questions about love and commitment relative to K1 process

[Brad and Vika 129]

She's really quite the catch. We're going steady now, she gets her braces off in a couple months, *AND* she promised I'd be her prom date if I bought her Jonas Brothers tickets! I mean, sure, it's a little awkward that I'm older than her dad...and her grandfather...but what matters most is that we're happy together.

There you have it, another happy RU forum couple. Screw the haters (figuratively - I have seen some of their pictures). Mox, every one has to have a hobby, no?

[slim 1,514]

We er... fit well anywhere. I know I do.

You obviously haven't taken in some of Kentucky's natural wonders. Try going down the steps at Natural Bridge or spelunking through Mammoth Cave.

Fun activities... just not so fat guy-friendly.

she promised I'd be her prom date if I bought her Jonas Brothers tickets!

"Platinum? Ha! Platinum will get you tickets to the concert. This baby right here..... THIS will get you all three Jonas brothers sucking your #### backstage."

(Am I the only one who's watched Eastbound and Down?)

[mox 298]

Mox, every one has to have a hobby, no?

Fersher. Mine just happens to be illegal in 48 states. (50 if you're not related.)

(Am I the only one who's watched Eastbound and Down?)

Yeah, I dropped the HBO ####### and am doing the ghetto cable thing now.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Mox, every one has to have a hobby, no?

Fersher. Mine just happens to be illegal in 48 states. (50 if you're not related.)

(Am I the only one who's watched Eastbound and Down?)

Yeah, I dropped the HBO ####### and am doing the ghetto cable thing now.

Check out the moxinator, adjusting the rabbit ears

[mox 298]

Yeah, I'm totally jonesing for Colbert these days, and I'm too lazy to watch it on Hulu.

[slim 1,514]

I would like to see a Stewart/Colbert '12 ticket. Might actually motivate me to get out and participate in the political process.

[Jonathan Matthies 1]

I have suspended DirectTV for 6 months (still might cancel it). I didn't go to rabbit ears, instead I pay comcast $15/month for basic cable; which is good enough. I also have $15/month phone for a year; which is a ton cheaper than the $45/month from Qwest. I feel like I am retired, pinching every penny, looking for coupons, yelling at the damn kids to get off my lawn.

Colbert/Stewart are the only two political shows I can watch. I attempted to watch Cnn, Olbermann or anything on Fox, to try and get perspectives from both sides; but all they do is incite me to throw shoes at my TV.

[slim 1,514]

but all they do is incite me to throw shoes at my TV.

Don't do that! If you think cable's expensive, just wait til you start getting the bill for shoe removal!

[Ban Hammer 12,880]

I have suspended DirectTV for 6 months (still might cancel it). I didn't go to rabbit ears, instead I pay comcast $15/month for basic cable; which is good enough. I also have $15/month phone for a year; which is a ton cheaper than the $45/month from Qwest. I feel like I am retired, pinching every penny, looking for coupons, yelling at the damn kids to get off my lawn.

Colbert/Stewart are the only two political shows I can watch. I attempted to watch Cnn, Olbermann or anything on Fox, to try and get perspectives from both sides; but all they do is incite me to throw shoes at my TV.

maybe patent an unbreakable tv screen

[Brad and Vika 129]

I have suspended DirectTV for 6 months (still might cancel it). I didn't go to rabbit ears, instead I pay comcast $15/month for basic cable; which is good enough. I also have $15/month phone for a year; which is a ton cheaper than the $45/month from Qwest. I feel like I am retired, pinching every penny, looking for coupons, yelling at the damn kids to get off my lawn.

Colbert/Stewart are the only two political shows I can watch. I attempted to watch Cnn, Olbermann or anything on Fox, to try and get perspectives from both sides; but all they do is incite me to throw shoes at my TV.

maybe patent an unbreakable tv screen

Or invest in foam bricks.

