Engagement Rings

[Chuckles 0]

You live and you learn, I guess. I am not sure why you thought a Russian woman was going to be a domestic goddess for you, slim. If you were rich, I'm sure your wife would be fine hiring a maid and then hanging out in the house during the day, then after going out at night with your money (maybe that is what SHE thought she signed up for :) ). Since by all accounts, you are not rich, you do what you have to do, as does she.

So, if you get married again, work on that bank account first! I think that is the lesson !!!!

[Buck and Natalia 0]

The "chores" thing does not bother me too much. I did a fair amount of the chores when married and do all the chores now as a bachelor. However, I think it basically comes down to whether or not the woman is happy in her underlying relationship. Some of you have already touched on this. If a man does all or even most of the chores it will not make a fundamentally unhappy woman....... happy. Likewise, doing a lesser amount of chores will not make a fundamentally happy woman....... unhappy (although it may add to her frustration sometimes). It also comes down to managing expectations. Those expecting a housekeeper/sex slave will be disappointed when the russian woman reacts like any other normal woman. Wanna watch a train wreck of a mockumentary on this issue? Rent a movie called, "Mail Order Wife." Some find it hilarious. Others find it disturbing. A word of caution: If you are already married to your foreign bride and are experiencing problems in your relationship...... then you may not want to watch this together. If your relationship is healthy, then you both might get a good laugh out of this.

Edited January 23, 2008 by Buck and Natalia

[mox 298]

However, I think it basically comes down to whether or not the woman is happy in her underlying relationship. Some of you have already touched on this. If a man does all or even most of the chores it will not make a fundamentally unhappy woman....... happy. Likewise, doing a lesser amount of chores will not make a fundamentally happy woman....... unhappy (although it may add to her frustration sometimes). It also comes down to managing expectations. Those expecting a housekeeper/sex slave will be disappointed when the russian woman reacts like any other normal woman.

Wanna watch a train wreck of a mockumentary on this issue? Rent a movie called, "Mail Order Wife." Some find it hilarious. Others find it disturbing. A word of caution: If you are already married to your foreign bride and are experiencing problems in your relationship...... then you may not want to watch this together. If your relationship is healthy, then you both might get a good laugh out of this.

I *love* this movie! It's a good indie movie, hysterical at times, and like you say, sometimes disturbing. I'm actually surprised I didn't think to mention it in the movies thread. But yeah, not a good movie for international couples who are going through a tough time. Or if your woman really REALLY likes pigs.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

Just make sure you are not doing what your former American wife was doing. Otherwise it won't be long before your Russian wife also gets fed up with her working "double" shifts (one at home and one at work).

Also some American women on VJ might find that what you are really looking for is a housekeeper / maid / cook / child care hand. And as far as I underatand, nobody workers harder at "work" then Americans. At least those folks who have worked both in Russia and the US tend to say we work harder here. So what your former wife was doing might be justifiable if she was really tired.

I have to agree with this bit. I've seen the typical Russian work day and work ethic, and there's absolutely no comparison. A majority of Americans are now working more than one job. We eat in our cars on the way to work. Our luches are shorter (but heavier). I have seen first hand dozens of times where Europeans come to the States and comment immediately on how hard and long Americans work. Now I'm not saying that they can't handle it. They adapt very quickly and usually perform exceptionally. But for those who havent worked here before, it can be a wakeup call. Its going to take alot of support and help by the USC to get all of the day's work done. That's for sure.

[Satellite 1]

I have to agree with this bit. I've seen the typical Russian work day and work ethic, and there's absolutely no comparison. A majority of Americans are now working more than one job. We eat in our cars on the way to work. Our luches are shorter (but heavier). I have seen first hand dozens of times where Europeans come to the States and comment immediately on how hard and long Americans work. Now I'm not saying that they can't handle it. They adapt very quickly and usually perform exceptionally. But for those who haven't worked here before, it can be a wakeup call. Its going to take a lot of support and help by the USC to get all of the day's work done. That's for sure.

Thanks for pointing out my typo should have been "nobody works harder at 'work' than Americans do."

