I'm considering divorce...

[misskiya 0]

Well I have no help to give, but I couldn't help but offer you my support. I would reccomend counceling if you can get it. Just think of everythign you went to trying to be together. Every marriage goes through this stage. Unfortunately some never get out of it. And if you DO divorce, you'll still have family and friends (in your country, and on VJ) to support you. Best of luck.

[luvaLimey 0]

http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/selfhelp/family/divorce.htm

There is some information from your state's courts site.

When I divorced my ex, I was able to find a site that prepared my paperwork for me by asking some questions. Since the divorce was uncontested, we only needed to work out custody between the two of us and then print the stuff out and I only had to pay the court filing fees. I don't think that site does that for your state as well though.

I did a google search for "online divorce Michigan" and came up with quite a few site that offer that service, but for a price. It would be up to you though: $300 to do the paperwork online vs $1000's to have a lawyer do it...

[happyimmigrant 0]

Sad situation.

I would say, I think, that a marriage in your home country can't be dissolved in a US court. Perhaps you need to look into procedures there.

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

You are wrong. Any marriage in any country can be dissolved in any country.

I speak from personal experience.

[meddykomp 0]

Some states may required you to register the marriage with their vital statistics before filing for divorce, but I believe you can get the divorce here. I believe it is also possible for you to file for the divorce in your home country as well. I hope you find peace of mind soon. Good luck.

Angel

[john_and_marlene 162]

Sad situation.

I would say, I think, that a marriage in your home country can't be dissolved in a US court. Perhaps you need to look into procedures there.

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

This sounds like a case study......darn lawyers

?

you're wrong

[fine_print 0]

Hello all, I'm back. This time, my decision to divorce her is final. The reason: she (sort of) cheated on me with guys over the Internet, while at the same time giving me the cold shoulder, if you know what I mean. The funny thing is, they're from the same country and city I'm from.

When I found out, I went straight to her family's house and showed the unquestionable evidence to her brother. I guess her parents know too. I'll go back to Albania as soon as I can.

Now, maybe it would be interesting to know WHY she did that -- several times, with several people and for quite some months. Well, I didn't ask her. I guess I already know the answer: when I moved here, I left everyone and everything there. By doing so, I automatically lowered my value in her eyes; she knew that she "had" me, so her attraction and respect towards me declined. Also, I became dependent on her on many ways; I guess many of you are probably well-aware of the dependencies dictated by my (and many others') situation as a newcomer in America. Apparently, this didn't help too.

It has been said that, more often than not, it's the man that throws the girl into other men's arms. I did what I could, though. Maybe not my very best, but I really tried.

If you have any question, feel free to ask. Maybe I won't answer to some of them. That doesn't necessarily mean I won't answer to any.

Thanks for reading this. I'm not trying to bother you. Remember, I'm just sharing my own experience.

Edited June 29, 2006 by fine_print

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Well, that sucks..

Im sorry to hear things worked out this way for you - I hope the rest of your life has a happier path tho.

I'm curious tho - I guess from what you wrote she offered no explanation for her behaviour..was she sorry? Or just sorry she got caught?

I ask this because I know sometimes we need closure on these subjects and to know why; that and I'm nosy, and you offered

[fine_print 0]

Well, that sucks..

Im sorry to hear things worked out this way for you - I hope the rest of your life has a happier path tho.

I'm curious tho - I guess from what you wrote she offered no explanation for her behaviour..was she sorry? Or just sorry she got caught?

I ask this because I know sometimes we need closure on these subjects and to know why; that and I'm nosy, and you offered

I had a happy life before (and for some time with) her, so I know that one cheater cannot end my world... or should I say, the second. I have been cheated on before, by a girlfriend. She didn't even try to make up for that, so I NEXT-ed her. I had told my wife about that; I also had made clear to her that, if she ever cheated on me, it would be the very end between us.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why she doesn't insist on making things right. She did try to change my mind by swearing that she would change completely. But I made it clear to her: I'm not interested in her anymore.

