Considering Abondoning it all

[bradcanuck 1]

I have a good job and a decent lifestyle in the US. However my marriage has been deteriorating for some time now, on both partners ends. Lately every day has been a struggle to get through and I think we both know it's going to end.

That being said - I have questions regarding immigration.

If I decide to leave, what is the process? I am on a greencard and I can file for condition removal November 09. Do I send my card in and then just leave the country?

In the event I abandon the GC and in the future I want to come to the US am I treated as a non resident such as before I received the GC?

We both entered this in good faith but I'm learning we are just too young and I don't think we can do it any longer.

Any help and insight would be appreciated.

[trailmix 77]

I have a good job and a decent lifestyle in the US. However my marriage has been deteriorating for some time now, on both partners ends. Lately every day has been a struggle to get through and I think we both know it's going to end.

That being said - I have questions regarding immigration.

If I decide to leave, what is the process? I am on a greencard and I can file for condition removal November 09. Do I send my card in and then just leave the country?

In the event I abandon the GC and in the future I want to come to the US am I treated as a non resident such as before I received the GC?

We both entered this in good faith but I'm learning we are just too young and I don't think we can do it any longer.

Any help and insight would be appreciated.

Hi Brad,

Well, i'm really sorry to hear this.

I don't know anything about turning in the greencard - I doubt you have to do anything - you won't apply to remove conditions and that will be the end of that. You will then be treated as a non-resident.

I wish you well

[Emancipation 2]

sorry to hear about all of this Brad... I'm sure it won't be easy no matter what road you choose emotionally.. all the best to you!

Edited December 18, 2008 by Emancipation

[YuAndDan 153]

Sad to hear.

Yes you can leave the country and give up LPR status,

You do not need to remove conditions since you are giving up the green-card.

Check with nearest consulate in Canada about filing an I-407 http://usagreencardcenter.com/de/all/forms/insform70.pdf

And YES in the future you would go through the immigrations process all over again.

[Krikit 1,163]

I'm so sorry, Brad. (F)

Just a note on marriage...... the first few years are the roughest as we learn to live with one another. I can honestly say that there have been times when I have thought about returning home also. But I keep the thought that there has been a huge adjustment all around, and I am going to give it time and see where that leads us. I wish you well.

[raymaga 25]

Sorry to hear of your situation.

I wish you the best in your decision and hope that you can find happiness in the future.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Brad, I'm sure you've considered this, but what about "couples therapy?" Considering the amount of work, time and effort (not to mention love) that's gone into the entire process, I'd strongly suggest looking into a psychologist -- for the both of you. Moving to another country and then going to "living together" from "visiting every so often" is a major change. Marriage can be difficult enough without the strain of immigration and adjusting to a new environment.

Husbands and wives argue and more often than they'd like. Usually (but not always) these conflicts are over relatively unimportant things. My wife and I tend to think alike in many ways, but there are some aspects in which we completely disagree. She's far more liberal than I am. While I would never call myself a Republican, I am very conservative on some issues (most notably in the area of finance). Couple this with the fact my wife can be quite sensitive and I'm not (hardly a surprise there, right? ), there's bound to be some misunderstanding and arguments.

I don't know the details of your marriage; however, I do know that over 60% of marriages fail due to communication issues. Maybe this isn't a problem for you and wife, but I'd seek outside help. Family and friends aren't objective and while we may mean well on here, we've only heard one side of the story and lack any other insight into your life.

If you absolutely feel that your marriage can't be saved, then yes, the best thing to do would be to leave the United States. However, I'd give this some serious thought. Once you leave and are gone beyond the limitations set by USCIS, you'll once again become a visitor (even if you and your wife do reconcile).

[thetreble 19]

Brad, I'm sure you've considered this, but what about "couples therapy?" Considering the amount of work, time and effort (not to mention love) that's gone into the entire process, I'd strongly suggest looking into a psychologist -- for the both of you. Moving to another country and then going to "living together" from "visiting every so often" is a major change. Marriage can be difficult enough without the strain of immigration and adjusting to a new environment.

