Spouse Support - How much does she need?

[ChuckandOlga 0]

I do not know about your finances but I do well for myself. We talk every day on the phone and I do not use skype. I went to cricket and bought one of their cell phones it costs me about $56.00 tax included per month for unlimited talk time and I buy phone cards for $5.00 at 56 minutes from www.phone-card-pin.com. I use the "Simply" phone card and it also tells me at the end of the minutes that I have one minute remaining.

I hope that this helps you and I hope that all of your worries are worked out.

[NYGirl 0]

Interesting topic.... Just out of curiosity: do married women in former Soviet Union countries work ? I know several of them here and they either don't work and don't complain because husbands make enough or work and complain all the time what kind of losers they married that they have to work instead of staying home.

I am from Poland (which is not that far from them) and in my country majority of women work. Could be that former Soviet Union women are all stay-at-home wives ?

My wife has worked outside the home, she is also now attending school in addition to PT work, so she can earn more than $6.85 per hour. She is a pharmacist by education and when we get her certified here in the USA... I will stay at home!!!!

Keep wishing Jon, I think if it would ever happen Sveta would throw you out from your own house

Can't wait to tell Sveta your remark

[NYGirl 0]

BACKGROUND INFO:

My wife lives in Krivoy Rog, Ukraine. I have read about inflation in Ukraine and the declining value of the US dollar. Today one dollar buys 4.62 Hryvnia. My wife earns the equivelant of $60 US dollars per month. She lives with her mother, two brothers, and one sister-in-law. Her mother receives a pension equivelant to US $150.00 per month. Her brother earns the US equivelant of $280.00 per month. Her sister-in-law earns the US equivelant of $160.00 per month. In her city, she lives a middle-class life style in a pretty good part of town. Early in our relationship, my wife said she expects US $400.00 per month additional to afford her what she needs. I have been sending about $600.00 per month. She helps her family and spends money on what she needs.

I learned early in our relationship, that her Ukraine culture, does not allow her to speak comfortably about money topics. She has no history of receipts to reference her costs of living, and does not have a reasonable concept about how money works. She knows how to receive and spend.

I do not have a realistic concept (neither does she) of how much money it takes someone in her position to live in Krivoy Rog, Ukraine.

QUESTIONS:

Should I be sending more?

Is the amount I send plus what she makes, along with living at home with family, enough to support her?

Does anyone know about the cost of living in Krivoy Rog, Ukraine?

If anyone cares to volunteer how much they send a foreign spouse, I am interested to know.

Thank you.

I am myself from Ukraine. Came here 18 years ago and grew up more than half of my life here in US.

All my friends are Russian and none of them are as obnoxious as I am reading about girls from russia/ukraine. It's sickening to read how they expect the money from their american husbands/fiance. I consider them golddiggers. Simple as that. You want to send her money, fine, do it, but do it out of your heart and whatever you think you can afford and not what she's expecting out of you. It seems that all russian/ukrainian SO think that money in US grow on the tree, once they come here they see that we earn our living very hard and nothing in US is free. I consider those Russian/Ukrainian SO ungreatful pigs. I can't believe they have the guts to tell you what they are EXPECTING every month. Once she comes here, make sure she works and earns her living and only then she'll understand that money do not grow. Golddiggers like that just simply ruine the whole russian/ukrainian reputation for females.

And I do agree that if american SO sends everything she's expecting it's his weakenss and he's the one who's spoiles her if this is how it begins believe me it'll be hard to change it. She'll be expecting much more. First you guys spoil them and then you complaint.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Great, now I have Gunther stuck in my head at work

The gentlemen are rich... Hmmm

And have a lot of hunger

The ladies are all greedy... Yeah

And so much younger

[Ana&D 0]

I am myself from Ukraine. Came here 18 years ago and grew up more than half of my life here in US.

All my friends are Russian and none of them are as obnoxious as I am reading about girls from russia/ukraine. It's sickening to read how they expect the money from their american husbands/fiance. I consider them golddiggers. Simple as that. You want to send her money, fine, do it, but do it out of your heart and whatever you think you can afford and not what she's expecting out of you. It seems that all russian/ukrainian SO think that money in US grow on the tree, once they come here they see that we earn our living very hard and nothing in US is free. I consider those Russian/Ukrainian SO ungreatful pigs. I can't believe they have the guts to tell you what they are EXPECTING every month. Once she comes here, make sure she works and earns her living and only then she'll understand that money do not grow. Golddiggers like that just simply ruine the whole russian/ukrainian reputation for females.

And I do agree that if american SO sends everything she's expecting it's his weakenss and he's the one who's spoiles her if this is how it begins believe me it'll be hard to change it. She'll be expecting much more. First you guys spoil them and then you complaint

I am Ukrainian as well and spend some time living in the US. Maybe that's what changed me, but I do know quite well what it means to make a dollar in America. That is just sickening how Ukrainian/Russian women are portraied majority of the time due the many scammer stories out there. I know that I would rather go beg on the streets then ask my fiance for money. Simple as that. I lived perfectly fine without him and why should it change once I got engaged? I have a job and right now am focused on saving money up for our future family.