[belarus1 0]

Actually there IS another requirement --

(From I-129F Instructions)--

You may file this petition if:

1. You are a U.S. citizen, and

2. You and your fiancé(e) intend to marry within 90 days of your fiancé(e) entering the United States, and are both free to marry

Remember, you and the fiancee actually have to sign statements affirming that intent. So, filing the petition when you don't actually have that intent would be a pretty good case for fraud. Of course the difficulty is in PROVING what your actual intent was at any point in the process ---- a good reason NOT to come on forums like this and discuss your intent if you ARE thinking of using the K-1 as a "trial period."

Nothing about using the 90 days as a trial period is mutually exclusive to the requirement that you intend to marry. Obviously if you didn't intend to marry, then your decision has already been made, and you wouldn't be filing a K1. There's nothing wrong with saying you intend to marry, with a caveat that you want to make absolutely sure within your 90 day period.

Let's see---

"might marry" -- nope, that's not what it says....

'intend to marry IF".... no

"intend to marry assuming"... no

"intend to marry with the caveat that".... no

Let's see --- yep, we ARE writing and talking in the English language.....

Dictionary definitions of "intend" and/or "intent" --- "to plan" "to have in mind to do something" "to have in mind for a particular purpose or use" Hmmmm... nothing really there about conditionals, or contingencies, or caveats.

Although I DO think you've hit upon the solution ---- EVERYone who wants to use the K-1 as a "trial period" should be completely open and honest (which is after all, the "responsible adult" thing to do ) and include this caveat language within their "Statement of Intent". If USCIS approves their petitions and the Embassy issues the visas with these caveats in place -- then more power to them and enjoy the "free trial"!! Anyone out there willing to take that challenge?

if one is truely honest with oneself you know if the situation is right or not. Ive been around the block enough times to know that my initial gut feeling has rarely been wrong. Ive been in relationships where my gut told me it isnt right but my heart and head (not to mention other body parts) said "maybe things will develop". Needless to say they never did.

Just try and imagine once the hormones settle down between you and your SO and day to day life sets in, laundry, grocery, cleaning the toilet etc... and see if you can imagine yourself together.

It sounds cliche'ish but you better be good friends first and like being around each other before marriage is considered.

I met Svetalana online and we had an email relationship for quite a while then phonecalls then tons of sms messages and thats when I started to think that Im really starting to fall for this girl. Seems we were at the same point in life and had similar personalities and expectations. I still remember "sms"ing her saying that if its possible to fall in love with someone over sms messages I have. She called me about a microsecond later and was quite giddy and felt the same way.

About a month later I made the trip to Belarus to meet her and right in the airport we just seemed to "click" and it felt like we had know eachother all along. No awkward moments or shyness, very comfy from the get go. I cant do justice about how it went with words.

We are both realistic and have discussed that many times life and our relationship will challenge us but if we are open and honest with one another we can get through anything.

anyhoo, what Im saying is that deep down you know how things feel. Sure its only natural to get nervous and have doubts but look deep inside and you'll find the answer.

[groovlstk 0]

I'm late to add my two bits to this thread, but to any of you who think you can use the 90-day K1 period as a trial, you should know that those 90 days are not representative of what your life together will be like. When your fiancee arrives, she'll very likely be overwhelmed on many fronts as she tries to make sense of her new environment.

This is just my experience, but when my wife arrived in '06 she behaved much differently than she did when we met on her own turf (and thankfully, I had the sense not to propose to her after a few dates and spent enough time with her before filing my K1 to know this was not her normal emotional state of being). Her moods were mercurial, she was weeks getting over jetlag, she'd turn from affectionate to cranky in moments when she was tired - the list goes on and on. I guess the only metaphor that comes to my mind is your first days of school when you were a child - this time may have been a nightmare and you cried for your mom every morning, or you made some fast friends and had a blast - but in all likelyhood those days were not representative of the next few years.

[mox 298]

I'm late to add my two bits to this thread, but to any of you who think you can use the 90-day K1 period as a trial, you should know that those 90 days are not representative of what your life together will be like. When your fiancee arrives, she'll very likely be overwhelmed on many fronts as she tries to make sense of her new environment.