Husbands and wives argue and more often than they'd like. Usually (but not always) these conflicts are over relatively unimportant things. My wife and I tend to think alike in many ways, but there are some aspects in which we completely disagree. She's far more liberal than I am. While I would never call myself a Republican, I am very conservative on some issues (most notably in the area of finance). Couple this with the fact my wife can be quite sensitive and I'm not (hardly a surprise there, right? ), there's bound to be some misunderstanding and arguments.

I don't know the details of your marriage; however, I do know that over 60% of marriages fail due to communication issues. Maybe this isn't a problem for you and wife, but I'd seek outside help. Family and friends aren't objective and while we may mean well on here, we've only heard one side of the story and lack any other insight into your life.

If you absolutely feel that your marriage can't be saved, then yes, the best thing to do would be to leave the United States. However, I'd give this some serious thought. Once you leave and are gone beyond the limitations set by USCIS, you'll once again become a visitor (even if you and your wife do reconcile).

good advice, deadpool. I second this.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Brad, I'm sure you've considered this, but what about "couples therapy?" Considering the amount of work, time and effort (not to mention love) that's gone into the entire process, I'd strongly suggest looking into a psychologist -- for the both of you. Moving to another country and then going to "living together" from "visiting every so often" is a major change. Marriage can be difficult enough without the strain of immigration and adjusting to a new environment.

Husbands and wives argue and more often than they'd like. Usually (but not always) these conflicts are over relatively unimportant things. My wife and I tend to think alike in many ways, but there are some aspects in which we completely disagree. She's far more liberal than I am. While I would never call myself a Republican, I am very conservative on some issues (most notably in the area of finance). Couple this with the fact my wife can be quite sensitive and I'm not (hardly a surprise there, right? ), there's bound to be some misunderstanding and arguments.

I don't know the details of your marriage; however, I do know that over 60% of marriages fail due to communication issues. Maybe this isn't a problem for you and wife, but I'd seek outside help. Family and friends aren't objective and while we may mean well on here, we've only heard one side of the story and lack any other insight into your life.

If you absolutely feel that your marriage can't be saved, then yes, the best thing to do would be to leave the United States. However, I'd give this some serious thought. Once you leave and are gone beyond the limitations set by USCIS, you'll once again become a visitor (even if you and your wife do reconcile).

and I third it.

The first year of marriage is by far the hardest (take it from me, I really really know)....then pile on all the moving and immigration stuff....super hard.

I wish you much luck Brad...in the end you have to do what is right for you.

Best of luck with everything.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

Brad, I'm sure you've considered this, but what about "couples therapy?" Considering the amount of work, time and effort (not to mention love) that's gone into the entire process, I'd strongly suggest looking into a psychologist -- for the both of you. Moving to another country and then going to "living together" from "visiting every so often" is a major change. Marriage can be difficult enough without the strain of immigration and adjusting to a new environment.

Husbands and wives argue and more often than they'd like. Usually (but not always) these conflicts are over relatively unimportant things. My wife and I tend to think alike in many ways, but there are some aspects in which we completely disagree. She's far more liberal than I am. While I would never call myself a Republican, I am very conservative on some issues (most notably in the area of finance). Couple this with the fact my wife can be quite sensitive and I'm not (hardly a surprise there, right? ), there's bound to be some misunderstanding and arguments.

I don't know the details of your marriage; however, I do know that over 60% of marriages fail due to communication issues. Maybe this isn't a problem for you and wife, but I'd seek outside help. Family and friends aren't objective and while we may mean well on here, we've only heard one side of the story and lack any other insight into your life.

If you absolutely feel that your marriage can't be saved, then yes, the best thing to do would be to leave the United States. However, I'd give this some serious thought. Once you leave and are gone beyond the limitations set by USCIS, you'll once again become a visitor (even if you and your wife do reconcile).

+1 for me too.

I know that marriages take work(although I've never been married, but I listen/read a lot), and I can only imagine what it would be like to go from a long distance relationship to being with each other full time. Or even not-so-long distance, but still living in 2 different countries. If marriages are hard work, marriages like most people's on VJ must be twice as hard! I don't think you really know someone until you've lived with them for some time(even then, do you really? ).

Now, I'm sure everyone on here wants all the best for you, but like DeadPoolX said, we don't know the whole story. If that's both of your decisions, then follow through. But I really hope it's the last resort.

Good luck.

