It's been 1 year now :)

[Zerovoltz 0]

Yen coming here has certainly been interesting to say the least. Some things happend that I expected, others that I did not...but mostly, it's a wonderful thing when you are with the one you love.

Some things I expected to happen that did:

1. Yen is fiercely loyal

2. Yen is a good cook

3. Yen is frugal

4. Yen does all the laundry

5. Yen does nails

6. Yen's english is constantly improving.

Some things I thought would happen that didn't.:

1. I thought she'd run all the finances...she doesn't yet because she doesn't understand online bill pay and direct deposit very well so far.

2. I thought she'd be more understanding of my children...she treats them well..but she is much more demanding and strict with them than I thought.

3. I thought Yen wouldn't work 6-7 days a week...figured she'd take a bit more time off than she does.

Some things Yen does that bother me.

1. She give money to BUMS! I don't mind being charitable to people in need, but she hands out 5 dollar bills to people who are obviously alchoholics. If I protest to her it leads to arguing. I can't seem to convince her that these people aren't "sick" or "unlucky".

2. Yen often gets mad at me because I married my ex wife. If an argument comes up, it almost always leads to her berating me about how could I be so stupid to be with my ex wife.

3. Yen will try and have a conversation while also eating food. Normally no big deal, but I can only understand her english when she ISN't also chewing food.

4. Yen thinks that because I have been intimate with THREE women in my entire life (that includes her..she is the third) that I used to be a womanizer. I am 29 years old...three is a pretty SMALL number for an american man who is 29. Hard to get her to realize that I didn't spend my life trying to score with everyone I ever met.

5. I know enough vietnamese now to know some of what she says when she calls home. Often her parents will ask for money...sometimes she sends some, other times she doesn't....sometimes I hear her say in vietnamese "My husband says NO." HAHAHA.....she likes to make me the bad guy so she doesn't have to be I guess

The past year has been something else...we went through a miscarriage right before christmas. Had a couple of BIG fights due to small misunderstandings. Watching her learn english and american culture has been alot of fun. Most importantly, we love each other. we take care of each other and personally I sleep soundly at night knowing I have a wonderful partner to share life with.

....AOS....

We are having a struggle with AOS...sent in all the paperwork and forms back in June. INS made a clerical error and entered in my street number as 91st street when it should be 41st street...they were supposed to have fixed it in November...I have been calling twice a month since to find out when my reciept notice is going to get here....turns out they STILL HAVE 91st street in the computer....I have requested it be changed several times now...have sent a letter to my senator...hope to have this resolved soon....on a positive note, it isn't too too urgent because Yen does nails at her cousins nail shop...so while it would be nice to be all legal, we are OK for the moment. ....hope to get AOS done though before too long so she and I can go back to VN soon.

Good luck to you all.

And a big thanks to everyone who helped us get to this point....it means alot. Thanks.

Edited April 26, 2006 by Zerovoltz

[Jasman0717 8]

Nice post, I can relate to several, especially the giving money to bums. Claudeth does that alot!

[snz1802 0]

Well, congratulations on your one year anniversary and I am glad that the good has overcome the bad in your relationship and you have kept it going strong. I am sure she has pet peeves about you as well, the key is to take the good with the bad I guess and just love each other and improve with time. I know my fiance feels the same way you do about some of the things I do... , but we just communicate and try to work together and in the end it all works out. I hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling future together.....

[000OOO000 0]

Why so many ppl from there do nails?

[dalegg 143]

Why so many ppl from there do nails?

People pay cash, and the business is very steady. The hours are often so attrocious that most American Women wouldn't want to do it, and their husbands wouldn't allow them to.

Had a couple of BIG fights due to small misunderstandings.

Ditto. But I'm happy to say that these are becoming much less frequent as she learns to "get" me and become more American.

[iceyspots 0]

Yen can cook:)

[wait4ever 0]

Yen coming here has certainly been interesting to say the least. Some things happend that I expected, others that I did not...but mostly, it's a wonderful thing when you are with the one you love.

Some things Yen does that bother me.

3. Yen will try and have a conversation while also eating food. Normally no big deal, but I can only understand her english when she ISN't also chewing food.

Ah, the joys of a cross-cultural relationship! I am glad to hear that you are enduring the first year so well and working through some of the rough spots and the misunderstandings.

