I just HAD to say something ...

[Vagina Journey 0]

Very well done!!!!

[Jaylen Brit 1]

yeah VERY well done - you have courage of convictions and while thats not rare its great you didn't just mentally disapprove but intervened - maybe it gave the mother a little 'pause' so she could see how her behaviour was being seen from the outside. She might even think twice next time. And you started off in a non-accusatory way - which usually puts parents at their ease rather than on the defensive.

Kids n resturants can be a trial. Mine was a fussy eater (still is) but I learned that its much less stress for everyone, including her, if I said 'eat it or don't eat..its there and there's nothing else' (otherwise there would be requests for snacks)

If she didn't eat it - well no biggie. She was the one who'd be hungry not me - and it meant I could eat my meal without indigestion. All I asked was that she sat at the table, if she wasn't going to eat, (I used to bring crayons and paper just in case) and not get up and run around. Mealtimes became stress-free times, and she actually improved her eating when there was no pressure to do so.

[CarolineM 0]

Have any of ya'll ever read "A Child Called It" It's terrible...and reminds me of this.

Monique you probably made that little girls night by doing that.

I work in a high school. One day, this parent came in for a conference with me and I had to tell her her son's grades, which were quite low. She got up and stormed out of my office. I thought she was leaving..OH NO. She marched down the hall and walked into her son's classroom. She walked in, grabbed him by the arm and DRAGGED him into the hallway. This kid was 16 years old - almost 6 feet tall - BIG boy,..

In the hall she started beating him...literally. BEATING yelling about his grades. I had been told she was headed that way so headed out ...I did not know what to do - but I went and got the SRO officer (policeman) at our school...

He arrested her! OMG it was the most dramatic day of my life...It's so horrible to see the way children are treated...not just little kids, but big kids too!

Monique you should really feel good about what you did! I wouldn't have had the guts to do it!

Edited June 1, 2006 by karo112

[KarenCee 3]

Sigh...I read this last night and I had nightmares about this poor little girl. I would have done the exact same thing Monique did...although I did have thoughts of "if it were me" I would have called DFACS or Social Services. Of course, this would be my first thought based on emotion. Our daughter is a very fussy eater but NEVER EVER would I force her to eat, or force ANYTHING down her throat!!! That woman does not deserve to be a parent...it's very obvious to me from reading Monique's post. Control...people like that revel in it...and all too many times its the children who are the victims of control freaks who need to bully and coerce them to feed their desire to maintain that control. God, I can't imagine what kind of life this little girl has with that woman.

Sigh....I just hope that little girl is ok.....

[ceriserose 1]

I see 2 major positives in this... one, Monique, you followed your instinct and heart, even though it was out of your comfort level and that of your family and you put your own needs aside for someone else. That's never a bad thing.

The second is the ramifications you don't know...and while that little girl may have been the object of her mother's anger later on, for possibly the first time in her life she realized that what her Mom does is not acceptable to everyone, and other adults care. Who knows what that may mean for her self-esteem and ability to cope (and ask for help if she needs it). Being as young as you say, she probably doesn't know anything else and that may be a lesson that catalysts for her. (I know that I have had similar life lessons come from unexpected places and look back and think, "Wow, if they hadn't who knows if I'd ever understand that it wasn't a healthy situation.)

Good on ya for doing something about it! I think we as a society tend to shy away from situations that need addressing...and the only way that will change is individually.

P.S. BTW, you owe me a PM or email, woman! But I read on here you'd been away so I'll forgive you this time.

[mercuryroad 0]

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

[pax 1]

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

It does indeed take a lot of nerve, and I admire Monique for what she did.

This mother's behavior, from what we've been told, was not normal, healthy parenting. It was abuse.

[Jenn! 918]

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

I have to agree with you here. I didn't have the nerve to say it with all the positive replies.

[KarenCee 3]

I see 2 major positives in this... one, Monique, you followed your instinct and heart, even though it was out of your comfort level and that of your family and you put your own needs aside for someone else. That's never a bad thing.

The second is the ramifications you don't know...and while that little girl may have been the object of her mother's anger later on, for possibly the first time in her life she realized that what her Mom does is not acceptable to everyone, and other adults care. Who knows what that may mean for her self-esteem and ability to cope (and ask for help if she needs it). Being as young as you say, she probably doesn't know anything else and that may be a lesson that catalysts for her. (I know that I have had similar life lessons come from unexpected places and look back and think, "Wow, if they hadn't who knows if I'd ever understand that it wasn't a healthy situation.)

Good on ya for doing something about it! I think we as a society tend to shy away from situations that need addressing...and the only way that will change is individually.

P.S. BTW, you owe me a PM or email, woman! But I read on here you'd been away so I'll forgive you this time.

I hope you are right Cerise...I am terribly burdened about this little girl.

I've come across kids from situations like this in school. Its those kids that I'd take in a new york minute into my home. You might not be able to visibly see the abuse, but just look at their eyes. It's horribly sad.

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

I have to agree with you here. I didn't have the nerve to say it with all the positive replies.

Sooooo.....you think what that woman was doing was ok???? That her behaviour shouldn't have been called into question????? That is abuse...plain and simple. If you go out in public and behave in such a way then I feel you place yourself in the position to be criticized for such abominable behaviour! And what about the child...doesn't she have the right to be free from such abuse? Or is that a parental right...to force feed a child in public...

sheesh

[Jenn! 918]

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

I have to agree with you here. I didn't have the nerve to say it with all the positive replies.

