Friend Gets Goodbye Email from Fiance

[mox 298]

It wasn't cold feet in our case. In fact, I've yet to come across anything similar. I'm happy to discuss it with (almost) any longtime RU forum posters offline (with the caveat that our discussion won't migrate back online or to other members), but for reasons I mentioned above, it's really all I can say. Sorry to be so dramatic, but some people exist to ensure we can't have nice things. I *am* fortunate in that there is no animosity between us. I see some of these relationships fail where the USC is left completely bewildered, and I'm thankful that my situation is not like that at all.

Regarding disappearing: our situation happened to coincide with an extremely busy time in my life anyway (as I posted some weeks back), so either way I'd have been a lot more scarce. But yeah, agreed.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

((((((((((Kirk))))))))))

You are dear to my heart.

Smile

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

You can't say "everyone". I postponed Alla's interview from March to May. She has her visa in hand now. I am able to assure you we have zero plans of breaking apart. As for not being around much... Ahhh... It's summer. That trumps VJ any nice warm day of the week!

How weird is this? Everyone who got their interview postponed broke up?

To me it looks like the couple who does it, especially the SO who should be coming to US has doubts and second thoughts about it and that's why asks for more time and postponed the interview. I think it's a red flag, unless it's because of a medical reason. Just my opinion.

Edit: To me it looks like anyone who dissappears from VJ out of the blue and especially before their SO got here, is self explanatory that things are not working out or the couple has some issues.

[mox 298]

You can't say "everyone". I postponed Alla's interview from March to May. She has her visa in hand now. I am able to assure you we have zero plans of breaking apart. As for not being around much... Ahhh... It's summer. That trumps VJ any nice warm day of the week!

Someone else had a postponal too..was it Kevin and Natasha? If that's who I'm thinking of, they were recently married.

[Don E 0]

It wasn't cold feet in our case. In fact, I've yet to come across anything similar. I'm happy to discuss it with (almost) any longtime RU forum posters offline (with the caveat that our discussion won't migrate back online or to other members), but for reasons I mentioned above, it's really all I can say. Sorry to be so dramatic, but some people exist to ensure we can't have nice things. I *am* fortunate in that there is no animosity between us. I see some of these relationships fail where the USC is left completely bewildered, and I'm thankful that my situation is not like that at all.

Regarding disappearing: our situation happened to coincide with an extremely busy time in my life anyway (as I posted some weeks back), so either way I'd have been a lot more scarce. But yeah, agreed.

Kirk,

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out with Nadya, but glad to hear it was an amicable parting.

[slim 1,514]

I have no doubt that there is a high level of anxiety for any woman contemplating leaving her family, friends, language, and country behind. But I see so many similarities to other crash n' burns that I suspect there's a lot more going on.

I sincerely hope things work out for Bruc's friend and his fiancee and I apologize for being cynical, but sometimes a guy in this situation can use a dose of reality from his friends rather than "support." Sometimes it's really difficult for guys who are also involved in the K1 process to see another pilgrim entwined with the wrong type of woman, as the first instinct is to think, "damn, this could be happening to me too and I just don't realize it yet." So then the most palatable option is to rationalize the obvious problems and blow sunshine up his butt.

Very well said.

It was not mox. I can, however, report that Nadya and I have recently had a mutual parting of ways,

Best of luck to everyone here. I'm sure I'll drop in from time-to-time to offer my voluminous wisdom and crass, baseless attacks, so you're probably not rid of me quite yet. Besides...I know this girl in Moscow...

Mox, you will be missed and I surely hope you'll come back. And really, there are a lot of nice girls in Moscow...... don't give up just yet! (Rough draft before final copy!)

How weird is this? Everyone who got their interview postponed broke up?

You can add us to the list that "Mr. Kind Eyes" and his Alla are on; the "we postponed it but still went through with it" list. But, like you said, for those that are all into the process and on this forum 9 times a day then they suddenly disappear and next thing they post is a postponement followed by a break-up... that does seem to be the new trend.

And lastly.... bruc, if you're still reading...... another red flag for your buddy. Why was her girlfriend surprised to see him there and them holding hands?

I hope this guy has money, he's going to need it.

[paothao 0]

First let me say I made this post as what could be a warning to some of you with something that could be happening to some of you also and to get comments on your thoughts. Thank you for your comments positive and negative and I certainly wish you all the best.

You all "were" a part of this and it doesn't matter that this person should be a member of this forum or any other forum which he is not.

We should be smart enough to learn from other persons problems and solutions to their problems and this has certainly been good information for a lot of guys out there is what we're hearing. It also made me listen and talk to my fiance about it and other guys are doing the same thing.

The day her fiance called her was not a conference call. He asked us to listen in on their conversation to help him decide if she was sincere or not especially the two girls from Russia listening.

We could tell that between the media and her friends that she had gotten scared and worried about the future of she and her two young daughters here. We all agreed we would have felt the same way in the same situation and the two girls from Russia said "she was definitely scared" and understood her actions. We never know what could"really" be happening in the background no matter how solid you think your relationship is.

It didn't have anything to do with love and trust. She loves him and trust him but she wasn't so sure about our country and what the future held even the possibility of her fiance eventually being unemployed and not being able to support them. I certainly understand this and you should also because the only real person that knows your future is your employer and you never know when you might get walking papers yourself. I'm an employer so I can tell you that I know more about what's happening in my company than they do.

Last week a bank here gave four of their people their walking papers because of the economy. One of them told me none of them saw it coming until the morning it happened to them...so you never know. I certainly hope all of you do survive this attack on our economy and not loose your jobs.It's scary out there right now for a lot of us that own businesses.

