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Successful withdrawal of Affidavit of Support

#1 tito

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Posted 29 October 2007 - 01:34 PM

Things didn't work out, and it's a real shame, but sometimes pride...intense and foolish...has consequences.

Under the regulations, I withdrew the affidavit of support, and the adjustment of status was denied (no green card). I believe that deportation proceedings are now underway. In defense, the immigrant (from Cuba) has dispensation and can try to get her green card another way, but it's no longer my problem.

Anyway...moral of the story is, you CAN withdraw the affidavit of support any time until the green card is issued. Again...it's a true shame after all that was done to make this relationship work, and it's just time to move on...heal the wounds...
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#2 tito

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Posted 29 October 2007 - 01:42 PM

One of the unfortunate consequences of this (besides a broken heart), is that my now wife (soon to be ex) will have to shell out a bunch of money to start over again.

New I485? $1,000 +
Attorney Fees? $2,500 (or more)
Wait time? another year...while also trying to defend deportation

Truly a shame when this situation was something that could have been something to work on rather than simply to abandon.
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#3 bradcanuck

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Posted 29 October 2007 - 01:45 PM

Sorry to hear. Sometimes things are just not meant to work out the way you think they are. Everything in life happens for a reason - just remember that.
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#4 reeses16

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Posted 29 October 2007 - 01:46 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Thank you for deciding to post this personal situation. I think it will let other VJers going through problems know what their options are.
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#5 una

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Posted 29 October 2007 - 04:51 PM

I guess u did it cuz the relationship between the two of u didn't go well or something, unless you changed your mind and wanna get back together, in that case the most important thing is for you two to work things out out rather than worry about this now... it sucks but what is done is done...you have the chance to do this process again and it will be easier for u since you already went over some stuff... be patientttt alright good.gif
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#6 tito

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Posted 30 October 2007 - 11:38 AM

Yes, I am and have been patient, and I wanted more than ANYTHING to have this work out. But as they say in Cuba...lo que sucede conviene...or, simply put, yes, things happen for a reason. There were difficulties to overcome as there are in EVERY relationship, but it take a commitment on BOTH parts to make it work, especially with the many differences (cultural, social, economic, religious, age, background, exposure to the world...everything!). For her own reasons and her own psychological state based on things that happened in her life as a young person, she doesn't have that level of commitment and would just as soon walk (as she did...) than work on things.

I love her tantamount to my very own life, and devoted everything in my life to create the possibility of our relationship, and the result is very sad (sorry for the introspective interlude!! But that's the way I feel about her...).

From the standpoint of this forum, however, yes there ARE options to avoid being on the hook for minimum poverty requirements up to the point the green card is issued.
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#7 una

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Posted 30 October 2007 - 01:55 PM

I see... but..with time every wound heals even if you don't beleive it now smile.gif)
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#8 patiently_waiting

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Posted 30 October 2007 - 03:57 PM

Just be careful bc once have withdrawn supprt you can not take that back and then your only hope is to go in front of an immigration judge or hope that paperwork doesn't get where in should be in time.

Edited by wised up too late, 30 October 2007 - 03:58 PM.

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#9 Nutty

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Posted 30 October 2007 - 04:58 PM

QUOTE (tito @ Oct 30 2007, 11:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, I am and have been patient, and I wanted more than ANYTHING to have this work out. But as they say in Cuba...lo que sucede conviene...or, simply put, yes, things happen for a reason. There were difficulties to overcome as there are in EVERY relationship, but it take a commitment on BOTH parts to make it work, especially with the many differences (cultural, social, economic, religious, age, background, exposure to the world...everything!). For her own reasons and her own psychological state based on things that happened in her life as a young person, she doesn't have that level of commitment and would just as soon walk (as she did...) than work on things.

I love her tantamount to my very own life, and devoted everything in my life to create the possibility of our relationship, and the result is very sad (sorry for the introspective interlude!! But that's the way I feel about her...).

From the standpoint of this forum, however, yes there ARE options to avoid being on the hook for minimum poverty requirements up to the point the green card is issued.


