Preparation of SO arrival

[Aezeala 0]

Hey Guys,

So my baby has officially booked a flight for January 13, 2009! Excited as I am...I am also nervous. Ladies, you know how we are, we want everything to be perfect and work hard to make sure it will be. I feel bad one, because I have to work and I really want to be there with him when he i at home so he does not feel alone. He says he understands the nature of the game and having to wait for AOS, but it still gets to me. I would love to hear your experiences the first week you welcomed your SO into your home and how you felt at that time. Am I the only one that is kind of scared. I tell him this as well, because I just moved out here to Georgia and have no other family practically here so I feel as though He and I have to work through everything by ourselve, but I know that will only make us stronger. He worked with UNICEF in Nigeria so I am trying to locate various AID organizations that will be accepting volunteers so he can definetley be busy but allso doing something that he loves. I also will be enrolling in a prepatory MBA exam class so he can prepare for the test and hopefully enroll by the fall. Which brings me to my other question? Have you any of your SO gone to school immediatley coming into the United States. What exactly is needed for them to enter into a University. Do they pay tution on behalf as an international student or just as an out of state student?

Thanks Guys...and Hope Your Holidays Are Blessed! ATLANTA FOLKS PLEASE BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THE MEET AND GREET IN JANUARY. YOU CAN STILL SIGN UP...JUST PM ME!

Mrs. Emenalo

[boo boo 1]

Hello

I am so excited for you, I remember the first week my SO came...it was a dream come true..I actually had to pinch myself afew times just to make sure it was real. My hubby went to school when he arrived here and he still is. If your man does not have a degree and if income allows, he could get financial aid (grants) or if he does have a degree, he would be eligible for student loan and he could apply for scholarships.

If your SO has a degree, then he will have to see if his degree is equivilant to US standards. He would have to get his transcript sent to a place that does it. If he has never been to school, then he will have to take the exams to see if he has to take the basic math and english courses before he can take regular college courses.

Also, if he can show the University your marriage certificate and proof that you reside in the state (if you have lived in your state for longer than a year), he can get in-state tuition for being married to a resident of the state...or at least that is how they do it in Florida.

My husband has been going to a community college and between loans and scholarships, he has not had to come out of pocket for any of the expenses as of yet. Good luck with everything and thanks for the update

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Congratulations!

We are going on our 2nd week together. Still amazing. Today I woke up (4:00 a.m.) to a pot of coffee and some toast. I come home to a clean house, which only happend once a week before.

We will have to work on the college thing too. This morning he filled out his SS application.

God is Good!

[Asante Maroon 0]

Hello!

First things first: CONGRATS!!!!!!

Ok, so here goes....

Do not lock yourself down by too many expectations. Things may not be as you expect them to be when he arrives. Your SO can get here and be a on a few months (or weeks) high from just being here and then have adjustment issues OR it may seem as if he had adjustment issues as soon as he got off the plane

Do not expect things to be as romantic or blissful as they were when you visited his home country. Although America is the land of opportunity and freedom, it also a country of stress and worry. The kind of stress that is in America, is nothing your SO may have ever experienced. Don’t forget that you too are influenced by this stress. The laid back person he met in his home country is now the person working, going to school, paying MANY bills, cooking, cleaning, etc…. And when your SO gets here, there will be MANY MORE of these same bills plus transitional monies spent on clothing him, adjusting his status, and helping him pay for school.

I am telling you these things so that you know the scenarios that may occur so that you are prepared for them.

It is VERY important for you to check yourself in terms of the way you choose to express yourself…the first couple of years of your SO being here will be sensitive times. Out of frustration you may come off in the wrong way and he may feel hurt and as a result come off the wrong way to you. You are probably thinking “I love him and there is no way that I would ever come off wrong to him” but I am telling you…after you have worked oh so hard to get your man here and he acts differently from what you know him to be and/or what you expect him to be…you will be hurt, resentful and perhaps a little angry. You will act out from being hurt and it may turn cyclical. You don’t want that to happen. Try to keep a cool head and perhaps wooo saaah before you speak. Trust me I know its hard!