Sooooo.....you think what that woman was doing was ok???? That her behaviour shouldn't have been called into question????? That is abuse...plain and simple. If you go out in public and behave in such a way then I feel you place yourself in the position to be criticized for such abominable behaviour! And what about the child...doesn't she have the right to be free from such abuse? Or is that a parental right...to force feed a child in public...

sheesh

Everyone has a different place where they draw the line. What if someone decided they didn't like that you simply raised your voice in public at your child because they considered THAT verbal abuse? Should they have the right to come tell you how you should raise your kids?

[Dixie_Peach 1]

i have to follow a rule of thumb that i happen to believe in...

my mom always said that it takes a community to raise a child... maybe that stems from the fact that she was cherokee indian...

there is a fine line between parenting and abuse...

my dad was an alcoholic... and would beat us when he thought we didn't follow his orders exactly...

there was one day that a neighbor down the road intervened... time enough to give my mom the chance to get me and my sister away from my dad... that neighbor saved my life... I KNOW THAT!!!

abuse is abuse is abuse... there is no large and small...

children are gifts from God... and should be cherished... loved...

i have been in restaurants... and seen parents yelling at their kids... and have confronted the parent... but not in front of the child... or have even been able to have an opportunity to whisper in the child's ear that not all parents are that way...... the only time that i did become involved to the point of blows was when a mother had stopped along a side road of the little town that i live in... and was beating the little boy with a belt... with the belt reversed so that the buckle was hitting him and causing him to bleed... along his legs... his back... i had INSTANT recall of my dad...

i drove up to the lady's car... and wrote down her tag number... i also told the little boy to get in the car with my son and i would take him to the local police station where i would turn in this lady's tag number... she threatened me then... and hauled the little boy into the car... thank God for cell phones... lol

i called 911 and reported what i saw... and followed the lady until the police found us... this child was BLEEDING PROFUSELY from the cuts from the belt buckle... let's just say i was ready to kick her butt that day...

there is a fine line between spanking's and beatings... and that lady crossed it...

i do not regret what i did... i can understand we all have bad days and may upon occasion yell at our kids... and will never say a word (unless there were names involved... i believe that children should not be degraded... they lose a sense of their self worth... and respect and esteem for themselves)... but i feel that if the child is defenseless against any form of tyranny... it is a small price for me to pay to stand up for them...

[KarenCee 3]

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

I have to agree with you here. I didn't have the nerve to say it with all the positive replies.

Sooooo.....you think what that woman was doing was ok???? That her behaviour shouldn't have been called into question????? That is abuse...plain and simple. If you go out in public and behave in such a way then I feel you place yourself in the position to be criticized for such abominable behaviour! And what about the child...doesn't she have the right to be free from such abuse? Or is that a parental right...to force feed a child in public...

sheesh

Everyone has a different place where they draw the line. What if someone decided they didn't like that you simply raised your voice in public at your child because they considered THAT verbal abuse? Should they have the right to come tell you how you should raise your kids?

Well...it IS abuse! Which is something I DON'T do! You obviously have a broader line drawn that the majority of people in society.

[mercuryroad 0]

Well...it IS abuse! Which is something I DON'T do! You obviously have a broader line drawn that the majority of people in society.

Rasing your voice in public is abuse????? #######?

Kids should fear their parents....it's a sign of respect. There were many times where I didn't do something because I would be afraid of what my mom would do to me if I did. Nothing mom did was abuse. My mother was loving but tough and strong too. If she was force feeding me in some place it would probably be because I was acting like an a-hole and testing her every bit of patience. If I were running around in a store making a scene and my mom came up to me in a very angry and harsh tone told me to knock it off or I'm going to get whacked - that is her right and it isn't necessarily wrong.

If some self righteous person came up to me with some parenting advice without knowing the whole situation and having a holier than thou attitude, I'd let them know what I think. Abuse is abuse but an opinion is an opinion. You'd be d@mn sure this would be different if the roles were reversed.

[ace13 0]

I would have kicked your @ss if you came up to me and told me how to raise my child. I just think that takes a lot of nerve.

I have to agree. I take what the OP says with a grain of salt. It dosen't sound like abuse to me. She wanted the child to eat and she raised her voice and the child started to cry. GMAB! That happens everyday in housed across America. The child wasn't being beaten. But I guess you have to be there to make the judgement call. (I would step up if the child was in harm, but from this discription, sounds ok to me.)

[keltic 1]

one of the downsides to the freedom we have here is that there are people being afraid, or thinking they dont have a right to stand up for those that are helpless... thinking that those that are being abusive or tyrannical have more rights than their victims...

not wanting someone to dictate to you which morals you should teach your kids differs VASTLY from someone intervening when there is clear abuse... if there is a question on where the line of abuse is, the law will answer it... and if you dont like where that line is, then do something to change the law

this is the same thing that will keep someone from responding to a woman screaming 'rape'... women are taught to yell 'fire' because the chances of someone actually helping with that are much greater... too many people, in general, are afraid to be a good samaritan and help... they are afraid that they will be attacked, sued, whatever... instead, we should all be trying to protect each other... thats what community is