Missing home

[MonkeyJuice 3]

Mad: I think it's harsh to tell someone to get a life when they are clearly struggling adjusting to a new life. Like you, we're not all as tough as old boots!

Driving is the key to independence here. Everything is so spread out & the 1st thing that I found really different to UK was that there aren't many town centre type places. I mean like when you can go into town, park the car & walk round all the shops in different streets, you can go to the tax office, go to the library, go to the outdoor market, go to the bank etc.... Here you have to get in your car & drive to each location. So being able to drive is a must!

The driving test is not as bad as you anticipate & it's a real boost to your confidence once you get it done! I was over the moon & very proud of myself. My husband works away a lot so the key for me is to drive around & explore! I find that I test my braveness by driving out of my comfort zone to places I don't know. I totally rely on my GPS though!

I think it's an absolute dream to drive here. Here in Northern Michigan there are no slim, twisty roads, no congestion, (I love being able to turn right at a red light!), I haven't experienced any road rage & everyone seems so chilled.

I think the hardest things is meeting new friends..I mean good, salt of the earth, true friends like I had at home. Old friends that I've known for 20 years. I've accepted that although I'll never really have that here, I have met some great, fun to be with people & it's important to try & develop those new relationships rather than compare them to old friends.

I try to look at every new experience as an adventure so I try to think of it as exciting & not something that's daunting.

[Nik+Heather 121]

You seem to hate where you're living, and he doesn't know anything about where he's living, so how are you supposed to share with him the enjoyable parts? That's the USC's job. I think you've so colored his view of your current location that it's nearly impossible for him to see it any other way. Most of the rest of my comments have already been said by English Muffin and Julez etc, so I won't repeat them.

Driving - I live in Phoenix, and I've driven in the bigger cities in Texas.They are quite comparable, and both have the same sort of drivers (big SUVs, not always looking, force their way into lanes, etc). It is SOO much easier driving at times when it isn't rush hour. If you only drive to and from work, then of course you only see the traffic at it's worst. Is it possible to shift your schedule so you come in early or late? Try going out on a Sunday or early Saturday morning. With no one on the roads, it should be easy as pie. Maybe what you both need is a good defensive driving class. When I started to take a relaxed (non aggressive) view of driving, I felt a lot less stressed in rush hour - not trying to speed off the red lights, not trying to stop people from cutting in a lane etc, I got where I wanted to go in the same amount of time, and found myself a lot less ticked off and less afraid for my life when I got there.

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

I don't know if you're reading this anymore, but for what it's worth, here's my two cents:

It sounds to me like Kris is approaching life as a temporary thing, that has to be endured before you guys move back to England. The approach that you take to fitting in and building a new life can be very different when you feel like you are putting down roots for the forseeable future rather than just to get you through a limited time. If he really wants to make it work in the US, you should encourage him to see his residency in the US as fully permanent. If you guys are thinking of moving to the UK in the long term future, it's good to save towards it, but you shouldn't miss out on 7 years of things you want to do in order to do it. Perhaps you should put a set amount aside each month for the move, and then what ever's left over is your discretionary money, you'll still be saving towards the long term plan, but no need to put every single penny away.

As for the driving... well... I never drove at all before I moved here. I had passed my test and gotten my DL in two weeks. No I wasn't confident for months, but you guys live in Texas! Driving is simply a must! I understand that he doesn't need the DL for the recreational driving he used to enjoy, but man, what would happen if you fell ill and couldn't drive?? By the by, if you guys ever have a couple of days off, I strongly recommend that you guys do the drive from Monterey to San Luis Obispo in California. That's the windiest road I think I've ever been on, my husband said it was a really fun drive, and the scenery is beautiful. In fact the scenery reminded me of parts of Ireland.

The food issue has been addressed already. There are lots of ways to make/order the food that he misses. Yes, sometimes the moment I miss fish and chips (when I'm a little drunk) is not the moment you're likely to have it to hand, and yes, that can be annoying, but hey, we all live on a different continent than we used to - it comes with the territory.

