do you fight over calls and stuff?

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

So out of all of the potential issues we came up with the answer was "All of the above!"

[Karen_L 1]

Hi guys,

I just got off the phone with my husband and I am so pissed. First off I am the only one calling him, because he doesnt wanna get a phonecard. 2nd we usually chat every second day and I like that, but it is just way too long sometimes. And when I call him to just hear his voice he doesnt understand that, because he wants me to tell him what I wanna tell him and then he wants me to hang up. So whenever I called him I had something in mind that he can have as a reason, getting things solved and such. AND NOW he is complaining that I always call and want him to do something. I am so upset, I just hung up on him and told him to have a nice evening. What the hell is going wrong here?????

Am I overreacting?

Isabel

No, I don't think you're overreacting by being angry. The times when stuff kind of like that has happened between my fiance' and I, I've always been upset. I would suggest calling him tomorrow, even if you normally wouldn't have and tell him that you're upset and tell him how come. He might not even realize that he's doing stuff that upsets you, so you should calmly tell him. In my experience (not actually with my fiance', who's a very talkative chiacchierone, but with other males I know) many guys don't use the phone to chitchat; they make calls when specific info needs to be conveyed. Maybe he doesn't see the sense of phone conversations without an express purpose and you need to tell him that you need to be able to speak with him at any time, just to hear him and feel close. I'm sure he'll see where you're coming from.

Everything will be okay! Good luck

[Karen_L 1]

Edit: SORRY! I'm cleaning out my apartment, making space in my drawers and closet for my fiance's stuff (he's coming in 11 days!) and I typed up this whole response but didn't send it for like an hour. Then I sent it and realized that you'd already spoken to your husband lol. But anyway, I'm glad you've kind of worked through the problem! Fighting/arguing/upsetting each other long distance is the worst. My fiance' is usually really talkative, but I have called on occasion and he's seemed a little bit bothered or whatever. It sucks when it happens. Also, I too am usually the one to call. He will send me a text message and he will sometimes call (but only for like 3 seconds to ask me to call him back) but he will rarley buy a calling card and call me. It's because I'm the one with the job, mostly, but also because my schedule is fuller than his is, so I call him when I'm free. Also, maybe it's because I'm more disciplined in that respect and I will buy calling cards religiously, etc.

[girlfrmoz 1]

Hi Guys,

Have you tried Skype?? Then you can talk on the internet for free or get really cheap rates to call each other. I have the same frustration with my fiance, I think it's just the stress of the visa process and just not being able to hangout together. I realised though that if we get through this we can get through anything so maybe that is how you could try to see it.

Hope it works out for you...stay strong.

[djcess 0]

Hi guys,

I just got off the phone with my husband and I am so pissed. First off I am the only one calling him, because he doesnt wanna get a phonecard. 2nd we usually chat every second day and I like that, but it is just way too long sometimes. And when I call him to just hear his voice he doesnt understand that, because he wants me to tell him what I wanna tell him and then he wants me to hang up. So whenever I called him I had something in mind that he can have as a reason, getting things solved and such. AND NOW he is complaining that I always call and want him to do something. I am so upset, I just hung up on him and told him to have a nice evening. What the hell is going wrong here?????

Am I overreacting?

Isabel

Maybe your husband is in some sort of rubber band stage.. like he needs a lil time for himself and let him know what he's missing. If you feel frustrated of the one always calling him, then stop.. just stop. maybe that's just what it needs right now. I feel that sometimes too with my fiance. Before I used to always call him because I subscribed for VOIP which only costs $.025 per minute. I know our situation is different because my fiance is the one paying for all my expenses including the voip or any phone bills, and miscellaneous but regarding WHO should call.. i'm the one calling often. GRRR!!! so i just stop, like a day and then i know that we're into this relationship together because on the 2nd day he calls me long distance on my cellphone (which is so expensive for him) to look for me and wonder what i'm doing. It's just a wake up call for him to think "HEY, SHE DIDN'T CALL.. THAT'S WEIRD" just breaking the pattern helps. Now it doesn't take 2 days anymore since he has learned his lesson. Everytime i feel that he doesn't appreciate my call because for him, we don't really have anything important to talk about but chat, I hang up but he knows he kinda hurt my feelings so i don't call him again and in a while, he calls back in a very pleasant, much loving mood.

[JanaknJanet 1]

Got to remember.. he is still a "GUY" .. and most guys will tend to turtle up when stress is at the highest... thus.. calling ... and not getting true him.. .. is not directed to you but him just simpley being MALE.

I am the one that calls.. but Jan sends sms. in the 2 1/2 yrs.. it started out with lots and lots of phone calls.. lots and lots of phone cards.. ..

then.. phone reception..and bad cell situations where he is at in India.. kina quelled the phoning..

