New to VJ

[thongd4me 69]

just an offhand remark: please meet him and make sure that this is the right man for you. maybe the chemistry isn't there in person, or maybe there are issues that will arise during your meeting that you both would not have known about beforehand. i dunno....

good luck.

Before I met my SO I did meet (only very few) others that I encountered online.

None of them were from a foreign country. Invariably I didn't get the feeling I had online

about them when I met them in real life. In every case it was not a "traumatic shock" but

that something about them didn't add up. That's why none of those meetings developed

into anything but friendly informal encounters that ended then and there.

The point is that regardless of where the person you are meeting is from, there is

bound to be some kind of "adjustment" that you make when you meet in real life.

Unbelievably, when I finally met my SO, there was little adjustment required, because

everything that she represented about herself online was in fact true in real life.

We all allow ourselves a certain degree of "fantasy," but nobody is perfect, so I

decided to be satisfied with "what you see is what you get." There is a learning

curve that I finally overcame in order to realize that acceptance is a foundation of love.

When the other person reciprocates that acceptance equally, that was the miracle that

I couldn't pass up. Sure there was also an element of luck, but it had to be tested over

time, both online and in real life. My advice for anyone meeting in real life is to meet

their relatives, their friends and co-workers. I did all of that. I even met some of her

adversaries and saw how she handled herself. I was very impressed. Don't try to

make it a honeymoon when you meet at last, just enjoy yourselves but keep it real too,

because once you get married, it's for real.

That's why the USCIS demands that a meeting take place. It's for your own good.

You'll never be able to predict what will happen, but the great percentage of online

acquaintances that progress to real life meetings do not end up with a good outcome.

[Anh map 2,098]

You will need to show annual income of at least $18,212. OR secure a co-sponsor.

Budget approximately $2000 in fees and expenses not including airfare.

[sand1980 0]

I appreciate the concern and yes I believe we should meet first too. We are both muslim so dating so to speak isn't really an option for us. I think you are absolutely right. It is very different to meet each other in person. We will see how it goes. One of the benefits to having known him only via the internet, is that it has given us the opportunity to get to know each other well before we meet. It is a ways off. Neither one of us really have the money to travel right now. I know the process is expensive too. Thanks to you all for the information.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

I appreciate the concern and yes I believe we should meet first too. We are both muslim so dating so to speak isn't really an option for us. I think you are absolutely right. It is very different to meet each other in person. We will see how it goes. One of the benefits to having known him only via the internet, is that it has given us the opportunity to get to know each other well before we meet. It is a ways off. Neither one of us really have the money to travel right now. I know the process is expensive too. Thanks to you all for the information.

what constitutes dating to you? I'm muslim too by the way, and don't really get this remark. you kind of are technically "dating" right now, no?

i understand your not having the money, believe me....i know. it blows. but this is your life you're talking about...please consider your options carefully. behind a computer screen anyone can be wonderful and amazing and always have the right things to say.

but chemistry matters...look, im not saying you have to get physical with the guy, but you should do as one of the members wrote above: at least meet him, say hi, meet his friends, family, see where he lives, get a feel for who he is as a person, etc...and let me say this: most people always wear masks when they meet someone for the first time but eventually that mask comes off and their real self comes out and that's when you know a person better.

i do NOT mean that the majority of people aren't the same as when you see them the first time, etc. i mean more like....the more time you spend with them, they tend to themselves relax and drop their guard a bit and become more open and less cautious...

i'm assuming that if you did get a chance to go to Algeria, you'd need a mahrem too?

Even better...

please excuse me if i seem judgemental....i don't mean anything by it. but i would also take a step back and try to put yourself in the shoes of the person that would eventually be interviewing your husband and wonder about what you would think about such a situation yourself.

try to minimize your chances of getting a rejection due to this...it's already sad enough that MENA men and men from other particularly "sensitive" areas of the world are subjected to extra checks and what not due to a minority of extremist morons.

[DanniandMary 1]

I used my income tax money to go meet my husband in Tunis (there is no visa required to go there for either country). We were married in Tunisia. I also have a friend that did the same thing before me. We came home and filed for our spousal visa. It takes 5 months to get approval after submitting application so you have time to save money for the bills you have to pay. ($355 when submitting applicaiton, $70 and $300 after approval something like that). If you go that route, try to get all the paperwork you can while you are there for submitting application. It saves time. Good luck!!!

[Marina-Del 10]

Random comment about meeting in person:

I dated an Australian before meeting my Brazilian soon to be husband. We met in person in a hostel, exchanged emails and chatted online for 6 months. Then I went and stayed with him in Oz for 3 months, then online again for 4, then he was with me in the US for 3 months, then online for 5, then we lived together in London for a year.

Point being, about half of our relationship was online and half was not. Online we worked GREAT...in person, we were okay. It wasn't horrible, but it didn't make either of us happy. And we were so stuck on how great it was online that we suffered for a whole year living together in London before we decided to call it quits. See my signature below! He and I were within a month of the wedding when we called it off. We wasted time together and LOTS of money on the K-1 visa and wedding plans that were canceled at the last minute!

Obviously the internet is not all to blame as we did live together for a year, but there is just one example for you.

[D&R 0]

Ok, so here is my situation. I am engaged to an Algerian man. I am from the U.S. and know absolutely nothing about immigration procedures. He has attempted to get a visitors visa prior to me knowing him and was always denied. Does the U.S. have an issue with Algeria? Because it seems very hard for them to get visas. He basically has no money and I basically have no money, so it is very difficult for us to meet. Is this something immigration takes into account at all? We have never met in person. Just kind of wondering what my options are and how to begin the process of applying for him to come here. Any help would be great.

You're engaged to someone you've never met!? Good luck with that

[sand1980 0]

To the last person who posted thanks for the "luck". my relationship doesn't need your approval. To the others thank you for your response. Someone asked what I meant by dating and really I meant a more western style of dating. Point well taken and I know it was not your intention to say that I become physical with him. I agree with all of you who think we should meet and I would love to. I will need a male relative and was thinking of asking my brother to go with me. I realize that online relationships are not ideal but sometimes you meet people and the way you feel is unexpected. I appeciate all the concern and I will do my best to approah this in a mature way. Once again thank you all for the information. Immigration procedures are not familiar to me and I am trying to learn.