[Reba 2]

I'm sorry you're having troubles Brad

I don't have much to add, other than a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}

[Sprailenes 47]

Maybe you should try to separate for little bit? Sometimes a little time away from each other helps. Perhaps get some individual counseling during that time and then come together for couples counseling. Don't take that alone time to do something stupid, it is merely a time to reflect upon yourself and decide what you really want.

Hate to compare marriage or your spouse to a home but think about it this way...

If your marriage were a home, would you call it a fixer upper or would you want to demolish it and start again?

Edited December 19, 2008 by Sprailenes

[SonoranSongbird 3]

Meh, nothing to add, either on the relationship or immigration issues, so I'll just say I'm sorry to hear that and I hope things work out for the best for both of you.

[antda 13]

Hi Bradcanuck,

Sorry about your marriage difficulties and having to struggle through it. However, before you "call it quits" you and your spouse should definitely consider couples and individual counselling, as that would certainly help there to make things better, since it makes a clearer understanding of the situation at hand from a "third party perspective" so that a solution will be reached for a better marriage.

If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I have gone through counselling, both individually and together, and it has certainly helped us. We were willing to do "whatever it takes" to make our marriage work, and if it meant going to counselling, so be it....

All couples go through "ups and downs" in their marriage and there are definitely some days that are better than others. It takes a lot of time, sacrifice, communication, compromise, and most importantly love, for such to work, especially more so when dealing with stressful life issues such as immigration and with other important issues. So if you can work together to make the marriage work, despite andy life and/or personal stresses, it will definitely be the greatest "reward" in the end, indeed. "For better or for worse...", right?

Ok, now for your questions regarding immigration (lol..bear in mind I'm not an immigration lawyer, but I will do my best to answer your questions/concerns, based on what I know of the process):

When you file for the I-751 next year, you have the following options:

-Don't file for the I-751, if you desire to go back to Canada. Just let your 2yr conditional green card expire and return back to Canada. Your US immigration residency status will be considered "abandoned" when you don't renew your Green Card and you don't have plans on returning to the US to live here permanently. However, bear in mind that you might be questioned at the US border if ever you do come back for to the US as a "visitor" and or apply for "another visa", as they will have your past immigration information on their records/files.

-File for the I-751, if you are still in the USA. You will have to file this application jointly with your spouse, so you will have to be still married and living with them then during that process and beyond. If you are divorced at the time, and still in the USA, you can also file for the I-751 on your own, on a "waiver". In both cases, you will have to provide "joint evidence" paperwork-wise, proving that you entered the marriage "in good faith" and that you did not just get married for immigration fraud purposes. Bear in mind, depending on your sitauation, and "the luck of the draw", that you may or may not be called for an interview during the I-751 process, so you may have to be prepared for further questioning about your marriage then.

Hope this helps. Good luck with your marriage situation and good luck with the rest of your immigration situation too.

Ant ("For better or for worse...")

I have a good job and a decent lifestyle in the US. However my marriage has been deteriorating for some time now, on both partners ends. Lately every day has been a struggle to get through and I think we both know it's going to end.

That being said - I have questions regarding immigration.

If I decide to leave, what is the process? I am on a greencard and I can file for condition removal November 09. Do I send my card in and then just leave the country?

In the event I abandon the GC and in the future I want to come to the US am I treated as a non resident such as before I received the GC?

We both entered this in good faith but I'm learning we are just too young and I don't think we can do it any longer.

Any help and insight would be appreciated.

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm so sorry Brad that at this time of year, a time of reflection, your thoughts are of ending the marriage. I can't offer too much advise. I think a couple knows when they've got problems, and they either end the marriage or look at how they can save it. It takes a lot of energy and hard work however to save a marriage, if it's been left untended for a long time.

This having been my second marriage, I've been there before. While we still ended up divorcing, I did try my best to make it work, and we both attended marriage counselling for about 6 months, then I myself continued with the counselling for another 6 months. While ours wasn't a success, I know that it's helped countless people, so I always advocate for counselling before calling it quits.

Even if you both decide that you can't do the counselling, at some point, please go yourself to help yourself heal.

At this time of year, when there are so many pressures and your energy level is waning, it may be best to wait until after the holiday season to make some decisions.

We're always here for you, whether you decide to go back to Canada or not.