How some people can be soo carefree?

[bonjur_mimi 0]

Hi VJ'yers,

As i posted earlier my friend and i came to the U.S together. But she was in another state. everything was soo perfect. We used to talk on the phone for hours about everything especially about our fiances. But suddenly things have changed i got married with my fiance. But she had to leave the country because her I-94 expired and her fiance didn't get married.

reason is he doesn't know her that much.. The been known each other for two years they met online 2 years ago and met after one year online chattings. and he decided to bring her to USA.

I still wonder how they loved each other so much and this could happen that they are not together. My friend still cryies it was psychological disappointment she says it killed her self confidence and feeling that she's a woman.

Question how do you think is there any difference between Internet love or love in real life? Can get people changed or dissapp ointed of what they saw in the reality?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Hi VJ'yers,

As i posted earlier my friend and i came to the U.S together. But she was in another state. everything was soo perfect. We used to talk on the phone for hours about everything especially about our fiances. But suddenly things have changed i got married with my fiance. But she had to leave the country because her I-94 expired and her fiance didn't get married.

reason is he doesn't know her that much.. The been known each other for two years they met online 2 years ago and met after one year online chattings. and he decided to bring her to USA.

I still wonder how they loved each other so much and this could happen that they are not together. My friend still cryies it was psychological disappointment she says it killed her self confidence and feeling that she's a woman.

Question how do you think is there any difference between Internet love or love in real life? Can get people changed or dissapp ointed of what they saw in the reality?

I think it all depends on how you utilize your time online with your SO. If you dont talk about the important things like expectations, roles in the relationship,morals ect.... then yes, there is the possiblity that once you try living together that you will be in for a big suprise.

I dont know how someone could spend months or a year talking to someone online and not really get to know them

good luck to your friend, i hope she finds love and happiness

[EasternDE 35]

Where you met doesn't matter, it's not the meeting that counts but the relationship you build after that matters.

And this relationship has to be based on real life. Online chat is very accessory and can't replace the true feelings you get when you have that other person in front of you.

They didn't change, it's just Internet chat/webcam only reflects only a tiny bit of the reality, which is often altered by the imagination. We tend to see what we want to see.

Meeting only once in two years wasn't enough. Two years are actually too long, your imagination can build up a lot during that time. You're getting false expectations and it's almost sure you'll get disappointed.

Your friend will be fine once she'll find a new lover, which will happen for sure.

She needs to look at the bright side, it's much better it happens now rather than after the marriage. That would have been really hell...

[TBoneTX 45,497]

Agree with the above. There are three steps to long-distance relationships: Internet, phone, and in-person. The first two can go swimmingly, but the last is (naturally) crucial. When I visited my then-fiancee for the first time, I had a wedding ring in my pocket. I bought it from the third jewelry store that I had visited -- the only one that would accept a return if I came back with it without having given it to her. The engagement was not guaranteed -- during that first in-person meeting, my antennae were at full alert for any sign of any habit, characteristic, behavior, etc. that would cause me to compromise my principles or myself if I tried to accept (ignore) it.

I had been burned so many times before that being alert was second nature to me by then. However, most people get more advice on how to buy a car or a washing machine than they do on picking a mate. Is the person available (emotionally, geographically, situationally) to you? Can you accept that the person is a mixture of good & bad qualities, and that no matter how good or strong the good qualities are, the relationship cannot work if there is one negative aspect that you cannot accept, abide, or compromise your principles regarding? Finally, what is the reflection of yourself that you get as a result of spending time with that person -- do you feel like a million bucks, or like a whipped cur? This last factor is different from "how does that person feel about me." With limited time that can be spent together simply due to the nature of a long-distance relationship, alertness to these fundamental principles becomes even more paramount.

[justashooter 430]

Hi VJ'yers,

Question how do you think is there any difference between Internet love or love in real life? Can get people changed or dissapp ointed of what they saw in the reality?

"love" is a word that means different things to different people. to some of us "love" is wanting to improve another's life and acting to do so. we do this because we admire the person and find them worthy of our good will. to others "love" is funny feelings that we can't explain that are created by hormones within our body, which are triggered by pheremones emitted by another person's body. in the best case, you get both.

"love" has other meanings for other people that are difficult to describe or categorise. some are for the satisfaction of the individual who feels in "love", and some are for the satisfaction of their partner. as long as nobody gets hurt in the process, any definition of love is OK if both people agree on it (or all 5, if you're really lucky).

trouble is, most of this stuff requires close proximity to enact or experience. people are just very complex animals, driven by hormones, pheremones, and logic. the first two cannot be experienced over the internet.