your thoughts

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

Go back and read your post. Just read as far as 'you get the picture'. If you don't see problems there, I wouldn't worry about the stuff that comes after it. He is not being very nice to you. And he is perfectly capable of being nice to others. hmmmm

[mnieto 2]

Not ok, IMO.

I'd be p!ssed as hell if my SO would pay compliments to other women while pointing out what he dislikes about me. This behavior is disrespectful, insensitive and not sexy at all.

I'm not saying that there might be something going on between them, but his insensitive behavior is not nice at all.

This is definitely something to talk about, but in a calm and constructive way, of course...

Good luck!

[tom&tata 2]

He is not the kind of guy that pays compliments about anything, but is quick to tell me my short-comings or areas that eh thinks I need to work on, i.e. that would help you lose weight and he will send me links for plastic surgery etc.

Is he always like that? Or just recently?

[rebeccajo 14]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

I'd like to third this.

ditto, but this part would irk me...

If no one has told you this-- its hard to get brains, intelligence and good looks in one person but you have all three.

Remain who you are --- rare, perfect, beautiful and just a good person to know. :-)

While you husband might be totally 100% trustworthy, I'd wanna poke her eyes out.

[amiquechu 0]

I have a friend who is the exact same way with his wife. He travels for work, too. And he cheats on his wife, usually when he travels.

Not saying your husband is doing the cheating part...but IMO, he needs to stop doing some of the things he's been doing and be a more dedicated husband if he really wants to be with you. In most successful marriages I've been around, the husband wouldn't do or say anything like what he's been doing and saying...especially if it bothers you the way it does. It almost sounds like he's not ready to be married. They sound like things I would have said or done to a girlfriend when I didn't want anything to do with being married.

Any straight man who tells you he doesn't look at other women is probably lying...I don't think this is bad - just human nature. But when a married man flirts with another woman (or women), he's opening the door to things that are marriage killers. Us men can be extremely weak when we sense the opportunity for an "easy lay".

[rebeccajo 14]

Oh, btw.....

Even if he's trustworthy.....

He's a butthead.

[Niels Bohr 72]

I get that email from spammers sometimes. Maybe it's just spam email.

If a man doesn't respect a women decision, and controls her subconsciously, I don't think it's a healthy relationship. You as the wife understand sacrifices, I don't know if your husband understands that. Relationships requires sacrifices and commitment. Well, I don't need to elaborate any further. If you know what you're doing, then just ignore what I said.

You need to look at your husband thoughts, instead of his physical appearance. Don't let that ruin your life.

Edited May 23, 2008 by consolemaster

[Sister Fracas 5]

What would bother me the most is the fact that you can't seem to talk to him about anything. My husband and I talk about anything and everything because if it bothers one of us, it effects the other somehow.

Yes, I thought this was telling...

and when I was upset about it my husband said he doesn't want a sourpuss for a wife and why was I talking about it for the last 5 minutes if I had dealt with it

I can't even imagine my hubster saying something like that. If he thought I was emotionally overreacting to a situation, he'd listen until I was done and then try to make me feel better. You have to be able to rationally listen and empathize and in my opinion, ESPECIALLY when you think the other is overreacting, because at some point we are all going to do it. Generally in those situations, hubster just tries to make me laugh and see the absurdity of it.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Perfect,

I am the husband in my relationship. My wife listens to me, and I listen to my wife. If she doesn't like something, I listen and do what I can to make her happy. She also does the same to me. That is how it should be with all relationship. The words, "To love and behold in sickness, blah, blah blah..." you know the words. Your husband isn't doing his part.

Edited May 23, 2008 by consolemaster

[perfect 39]

I probably wouldn't be so concerned if he spoke to me the way he has been speaking to this person - but he never has and never will.

We do talk about a lot of things but he doesn't do "feelings". He is paranoid of having a wife with emotional "issues" so if I so much as display feelings, especially tears or negative emotions he'll ignore it completely and not validate how I feel, even less would he defend how I feel, or come out with a comment like in the recent situation.

The plastic surgery, weight loss things he has done for most of the time we've been married - ticks me off but that's him. His last wife was bulimic/anorexic...sigh...

He doesn't really love me in my definition of love and has maybe only told me four times since we've been married (3½ years) that he loves me. When he said it about 3 months ago I asked him why and he said because I'm intelligent and good with money which I'm afraid I found upsetting (but I didn't show him that I was upset). That to my mind isn't love. You can "love" anyone if that's the reason why. Isn't loving someone more about their personality, qualities - the person who they are and how they make you feel?

I'm not looking for reasons to upset/end my marriage. I'm just really irritated that he is playing with fire by making such positive and I think sexy comments (in a woman's eyes). I tried to place myself in her situation thinking about how I would hear those comments coming from any man, especially one as good looking and charistmatic as he is. I certainly would think the man had some level of interest in me over and above just being friends or work associates. I would certainly have the impression that given the right opportunity he wanted to take it further with me and is open to the idea of spending more time with me.

Why is she perfect and I'm not? Why is she beautiful and I'm not? I've already had one or more discussions with him about men and he always has made it clear that men are just attracted to women - they can't help themselves - and I do GET that! He has also stated before that given the wrong right opportunity he probably couldn't help but cheat on me. He's a guy.... but my thinking is....why would you contribute to a situation that likely would make that happen?

I suppose my thinking is that infidelity often starts with people behaving like he has with this woman and if she really is beautiful and smart and the whole package, if she came onto him, he woudn't resist.

That makes me feel like C***.

[Sister Fracas 5]

That post just really makes me sad on so many levels.

You deserve better.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Perfect,

I have a plan for you. Stop being nice to him, and follow his reaction. Ignore him for a few days, or even weeks. Observe his behavior. He may change because in his mind, he'll probably think..."What's wrong with my wife? Is she okay? Should I do something?" That is, if he cares to even think that. Just observe his reaction, behavior to why you're ignoring him. See if he'll learn anything from it.

[morocco4ever 63]

Although many here seem to think it is innocent I am not convinced. Does he on a regular basis give compliments to women in front of you? If so then this is his personality, if not then I would be more concerned. It seems we are nicer to strangers than we are to our loved ones, but this is too much IMO.

A player will put out feelers to see the other person's response to see if he can wedge his way into her life. These compliments are pretty classic feelers.

Personally I would not be okay with that, nor would my husband be okay if I said similar things to other men. There is a fine line in friendships with the opposite sex, and his last comment is riding that line.

One question, is he overy jealous of you? Does he suspect you or accuse you of cheating?

[morocco4ever 63]

He has also stated before that given the wrong right opportunity he probably couldn't help but cheat on me.

That is absolutely not acceptable! Basically he is telling you to expect it? BS!!

[Sheriff Uling 3]

I say... send him penile enlargement links in addition to viagra and cialis websites. That will get his attention...

Viva viagra! I have that commercial with they guys singing the viagra saved one on my youtube account...