really pissed and hurt:(

[TracyTN 237]

--Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Instigator of the Post.

[Fandango 1,439]

--Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Instigator of the Post.

Pull up a chair and have a seat, it may be a while, Trace....

I'm not bored yet

[#@!!* 0]

I need a standing ovation smiley.

I first read that as "a standing ovary smiley". Sheesh. My eyes are off again.

Excellent post LisaD.

[Fandango 1,439]

I need a standing ovation smiley.

I first read that as "a standing ovary smiley". Sheesh. My eyes are off again.

Excellent post LisaD.

hey, thx!

hahah @ the ovary thing....you should see how I misread the 'pv geek needed' thread

It comes with visuals

[#@!!* 0]

Excellent!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Take it easy...we're just stating opinions here, right?

I was being metaphorical. Just ask how many men here feel they could openly cry at their office and say they are having a bad day? I'm not agreeing with the sexual stereotypes - you've completely misconstrued what I said. In a perfect world, I would LOVE to see men openly get emotional and cry just because they are having a bad day, but it ain't going to happen anytime soon - not without public scorn. I keep trying to tell you that I agree in fluid roles between husband and wife. But when a wife as in the OP states that she is pissed and cannot understand her husband's behavior, it helps to understand those underlying attitudes that affect his behavior, not to give him an excuse to act like an #######, but for both of them to be more aware of those tendencies which causes such strife between them.

Take it easy, why? Are you afraid I'm going to cry or summat?

Crying at the office is unacceptable for either gender. If you think 'in a perfect world' an office is the place for wah wah bullchit, then please don't ever come to work for me. But then again, I must be a ball-busting, man hating, secret lesbian with an unnatural level of testosterone, right?

You cannot explain th OP's husband's behavior because YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. You can speak in all the metaphors you want, you can talk about how your mama was raised, you can tell us all the sexist commercials you've seen...yet at the end of the day...you cannot explain anything in this instance. Why? BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. How can you even allude to any 'underlying attitudes' when you have never said even tickety boo to him? See, me personally...I'd like to have at least a tenuous grasp on summat before speaking about it, but I guess we subscribe to different schools of thought. I am not the spokesperson for the female gender because I have a #######. I could not tell you why your fiancee does what she does cos she is different to me & the fact that we have a common chromosome does not mean I know everything there is to know about her, or every other woman on the planet. Yet here you come in with your 'men stong chin, women tend to men' ####### (simplified there for brevity's sake btw) as if you either 1)know the OP's husband personally or 2) have some sort of counselling degree in intergender relationships...which to my knowledge you don't.

Noted: you still haven't answered my questions. I could request a third time that you answer them, but my point has already been made. Listen, Steven...you can say whatever it is you feel...of course that's your right....but at the end of the day, you should at least be able to defend your convictions when asked. I shouldn't have to ask you mutiple times 'what did you mean by that?'. Which only shows that you have no logic or reasoning for what you've said, which in turn makes you look a bit like a backpeddling tw@t.

Well, you look it to me, not to all women...I dunno cos I haven't asked them

Oh, and ..do you wear a cup when you straddle that fence?...

PS I understand the fact that it's 'metaphorical' but it still doesn't explain why you put the genders into the roles that you did. Women stand back, and tend...and men get to that damn line. It's a bunch of #######, and I'm not buying Have you checked a calendar? it's 2006...not 1906

I keep trying to tell you that I agree in fluid roles between husband and wife. But when a wife as in the OP states that she is pissed and cannot understand her husband's behavior, it helps to understand those underlying attitudes that affect his behavior, not to give him an excuse to act like an #######, but for both of them to be more aware of those tendencies which causes such strife between them.

Understanding role playing is not pigeon-holing men and women into rigid, gender roles. Some like to be chased. Some like to chase. Some feel the need to be nurturing (male or female), some feel the need to show toughness and hide their suffering. Some behaviors are more encouraged in women while discouraged in men. You can't deny that fact. If you happen to be the one in your relationship that doesn't like to show weakness in a certain crisis, good for you - hopefully the role playing works to where you both know how to compliment each other.