To the OP, do not expect your wife to change overnight. If u want her to value the money, start talking and practicing budgeting now. Otherwise, there will be many missunderstandings and crashed expectations down the road.

Edited August 19, 2008 by Ana&D

[payxibka 10,044]

To the OP, do not expect your wife to change overnight. If u want her to value the money, start talking and practicing budgeting now. Otherwise, there will be many missunderstandings and crashed expectations down the road.

damm good advice!!!

[zhenia and brent 0]

Thanks to the ladies' replies above to my original post. Thanks to everyone else too! This is good information.

What about sending support money to the family of my wife after she is here in the USA? From the advice above, I understand that if support is sent, it is to be from my heart and the amount should be what I can afford.

My opinion is that if my wife is here, that is one less person her family must support; so, why send support?

I have no problem with sending money as a gift for special occasions, but support for the family? I dont think so.

If my wife wants to work and send what she makes, thats fine with me.

One more question......My suspicion is that her mother presses her to get money from me, so that she can give it to her mother. In Russian/Ukraine culture, how much influence does the her mother have in this situation? Is this a common finding that the mother-in-law will pressure the wife to send money that the husband earns?

I am learning that to control this situation gently with a firm understanding is necessary.

Your comments and experiences are appreciated.

[Ana&D 0]

I think I shared that with someone before, but don't mind doing it again for your benefit, Brent .

In American culture, parents are mostly prepared for retirement. Not so much in Ukraine. Government support merely covers the necessaties and thus elder people in Ukraine have many daily struggles. Planning for retirement is almost impossible, since a lot of things are given up for the sake of their children. Thus, desire to help them out in old age is normal and pretty much customary.

Again, u two should seat down and discuss the expectations on that matter and try to match those expectations with realities of American life with bills, mortgages, retairement planning, vacations, etc.

[NYGirl 0]

Thanks to the ladies' replies above to my original post. Thanks to everyone else too! This is good information.

What about sending support money to the family of my wife after she is here in the USA? From the advice above, I understand that if support is sent, it is to be from my heart and the amount should be what I can afford.

My opinion is that if my wife is here, that is one less person her family must support; so, why send support?

I have no problem with sending money as a gift for special occasions, but support for the family? I dont think so.

If my wife wants to work and send what she makes, thats fine with me.

One more question......My suspicion is that her mother presses her to get money from me, so that she can give it to her mother. In Russian/Ukraine culture, how much influence does the her mother have in this situation? Is this a common finding that the mother-in-law will pressure the wife to send money that the husband earns?

I am learning that to control this situation gently with a firm understanding is necessary.

Your comments and experiences are appreciated.

Brent,

If you make a decent living and you don't "need" an extra income to cover yours and your wife cost of living then let your wife work ( when she arrives here) and let her spend her income on her family. Let her send every penny to her mom. Sooner or later hopefully she'll understand that you are her family as well and she needs to plan and save for future and maybe future kids. She'll understand the value of a dollar and won't send EVERY penny she makes to her mom. Give her some time and eventually she'll learn everything herself. She'll also learn that you actually have to work to earn a living and it doesn't grow on the tree.

As far as mom in law asking for money from daughters husband is a big fat billsh*t. My mom would NEVER take a penny from me and would NEVER take anything from my husband. My parents always gives us and helps us out in each and every way. Even when I go shopping and i see something for my parents that I know they might want or need my parents would ALWAYS pay us back and wouldn't accept it if i won't take those money back from them. When we go out with parents my parents always pay for us and never let us pay for ourselves, never mind for them. They always tell us that we're a young family that need to save for our future, kids and etc and should just save and while they can and able to they will help us out as much as they can. Now that's the parents I wish everyone could have I am very lucky to have my parents and my husband also thinks that his in laws are the best

Edited August 20, 2008 by NYGirl

[1HappyGuy 45]

I agree, only send what you can really afford to do without. If your wife feels that's not enough, then she will need to work to increase the amount. I know that the preception is Americans are rich, but the reality is we live in an expensive country. You are not obligated to support her entire family. Don't let them guilt you into becoming their entitlement program.

I undertook the obilgation of helping to support my mother in law, since my wife was the sole support for her. She receives a very small pension but lives in my wifes home which is paid for. Her needs are minimal and she greatly loves my support as it has made her life much better. The original support per month was $150 and its up to $250 now after 2 1/2 years. She has enough money now to send us presents from time to time. By the way, she lives in Kyiv which is pretty expensive.

Remember, when your wife arrives your costs here are going up significantly. That I can promise you.