How In The World Did It Come To This?

[dbears 1]

Did anyone here actually send out a I-129F prior to asking or getting asked by thier significant other to marry them. That seems strange and even stranger when you think that two people have to have that conversation... "well if you ask me one day to marry or if I ask you lets fill out this paperwork so things will be quicker" who does that?

Come to think of it, i think i saw one signature timeline where the date of I-129F filing was so much earlier than the date of proposal... which means he filed for petition before asking his girl to marry him... well, it turned out, the foreign fiancee ended up canceling her embassy interview.

[sam and nic 0]

Coming to VJ has made me feel a bit better about my situation with my fiance; before I joined I was constantly feeling like this whole process has been so horrible that we must be the only people on earth who have to endure this. Now I know that I'm in good company...

We, unlike most others, have only done the separation thing on and off for the last four years, spending only 11 months of that time apart. The longest I've gone without seeing him has been one 5 and a half month period. What we've had to do to avoid the long distances has been to essentially save up enough money between trips to support ourselves while we try and find work in other countries. Since meeting, our list has five countries on it, aside from our home countries. The constant travel has meant a lot of sacrifices for both of us, but we decided together that those sacrifices were much more bearable than the single sacrifice of being apart.

The worst of it came when we actually got the NAO2 and things started to feel like they were moving somewhere. That's when we started to dream about what life might be like after we can get married and settle down. I am absolutely terrified that we aren't going to get approved - it would crush us both.

Of course, we do have other options - we can live just about anywhere we want in Europe as soon as we get married, no questions asked...but I want to live near my family.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I think that if everyone had to go through what we do, not only would the divorce rate be lower, so would the marriage rate.

But is a lower marriage rate necessarily a bad thing? (I can't work out if you think it is or not!) I agree with zqt3344 when they say:

Actually I think all people getting married as two US citizens should have to go through a lot more to get married than what they do currently, it is a total joke, especially for such a serious life long committment. No wonder so many marriages fail or there are so many divorces when so many people should have not been married in the first place! A lot of those divorce rates would decrease and more people would do a much better job of making certain they were truly committed to that other person for their natural born life! It ought to be a federal law! Why not if we have to all go through it why not US citizens?

Although I have known couples who have married very quickly and are very happy, a little waiting doesn't do anyone any harm (although it's probably a lot easier for me because I'm relatively young).

Is it bad if I admit that I'm not finding the waiting too difficult? Granted, I already endured an 11 month separation last year so I figure I can easily cope with the same length of separation one more time. It's giving me plenty of time to reflect, plan and save up money, which I find very valuable. And at least I do have an end goal. LDRs are far more likely to fail when people have no idea where they're going.

In some ways I am surprised by how easy the process is, especially when you consider how many people would love to immigrate to the US and how hard it is to obtain a work visa. It is a fairly lengthy process but also a fairly straightforward process in most cases (especially with the help of these forums!)

You want to go back in history a bit further, you'll find marrying somebody not of your own home town was significantly more difficult, if only due to the travel involved. These things are choices that come with added difficulties. You make the choice, you deal with the difficulties just like its been throughout history.

I am fully appreciative of how fortunate we are to be alive in these times, how easy it is for us to experience a variety different cultures and meet people from all over the world.

i did learn a lot about his silly @ss mostly i learned that hes pretty incompetent when it comes to these sorts of things, but i love him anyway

Same here - our visa application was delayed by a few months because despite all the ' I miiisssss you' I received Alex was too scared to fill in a few forms. Fortunately I was able to visit and help bail him out.

Oh - and so much for this site; it really has helped tremendously. It should be obligatory to put a link to VJ on the initial forms!

Edited February 6, 2008 by Alex & Rachel

[Stephen1 0]

I sometimes get mad cause it doesnt make sence why we have to go through this long proccess and are under such srutiny to prove the validitity of our relationships while our gov. lets thousands of illegal immigrants enter in through Mexico. They are paying all this money for background checks and all the gov. employees of the USCIS and doing so little at the borders. I told my fiance jokingly to fly out to Mexico and just go over the border so we can be together.