[onwa 6]

I believe men and women are different. Equal, but different. I do believe there are broad generalizations that can be made, noting that there are always exceptions to the generalizations. I do not believe it is bad to make generalizations, I do believe its bad to make judgments because, as stated, that generalization may not apply to a particular case. Example: Generalization (Men do not like to stop and ask for directions)--My case---I the women, hate asking for directions but my husband will do so immediately)

But it is still helpful to have them. My friends that are married have been able to give me helpful advice based on behaviour that we can only call as 'typical guy behaviour'. To be more general, in every relationship each partner has a different set of needs. And one can then say--that typically, a woman might typically have these needs and a guy might typically have these needs. This is based on my observations.

Men and women have different bodies and different majorities of hormones. Baby boys and girls differ in their preferences starting at about 6 months. My nephews went straight for the trucks and my neices went for the dolls. Both are available to play with. From my personal observations, most women need to feel loved, beautiful, and important. Most men need to feel respected, appreciated, and wanted. I don't believe the differences in sexes has to do with 'roles'. But more in needs.

I will probably get flamed for this but I see nothing wrong with the Men are from Mars--Women are from Venus mentality. Its just darn helpful in trying to understand where the other is coming from. Not for making excuses of bad behaviour--but to see where we can be better spouses.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I believe men and women are different. Equal, but different. I do believe there are broad generalizations that can be made, noting that there are always exceptions to the generalizations. I do not believe it is bad to make generalizations, I do believe its bad to make judgments because, as stated, that generalization may not apply to a particular case. Example: Generalization (Men do not like to stop and ask for directions)--My case---I the women, hate asking for directions but my husband will do so immediately)

But it is still helpful to have them. My friends that are married have been able to give me helpful advice based on behaviour that we can only call as 'typical guy behaviour'. To be more general, in every relationship each partner has a different set of needs. And one can then say--that typically, a woman might typically have these needs and a guy might typically have these needs. This is based on my observations.

Men and women have different bodies and different majorities of hormones. Baby boys and girls differ in their preferences starting at about 6 months. My nephews went straight for the trucks and my neices went for the dolls. Both are available to play with. From my personal observations, most women need to feel loved, beautiful, and important. Most men need to feel respected, appreciated, and wanted. I don't believe the differences in sexes has to do with 'roles'. But more in needs.

I will probably get flamed for this but I see nothing wrong with the Men are from Mars--Women are from Venus mentality. Its just darn helpful in trying to understand where the other is coming from. Not for making excuses of bad behaviour--but to see where we can be better spouses.

Well said.

[PlatyPius 5]

I believe men and women are different. Equal, but different. I do believe there are broad generalizations that can be made, noting that there are always exceptions to the generalizations. I do not believe it is bad to make generalizations, I do believe its bad to make judgments because, as stated, that generalization may not apply to a particular case. Example: Generalization (Men do not like to stop and ask for directions)--My case---I the women, hate asking for directions but my husband will do so immediately)

But it is still helpful to have them. My friends that are married have been able to give me helpful advice based on behaviour that we can only call as 'typical guy behaviour'. To be more general, in every relationship each partner has a different set of needs. And one can then say--that typically, a woman might typically have these needs and a guy might typically have these needs. This is based on my observations.

Men and women have different bodies and different majorities of hormones. Baby boys and girls differ in their preferences starting at about 6 months. My nephews went straight for the trucks and my neices went for the dolls. Both are available to play with. From my personal observations, most women need to feel loved, beautiful, and important. Most men need to feel respected, appreciated, and wanted. I don't believe the differences in sexes has to do with 'roles'. But more in needs.

I will probably get flamed for this but I see nothing wrong with the Men are from Mars--Women are from Venus mentality. Its just darn helpful in trying to understand where the other is coming from. Not for making excuses of bad behaviour--but to see where we can be better spouses.

When you consider that the number of genetic differences between men and women is the same as the number of genetic differences between men and primates, it shouldn't be too hard to understand that not only are men and women vastly different; they're almost different species.

Men will never truly understand women, women will never truly understand men, and apes just wonder what all of the fuss is about.

Just as I could never really experience what it is like to be, say, a gorilla, a man can never really know what it's like to be a female. Well....except maybe a post-op transgender person.

[Cristy 4]

I will probably get flamed for this but I see nothing wrong with the Men are from Mars--Women are from Venus mentality. Its just darn helpful in trying to understand where the other is coming from. Not for making excuses of bad behaviour--but to see where we can be better spouses.

