I'm going out of my freaking mind!

[DeadPoolX 9]

Okay, here's the deal... my father is a very difficult person to get along with. Some of you might think I am "difficult" but I can assure you, I am about as flexible as a gymnast when compared to my dad. The major issue here is that he either will not or cannot understand the immigration situation revolving around my wife and I and therefore, not only doles out ridiculous advice, but insists that since the entire process "isn't logical and doesn't make sense" I must be mistaken and can't be reading the law regarding it correctly. He has gone so far as to tell me to get an immigration attorney -- an "expert in the field" -- to not just make sure I am seeing things right, but apparently to "work the system" and "speed the process up" since the laws were "written by and made for lawyers."

In short, he thinks I'm totally off my rocker and that I couldn't possibly know anything at all about this -- and whatever I might know must be incorrect, since (as he put it) I've "only researched it online and received help from a bunch of people who could care less about my wife and me; are probably lying through their teeth and may even have registered simply to report false information."

While I do think my father has some good intentions in there (somewhere, I suppose...), he's completely misguided in his attempt and hurling inflammatory comments towards this website (and the people here) is moronic. I'll bet there are some people on here who have done all of what he's described, but it's far from the norm. In addition, he has never viewed this website even once, so what does he know about it at all and the content it provides?

I'm not going to say that immigration attorneys are useless; they're not. However, my particular case isn't unusual or exceptionally difficult. I'm American and my wife is Canadian. Neither of us have a criminal past, we're young and we have no children between us. Maybe I'm missing something glaringly obvious, but I don't see how this situation is so complex that it warrants the use of a lawyer.

Even so, he refuses to listen to reason... or rather, he says he's looking for "reason." I should probably tell you all some what of he's said to me, if for no other reason, it'll provide you guys with a humorous start to your Friday morning. Here's some of his statements:

NOTE: I want to make it clear that I am immigrating to Canada right now; later we plan on having my wife immigrate with me down to the U.S., but in order for the following to make sense, you'll need to know who's immigrating where.

1. Why don't you just go up to Canada? They won't possibly turn you away! They'll want visitors to spend money there and help the economy.

2. Nobody in their right mind is going to keep someone away from their spouse. That's just not logical.

3. What do you mean you can't go up there or she can't come down here? You're married! You have a right to be with each other!

4. I can't imagine the scenario you paint. You don't need any of this evidence #######. Just tell them you're going up there to be with your wife and that'll be the end of it.

5. So you're telling me that the customs officers probably won't let you in due to some sort of "lack of evidence or ties" to the U.S. and that you wouldn't be able to work or enroll in any classes until you're approved legally as a permanent resident? So what're you supposed to do in the meantime, just sit and rot?

6. Don't you want to be with your wife? It doesn't sound like you do. If you did, you'd find a way.

I should probably clarify that on #3, I told my dad that neither of us can permanently stay in the other's country without applying for permanent residency and getting approved for it. We could, technically visit, however that's always a very difficult prospect when you're married since you'll have to convince the country you're visiting that you will leave and not overstay.

Anyway... there's a lot more I could say, but most of that is probably too personal and this thread has already become unreasonably long. I don't know if I really expect any solutions (after all, I know my father better than any of you do), so maybe this was more or less just to vent. However, if anyone does have an idea or two about how I could actually get through to him, I'm open to suggestions.

[churipu 4]

Find indeed an Immigration lawyer as he suggested, take him along with you so that maybe -just maybe- he would listen and actually believe the "expert" when he explains to you (him) how things are exactly as you told him they are.

ETA: Sorry he's giving you a hard time

Edited February 22, 2008 by churipu

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Wow poor you.... the only thing I can think of is to get your dad to meet with a immigration lawyer and hear it from them, that you are doing everything that can be done and it is just a waiting game... He sounds like the kind of person that will only belive the information given if it comes from someone he thinks of as being an informed person...

Good Luck

Kez

[britbird 4]

sorry he's driving you mad.

My folks never really asked me how the whole immigration thing worked - I think they just assume I know what I'm doing, and if I don't - well they'll be there to help me if i need it.

Of course, if I were living with my folks, or hanging out with them a lot then things might be rather different (I know they would be a lot different with my in-laws - my american mom is a sweet soul, but she does get up in one's business quite a lot!)

I'm sure your pops means well - it likely upsets him that his son is getting stressed out about something that it's not within his power to help you with. But...I'm of course just spitballing there.

Take it easy - go have a beer with him and see if you can't find something more agreeable to talk about.

[sara..... 371]

:lol: ur dad sounds like mine only mines said it takes them longer to approve something than it does the irs to know that u owe them money......................................................

[Peikko 1,575]

Why does it matter what your dad believes? I understand that what he is saying is irritating because it is wrong, and may make you have a few self doubts but, if you do know what you are saying is right (which I am sure it is) does his having these unreasonable views matter in any real way?

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

HI ,

BASED ON WHAT I'VE READ ABOUT YOUR STATEMENT... HMMMMMM.. YOUR FATHER SOUNDS LIKE VERY CONSERVATIVE.. AND DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE ABOUT "WHAT AN IMMIGRATION IS FOR"....