I understand and recognize some of your peeves. By now I have spent some time living with my fiancee and her family. I don't know if you had this opportunity, but after a while you can understand the Vietnamese lifestyle and recognize some of your SO's actions or habits are based in her upbringing.

I got a real kick out of the "eating and talking" comment. For Vietnamese, meals are a very social time. Sometimes, they don't let a little food in their mouth get in the way of a good conversation. From a western standpoint, they commit a lot of faux pas. Also notable are smacking their lips while chewing, belching while chewing, and spitting bones on to the floor for the dog to eat! At the table, sometimes my sweetheart sits on the stool (the seat is tiny!) with knees to her chin and her feet also on the stool, just shoveling in the rice. I'm so used to it by now that it's actually quite entertaining. However, I know that someday she will be coming to the US and I will have to coach her a little on our western ways. Actually, she exhibits much better etiquette when we are dining with western friends, so she is on her best behavior in public.

Good luck with your relationship and the trying process of AOS. I hope you get everything ironed out. Thanks for sharing!

[Mike n Huong 1]

It was really nice to read about your relationship, and I am happy that you both work thru the problems of bringing two different ways of living together. I can't wait to have the same oppotunity wo share a year togehter wife my fiancee. I know that there will be some hard times with misunderstandings, and I promised her that when we do have these, that I would hold her in my arms, and not departing from each other for work before both of us feel better.

Good luck with your future, and remember how difficult it was for us to understand the Vietnamese way of doing things, and their culture. I am sure the same happens with our SO's when they come here. We are so used to this way of living but it is so new to them, and it will take a while for them to figure everything out. We all must understand that they had to leave all of their family, and friends behind. So we need to be understanding and supportive.

[patricks 0]

Very good Z-

Getting the visa is one challenge and then the next challenge begins. It feels a lot easier after the first year in America.

Regarding your insightful post:

After living in Vietnam, you soon discover "Jealousy" undertakes a whole new meaning, it's INTENSE!

I think she works for her Vietnamese family too, not just yours. When you marry a Vietnamese girl, usually, you marry the WHOLE family literally. ( I just smile when my wife sends money ) My conclusion, I'll retire there someday and hopefully they'll return the favor.

Don't let the small things get to you. I also fell into that trap and then I finally just ignored the small stuff, life is much better now.

Sometimes, I think my wife is homesick and she's just "acting out"

My wife:

Cooks awesome VNs soup

Drives well and doesn't get lost

Well respected at work

Very faithful, like "Yen is fiercely loyal"

I wish my wife:

Liked Mexican food?

Liked to go camping and the quiet outdoors?

Didn't watch so many VNs (Korean) films?

All and all, it's not easy sometimes but it's definitely worth it!

GOOD LUCK

[trey 0]

A wonderful post. I'd like to see more like it.

[dalegg 143]

It's been 1 year now. I haven't killed my wife yet.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

Too funny, dalegg.

[Zerovoltz 0]

....I had to laugh about the comment regarding all the Korean "Phims" with tieng Viet dubbed over....those things are CHEEZY!...my wife rents those things in bulk. I had to dig the VCR out of a dusty old box out in the garage so she could watch them. ....I laugh at the HORRIBLE special effects...it's funny. My wife loves those things.

[Icarus 0]

my favorite thing about the dubs is that it is only one voice...doing all the narration, actors..and sometimes sound effects! LOL What I did tho was pick up some dvds in HCMC that had vietnamese subtitling, most vendors will tell you which ones have them..

In response to the overall topic, I'm having a good laugh. If anything it validates what I see my dad going through after his first year with his vietnamese wife and her son...and at the same time provides me with the insight for when my beloved comes to the US....

Personally, I can't wait to have the little misunderstandings, seeing her adapt to a completely different way of life and to support her as she struggles with it all...and to insure she is one of the few female asians that can drive well! (Ya didn't think I was gonna be completely serious, did ya??)

[Matt_Stevens 5]

My fiancee doesn't want to learn how to drive when she gets here. She says if I cannot drive her everywhere than I must hire her a driver. I told her fine, but the driver has to be a super hot bi-sexual Japanese woman, age 23. She didn't think that was funny.

Edited April 27, 2006 by Matt_Stevens