[slim 1,514]

You live and you learn, I guess. I am not sure why you thought a Russian woman was going to be a domestic goddess for you, slim. If you were rich, I'm sure your wife would be fine hiring a maid and then hanging out in the house during the day, then after going out at night with your money (maybe that is what SHE thought she signed up for :) ). Since by all accounts, you are not rich, you do what you have to do, as does she.

So, if you get married again, work on that bank account first! I think that is the lesson !!!!

I've been told several times that this is the lesson!

Although I don't believe my wife thought I was rich prior to her arrival, I don't think she thought the "extra" money for everything was going to come directly from her hard work. She's told me now that if I do want a wife that does everything (maid and sex slave) that I need to make sure I'm rich first.

The "chores" thing does not bother me too much. I did a fair amount of the chores when married and do all the chores now as a bachelor. However, I think it basically comes down to whether or not the woman is happy in her underlying relationship. Some of you have already touched on this. If a man does all or even most of the chores it will not make a fundamentally unhappy woman....... happy. Likewise, doing a lesser amount of chores will not make a fundamentally happy woman....... unhappy (although it may add to her frustration sometimes). It also comes down to managing expectations. Those expecting a housekeeper/sex slave will be disappointed when the russian woman reacts like any other normal woman. Wanna watch a train wreck of a mockumentary on this issue? Rent a movie called, "Mail Order Wife." Some find it hilarious. Others find it disturbing. A word of caution: If you are already married to your foreign bride and are experiencing problems in your relationship...... then you may not want to watch this together. If your relationship is healthy, then you both might get a good laugh out of this.

Good point.

Maybe my wife and I should watch this movie together. Give us an insight of what it could be like. And then give us a gauge of the status of our relationship. Did we laugh.... or cry?

[Buck and Natalia 0]

I *love* this movie! It's a good indie movie, hysterical at times, and like you say, sometimes disturbing. I'm actually surprised I didn't think to mention it in the movies thread. But yeah, not a good movie for international couples who are going through a tough time. Or if your woman really REALLY likes pigs.

hahaha.... yeah. I do not want to wreck this movie for others but it has some hilarious parts in it........ like the bit about pigs. I also like the scene where she is standing in the bedroom with a total look of fury in her eyes screaming, "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WANTTTTTTTTTTTT BABYYYYYYYYYYY !!!". Enough said. Rent "Mail Order Wife" if you are interested.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

You live and you learn, I guess. I am not sure why you thought a Russian woman was going to be a domestic goddess for you, slim. If you were rich, I'm sure your wife would be fine hiring a maid and then hanging out in the house during the day, then after going out at night with your money (maybe that is what SHE thought she signed up for :) ). Since by all accounts, you are not rich, you do what you have to do, as does she.

So, if you get married again, work on that bank account first! I think that is the lesson !!!!

I've been told several times that this is the lesson!

Although I don't believe my wife thought I was rich prior to her arrival, I don't think she thought the "extra" money for everything was going to come directly from her hard work. She's told me now that if I do want a wife that does everything (maid and sex slave) that I need to make sure I'm rich first.

The "chores" thing does not bother me too much. I did a fair amount of the chores when married and do all the chores now as a bachelor. However, I think it basically comes down to whether or not the woman is happy in her underlying relationship. Some of you have already touched on this. If a man does all or even most of the chores it will not make a fundamentally unhappy woman....... happy. Likewise, doing a lesser amount of chores will not make a fundamentally happy woman....... unhappy (although it may add to her frustration sometimes). It also comes down to managing expectations. Those expecting a housekeeper/sex slave will be disappointed when the russian woman reacts like any other normal woman. Wanna watch a train wreck of a mockumentary on this issue? Rent a movie called, "Mail Order Wife." Some find it hilarious. Others find it disturbing. A word of caution: If you are already married to your foreign bride and are experiencing problems in your relationship...... then you may not want to watch this together. If your relationship is healthy, then you both might get a good laugh out of this.

Good point.