I got really frustrated..and thought that his .. distractions were due to me.. oh . silly me.. just being a typical female... overthinking.. overacting. ha ha.. he was too concerned that I was spending too much money that I needed for here to think that I REALLY only simply just needed to hear his voice.. I told him it is not . in the What we say.. but.. just knowingthat he was there... and YES I know when someone is just not there on the other end of the phone even if they say hello.. or how was your day... the .. ok fine.. just has to go .

I know his mind was just to busy on everything else. but once I explained to him that .. all i need is to.. have him.. all of him for even just a simple Good Morning love or .. Sweet dreams baby... . .. the world could fall apart around me and I would be nurtured just enough..

be upfront to your husband.. explain you are just looking for a glimps of him .. not the turtle shell that he has crawled into when he is stressed..

[govols 1]

Hi guys,

Thank you very very much for all your responses! I really appreciate it. We did talk again and worked something out. I told him how I feel about it and he told me what is bothering him. To what it comes down to is: He is working two jobs and is always busy and mostly I catch him in the middle of doing something. And instead of telling me that, he just tries to drop me off the line and that makes me feel bad. Also it makes him feel angry and guilty every time he has no time to talk, because he is so busy. He doesnt like that and it makes him upset that it is the way it is and there is nothing he can do about it. It hurts him not to get to talk to me and it hurts him also that he knows that he hurts me. So this whole thing is totally screwed up. I hope you know what I mean. We both agreed that we would schedule times for calling and chatting in future so we overcome this whole guilt issue. He also will tell me when he absolutely has no time to talk; instead of just trying to get me out of the line. So that issue was mostly because we didnt talk about it and assumed that the other one can read each others mind.

But I think that is a real common thing to happen amongst international relationships. Either money issues(!!!) or timedifference or rarely time at all and all that. It is just crazy. And then some people ask why long distance relationships are hard.

Thank you guys very much!

Isabel

in addition he is not a "phone guy" at all. He told me that he hates talking to me over the phone because he cant see how I react and cant see my bodylanguage.

Isabel,

The time difference thing was a big deal for me and Tony also. There was 6 hours difference when he lived in England. So when he would be getting ready for work, I would be asleep at night and barely able to carry on an intelligible conversation. Also, when I would come home from work, he would asleep too. I remember how frustrated we were at times but it really wasn't anyone's fault. Of course, Tony is here now, but I do remember well the issues that crept up and we had to resolve.

Scheduling times to chat sounds like a good idea. I hope things are settled now between you both.

Karen

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Isabel, I just got a dose of what you have been experiencing. Jinky is a dentist with a walk in clinic so often times when we're talking on the phone, our conversation gets interrupted when a patient arrives. That happened over an hour and a half ago. I wasn't planning on staying awake but she told me she'd ring me when she was done. I decided to call her clinic just now because it's gating late for me and I'm really tired. She answered the phone with a, "I'm still with a patient!" ...Ouch! It's hard because many times I'm waiting for her call and I'll be in a sort of limbo where I can't get too involved in doing anything else. I've told her this before that I can't just wait around when it's convenient for her to call - I need to live my life also. zzzzzzzz...whoever invented LDR's ought to be shot...

Edited July 16, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[Linababe 0]

It is hard especially when you are trying to make ends meet to get the mney toegther for the visa stuff - and trying to watch your spending - my fella and I also have problems with the calling stuff - althogh it works out cheaper for me to call him then it is for him to call me i astill raked up such a high phone bill and then had my long distance cut off for about 3 months now. During the 3 months I realised although I miss him greatly and want to talk to him every single minute of the day it is not realistic as I am spening more money then I have lol. He isnt really a phone person either - he hates holding tyhe phone to his ear for hours and hours lol So we mainly talk on the internet while we play our online game together. We are desperately trying to get the money together for the actualy medical and visa interview for me - unfortunately he has had a bit more bad luck and most his money is being spent elsewhere:( It is hard but the way we look at it is that we will soon be together and our money situation will be much better

[KarenCee 3]

That's the way it was for Joel and me. It was cheaper for me to call him (landline and cell) than for him to call me. We chatted EVERY day by computer though...sometimes for hours. Occasionally when I just HAD to hear his voice I would call...and he was glad to hear me. Then of course we had webcams so we could see each other as we chatted, seeing those expressions when we chatted were priceless. Joel isn't much of a phone person either but that never bothered me. To be honest, I'm not much of a phone person and would rather converse in person. Thankfully that's all behind us now, as we're finally together...but it serves to remind us of what we went through to be together. We don't take ANYTHING for granted.

Glad you and hubby has had a chance to talk about it. Communication is everything in a marriage.