Finally I'll just repeat - I think this is a pretty bad case of homesickness, but unfortunately the only cure for it is a change of attitude. Does he really intend to just bumble along in this state of unhappiness for 7 years? I hope not. I hope for both your sakes that he realises that he's made a choice to move to the US and he needs to start making an effort to make it work for him.

I would hate to live in Lubbock, but Austin would be great. Same as I would hate to live in LA, but San Francisco would be awesome.

Humph! People always say that. A lot of those people have never been to LA, and certainly never spent much time here. I can say one thing for the place - there's a lot of places to get british things!

[david b 2]

Wow, where do you find Heinz beans in the US! I miss them when I go over there! I have a UK driving licence but will I need to take a US test in order to get a licence? Driving is different in the US but I think it is quite easy to get used to, the roads are soooo wide lol.

I have thought a lot about the things I will miss, my family mostly but being with my American Beauty is what its all about! If the food and driving makes you miserable then I can't help feeling there something wrong, who cares about anything else when you are finally able to stay with the love of your life!

[Nich-Nick 3,353]

Agree with Poiteen. I was thinking so much the same when I was out driving this morning. Don't tread water for seven years. Buy that guy a stick shift car and get him out on the road with some independence. You said you both had good jobs. Sod the saving every penny for 7 years from now. I have learned from experience that things happen and your life can turn on a dime, so don't put things in a strangle hold waiting for "someday." It might not be the dream move you expect it to be. And you're 7-8 years older.

The hill country around Austin is the most lovely part of Texas. There's windy roads, hills, lakes, and wide open spaces. Your climate is lovely and not the humid mess we have near Houston. Nick commented that he's noticed the drivers here are so much nicer...they let you in for lane changes or getting out of a car park into a line of traffic. Heck, there's highway road signs everywhere saying "Drive Friendly." He thinks Texas is amazingly friendly and retail workers are very customer service oriented, thanking you for your purchase and actually sounding like they mean it. And he loves Tex-Mex food, so he's adjusting very well. I did ask him what he missed most and he said "Sainsbury's." LOL

HEB Plus carries a good Brit section. There's three north of Austin...Round Rock, Leander areas. Not sure exactly where you live. http://www.heb.com/hebplus/plusLocations.jsp Our Kroger Signature store has a British section too. I'm sure there's one you could get to. I'm munching on some McVittie's Digestives right now. We even found Christmas cake made in England in Kroger...with marzipan and rolled fondant.

And if you think his lackluster mood is the general blah of depression, then see a doctor. Maybe some Cymbalta or Prozac is needed to get him going. Good luck to ya. I hope you can get over your hatred/fear of driving, which surely he senses. Try to be more positive about your current life and maybe he will feel the good vibes. And you can't make somebody happy, so don't exhaust yourself trying. He's got to find it within himself.

This is not a dress rehearsal. It's your LIFE now so live it and embrace it.

[britbird 4]

Humph! People always say that. A lot of those people have never been to LA, and certainly never spent much time here. I can say one thing for the place - there's a lot of places to get british things!

Ahh...welcome to the great norcal/so-cal debate. I have spent quite a lot of time in LA and just don't care for it. Not my cup of tea. San Francisco, on the other hand, I am head over heels for. I shant bore you with the details of my preference (and you can get lots of brit stuff in SF too).

I made the comparison simply to suggest to the OP that within a relatively short distance in the US you can find different towns and cities that might float your boat a good deal more than the place you currently live. Point being, maybe the OP's other half should go take a look at some of them - Texas is nicely placed for taking a weekend break in a whole bunch of awesome cities or states with grand vistas (if youdon't like cities) so maybe taking advantage of that would be fun. Or go on a little road trip to New Mexico - plenty of nice open highways and awesome stuff to see there.

Just a suggestion. A change will do you good

(as for the Heinz beans: in my local supermarkets you can find them along side the more traditionally American baked beans (the ones with maple syrup and bacon for example). The can is mostly green, and it makes a big deal about being 'vegetarian'. They aren't totally the same as the UK variant, but they'll do!

[Justine+David 218]

San Francisco is too damn cold to be in California!!!