Dear Tito,

It's good you posted your experience on the website. For people here in the US and those who may consider marrying to get a greencard.
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#10 tito

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Posted 30 October 2007 - 06:48 PM

I can only hope that the time passes quickly. The wounds are profound. She walked away without saying ONE WORD, and hasn't called, written, or otherwise tried to contact me...after a 4 year relationship (or what I perceived to have been a relationship). That was on August 11!

Problem is...once she's out there in the world driving, interacting with people, whatever, the risks associated with that would be ones that would fall on me if I didn't get out from under the Declaration of Support.

It's really too bad...after all the effort, money, time, sacrifice...
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#11 una

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 07:58 AM

tito then for a person to be and act like that is not worth it even worrying about it, I know u have feelings and they're stronger then u right now but after u get over this everything will be fine trust me.... and time passes by quickly if you try to concentrate on other things...and whatever we say here is not going to make u feel better I know that cuz that's how it is ...but good luck smile.gif
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#12 tito

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 01:01 PM

Thanks, Una...it still does hurt, though. And you are right. Someone with that little empathy and that devoid of feelings isn't worth it. I was in love with an illusion! And it's quite consuming nonetheless. But yes...moving on.
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#13 *JG*

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 01:15 PM

Thank you for the info. I know of someone who I anticipate will need to know this information in the near future.

You are very strong and brave for speaking publically through your pain. I hope your words can help others.
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Life's just a crazy ride on a run away train
You can't go back for what you've missed
So make it count, hold on tight find a way to make it right
You only get one trip
So make it good, make it last 'cause it all flies by so fast
You only get one trip

#14 Asante Maroon

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 05:20 PM

QUOTE (tito @ Oct 29 2007, 02:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Things didn't work out, and it's a real shame, but sometimes pride...intense and foolish...has consequences.

Under the regulations, I withdrew the affidavit of support, and the adjustment of status was denied (no green card). I believe that deportation proceedings are now underway. In defense, the immigrant (from Cuba) has dispensation and can try to get her green card another way, but it's no longer my problem.

Anyway...moral of the story is, you CAN withdraw the affidavit of support any time until the green card is issued. Again...it's a true shame after all that was done to make this relationship work, and it's just time to move on...heal the wounds...


I read your story and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I think about all I have to go through for my fiance, and as I said in another post its like having a second full-time job. No one should have to go through what you are going through.

I pray that your wounds will heal sooner than later and I thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you story will help a lot of people.
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Posted Image Asante Maroon

#15 tito

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 06:42 PM

I very much appreciate the prayers and support. More than ANYONE IN THE STATES, we here can relate to the frustration, the effort, the cost (monetary, emotional, innumerably), the anxiety, the pressure, the struggle, the time...so I do appreciate the sentiments.

It's just so...damned...hard to let go after all I'd been through to make this happen. And the immigration process is only a tip of the iceburg! Each trip (15 in all the time we were together) was at least $3,000 (just for flights, accommodations, transportation...basics...plus the things I'd bring to help out)...the time away from my work let a huge snowball wither and melt away to the point I'm starting all over...I sacrificed friends and even family as I pursued the relationship with a fierce determination to make it work...and I ended up quite frustrated in what was really a one-way highway. Rather than work on it and be a participant in the relationship, and with absolutely no regard for what was done to make this happen, she walked! I'm still amazed at the courage and the, well, let's see, in yiddush, there's a word for audacity that is, "chutzpah" or guts or "cojones" she had to do this... I'm amazed that ANYONE had the capacity to be that hardened.

I look at the circumstances of her life and see some emotional scars from her youth that put up huge walls between her and the world, and it's just a shame. Someone said I should never feel sorry for a Cuban because their pride is so intense and is so often to their detriment that they always survive and never look back. That's just cold. Plain and simple. Yet, I'm the one suffering this loss, but I feel sorry for her.

It's tough to move on after such intense dedication and struggle...after you put your heart and soul out there without reserve and to have it end abruptly.

On the good side...it's probably the blessing in disguise. There are reasons that it was a longshot, that's for sure. The problem is, I wish that I could speak with her so I could be complete and so that she could be complete, too. When you just walk, no matter how fast you go, or how deeply you try to hide, these things follow you around and eventually govern your future.
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