Your SO will be dealing with adjusting to a new country, being out of work for most of the year, not being able to provide for himself, not being able to provide for you, not being able to attend school right away, being bored, missing home and family, etc…. He may deal with all of this fairly well or he may have periods (or long periods) of being a hot mess! With all that you have on your plate, you will be worrying about all is worries too, but you have to stay strong! This too shall pass.

I think you get the point so I will move on to school….(if you dont send me a PM)

As soon as your SO receives his social security card, it is important for you to put a utility bill in his name. This will help him establish his place of residence. Most colleges will not consider your SO a state resident until he has been living in that particular state for at least one year prior to the 1st day he begins classes. The problem is that the documents they tend to want to establish residency does not include his passport or itinerary from his flight here …and all other documents he would receive months later would come too late and would not establish your SO being in the state for 1 year before classes. Schools tend to ask for utility bills, a copy of a lease or deed, copy of W2 and tax forms with address labels and names printed on them, valid state license or non drivers license, bank statements, etc…. Below is a link to a requirement of one NYC school so that you can have idea. You should research this information from the schools that he may possibly attend so that you are prepared.

International students in the school my SO attends considers him an international student and he pays out-of-state tuition as a result. Its EXPENSIVE!!! Unless your SO is a resident of your state and can prove it, then he will receive aid. If not you will either pay out of pocket or he will have to wait until he can prove his residence.

If you need any more info, you can PM me. Good luck! Stay positive but also realistic!

I wish your SO a safe flight and I hope you have a wonderful life together…Just remember to wooooo saaaah!

P.S. I think its an absolute GREAT idea to have your SO involved in some activities to keep him busy while his paperwork goes through! You are definitely on the right path!!!

Residency Requirement for Hunter College (NYC School)

[NimoMN 0]

Congratulations! I am very happy for you both to be together in the New Year. I do not have any more to add about the tough transition, stress, potential conflict and such. But for the school part, my wife and I did not want to wait the year for her to establish residency so we looked into private schools. They charge the same tuition if you have lived all your life in the state or not. And the private school tuition was still cheaper than paying out of state tuition rates. The private school was also very familiar with the college that she earned her undergraduate degree from in Uganda. So that made it much easier to have her creditionals evualated. It also turned out that there were many other graduate students attending the university from Uganda as well. So she was able to meet a lot of people to help with easing her transition to life here. Once we were married and had applied to Adjust her status, she was eligible for financial aid. As it turned out, she found a great job in her field, with tuition reimbursement that coincided with starting school. So that was the best move for us at the time.

Just something to think about. But please do not get too wrapped up in getting everything in motion right away. The one thing the whole K-1 process taught me was that EVERY thing takes time. So happy New Year and again, congratulations!!!!!!

[Aezeala 0]

WOW!!! YOU GUYS HELPED ME OUT WAY MORE THAN I EXPECTED!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. I LOVE THE WORD OF ADVICE AND I AM DEFINLETLEY GOING TO TAKE IT ALL TO HEED.

ONE THING IS THAT I KEEP HEARING DIFFERENT STORIES. SOME SAY YOUR SO CAN APPLY FOR SCHOOL..SOME SAY YOU MUST WAIT FOR THE GREENCARD TO ARRIVE. STILL A LITTLY FUZZY, BUT OTHER THAN THAT I THANK GOD FOR EVERYONE THAT ANSWERED ME SO THROUGHLY. MAY GOD BLESS EACH ONE OF YOU.

Queena

[boo boo 1]

Hello

I believe that each state is different when it comes college. In Florida, I know that you can get the out-of-state tuition fees waived in certain situations. We waited for my husband to get his residence card before he went to school...I am not sure if he could of went to school before that. I added him to my lease and my bank account when he arrived. So with the resident card, his school records, the lease, proof of my residency (with marriage certificate) all helped him register for classes, he qualifed for loans and in-state tuition. Good luck again with everything, it seems like you have received alot of excellent advice.