WELL, MY ADVISE, (IT'S UP TOU U IF U'LL WANT TO TAKE THIS OR NOT) BUT DONT TAKE YOUR FATHER SO SERIOUSLY.. HE IS JUST ... UHMMM, I THINK GETTING OLD, YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEONE GETS OLD, HE IS GETTING MORE HARDHEADED... :yes: ( JUST LIKE MY PARENTS , SOMETIMES ARE TOO HARDHEADED) (L)

NO MATTER WHAT , HE IS STILL YOUR FATHER, AND I THINK HE IS JUST EXCITED TO MEET YOUR WIFE... JUST LIKE MY IN-LAWS WHO ARE SO EXCITED TO HAVE ME IN THEIR HOUSE.. :luv:

Edited February 22, 2008 by SHAPE OF MY HEART

[MaRob 0]

In an odd twist of fate, my uncle now is petitioning for a girl he met in China. He was asking me a lot of questions about it, ao i tried to explain to him the process as best I could (processing times and what-not), referencing this website and offering to help him if he needed anything, even though its a whole different country and situation.

He told me a week later that he found a guy who guarranteed him that he could have her here in 4 months with a thousand up front... so i just said "best of luck to ya" on that... he will learn the hard way

Its always hard to explain to anyone who hasn't gone through the process any part of it... it is truly "foreign" to them and I believe a lot of them think it some magic trick or else there wouldn't be so many foreigners here.. not knowing the difference between immigration visa's and all other types.

a lot of people think love has no barriers (like my uncle) but as long as you want to do it the right way there will always be some time involved to reach the expected end!

Good luck with your dad... its hard to "Prove" it to him, because you would have to do it his way and wait for that to fail, then you have wasted more time and money... but if you don't, just get used to the idea that he will probably always say "well I told him it would be quicker to do it this way"... patience is not only for the visa journey, but for all the "advice" you get on the journey too

[tom&tata 2]

6. Don't you want to be with your wife? It doesn't sound like you do. If you did, you'd find a way.

All I can say is this too shall pass

It reminds me of what my husband (he is the USC) heard from his family about me. We got visa in Jan 2006. I told him that I need 3 months notice to quit my job (which will take us to May). I told him why don't we wait until early July so I get my bonus for the Jan-Jun period. They also paid me full for July for working for 2 weeks & all my vacation times. It turned out to be a decent amount of money.

We agreed but that was the comment made by some of his family. But of course, they wasn't paying our bills so we did not listen to them. But it was annoying for him.

Edited February 22, 2008 by tom&tata

[Sprailenes 47]

omg your dad and my husbands grandmother need to hang out sometime.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

When he starts saying something about your immigration, notice his clothes, haircut, shave, and quickly say something like, "Hey! Is that a new set of rags, Dad?" Something to quickly change the subject.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Why does it matter what your dad believes? I understand that what he is saying is irritating because it is wrong, and may make you have a few self doubts but, if you do know what you are saying is right (which I am sure it is) does his having these unreasonable views matter in any real way?

Well, it matters because he's constantly in my face about it. It may not matter, though. I'm seriously considering staying in Canada and not returning to the United States. I love this country, but I have no desire to be a part of his life any more than I have to be (the feeling is mutual, by the way) and if we did the U.S. immigration process, we might require my dad to act as a joint sponsor. The very last thing I'd want is to owe him. Besides, if I'm in Canada, I'm as far as away from Texas (and by default, him) as possible.

Edited February 22, 2008 by DeadPoolX

[Mags 112]

When he starts saying something about your immigration, notice his clothes, haircut, shave, and quickly say something like, "Hey! Is that a new set of rags, Dad?" Something to quickly change the subject.

I agree with Steven here. I don't think this process is something your Dad will ever grasp (or perhaps want to grasp). Sounds like he is using this whole shebang to have digs at you and your character.

Next time he mentions it say "Actually, I'd rather not discuss the details with you, if you don't mind" and change the subject, or walk away.

[isleta521 5]

Why does it matter what your dad believes? I understand that what he is saying is irritating because it is wrong, and may make you have a few self doubts but, if you do know what you are saying is right (which I am sure it is) does his having these unreasonable views matter in any real way?

Well, it matters because he's constantly in my face about it. It may not matter, though. I'm seriously considering staying in Canada and not returning to the United States. I love this country, but I have no desire to be a part of his life any more than I have to be (the feeling is mutual, by the way) and if we did the U.S. immigration process, we might require my dad to act as a joint sponsor. The very last thing I'd want is to owe him. Besides, if I'm in Canada, I'm as far as away from Texas (and by default, him) as possible.

Sorry and understand what you are going through. It is hard enough being away from the one you love and to have someone else that you love that doesn't understand or not willing to try to understand is frustrating to say the least. Old people are sometimes not willing to budge from their positions out of stubburness I guess.

For what it's worth, go to the USCIS website and show him the amount of paperwork, proof, protocal, money and time that one must endure to be successful in this process.

[Peikko 1,575]

As I understand what the OP wrote, no matter what 'proof' is shown that he is doing things the correct way despite not having a lawyer, the father is completely convinced that a lawyer is not only essential but will perform the magic trick of speeding up the process. I can't see how this is going to change unless the OP bends to the will of the father and gets the (probably) unnecessary lawyer. That is why I wondered in what 'material' way the father's opinion mattered. If it is essentially something that is intensely irritating but doesn't have any effect on the eventual outcome, then some element of 'ignoring' the father has to take place. If the father has some influence on the outcome then it may be better to swallow the bitter pill of 'allowing' the father to be 'right'.

Eventually the process will be over, no matter what.