Ready to do it

OK Ok you guys are mucking this all up. Let me see if I can put it into laymans terms for ya.
In The current system we're getting it in both ends at the same time, like taking it in the rear and having to give head at the same time
Some of us get a reach around from the goverment and some of us don't
Some of us don't have to give head at all.
This is obviously unfair.
Why me is in favor of taking the whole thing in the Butt.
The argument is about whether it will be an 8 incher or a 10 incher.
I say bend over and take it like a man

Former Governor of New Mexico and the one that said his neighbors dog had "made more shovel ready jobs than Obama"
He is also the only one that seems to understand that Bush ran the car into the ditch, Obama set it on fire and rolled it down the hill, Perry wants to drive it off a cliff in third gear and Romeny the same...in 2nd gear.
He realizes we need fundamental CHANGE in how things are done and the best way is to begin by burning our broken tax system and replace it with the FAIR TAX. Replace this social boondoggle with a system designed to RAISE REVENUE and nothing else! It is so completely fvcked up that these clowns bicker over who will pay what percentage and how we can punish this group or reward another group. Toss it out, eliminate income tax in every form and replace it with a consumption tax that is the same RATE for everyone.
This raises money to run the government, eliminates the damper on business and collects money fairly from everyone. Buffet will pay more than his secretary. Everyone is happy and we go from here.

I think that given 1) you had previously petitioned for someone else, and 2) the age between your fiance's kids and the two of you meeting is not that far apart (meaning he had a child and then quickly got into a relationship with you) are red flags. Are these reasons to outright deny the visa? Absolutely not. Are they reasons to scrutinze for fraud more closely? Absolutely. Since you weren't told what inconsistencies there were in the answers it is impossible to know exactly which question it was that they feel is inconsistent. Regarding the questions themselves... while personal in nature, I think the questions are very fair. Maybe the last time you had sex is irrelevant, but the first time you had sex, C-section or natural birth, who called who on new years eve, do you use birth control in the US, etc... are all very fair questions in my opinion especially for a couple that they want to scrutinze because of the 2 red flags from the get-go that I mentioned above. Ultimately, they proved what they needed to prove.... that perhaps there is fraud because one or the other doesn't know the intimate details of the relationship. Based on that reason alone, there is no reason for them to even look at pictures, phone logs, etc. It doesn't mean that your fiance won't get a visa. It simply means now you are going to have to jump through a lot of hoops to get it. It sucks, but the red flags were there so the CO did their job and asked intimate questions to prove the relationship and unfortunately you guys didn't pass. Don't give up hope. Just be more prepared next time around.

I'd be willing to bet I know exactly what her husband is feeling, after spending a better part of 20 years in Latin America.
Why didn't you just post something like, "Well I don't think that is true, but of course I've never been to Ecuador, nor do I know a single machista from Ecuador, so my opinion is pretty irrlevant." It certainly would have been more appropriate.

The other thing to note is your comment was not about whether the way he is treating her is correct or not. You stated that my and her comments about this is the way a machista male act are false.
If you have not lived in a society "full" of machista men and couples then you simply can't make that statement.
Let me explain. A machista male to us in the US would seem conceited, disrespectul, full of himself, and quite frankly most would call him an ahole. However, the machista male is the norm where he is from. HE makes the decisions, he protects her, he tells her what to do, if he wants water... she goes and gets it, if he wants a baby... she has a baby, if he wants an abortion... she is getting an abortion, she cleans, she makes 3 meals a day, she washes the clothes, and he does whatever the #### he wants. If he wants to go out and party every night and have numerous mistresses, then that is what he does... and the women quietly accept it. Many of the men have children with numerous other women, if she finds out about it... she accepts it.
You may not like the way a machista is, and you may not think a machista is right for the OP, but that's not our decision. She knows what she has, and like I said many women in a machista culture LOVE this kind of man. Her challenge is bringing a machista man into the US culture, with our accepted ways. She knew that coming in, and perhaps she "thought" she could change him.
One might ask, "Why in the world would a woman want to spend their life with someone like this?" Look up a happiness index. Colombia is constantly rated one of the top 5 happiest countries in the world. Bottom line, the way life is in Ecuador and Colombia may not be the norm or accepted in the US, but they sure do like it.
So, the statement you made of "That is false." Please explain if you would like to stick with that comment, and explain your relationships and time spent with machista men or in a machista culture.

The other thing to note is your comment was not about whether the way he is treating her is correct or not. You stated that my and her comments about this is the way a machista male act are false.
If you have not lived in a society "full" of machista men and couples then you simply can't make that statement.
Let me explain. A machista male to us in the US would seem conceited, disrespectul, full of himself, and quite frankly most would call him an ahole. However, the machista male is the norm where he is from. HE makes the decisions, he protects her, he tells her what to do, if he wants water... she goes and gets it, if he wants a baby... she has a baby, if he wants an abortion... she is getting an abortion, she cleans, she makes 3 meals a day, she washes the clothes, and he does whatever the #### he wants. If he wants to go out and party every night and have numerous mistresses, then that is what he does... and the women quietly accept it. Many of the men have children with numerous other women, if she finds out about it... she accepts it.
You may not like the way a machista is, and you may not think a machista is right for the OP, but that's not our decision. She knows what she has, and like I said many women in a machista culture LOVE this kind of man. Her challenge is bringing a machista man into the US culture, with our accepted ways. She knew that coming in, and perhaps she "thought" she could change him.
One might ask, "Why in the world would a woman want to spend their life with someone like this?" Look up a happiness index. Colombia is constantly rated one of the top 5 happiest countries in the world. Bottom line, the way life is in Ecuador and Colombia may not be the norm or accepted in the US, but they sure do like it.
So, the statement you made of "That is false." Please explain if you would like to stick with that comment, and explain your relationships and time spent with machista men or in a machista culture.