That book is so great for understanding the opposite sex. I know it has helped me to know how to approach things in a way he will respond to. Also to know why sometimes he needs to be quiet and walk away when I want to keep on talking and talking lol

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Think more like a man and let the small stuff roll off your back. I sure wouldn't want to be a man with a woman constantly nagging about little things all the time.

I have a theory about why that is so. Most women were raised and encouraged to be the nurturers - to show sympathy, compassion and console or confront someone when they sense something is wrong. Men have been taught to persevere even when they get hurt - be tough, be strong. Those traits are in essense good traits that both men and women should have interchangeably. The problem is when they are taken to an extreme - the woman MUST know what is wrong and do whatever she can to remedy the problem, while the guy will keep taking it on the chin proudly even if his jaw is broken until he makes it to the finish line.

So the secret for the woman is to know when he's made it to finish line so she can tend to his wounds and the man just needs to know where the finish line is.

I think this is a bunch of bullchit right here....Seriously. And no offense, Bethanie..cos you know I love ya girl...but what's this 'think like a man' stuff?

I think both posts here reek of sexism....it's like that shite 'television for women' ####### that shows nothing but tearjerkers. I'm a woman, and I wouldn't watch it. Just like I don't hapeen to think 'being tough and strong' is a male characteristic either. I also don't think women are NOT taught to perservere when they're hurt...my family certainly didn't say 'oh honey you have a uterus, so take a tissue and have a moment' I take stuff on the chin, I am strong...just like my partner is sympathetic and compassionate. This 'men are from mars, women from venus' chit is just that....######.

btw, 'take it on the chin proudly even if the jaw is broken' omG how up your own azz does that sound? 'I am man hear me raor'

the secret is for a woman to tend to a man's wounds? and to know when he's made it to the finish line??? #######? what finish line? and ####### does the WOMAN need to tend to the man? Its a mutual job...each should tend to each other.....omG get over yourself!!!!

The bottom line is this: a woman can't seem to air summat that's bothering her without being labeled 'a nag' 'a stereotypical woman' etc....yet if a man airs his grievances, he's 'in touch with his feelings'. It's #######. Just like I can be a biotch and some smart azz can come out with 'PMS time?'

Take things for what they are, and stop trying to put everything in a nice neat box. A PERSON has the right to tell his/her partner what's bothering HIM OR HER without everyone bein all 'omG what a girl'

Basically my point here Lisa, is just what your saying. Think like a man......meaning be a bit stronger deal with your emotions, don't start whining like a girl bullsh*t because thats the way society thinks we should be. As in, go half way, find the middle ground and deal with your problems! Just like my husband I say what I mean there is no p*ssy footing around no crying and whining to settle an argument. All this poo about asking what is wrong over and over until you reach the point of an argument is ridiculous. If I ask once and he doesn't respond then I leave it, why ask again and start an argument over something he obviously doesn't want to discuss? It is called communication open up and let it go I say, if the other person isn't willing to share (because it obviously isn't a major issue) then drop it.

I am a big girl, and have dealt with so much cr*p, I can deal with anything life has to toss my way. Sure not going to waste away my days boohing and crying over someone else, and certainly not waisting my energy on arguing. The OP's orignal post read to me as though, her OH should share whatever was going on making him quite, my thought is why? If the man didn't feel like talking why should he be forced to? That to me, is doing the whole nurturing bit which I find ridiculous. He is a grown man, why does he need to be coddled and pacified simply because he had a lousy day and didn't feel like discussing it?

Hope you see my point here, basing my comments on the stereotypical male/female roles, in which I nor my husband follow! Much rather tell him to kiss my white #######, than beg him to share something he doesn't wanna!

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Sorry had to go back and read again. Lisa didn't know you had posted, I was done with this thread. Not sure where in my original post I was sexist, perhaps improper wording. Trying to point out I have lived with 3 or more males at a time for 16 years, and have learned to take on some of the ways they deal with things, rather than the way society seems to think I should be.

I cry sometimes, I let things go often, I scream occasionally, feel like I give it out in a pretty equal manner for the most part. My husband cries, in public mind you, he can shut down, he can speak his mind, again feel he too gives me all of him, not what his father gave to his mum.

Anyways after reading the entire thread again, don't feel I am at all sexist, but trying to point out for people NOT to fit the stereotyped male/female role!

Bethanie

[NorthernGirl 0]

Sometimes distance makes people act in strange ways....I really don't have any answers for you, so I'll try to make you laff:

I hope you two get over this hump pretty quickly!