I do have good news on my part. I got a call from my fiance this morning about 4am, woke me from my sleep to tell me we have an interview in September. It was a long haul for us because our paperwork got lost and we had to refile. We didn't start throwing things, yelling and do all those things to

to vent our frustrations. We both had a little laugh and said oh well, here we go again and kept the patience that it would eventually happen for us and it did.

Like most everyone doing this frustrating process I have learned a lot here and I will leave you with a wealth of information not only learned from you but gained from our own personal experiences.

I'm also thankful that my fiance and daughter will have a nice support group here in our community that speaks their language and understands her culture more than I do to help them adjust to their new lifestyles here.

I wish all of you still in the process the best and to keep your chins up, it will eventually happen for you also. I wish all of you that are married a much successful life with your Russian wife.

bruc

Here is my two cents:

I hope what I am about to say is not true...

I am very skeptical about this whole relationship. I thought it was love, not economic in USA. I've seen many people had trouble with their fiance(e) several months after arrival into USA, even after get married. The marriage didn't last long because it was for financial gain & economic, not LOVE... From what I understand above here, it seems that this Russian fiance(e) is looking for financial gain and economic, not love? Love conquered all things regardless, and no doubt.

[DairyFarmer 1]

I also have 2cents to offer.

In the world outside of VJ where people meet, decide to get married without government approval cold feet is common. Its not new, people panic about the commitment and what is to come. From moving one town to another, one state to another or even just learning to live together, the unkown can be scarey. It doesn't mean they don't love the other person in the relationship.

I don't see dollar signs in someones eyes b/c moving halfway around the world to an unknown environment 'spooks' them a little.

I am glad to see the wonderful community support, people willing to ask for help and others there to provide it.

ok climbing off the soapbox now.

cheers -m

[groovlstk 0]

I also have 2cents to offer.

In the world outside of VJ where people meet, decide to get married without government approval cold feet is common. Its not new, people panic about the commitment and what is to come. From moving one town to another, one state to another or even just learning to live together, the unkown can be scarey. It doesn't mean they don't love the other person in the relationship.

You're absolutely right, but in the world outside of VJ people who meet and decide to get married usually know each other fairly well before deciding to make such a serious commitment.

If your fiancee backed out of your engagement and phoned to discuss it with you, would you have your friends listen in on the conversation so that they can give their opinions on how sincere she is?

[*JG* 2]

It's frightening to move to a whole new country, a whole new life. I hope they work it out.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I also have 2cents to offer.

In the world outside of VJ where people meet, decide to get married without government approval cold feet is common. Its not new, people panic about the commitment and what is to come. From moving one town to another, one state to another or even just learning to live together, the unkown can be scarey. It doesn't mean they don't love the other person in the relationship.

I don't see dollar signs in someones eyes b/c moving halfway around the world to an unknown environment 'spooks' them a little.

I am glad to see the wonderful community support, people willing to ask for help and others there to provide it.

ok climbing off the soapbox now.

cheers -m

I agree, and this goes to my earlier point. Even if there are concerns about the relationship generally (and most of us seem to think so), some last minute freakin' is not uncommon - especially given the distance and culture/family/relationship differences.

That being said - yes it is a different way of dealing with the situation to have outsiders talking/listening to the conversations. If she has such huge issues that she wanted to call it off - those feelings will not go away because she interviews, successfully or not.

Edited July 10, 2008 by Brad and Vika

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Amazing when there's no news to report and someone takes a long weekend off with his children and the speculations fly, but I do have news to report now and it's good news.

The issue was that she had been hearing a lot of bad reports for a month about how bad our economy was and her friends advising her not to do the interview and definitely not relocate here. She had a nice job there and friends she could depend on so why take the risk.

My fiance and a couple of girls that's been here for a few years finally got her to talk to them on the phone. I think with my fiance not being here and had no plans to back out and not come and the two girls here telling her everything was fine for them and she should reconsider her actions she had a change of heart and mind.

This took several phones call to her from a lot of people discussing this with her.

She sent her fiance a sms and told him to call her and he did. Some of us know the conversation and heard the conversation between them including the two girls from Russia.

She was very upset when she talked to him and was very apologetic for her actions towards him and asked for forgiveness and to not leave her.More in the conversation but I think that should remain just between the ones of us that heard it.

Her interview is this week and her fiance landed in Moscow this morning and we understand was greeted with much happiness from her. He went to give them his support for the interview and his care for them.

She also asked him if he would stay for another week and let them fly back with him and those are his intentions.

When they arrive back in Atlanta a pile of us will be there to greet them with big smiles on our faces, and too, our small community is being blessed with another family from Russia joining us.

Sometimes it pays to not jump to conclusions, keep patience and find out what the problem is before taking any actions that one might regret later and this is just what her fiance did. We also need to learn from these unfortunate things such as this one.

Thanks for all your input and suggestions.

bruc

So she is just marrying him for money?

[Chuckles 0]

Is she marrying him for the money? Probably.

If that bothers him, then he needs to leave. If it doesn't bother them, they can still be happy.

No point in judging people. Love is not always the cornerstone of marriage. That is a modern, western ideal.

[groovlstk 0]

Is she marrying him for the money? Probably.

If that bothers him, then he needs to leave. If it doesn't bother them, they can still be happy.

No point in judging people. Love is not always the cornerstone of marriage. That is a modern, western ideal.

Happy? Maybe for a short time. Unless a guy's extraordinarily wealthy, what's to prevent his Russian wife from upgrading once she arrives in the land of plenty? Not much! If she's young and attractive she'll have plenty of suitors to choose from when she's here.

[mox 298]

Happy? Maybe for a short time. Unless a guy's extraordinarily wealthy, what's to prevent his Russian wife from upgrading once she arrives in the land of plenty? Not much! If she's young and attractive she'll have plenty of suitors to choose from when she's here.

Not sure I understand the point. This could be said of any marriage.