Maybe my wife and I should watch this movie together. Give us an insight of what it could be like. And then give us a gauge of the status of our relationship. Did we laugh.... or cry?

OK Slim........ you can watch it with her but DO NOT forget to tell her at the outset that it is a fake documentary. If she thinks it is a real documentary (and it did fool many people)...... your honey may be giving you the "fish eye" during certain segments.

[slim 1,514]

OK Slim........ you can watch it with her but DO NOT forget to tell her at the outset that it is a fake documentary. If she thinks it is a real documentary (and it did fool many people)...... your honey may be giving you the "fish eye" during certain segments.

Or she may try to help me "sleep with the fishes" when it's over.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

Or she may try to help me "sleep with the fishes" when it's over.

Exactly B)

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I havent seen this film yet, but after all this talk about it....I feel I really must go and find it.

[Kotenochek 0]

We talked with my (back then)fiance about marriageand obviosly if you waiting for a k1 or k3 visas means she is fine with being married to you:)))

My man decided to propose to me when i was already here in the USA,even though we talked a lot about wedding and stuff when i was still in russia,He told me that he has more connections and ideas how to do it better her in the USa,so thats wher ei got my diamond ring,that i adore.even though i am not big fan of rings,but this one i adore,my man worked for it hard,thats what matters!!!

On the other hand probably its a better idea to propose to her in russia since it will be easier for her family to let her go to another country and of course by giving her nice ring her family will like you even more,whoch shows you can take care of their daughter.

I think proposing with all wedding band set is the best idea,so she can wear the big one on and off whenever she wants,but she can wear her band with little diamonds at any time:)

Moscow by the way is quite safe with that,but again not when its dark and you are pretty girl alone in metro..i would get gloves or someting to hide it:)

good luck with that!

[pianojangee 0]

Someone brought up the issue of older RW always being fat (or nearly) and I think it is true, of the RW I see there (and RW here) many do in fact get fat.

Is anyones MIL an exception?

My MIL is her 70's and she has lived in US about 7 years now. But still she is in her mid-40s shapes!!!

She ALWAYS dress up when she goes out, as typical Polish-Belarussian. She NEVER wears pants, ALWAYS wears skirts.

Last Christmas holidays, we pick her from at JFK after being her home country for 6 months, she came back sick with flue and bronchitis.

Even after almost 20 hours of flight with sickness, she was wearing skirt and all dressed, with her hair and nail done!!!

I though Korean mom are the only one on earth dressed up even to go groceery shopping. But... oh my my...

Also, my mom in her 60s, she has kept her looks like she is in her mid-30.

Regarding myself... REAL mid-30s, after having lived in US for 15 year, I look like more or less bad shaped American. (Shame on me!!!)

Edited March 22, 2008 by pianojangee

[slim 1,514]

The moms dressing up and caring about their shapes seems to be a throw-back to days gone by, back when women had to look nice.

I watched a show the other day from the early '60s, and no one, not a single person, dared leave their house without a tie on and all the ladies had nice skirts and blouses... always!

It had a lot more to do with how society viewed people. Women were who they were by how they looked, how many children they had and who they were married to. Now, women are who they are much the same way men are. By their individual style, their job, and their net worth.

We're all a credit score now. Sure, some of us have cooler shoes than others, but it boils down to what you're worth. If anything, women have a slight advantage now because they can be super broke but still have elevated status because of their looks. Not even a trailer park can hold back a girl's beauty!

[Kotenochek 0]

Okay so I should tell you guys here now that happened to women...

Well my grandmother...she is now 76 went through the war,where food was a big deal...so when she had kids,my mum and auntie,she made sure she overfed them so much that in case of a new war they would survive...Later on both my mum and aunt had to diet whole life long,and of course both me and my sister were enrolled to sports since childhood...

so there is your problem..I believe once our generation reaches age 40 and more..things will get a bit better..Hopefully...

And then another fact of being fat is eating when you are stressed..so guys,if you want your loved once to be pretty, treat them nice and give them nice life, where worries about bills are not included:)))

Good luck with that,especially here in the US:)