I'm going out of my freaking mind!

[SteveLaura 0]

I've "only researched it online and received help from a bunch of people who could care less about my wife and me; are probably lying through their teeth and may even have registered simply to report false information."

This part is true, tho. I never should have said that stuff about doughnuts.

[Sprailenes 47]

Its hard trying to explain this process to anyone because its such an insane process and most people I talk to about it get confused after 5 minutes.

You don't know until you have gone through it yourself.

Thats why I love you all sooo much...you all just know.

[Jaseball 0]

My father and my girlfriend's mother also thought this would be a 3-6 month process. Maybe at worse 12 months. However with the slowdown from the influx of immigration applications, the fact that she is in China, and other possible problems I figured 12 months would be really good and it would more likely be 16 months.

However they don't question my research, desire, or progress as much as expressing disbelief that the process is so slow, expensive, time consuming, and onerous.

I did everything on my own. Refused to pay an attorney who could possibly be an idiot. That funded one trip back to China by itself.

Fact of the matter is the OP's father is the clueless one, so why give him any credence or get worked up? If his father showed him concrete evidence of his mistakes or real world examples of where 'speeding,' up the process would work, that is another matter.

Which one of us wouldn't have been willing to file more papers, pay more money, talk to more people, hire an attorney, grease a politician, use a hidden clause or loophole, to 'speed things up.'

Do people think we enjoy the endless wait, the uncertainty, the stress, being separated, the uninformed questions/opinions, or even disdain from people who think we couldn't find an American partner?

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Well, one thing that you have to understand is, things USED to be the way your dad says. Remember that once upon a time, as soon as you were married, you automatically had your spouses' citizenship, no hassle, no paperwork.

I'd tell him that, even though things used to be like that, the system was heavily abused for a very long time. So now, in addition to being married, you have to prove your marriage is in good faith, and until your paperwork is reviewed and approved, they mainly want to know that you are not establishing residence without the approval. Also, for security reasons, there's security checks involved before they grant you immigration benefits.

Good Luck. for your enjoyment, here are some crazy lines I had thrown my way

(before moving to the US) "What? applying for a visa? nnoo, what you should do is, get married, go to the embassy with the marriage certificate, and they'll give you an american passport!"

(At our wedding party) "Hey, congrats, now you are a US citizen!"

Saludos,

Caro

[knowledge 0]

Why does it matter what your dad believes? I understand that what he is saying is irritating because it is wrong, and may make you have a few self doubts but, if you do know what you are saying is right (which I am sure it is) does his having these unreasonable views matter in any real way?

Well, it matters because he's constantly in my face about it. It may not matter, though. I'm seriously considering staying in Canada and not returning to the United States. I love this country, but I have no desire to be a part of his life any more than I have to be (the feeling is mutual, by the way) and if we did the U.S. immigration process, we might require my dad to act as a joint sponsor. The very last thing I'd want is to owe him. Besides, if I'm in Canada, I'm as far as away from Texas (and by default, him) as possible.

Well some people do not know how to express their feelings in the right way...My opinion is he is trying to controll you by saying anything that is not your reality (inner and external) not to let you go...in the sens of not letting you grow up...Realizing the the child is an adult and not anymore a child for some parents is terrible...Giving a thought about this and talking to him..wil give you some self confidence not to think you have to run away from him in order to live your life...

[Ban Hammer 14,028]

(At our wedding party) "Hey, congrats, now you are a US citizen!"

Saludos,

Caro

that sounds like my neighbor

[Blues Fairy 0]

I don't know if I really expect any solutions (after all, I know my father better than any of you do), so maybe this was more or less just to vent. However, if anyone does have an idea or two about how I could actually get through to him, I'm open to suggestions.

A very simple idea here: move away from your Dad as soon as possible and don't let him meddle in your life any more. From what you say, there's no way to "get through" to him, and no point really. You'll see, your relationship with Dad will improve markedly as soon as you two become independent grown-ups living hundreds of miles away from each other.

[Amby 490]

I feel your pain because my grandfather was the same way! They're old skool and things used to be a lot different. He used to tell me I was wrong and had no clue what I was doing all the time. Thank god I was in England almost the entire process or else one of us would have killed each other. The solution I came up with is anytime he started to tell me I was wrong I'd just say yup you're right and then leave. He is one of those people that will call you or follow you until you tell them they're right and you're wrong. I would also sometimes try to change the subject but that rarely worked. GOOD LUCK!