Too funny, Lisa! Thanks for the laugh

[*Robert* 2]

[Fandango 1,439]

asically my point here Lisa, is just what your saying. Think like a man......meaning be a bit stronger deal with your emotions, don't start whining like a girl bullsh*t because thats the way society thinks we should be.

Bethanie, that's kinda what I see as the problem. 'Society' thinks women should be fluffy and soft, yet you're enforcing that stereotype by saying being strong is 'thinking like a man'. It's not. That's my only point here

Take it easy...we're just stating opinions here, right?

I was being metaphorical. Just ask how many men here feel they could openly cry at their office and say they are having a bad day? I'm not agreeing with the sexual stereotypes - you've completely misconstrued what I said. In a perfect world, I would LOVE to see men openly get emotional and cry just because they are having a bad day, but it ain't going to happen anytime soon - not without public scorn. I keep trying to tell you that I agree in fluid roles between husband and wife. But when a wife as in the OP states that she is pissed and cannot understand her husband's behavior, it helps to understand those underlying attitudes that affect his behavior, not to give him an excuse to act like an #######, but for both of them to be more aware of those tendencies which causes such strife between them.

Take it easy, why? Are you afraid I'm going to cry or summat?

Crying at the office is unacceptable for either gender. If you think 'in a perfect world' an office is the place for wah wah bullchit, then please don't ever come to work for me. But then again, I must be a ball-busting, man hating, secret lesbian with an unnatural level of testosterone, right?

You cannot explain th OP's husband's behavior because YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. You can speak in all the metaphors you want, you can talk about how your mama was raised, you can tell us all the sexist commercials you've seen...yet at the end of the day...you cannot explain anything in this instance. Why? BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. How can you even allude to any 'underlying attitudes' when you have never said even tickety boo to him? See, me personally...I'd like to have at least a tenuous grasp on summat before speaking about it, but I guess we subscribe to different schools of thought. I am not the spokesperson for the female gender because I have a #######. I could not tell you why your fiancee does what she does cos she is different to me & the fact that we have a common chromosome does not mean I know everything there is to know about her, or every other woman on the planet. Yet here you come in with your 'men stong chin, women tend to men' ####### (simplified there for brevity's sake btw) as if you either 1)know the OP's husband personally or 2) have some sort of counselling degree in intergender relationships...which to my knowledge you don't.

Noted: you still haven't answered my questions. I could request a third time that you answer them, but my point has already been made. Listen, Steven...you can say whatever it is you feel...of course that's your right....but at the end of the day, you should at least be able to defend your convictions when asked. I shouldn't have to ask you mutiple times 'what did you mean by that?'. Which only shows that you have no logic or reasoning for what you've said, which in turn makes you look a bit like a backpeddling tw@t.

Well, you look it to me, not to all women...I dunno cos I haven't asked them

Oh, and ..do you wear a cup when you straddle that fence?...

PS I understand the fact that it's 'metaphorical' but it still doesn't explain why you put the genders into the roles that you did. Women stand back, and tend...and men get to that damn line. It's a bunch of #######, and I'm not buying Have you checked a calendar? it's 2006...not 1906

I keep trying to tell you that I agree in fluid roles between husband and wife. But when a wife as in the OP states that she is pissed and cannot understand her husband's behavior, it helps to understand those underlying attitudes that affect his behavior, not to give him an excuse to act like an #######, but for both of them to be more aware of those tendencies which causes such strife between them.

Understanding role playing is not pigeon-holing men and women into rigid, gender roles. Some like to be chased. Some like to chase. Some feel the need to be nurturing (male or female), some feel the need to show toughness and hide their suffering. Some behaviors are more encouraged in women while discouraged in men. You can't deny that fact. If you happen to be the one in your relationship that doesn't like to show weakness in a certain crisis, good for you - hopefully the role playing works to where you both know how to compliment each other.

Sorry for the delay, I've been too busy lately to post here.

Using antiquated roles whilst role playing is ignorant....and what behaviors are encouraged, and by whom? I cannot deny the fact that what you're saying now is that there are diametrically opposed women, some are tough, some arent'...which is my point....and it's a bit different than the song that you were signing by telling the OP to 'tend to her man when he knows he's gotten to the finish line' 'men take it on the chin'

To end this on a funny note, I'm 95% convinced I could take you to school