Immigration with a disabled kid, need HELP !!

[Chamonix-Dallas 0]

I know of folk who work in London then commute back to France on the weekend....

On adoption, my husband is adopting my daughter. Her father is dead. We just want the optimal most emotionally secure environment for her. She has to feel we are both there for her. Leaving so much family behind. It will not/would not affect any immigration stuff till it had been passed for two year.s This isn't our motivation in doing it though, it is a personal thing between him and her. Something that has grown. We want to file for that when we are all living in the same place. I also cannot bear the idea of her reaching to him for help and any legal niceties stopping him holding her hand in hospital or something. I have seen that nightmare.

Does not affect her medical insurance through him, covered just the same. Will not affect immigration. It means all the world to us though.

I think you are in a hard place right now. Can't help feeling you are being torn.

Life is just not fair sometimes, and I have given up expecting that. I live miracle to miracle.

We are close to Geneva airport, there are alot of british living here in Chamonix and working in the UK !

We've been talking about adoption months and months ago .... its not only a question of immigration. The thing is it's another hard process, since the bio father still have rights (and duties !). We don't even know where he lives, he disappeared years ago, left me alone with our handicapped daughter, didn't want to take care and refused to give any money to help raising her. If something happens to me, the bio father has more rights than my husband, but i know for sure he would never take care of her, he is an alcoholic, he is a junky, he is not responsable, can't be trusted, and he don't want to hear about a handicapped little girl ! Well, that's another story ..... This adoption would be a very good thing, but it wont be easy .... Seems that we definitely need miracles !!

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Your husband lives in France, yet doesn't speak French? Wouldn't the easiest solution then be that you help him to learn the language? My daughter didn't speak a word of French a year ago, and now, with only a few hours a week in college, she' ready to spend a month next summer there. I learned enough French in France when I lived there for 6 months simply because I had to, day in, day out, just living, going to the supermarket, talking to people.

Many Canadians speak English and French.

I would think, with a personal tutor 24/7 and no job to go to, he should be fairly fluent in just a few months!

Edited October 20, 2009 by Just Bob

[usaborn1111 0]

Hello guys !!

I really need your help !! I'm desperate, don't know what to do ...

I'm french, married to a USC, mother of a 11 year-old daughter (from a previous relationship, french citizen too). We got married in the US, and are living in France. My daughter is disabled, she has developmental delays and a kind of autism. She is here in France in a "special school for special kids" where they take good care of her. She sleeps at school 3 nights a week, and learns alot (different activities : paint, music, swimming pool, poney, ...) she really loves being there.

First, i would like to know how difficult it would be to find a similar place in the US (in Dallas would be perfect !).

This kind of school is very expensive in France, luckily the gov pays for it !! I guess its expensive in the US too .... here comes my second question : i guess a financial aid is available to help poor parents of disabled kids. But as an immigrant, i wont have the right to ask for any financial aid, right ? Is there any other way ?

My husband plans to move back home, i'm afraid i wont be able to follow him. We are poor, its gonna be very very hard to do a DCF, because of the "affidavit of support". That's the first big step .... and if there is no way for my daughter to go to a "school for special kids", then i will definitely have to stay here in France with her, far away from my husband !!

I'm so desperate, i need your help and your advices !!

Thanks.

I brought my wife's childs and the normal school district has those services and if you have private insurance they will pay for additional services

[Lili 3]

Don't do it! Healthcare for your child will cost you an arm and a leg. I know life in France is hard for your husband but your daughter is in a good place right now.

Does anyone else know how preexisting conditions would work in her daughter's case? I would be scared of that.

[Chamonix-Dallas 0]

Your husband lives in France, yet doesn't speak French? Wouldn't the easiest solution then be that you help him to learn the language? My daughter didn't speak a word of French a year ago, and now, with only a few hours a week in college, she' ready to spend a month next summer there. I learned enough French in France when I lived there for 6 months simply because I had to, day in, day out, just living, going to the supermarket, talking to people.

Many Canadians speak English and French.

I would think, with a personal tutor 24/7 and no job to go to, he should be fairly fluent in just a few months!

