Relationship Jokes

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Forgive me if there was already a thread on this. Just wanted to share a few laughs.

A CAN OF PAINT

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple

and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new

parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two

weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two

weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and

asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two

weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the

pastor.

The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and

asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the

two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not

too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch

for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the

pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,

"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two

weeks?"

"No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for

the two weeks, " the young man replied sadly. "My wife

was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and

dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was

overcome with lust and took advantage of her right

there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be

welcome in our church, " stated the pastor. "We know, "

said the young man, "we're not welcome at Home Depot

any more either."

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

Red sighed and said, "Oh, #######, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Oh....don't you have a vase?"

[Cristy 4]

[CarolineM 0]

On the trail of destruction? There are many ways to seek this path…

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat !"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway.

She brought it inside, opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Geez, where's everyone's sense of humor?

Two old men were sitting on a park bench and one asked the other how his wife was.

He replied "I think she might be dead."

"You think she's dead?"

"Well yes, the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."

Edited June 27, 2006 by StevenJinky

[Vagina Journey 0]

Cute

[Miranda&James 8]

On the trail of destruction? There are many ways to seek this path…

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat !"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway.

She brought it inside, opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday

Oh dear!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

For anyone who's ever been in a bad relationship.... (WARNING: EXPLICIT)

One day a guy named Dave goes into work in a bad mood. His friend Chris says "hey Dave, what's wrong?" Dave says "I'm a little bummed, this morning I made a bad Freudian slip with my wife. I meant to say 'Honey, would you please pass the syrup', but I accidently said 'you f***ing b**ch, you ruined my life.'

Edited June 28, 2006 by StevenJinky

[Ban Hammer 14,037]

what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

about 45 pounds

now one for the women before i get crucified:

what's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?

about 45 minutes

[anya-D 8]

[Miranda&James 8]

what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

about 45 pounds

now one for the women before i get crucified:

what's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?

about 45 minutes

Kidding kidding

[Ban Hammer 14,037]

ah here's another one.

Edited June 28, 2006 by charlesandnessa

[one...two...tree 2,762]

bump