You can always call the admissions office at the college your SO is interested in and maybe they could give you all the information that you need.

[forchika 4]

I am unsure if he will be available to go as soon as he gets here. My husband was here 8-9 mos before starting school so, we had already applied for AOS and had the green card. I can remember the school wanting proof that he graduated from high school. He did not have the information and they told him he would have to take the GED. Then they got around taking the GED by having him sign a waiver and giving him an english and math test. He was told that he would be entered into the diploma program. He was able to get a grant and apply for a loan. He had to show driver's licsense, green card and current year taxes. We spent the first week going to grocery stores, library, church and the malls and just did a lot of driving around showing him different areas. I can understand wanting things perfect.... just clean the house good, make room for SO and be ready with open arms. I was thrilled to finally get the call to pick him up at the airport.....his trip here was a disaster.

[Zee Bee 61]

I think you have gotten some great advice already

One thing I wanted to point out is that, as much as you tell him how things are going to be and he keeps saying he understands, don't be surprised if he gets really frustrated with being at home all day. This does not happen to everyone, but I know that it happened to a lot of us. I spent a lot of time letting my hubby know that it may be months before he got a job, that he may have to be at home a lot. He told me he understood and was ready to be at home for a few months Within week 2 he was all moody, wondering when a job was going to call him for an interview. Once he got his job he was fine, but before that

Good luck

[longdistancelove 0]

Queena, thanks so much for asking this question because though I am months away, I still worry about it all the time. As Boo Boo said in Florida you don't necessarily have to wait the entire year to establish residency for your SO. The residency is attached to you. But he has to have his green card. This I know worked at Georgia State, if that helps.

You are probably familiar but ATL has a serious Nigerian community to take advantage of. It really helped when my cousin's SO came. It was easier for him to make new friends play soccer with and even found folks he knew back home.

Asante Maroon----Thanks so much for being real. I try to tell my SO that he will not work for a long while but he's soooo darn optimistic! That's what's scary, like he's in denial. He is NOT the sitting at home type.

Queena, you have great options already! You seem really prepared. Good Luck and congrats!

Chi

Edited January 2, 2009 by longdistancelove

[longdistancelove 0]

Queena, thanks so much for asking this question because though I am months away, I still worry about it all the time. As Boo Boo said in Florida you don't necessarily have to wait the entire year to establish residency for your SO. The residency is attached to you. But he has to have his green card. This I know worked at Georgia State, if that helps.

You are probably familiar but ATL has a serious Nigerian community to take advantage of. It really helped when my cousin's SO came. It was easier for him to make new friends play soccer with and even found folks he knew back home.

Asante Maroon----Thanks so much for being real. I try to tell my SO that he will not work for a long while but he's soooo darn optimistic! That's what's scary, like he's in denial. He is NOT the sitting at home type.

Queena, you have great options already! You seem really prepared. Good Luck and congrats!

Chi

[Asante Maroon 0]

I think you have gotten some great advice already

One thing I wanted to point out is that, as much as you tell him how things are going to be and he keeps saying he understands, don't be surprised if he gets really frustrated with being at home all day. This does not happen to everyone, but I know that it happened to a lot of us. I spent a lot of time letting my hubby know that it may be months before he got a job, that he may have to be at home a lot. He told me he understood and was ready to be at home for a few months Within week 2 he was all moody, wondering when a job was going to call him for an interview. Once he got his job he was fine, but before that

Good luck

Zee you are so on point! I think that optimism and a touch of fairytale romance of what the US is like, plays a big part in the "Oh, I will be fine" menatality. Our SO's don't take into consideration that back home even when there is little to do...there is a lot to do...talking to friends, sitting outside and enjoying nature at the very least. Being bored in a familiar place takes on a whole different meaning than being bored in unfamiliar territory. Optimism eventually loses out to reality.