You are right, he should speak french by now. I just don't know how to teach him french, how to teach him the basics and my mistake is that i always talk to him in english. We live in the mountains, no neighbors around, he has no way to go in town by himself, so we are always together, and i always translate everything for him. I know im wrong, i know its my fault if he doesnt speak french .... i've decided to try my best and talk to him in french every day ..... but it wont solve all the problems. Our plan has always been to move back to the US to be close to his family...

[Chamonix-Dallas 0]

I brought my wife's childs and the normal school district has those services and if you have private insurance they will pay for additional services

Are your wife's children disabled ? Could you be more specific about the services ?

Thanks.

[Chamonix-Dallas 0]

Don't do it! Healthcare for your child will cost you an arm and a leg. I know life in France is hard for your husband but your daughter is in a good place right now.

Does anyone else know how preexisting conditions would work in her daughter's case? I would be scared of that.

I don't want to have to choose between my daughter and my husband .... i want to live with both of them ! My husband is not happy here in France. My daughter is in a good place now, but i know she loves being in the US too. She can be happy everywhere, as long as there is somebody to take care of her and to keep her busy !

And, for medical purpose, i would like to know what's wrong with her. The doctors here in France don't know what is the problem, she had many many medical exams, tests, scanners, etc ... they couldn't find anything wrong, except a problem with her cerebellum. I know medecine in the US is years ahead about brain and autism. I hope maybe they could find out what is the problem.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Thanks for your answers ...... i just can't imagine we'll have to live apart because we are poor !!

I've already asked her school, they know nothing about similar schools in the US .

Does anybody know if there is a way to get financial aid for a disabled kid, being an immigrant ?

My daughter is happy with my husband, he is a dad for her. We are a family, i can't accept we'll have to be apart.

The only way you can be forced to live apart is if your husband decides to move away and leave you behind.

That said, he is a US citizen and is always entited to any type of welfare benefit. his marriage to a non-citizen is not a factor for him. What good that does for your child is unknown. You have a unique situation which restricts you and your daughter's movements because you are dependant on someone else to pay for it (government) and naturally the US government does not want to pay for it any more than the French government wishes to pay for my child her in the US if we move to France.

Your husband is aware of the needs and dependencies of his family but intends to move back anyway. Not sure why?

If he is coming here for better job opportunities, then as soon as he has a job he can file for a CR-1 and be able to meet the qualifications.

You could also use a co-sponsor to meet the guidelines and still file for the DCF

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Don't do it! Healthcare for your child will cost you an arm and a leg. I know life in France is hard for your husband but your daughter is in a good place right now.

Does anyone else know how preexisting conditions would work in her daughter's case? I would be scared of that.

I don't want to have to choose between my daughter and my husband .... i want to live with both of them ! My husband is not happy here in France. My daughter is in a good place now, but i know she loves being in the US too. She can be happy everywhere, as long as there is somebody to take care of her and to keep her busy !

And, for medical purpose, i would like to know what's wrong with her. The doctors here in France don't know what is the problem, she had many many medical exams, tests, scanners, etc ... they couldn't find anything wrong, except a problem with her cerebellum. I know medecine in the US is years ahead about brain and autism. I hope maybe they could find out what is the problem.

This should be posted in the off topic section where lots of people espouse the wonders of the French social medicine program.

I would suggest you seek out a co-sponsor in the US and file the DCF. Any US citizen can co-sponsor

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Don't do it! Healthcare for your child will cost you an arm and a leg. I know life in France is hard for your husband but your daughter is in a good place right now.

Does anyone else know how preexisting conditions would work in her daughter's case? I would be scared of that.

If her husband got a job with health insurance, as a new hire they usually offer an "open enrollment" which waives pre-existing conditions

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Your husband lives in France, yet doesn't speak French? Wouldn't the easiest solution then be that you help him to learn the language? My daughter didn't speak a word of French a year ago, and now, with only a few hours a week in college, she' ready to spend a month next summer there. I learned enough French in France when I lived there for 6 months simply because I had to, day in, day out, just living, going to the supermarket, talking to people.