This is just my experience, but when my wife arrived in '06 she behaved much differently than she did when we met on her own turf (and thankfully, I had the sense not to propose to her after a few dates and spent enough time with her before filing my K1 to know this was not her normal emotional state of being). Her moods were mercurial, she was weeks getting over jetlag, she'd turn from affectionate to cranky in moments when she was tired - the list goes on and on. I guess the only metaphor that comes to my mind is your first days of school when you were a child - this time may have been a nightmare and you cried for your mom every morning, or you made some fast friends and had a blast - but in all likelyhood those days were not representative of the next few years.

Not to sound snarky, but I think this is common sense. Even two USC's who have been dating and seeing each other in person for months or longer will not have a "representative" experience within the first 90 days. People should do what feels right for them. If that means using the 90 days to "get to know each other better" then so be it. It's not my business to say they can't.

[baron555 934]

I'm late to add my two bits to this thread, but to any of you who think you can use the 90-day K1 period as a trial, you should know that those 90 days are not representative of what your life together will be like. When your fiancee arrives, she'll very likely be overwhelmed on many fronts as she tries to make sense of her new environment.

This is just my experience, but when my wife arrived in '06 she behaved much differently than she did when we met on her own turf (and thankfully, I had the sense not to propose to her after a few dates and spent enough time with her before filing my K1 to know this was not her normal emotional state of being). Her moods were mercurial, she was weeks getting over jetlag, she'd turn from affectionate to cranky in moments when she was tired - the list goes on and on. I guess the only metaphor that comes to my mind is your first days of school when you were a child - this time may have been a nightmare and you cried for your mom every morning, or you made some fast friends and had a blast - but in all likelyhood those days were not representative of the next few years.

Not to sound snarky, but I think this is common sense. Even two USC's who have been dating and seeing each other in person for months or longer will not have a "representative" experience within the first 90 days. People should do what feels right for them. If that means using the 90 days to "get to know each other better" then so be it. It's not my business to say they can't.

My thoughts only. When the K-1 was invented (how long was that wise one?) the assumption was that the couple had many interactions and really really knew all about each other and the 90 requirement was a reasonable time frame assuming they knew all about each other. Most likely fast forwarding to modern times with the invention of the Internet and the many different and excellent means to correspond and communicate, it is conceivable that a couple could get to know all about each other without ever meeting in person. But obviously there is still something lost by not being able to be physically with the other person.

So the 90 day time frame doesn't allow these two folks to finalize their relationship by being physically with each other.

The best bet would be to extend the time to marry to maybe 6-12 months to allow them to finish their courtship. Just my opinion.

My RW and I have an agreement that within about 2-1/2 months we will make a decision, if not made before. If I say yes and she says no, she goes back. If I say no, then she goes back. If we both say yes, then we will marry. The final decision will be hers.

We both expect we will say yes much sooner!

She knows who I am and I know who she is and she knows what she is in for and what we both will do together in the future.

[Neonred 3,461]

I'm late to add my two bits to this thread, but to any of you who think you can use the 90-day K1 period as a trial, you should know that those 90 days are not representative of what your life together will be like. When your fiancee arrives, she'll very likely be overwhelmed on many fronts as she tries to make sense of her new environment.

This is just my experience, but when my wife arrived in '06 she behaved much differently than she did when we met on her own turf (and thankfully, I had the sense not to propose to her after a few dates and spent enough time with her before filing my K1 to know this was not her normal emotional state of being). Her moods were mercurial, she was weeks getting over jetlag, she'd turn from affectionate to cranky in moments when she was tired - the list goes on and on. I guess the only metaphor that comes to my mind is your first days of school when you were a child - this time may have been a nightmare and you cried for your mom every morning, or you made some fast friends and had a blast - but in all likelyhood those days were not representative of the next few years.

So you are saying they get past the moody and cranky behavior? How long does that take? My wife arrived in March 2006 and I am still waiting.....