The stupids things that we fight about

[Toriwings 0]

So I'm on deployment and my very pregnant Fiance is in Russia. You'd think that our emails would all be loving and carefree... of course it's not, that would be an illusion that I could never keep. Though to help things along, I try to be positive and I try to be efficient so that things work out with little stress to her. though being with the crazy woman who could only love someone as crazy as me has its moments.

For the most part I know her schedule. I know when medical bills and other financial issues come up. So I planned accordingly. Though some unforseen things came up. Like my limited internet access and how I would be able to provide suppliments on my own. I told her, saying, hey I can't do this because of my limited internet access, I know that you already know all the information to wire yourself some money, please do so. Of course she said that she would, a week prior to the deadline. Though everyday looking at my bank account, which I do religiously, i noticed that she never made the withdrawl that she needed for her doctors bills. So last night, the night of the deadline, I asked her why she hadn't done it. She told me nto to worry about and that she would do it today. Well here is the kicker, if somehow she messes up the transfer, doesn't click a box, misses something, or simply scans through it not reading all of the instructions. The account locks until I email them telling that its fine and its just me.

So needless to say what happened, and of course she started freaking out because that meant that a lot of ... well you know... was going to hit the fan. she came to me askign what i could. At this point it was beyond my control and I couldn't really do anything from my reach of the world. though as you can imagine this opened a whole new can of worms.

True, I had been worried about a lot things lately with our relationship. Like my not fulling having my final will, and life insurance fully put into her name yet. So its a little scary working some days, because if I go down I am unsure if th the money will get to her and our unborn child if I die. So thus this started the whole argument of, "Dear I need you to listen to me when I list my concerns and I need you to make sure you take appropriate steps to ensure you safety in case some happens to me."

Of course I know that this was due to me being emotional, and her being pregnant, but this left us both in a huff. So she's not talking to me today. Which makes me a little worried, because I know that she still has those bills to pay, and I generally worry about her. Its not that I think that she irresponsible, but I just need her to understand that there is a lot that could happen to me, and that if the worst ever happened it might leave her in a bad situation if she doesn't plan accordingly.

Toriwings-

[Niels Bohr 72]

You shouldn't fight about this. She had intentions of not letting you worry much about her. The worse thing to do to someone who has an intention of not to worry you is by yelling at them.

It's best to explain to her, "Honey, I checked the bank account and you haven't withdrawn. I know you did something wrong. How are you going to pay the bills?"

This will open up a conversation that will probably be good. She'll most likely explain how she paid those bills or whatever...

My wife, I am extremely forgiving. You know, she hadn't got the schooling she needs to understand how the world works or whatever, but, she is very kind hearted and understand what the human condition is about. I forgive her on small stuff. When I think about it, I am the only one in the USA who knows her. She has not best friends, cousins, family here, and doesn't speak enough English to be comprehensible. So, I am her only support.

I feel some similarities between you and your wife compared my own personal relationship.

[ms_jinga_lala 0]

So I'm on deployment and my very pregnant Fiance is in Russia. You'd think that our emails would all be loving and carefree... of course it's not, that would be an illusion that I could never keep. Though to help things along, I try to be positive and I try to be efficient so that things work out with little stress to her. though being with the crazy woman who could only love someone as crazy as me has its moments.

For the most part I know her schedule. I know when medical bills and other financial issues come up. So I planned accordingly. Though some unforseen things came up. Like my limited internet access and how I would be able to provide suppliments on my own. I told her, saying, hey I can't do this because of my limited internet access, I know that you already know all the information to wire yourself some money, please do so. Of course she said that she would, a week prior to the deadline. Though everyday looking at my bank account, which I do religiously, i noticed that she never made the withdrawl that she needed for her doctors bills. So last night, the night of the deadline, I asked her why she hadn't done it. She told me nto to worry about and that she would do it today. Well here is the kicker, if somehow she messes up the transfer, doesn't click a box, misses something, or simply scans through it not reading all of the instructions. The account locks until I email them telling that its fine and its just me.

So needless to say what happened, and of course she started freaking out because that meant that a lot of ... well you know... was going to hit the fan. she came to me askign what i could. At this point it was beyond my control and I couldn't really do anything from my reach of the world. though as you can imagine this opened a whole new can of worms.

True, I had been worried about a lot things lately with our relationship. Like my not fulling having my final will, and life insurance fully put into her name yet. So its a little scary working some days, because if I go down I am unsure if th the money will get to her and our unborn child if I die. So thus this started the whole argument of, "Dear I need you to listen to me when I list my concerns and I need you to make sure you take appropriate steps to ensure you safety in case some happens to me."

Of course I know that this was due to me being emotional, and her being pregnant, but this left us both in a huff. So she's not talking to me today. Which makes me a little worried, because I know that she still has those bills to pay, and I generally worry about her. Its not that I think that she irresponsible, but I just need her to understand that there is a lot that could happen to me, and that if the worst ever happened it might leave her in a bad situation if she doesn't plan accordingly.

Toriwings-

The biggest problem I see here - you are not there....she knows things could happen to you. However she's pregnant, she's stressed from that and the thought of you not being with her at least in spirit is probably horrifying. I don't normally recommend not discussing things, however it would be better if you just took care of the things on your end that you can, send her some love and let her vent all the frustrations a very pregnant woman would have. Then give her a gentle reminder you are still taking good care of her (and it sounds like you are). The fight will go away, this situation is just really hard, I'm sure it's worse because she's pregnant and her hormones have gone haywire.

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

I would recommend some more crack!

[KnJ 0]

So I'm on deployment and my very pregnant Fiance is in Russia. You'd think that our emails would all be loving and carefree... of course it's not, that would be an illusion that I could never keep. Though to help things along, I try to be positive and I try to be efficient so that things work out with little stress to her. though being with the crazy woman who could only love someone as crazy as me has its moments.

It seems like an illusion many people keep, but it's often just not true. If anything things like this prove a real relationship 100 times above a dozen roses. That said, her not talking to you sucks. Being long distance feels like not enough time as it is, and so the silent treatment can be agonizing, but I try to remember that it's normal to need to take time.. did she talk to you again? Hmm. This topic is days old. How is it going? Stay safe.

[NickD 203]

With my ex-wife, no amount of counseling or advice from professionals or religious could improve the communications between my ex-wife and myself. One psychologist found our case so interesting, brought in a film crew to tape it.

If you can't work out your own problems with your spouse, maybe better to be your ex-spouse. I am not saying my ex or either myself are bad, but together, we were not good. After the divorce, contemplated on our relationship from the time we first met and came the the conclusion, my marriage IQ was less than 2. Had, this really strange notion that marriage would solve our differences with the Holy Spirit and all that ####### they teach.

Our divorce court hearing was hilarious, least now, she wasn't at all happy with a 50-50 split, but fortunately the judge told her to shut up, I didn't have to. But then she wanted to drop the divorce proceedings that put the ball in my court. Wanted to reply, are you kidding after what you put me and my kids through. But just said, do not believe it would work out.

Lessons to be learn, did start looking after eight years of paying off all of her debts and getting a few bucks in the bank, any women that tried to change me from day one or I tried to change her ended faster than it started. When I met my wife, wasn't anything about her I wanted to change nor her with me, she having one of the nicest butts I have even seen was also an asset. And we can very peacefully talk over our problems, if I can't come up with a solution, she can and vice-versa, that is the way it should be.