The events happened during these last few days. So it's still early to say how things will precipitate.

Onto your question, Jaylen. The fact is, I didn't ask for, nor would quite listen to, any explanation from her. She tried to, but her explanations were so poorly constructed I didn't even allow her to talk to me anymore. Instead, I (basically) told her that I know that part of the guilt rests on me... but also that I knew that, whatever I may have (not) done, I didn't deserve this.

I assure you, the proof is factual. She might explain, but it won't change much.

Yes, she was (and still is) sorry. I'm not sure if it's just because she knows that she has lost me for good, or also because of guilt, shame, whatever.

She said she loves me and I replied: "Such a funny, sick and perverse kind of love you have there!"

Basically, I'm next-ing her because she hasn't been faithful. I'm not the jealous type, far from that. I just don't need a cheater in my life, a person that fantasizes (among other things) to spend nights with other guys while on vacation with me, in the country we both came from... and she vividly professed those fantasies to the very guys she planned to cheat me with. This is just one actual example.

Basically, this girl is an "attention wh***" (sorry, I can't find a better word). I just hadn't realized that attention from other people is so very important to her...

Edited June 29, 2006 by fine_print

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Well, thanks for being so candid I hope you guys CAN work things out, if its at all possible, sometimes people do stupid things without thinking of the consequences, but I totally understand that if you don't feel you can trust her any more then it will be very hard for you to get back the feelings you had. You sound like a very together person tho, from the way you write, and you are protecting yourself from further hurt.

I really wish you luck for the future, whatever that may be

[Melo 1]

So sorry to see this is happening to you. I just hope life gets better for you. Hang in there ((((HUGS))))

[TracyTN 237]

I hope the next woman in your life is more trustworthy. Take care of yourself.

[LenJayUS 0]

*claps hands for OP*

I'm glad I'm not the only guy that can't stand (or take back) a cheater. Our two definations of what your wife did might not be the same or equal cheating, but it was considered cheating by you... so you go!

After having it happen to me (the full cheating deal... "laundry" and all... ) by my first wife, I'm very surprised (pleasantly at that) that I don't worry at all about my boo doing that to me.

[fine_print 0]

Thanks guys for the kind words and support. I owe you one, again!

Consider what I wrote as a real-life example. In other words, I thought to remind you that such things do happen and to let you know that someone, somewhere, has experienced such events and how he dealt with them.

I will keep you posted. However, I feel sorry for "spoiling the fun" (in lack of better words), because I know what this board is about: to help us all through the long and windy road of joining our loved ones in the US. That was the case with me.

But I want to remind you all of an essential fact of life: when you leave everyone and everything to go someplace else to live with someone else, you are about to experience a lot of drastic changes, both in your own lives and in your life together.

So be prepared for everything, as much as you can. Be honest to yourself first and foremost. LOVE yourself; if you don't, you won't deserve honesty and love from the other people. At the same time, you won't deserve anything from others if you're not honest (at the very least) with them.

Take heart, my friends. Ultimately, the only person that matters the most to you is you.

[Ban Hammer 12,882]

Take heart, my friends. Ultimately, the only person that matters the most to you is you.

i dunno, the pizza delivery person ranks pretty high in my book

[JenT 0]

So sorry to hear of this development....

I was divorced 3.5 yrs ago in Michigan (still live in MI).... it was as amicable as it could have been. We agreed on the division of property and the custody arrangement with the kids... there were a few things we had some 'discussion' about, but our respective attorneys just handled the filing of the paperwork through the court, rubber stamping the process for us to make sure it was all legal. Michigan is a no-fault state, so one does not have to prove fault in the other.... agreement to terminate the marriage is all that is necessary.

I paid my attorney a flat fee of $1000 to take care of everything for me. I filed on April 1 (ironic) and it was final on Dec 13 (Fri the 13th) (further irony...).

If you have any specific questions, about the divorce process or the healing process, feel free to pm me...

Jen