It is so painful

[Ramialbali 23]

Salam,

My wife lived in Palestine for two years. She used to get one year visa every year. She had a job as a teacher in the Arab American University. After one year of our marriage, we decide to start the immigration process. We thought that we have the right to submit our petitions in the Jersualem Consulate because she was living here for almost a year. We prepred everything and went to the consulate, but they refused us to submitted them there becuase my wife visa is just one year vistor visa. We explained that Isreal dose not give any international who lives in Palestine any kind of visa except visitor visa even if he/she lives here for 10 years. We showed them her job contract, and a paper from the American University, a lease of renting apartment proving that she is living here. They said that they understand the situation here in Palestine, but they can not accept our prtitions there becuase it said in her visa " vistor visa". Even they said we understand the situation, and they knew that Isreal just give a vistor visa to any international who lives in the West Bank even for years, they refused. They knew that Israel dose not considered Palestine as country or even there are human being living here. Why canot they help people if they knew the situation here? As a result, we submitted the petitions in the US. I had my interview in the consulate and they Congratulated me and said your visa aprroved, and they will contact me after I send them a requested papre to send my passport. we thought we are close to finish this. My wife quit her job and traveled back to the US to prepare for my arraival, and I did not sign a new contract in my job. Why did they even congratulate me and told me will contact you to send your passport even they knew they are going to put me under AP? They send me a letter after a couple of weeks saying that my case is pending under AP. Why did they do that to us? we are apart now. My marraige is collapssing and my wife falling apart because it is so difficult to live together for two years, and now we are apart, and we do not know what will happen in the future, and we can not handle living apart. We are stuck in this horrible time. After living together happily for two years, now we are fighting most of time because we do not have anything to talk accept what happening, Administrative processing and trying to figure out what will happen. I feel so scared about my wife's health. She is crying most of the time. She told me she is thinking to kill herself. I am freaking out. She is totaly collapssing and I am here apart from her can not do anything to help her. What we have done wronge in our life to deserve this? Really I do not understand how people can handle lving apart as a result of AP. I read some stories that couples have been waiting to their AP to be finish for a year or more. It is so painful.

Sorry for the inconvenience , but I need to let it out from my chest.

Edited July 28, 2009 by Rami-Becky

[UmmSqueakster 54]

wa alaikum assalam,

Unfortunately, AP is a reality for MENA men. Although it may seem like forever now, inshaAllah in a few months you two will be together for the rest of your lives. What is a few months apart when you have decades (inshaAllah) together? Try to take the long view, and do your best to support your wife in that.

This is qadr Allah, and it gives her more time to prepare stuff for you and make things easier for you when you arrive. Keep yourself busy - read up on cover letters, fix your resume, practice interviewing, and do everything you can to get yourself ready for your transition to the US. It's going to be another huge shock to your system and to your marriage, so the more you are ready now, the easier it will be in the future.

Find something else to talk about other than the process. AbuS and I were apart for 3 years before he moved to the US, so we had a lot of practice being apart Talk politics, religion, the weather, make plans for your future, imagine the different places you'll visit together, what you're going to name you kids. Play yahoo games. I can't count the number of pool games we played. Imagine what kind of house you'll buy in the future, and how you'll decorate it. Pick a book and read it together online. Play music for each other over microphones. Write love poetry to each other. Write actual letters and send them in the mail to one another. The sky's the limit!

[Nagishkaw 510]

AbuS and I were apart for 3 years before he moved to the US, so we had a lot of practice being apart

I hear ya on that tip. Thinking about it makes me want to puke.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Ummsqueakster had some great suggestions!

How about your wife coming back to visit, even if its a short one..it might "hold her over" for a while and renew her hope.

Even if she cant, I think being supportive to her and approaching it like Umm said by telling her to look at it like...this will give her time to prepare everything for you to come.

Does she have family close to her that she can lean on and talk to? It sure is a hard process being away from your loved one...I cant imagine trying to do that alone without the support of others who can relate....IE the friends I made on VJ

[Sandrila 1]

We all can understand what it feels like to be separated from our loved ones. Some wait way longer than others.

There is nothing easy about any of this but I assure you just when you feel you are at your last (which my husband and I had felt at one time) GOD COMES THROUGH. True love will endure it.

It is a very trying time and you need to pray. Ask GOD to give you both the strength to make it through this difficult time.

You may feel like you are going to die and your heart is ripped out with loneliness and worry but you will live.

One thing with this visa journey is that nothing is guaranteed...if and until you have that visa in your hand you cannot bet on anything that they say. They don't care about you, you are a number and anything could change or be requested in a blink of an eye.

Everyone gets their call from the Consulate eventually. It will come to fruition.

Be patient and keep strong and realize that you are not the only one, even though you feel that way.

Edited July 28, 2009 by Sandrila

[morocco4ever 63]

Your wife is suffering from depression. Perhaps she could get some counseling. This is not a journey for the weak. Ummsqueakster has some great suggestions. My husband and I would play pool together. We would also watch the same movie together. I know it isn't the same, but you really need to take it one day at a time. If your marriage is strong it can handle this. My husband and I waited 2 years to get his visa. It wasn't easy, but we survived. He has been here now for over 2 years and trust me, it was worth the wait.

Be gentle and encouraging to her, she needs all of the love and support she can get right now.

[Ramialbali 23]

Thank you guys for your support. It is so important to feel that there are people around you supporting you with all of their hearts. Thank you. I am doing much better since I posted my thread. I am always trying to drag her to talk about other things. I know it is hard, but I have to keep trying. Thank you.

New situation. I have posted this thread in another forum, but I would like to share this with you and have your opinion.

As you can see on mu profile, I am applying for K-3 visa. I had my interview on May 14, and they approved my visa, but they put my case pending administrative processing. The reason that we followed the K-3 that we talked with a lawyer, and he told us that K-3 visa is much faster than CR-1, but it appeared not. If we had known VJ, we would have followed CR-1 visa. Anyway, As you know no one knows how long the AP could take. It could be done in one week or one year. My wife and I have been apart since my interview. We have a new situation here. It seems that we are getting new good jobs again in my country Palestine. We are confused here. It seems good opportunity for us to work and save money, but in the other hand, we do not want to lose the chance of finishing this immigration procedure. My questions are: Can we switch to CR-1? Or once you have done your interview for K-3, we are done. If it is not which I assume, Is there any way or anything that we can do to keep our immigration procedure going until we finish our jobs' contracts here in Palestine? Or we have to do the processing again from the beginning when we finish our work here?

We understood that K-3 visa is good for two years, and I have to enter the USA when I get it hopefully, and then I have to apply for AOS which will not work if we decide to take these jobs and settle in Palestine for two years. Also, we understood that I have to live in the USA to apply for AOS, and I cannot go and live in any other country until I received my green card. Right?

What do you think guys? What can we do if we want to take these jobs in Palestine and keep my immigration status working? Or Do we have to decide one path and scarify the other?. I hope my English was good enough to explain the situation. Any information and explanation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Edited August 6, 2009 by Rami-Becky

[~ameriptian~ 54]

I know this must be very hard for you and your wife. I really hope you get through this time and get to be together again so soon and never be part anymore. Start writing letters to each other.. Write your diaries it helps letting the tension out and so you are a little relaxed when you talk together. Make things for each other.. Make plans for your future together.. I agree with UmSqueaks in all what she said too.

You and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, isA this time will be over soon.

[bhajishah 4]

duas for you and your family reunion