. Its taken us a while to reach this point of both of being happy. Only after reading your post had I realized how far we've come- its taken us about 2 years. I'm not familiar with Ghanaian cooking, but is there anything that could be adapted to a crock pot/slow cooker. Some people make jambalaya in slow cookers so I think joloff rice would come out well.

Edited January 11, 2010 by reeses16

[Zee Bee 61]

If he is not satisfied with his own cooking and he knows full well that you are not familiar with cooking Ghanaian food what does he expect????

If he wants then maybe he can try and teach you how to cook Ghanaian food or you can try and find some recipes on the internet to try.

[Kanja 201]

Does he have any female relatives that can teach you some dishes in person or via phone?

[Matana74 0]

My husband and I are not yet under one roof...but the one thing that we talked about is food. I know he loves to eat and I told him point blank that he will need to teach me what he wants to eat. He told me that it did not matter. When I was in Ghana I cooked every day...EVERYDAY 15 days at least two meals per day...and I made dishes that he was not use to and some things were just common...fish, rice, yams, eggs, sweet potatos, etc...he is the kind of person who will at least try it. He taught me to make a beans and rice dish. I made a slight variation to it and all was well. I am double blessed to have a Ghanaian market and eatery near by...and they actually offer to teach me how to cook certain basic dishes.

[lori7734 6]

My husband and I are not yet under one roof...but the one thing that we talked about is food. I know he loves to eat and I told him point blank that he will need to teach me what he wants to eat. He told me that it did not matter. When I was in Ghana I cooked every day...EVERYDAY 15 days at least two meals per day...and I made dishes that he was not use to and some things were just common...fish, rice, yams, eggs, sweet potatos, etc...he is the kind of person who will at least try it. He taught me to make a beans and rice dish. I made a slight variation to it and all was well. I am double blessed to have a Ghanaian market and eatery near by...and they actually offer to teach me how to cook certain basic dishes.

CAN I COME LEARN WITH U LOL BUT MY HUSBAND SAID HE WUD EAT ANYTHING I MADE BUT HE WUD ALSO TEACH ME SUFF HE LIKES SO IM NOT WORRIED AT ALL

[Pman's Wife 0]

Someone posted an online Ghanaian food website link on here last year:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;mode=threaded

http://www.ghanaianrecipes.com

*I haven't tried any of the recipes, but they look good to me.

I worry a little about the cooking issue for a few reasons:

1. I am a worrier.

2. Pman has a voracious appetite.

3. I only really know how to cook American and Caribbean recipes...

Based on this post, it looks like I have 5 years before Pman notices this quirk. I'll use my time to research Nigerian cuisine or maybe just try to pass these Ghanaian ones off as Nigerian recipes

OP, 5 years is a good long run to have only this minor problem arise. Congratulations are in order!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I know the countries are not exactly the same but I found a good Nigerian cook book on Amazon.com . You can buy stuff online at Exceed Market For goat you have to look locally. Try looking at local ethnic stores. Many other cultures love goat so don't forget checking out Hispanic stores or any others in your area

[Matana74 0]

CAN I COME LEARN WITH U LOL BUT MY HUSBAND SAID HE WUD EAT ANYTHING I MADE BUT HE WUD ALSO TEACH ME SUFF HE LIKES SO IM NOT WORRIED AT ALL

Sure but it is in California

The one thing that I did notice in Ghana is the dishes are very different from hood to hood...and the one thing that he loves, I will have to go to Ghana to learn is kenkey and its 3-4 day process, his mom makes the best in the whole hood (it was her business). To me it is like a tamale...with a fermented taste. Shito pepper became my sole favorite...(the homemade version) it was hot at first..but I became so addicted to it that I was getting sick from eating food without that "kick"when I returned. It has been over a year now and it doesn't happen as often but it still happens.

The other blessing is that I am the oldest of 5 children and my siblings are all boys...so feeding is my speciality...

I watched my husband put away 3-5 cups of rice at one sitting...I dont know where it goes.... because he is so fit...