Asante Maroon----Thanks so much for being real. I try to tell my SO that he will not work for a long while but he's soooo darn optimistic! That's what's scary, like he's in denial. He is NOT the sitting at home type.

Chi

Girl, Girl, Girl!!!! I wish I had been better prepared menatlly so that I could have made things a bit more comfortable for my SO as well as myself! There is only so much that you can do, but knowledge is power. And at the very least when you have an idea of what to expect it makes things less stressful for you. No one wants to see their SO go through a rough patch of the adjustment phase. No matter how much you try to warn your SO that things are not a bed of roses here...they don't get it. AND WHEN they get here...its a rude awakening. Imagine leaving everything you ever known to come to a totally different place (knowing that you won't go back home for quite a while) ...and to make it worse you are sitting at home all day by yourself while your SO is at work. It's kind of boring not to mention depressing....ESPECIALLY if your SO was doing big things back home.

Good luck! Just plan and prepare yourself for a rough adjustment phase and hope for the best. Try to keep your SO occupied and engaged in things that were similar to the activities and/or work he was doing back home. Think positively and REACT with love He might just do fine.

[Forever Young 1]

WOW!!! YOU GUYS HELPED ME OUT WAY MORE THAN I EXPECTED!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. I LOVE THE WORD OF ADVICE AND I AM DEFINLETLEY GOING TO TAKE IT ALL TO HEED.

ONE THING IS THAT I KEEP HEARING DIFFERENT STORIES. SOME SAY YOUR SO CAN APPLY FOR SCHOOL..SOME SAY YOU MUST WAIT FOR THE GREENCARD TO ARRIVE. STILL A LITTLY FUZZY, BUT OTHER THAN THAT I THANK GOD FOR EVERYONE THAT ANSWERED ME SO THROUGHLY. MAY GOD BLESS EACH ONE OF YOU.

Queena

Hi Queena,

He can apply for college. However, he will not get any Financial Aid to help him pay for school until he gets a GC. You will have to pay out of pocket for all school expenses.

CONGRATS to you both and many blessings on this next leg of your journey.

Bless-ed,

Gill

P.S. -You have a wonderful group of sistren giving you very sound advice. It doesn't matter the country...men are men! My Hubby STILL has a difficult time understanding that there really is no place just to 'hang out'. Unlike JA, NY beaches are FREEZING this time of year ...just be supportive, real and patient. Don't forget empathy.

[ForeverAmen 0]

You have received some excellent advice.

Something to consider .... when my husband arrived he sent his transcript from home to WES in order to have his information transfer to USA standards. Long story short, we wasted $100 and he ended up taking the GED. In spite of the $100 loss, taking the GED proved to be a good thing (btw - he passed all sections on the 1st try) . The reason being is that the GED is widely accepted in our country (employment and college). Therefore, for any of his future employment or schooling he no longer has to worry about having information transcribe to USA standards.

As for college assistance, as others have stated it varies from state to state. My husband is presently pursing his degree in Nursing. So far we have not signed up for any loans. However, we do pay his tution through the Tuition Management Systems (www.afford.com). For a $40 signing fee, we are able to make monthly payments throughout the semester with 0% intrest. In addition, for the past two semesters my husband was blessed to have received Tuition lottery assistance from the state. For the past semester, the amount took care of over half of his tuition!

Finally - what field is your husband interested in pursuing? In my husband's case, he earned his CNA license, is now working at a hospital in the OR as an assistance. And guess what?!??! We recently found out that they (the hospital) will reimburse his out of pocket tuition (books not included) as long as he makes a C or better. Books are not included.

All the best!

Boaz

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I rarely come onto this forum. But, we just got approved and Im already thinking of the adjustment and all when he gets here. heh

I just wanna say.......You guys rock! Thank you for sharing such great advise and experience

Lisa