Many Canadians speak English and French.

I would think, with a personal tutor 24/7 and no job to go to, he should be fairly fluent in just a few months!

Oui, et beaucoup de personnes dans Vermont du Nord aussi! Cela explique pourquoi votre mari fait pas ont un emploi et est pauvre. La même chose arrive aux Hispano-Américains dans les États-Unis quand nous accomodate leur espagnol au lieu de leur apprendre à parler l'anglais. Il les garde pauvres donc ils travailleront bon marché. On appelle les gens qui disent qu'ils devraient apprendre l'anglais (moi, par exemple) "le raciste".

Vous devriez recevoir un co-sponsor ou lui permettre de bouger ici en avance de vous, recevoir un emploi, recevoir l'assurance et vous apporter ensuite avec il.

[catknit 144]

Depending on the state laws, the school district, their protocols, etc etc some treatment MAY be available as a resident of an area...

I would have your husband research those aspects of his intended new residence.

What this will NOT include is medical treatment, medications, horse therapy, or residential stays most likely. BUT, your child may qualify for school sponsored speech therapy, a student aid, etc.

I only know NJ rules [and only in passing having worked with a special ed educator and having friends in admin] - but in NJ the child study team with the family will come up with a plan, in some cases sending the student to an appropriate school if the child can't be mainstreamed. I actually spent classroom time with a child who had spent 6 years at a special school out of state since no in-state school was appropriate [this was paid for by the local school district]. When his condition improved enough to be in special ed classes, he was returned to the local school district.

It's something to look into but different states will have different schools and you may need to fight hard for it....

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Depending on the state laws, the school district, their protocols, etc etc some treatment MAY be available as a resident of an area...

I would have your husband research those aspects of his intended new residence.

What this will NOT include is medical treatment, medications, horse therapy, or residential stays most likely. BUT, your child may qualify for school sponsored speech therapy, a student aid, etc.

I only know NJ rules [and only in passing having worked with a special ed educator and having friends in admin] - but in NJ the child study team with the family will come up with a plan, in some cases sending the student to an appropriate school if the child can't be mainstreamed. I actually spent classroom time with a child who had spent 6 years at a special school out of state since no in-state school was appropriate [this was paid for by the local school district]. When his condition improved enough to be in special ed classes, he was returned to the local school district.

It's something to look into but different states will have different schools and you may need to fight hard for it....

This is true. Check the state education laws. We live in Vermont. In Vermont each child age 6-16 (minimum, actually goes through high school, but students can drop out at age 16) MUST be provided with a public (free) education (free is a misnomer...we pay plenty in taxes on our property) For example, when our 13 year old showed up speaking only limited English and the ONLY non-native Englsih speaking student in his school, the school was REQUIRED to hire a special ESL teacher for him. Fortunately he did well and by Christmas no longer needed this and finished the year promoted TWO grade levels above where he started and 5th in his regular English class. OK, bragging over.

At any rate, the schools in Vermont would be required to provide whatever your child needed for an education regardless of cost. But as mentioned above this would only apply to special needs at school. Her other needs are all yours but may be covered by insurance if your husband can get a job here. Many other states have similar rules

Edited October 21, 2009 by Gary and Alla

[Frenchwife 1]

US is tough in terms of health care.

France is great for health care and medicine quality.

I am moving to the US with my husband because he can afford

else I would have stayed in France.

also we will maybe go back one day

I think Your husband should still try France

I am afraid you will have to come back or you get ruined by the attempt to move to the US

what about French classes for your husband. You may find free ones.

Also he needs to go to town a little and make some friends

No wonder he wants to go back to the US if he only sees you.

Help him to get new friendships , get into associations

Edited October 23, 2009 by Frenchwife

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

I know medecine in the US is years ahead about brain and autism.

Sure. That's probably why--just to name one example--the late Farah Fawcett, an American female with brain cancer, flew for years to Europe for successful treatment after the American doctors admitted they can't help her.

Now we 're twisting this into a argument against "socialist medicine?"