...

it was July and it was absolutely freezing when I went.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Justine+David

[britbird 4]

San Francisco is too damn cold to be in California!!!

it was July and it was absolutely freezing when I went.

Off topic x2: Ahh...you don't go to The City in July looking for warmth. Mark Twain and all Try Spring/Fall next time...or pop across to Berkeley - nice and warm.

[Brit Abroad 166]

Oh, I forgot to mention the other important piece for your homesick hubby.

He can subscribe to download sites for UK tv programs. I use http://www.uknova.com. Sometimes there is a waiting list to join, but it's worth checking back frequently as they open up randomly.

Just a case of getting a torrent download program and he can watch all sorts of programs here. Very often they will have the football, cricket and tennis in season. Radio programs are frequently uploaded.

[Gemmie 142]

Wow, where do you find Heinz beans in the US! I miss them when I go over there!

We just found some in Shaws, but I don't know if they're a national supermarket of just around here. But lots of places have international food sections, this one being labelled "world foods" and there were a few shelves of goodies, including PG tips, Bisto, curry sauce, digestives, rice pudding, Ribena, and a bit of chocolate. It's expensive, but well worth it when you need something British. I used to treat myself to some British food every Monday but I've found that lately, I don't need to do that anymore, which is nice.

You can find some nice exchanges in the food, as well. For example, I miss having Indian take-aways everywhere (we went 2 hours into the city the other day just for a curry)... but I love having the most gorgeous burgers and honey mustard. I miss Galaxy chocolate, but like the chocolate pretzels that they do here.

Ask me to live without my English tea though, and we have a problem.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

We just found some in Shaws, but I don't know if they're a national supermarket of just around here. But lots of places have international food sections, this one being labelled "world foods" and there were a few shelves of goodies, including PG tips, Bisto, curry sauce, digestives, rice pudding, Ribena, and a bit of chocolate. It's expensive, but well worth it when you need something British. I used to treat myself to some British food every Monday but I've found that lately, I don't need to do that anymore, which is nice.

God, I miss Shaw's! It's New England only, I'm afraid. My local one back when I was living in Connecticut had multiple shelves of quite well-priced British delights. Now when I need my stuffs, I am forced to pay outrageous prices at Cost Plus/World Market or go to one of the overpriced British shops out here. Although I must say I did enjoy the Cornish pasties Poiteen and I bought at such a rip-off shop the other week (and then smuggled into a showing of Up in the Air...).

[English Muffin 59]

Shaw's is pretty much the only thing I miss about living in New England.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Shaw's is pretty much the only thing I miss about living in New England.

You're just jellus! I miss it enormously. California is, I fear, not the place for me -- but it is the place I must be for the time being. And the occasional Cornish pasty does make it a little more liveable.

[Lansbury 19]

Wow, where do you find Heinz beans in the US!

Try the grocery section of amazon.com you can buy them by the case there. Also a lot of other UK goodies.

[Krikit 1,163]

Post containing rude behaviour has been removed.

fish.. he likes Haddock.. can't get it.. cod.. only once in awhile and its not cheap.

Haddock is a seasonal item and is hard to get sometimes. When it is in season I can usually find it in organic grocery stores like Fresh Market or Whole Foods. Alternatively, you could probably find it in the frozen section of those same stores.

Use Alton Brown's Fish & Chips recipe and method. I find it's the closest to real fish & chips.

Many moons ago someone linked a graph about homesickness ... figured I'd share it again!

That graph is awesome. It was touch and go there for a while, but I'm at the "transformation" stage now.

Wow, where do you find Heinz beans in the US!

They sell them at the World Market and at Whole Foods. Robyn, you should check the links and see if there's one near you.

As for the homesickness..... I find that a visit back home helps put your new home into focus. That and time. My first year here was hell. My second year I began to adapt. Now it's home. He does sound like he needs to get out and about, though, and break out of his comfort zone. It does wonders for putting things into perspective for you. Good luck.

Oh! Check for British pubs in your area. There's one not far from me which sells British foods on the side. It's even owned by a lady from Chester! (the area where I'm from)