I'd be willing to bet I know exactly what her husband is feeling, after spending a better part of 20 years in Latin America.
Why didn't you just post something like, "Well I don't think that is true, but of course I've never been to Ecuador, nor do I know a single machista from Ecuador, so my opinion is pretty irrlevant." It certainly would have been more appropriate.

Uhmmm... Anita Cocktail, no disrespect intended, but are you from Ecuador? Are you from a South American country where 90%+ of the men are machista and the majority of the women there love the machista man? If you are not, then you cannot say this is false as it is the way a machista man is. Kindly refrain from stating something is false when you do not have the background to make such a statement.

Uhmmm... Anita Cocktail, no disrespect intended, but are you from Ecuador? Are you from a South American country where 90%+ of the men are machista and the majority of the women there love the machista man? If you are not, then you cannot say this is false as it is the way a machista man is. Kindly refrain from stating something is false when you do not have the background to make such a statement.

It's not "10 years." If she never gets her Citizenship, then it's 40 quarters of work making over the poverty level. So if she never works or doesn't make over the poverty level for at least 40 quarters you could be on the hook for life. My ex-wife just got her citizenship this year. We married 15 years ago. Granted, she was never a public charge, but she could have been. Accidents happen. Read the I-864 VERY WELL if you have even an inkling of a doubt. This I-864 can absolutely DESTROY a US Citizen financially for life. I have no idea why they even allow co-sponsors and I have no idea why a co-sponsor would be foolish enough to sponsor someone. Can you imagine a petitioner's parents co-sponsoring thinking they are doing the right thing for a family member, then a divorce occurs, then the beneficiary becomes a public charge year after year... or worse, is involved in an accident that financially destroys the petitioner and co-sponsors for life. And this is not something a bankruptcy can take care of. This debt will be owed to the US govt. Actually the beneficiary can sue the petitioner and/or co-sponsors as well.
Read it carefully. Any co-sponsor that signs it is an absolute sucker, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

It's not "10 years." If she never gets her Citizenship, then it's 40 quarters of work making over the poverty level. So if she never works or doesn't make over the poverty level for at least 40 quarters you could be on the hook for life. My ex-wife just got her citizenship this year. We married 15 years ago. Granted, she was never a public charge, but she could have been. Accidents happen. Read the I-864 VERY WELL if you have even an inkling of a doubt. This I-864 can absolutely DESTROY a US Citizen financially for life. I have no idea why they even allow co-sponsors and I have no idea why a co-sponsor would be foolish enough to sponsor someone. Can you imagine a petitioner's parents co-sponsoring thinking they are doing the right thing for a family member, then a divorce occurs, then the beneficiary becomes a public charge year after year... or worse, is involved in an accident that financially destroys the petitioner and co-sponsors for life. And this is not something a bankruptcy can take care of. This debt will be owed to the US govt. Actually the beneficiary can sue the petitioner and/or co-sponsors as well.
Read it carefully. Any co-sponsor that signs it is an absolute sucker, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

It's not "10 years." If she never gets her Citizenship, then it's 40 quarters of work making over the poverty level. So if she never works or doesn't make over the poverty level for at least 40 quarters you could be on the hook for life. My ex-wife just got her citizenship this year. We married 15 years ago. Granted, she was never a public charge, but she could have been. Accidents happen. Read the I-864 VERY WELL if you have even an inkling of a doubt. This I-864 can absolutely DESTROY a US Citizen financially for life. I have no idea why they even allow co-sponsors and I have no idea why a co-sponsor would be foolish enough to sponsor someone. Can you imagine a petitioner's parents co-sponsoring thinking they are doing the right thing for a family member, then a divorce occurs, then the beneficiary becomes a public charge year after year... or worse, is involved in an accident that financially destroys the petitioner and co-sponsors for life. And this is not something a bankruptcy can take care of. This debt will be owed to the US govt. Actually the beneficiary can sue the petitioner and/or co-sponsors as well.
Read it carefully. Any co-sponsor that signs it is an absolute sucker, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

One more suggestion that should work assuming the child is his. Tell him a neighbor looked through the window and saw the mess you guys are living in and threatened to call Child Protective Services. That should get him moving. If parents can't provide a safe clean environment for their children then they don't deserve to have them... not to mention it's the law. They can take your daughter away from you if you are not providing a healthy environment for your child. Certainly this would hit a nerve, wouldn't it?

Sarah
I know we've had a rather uninspiring discussion in the past. I'll throw in my two cents and I'll give you a piece of advice and a suggestion on how to make some real life needed changes.
Advice... Get your priorities straight. If you show poor decision making how can you expect better judgment from him. I've read all through this post of a messy house, internet, nintendo, tv's, books all over the place, messy floors, BMW or Mini-Cooper, a futuristic vacuum cleaner. Uhmmm... did you ever purchase that health insurance? See what I mean? If you aren't a positive influence how can you expect him to be? You don't purchase health insurance and you have stated what kind of living conditions you live in, and then you have all of these luxuries in your home... an unsanitary home.
Suggestion... New rule, have him clean the house, or lock him out of the house while you are gone at work. What can he do? Give him a broom and tell him to sweep the sidewalk, clean the windows in the building, pick up trash in the neighborhood. I.e. Either clean the house or learn how to clean/do something that benefits society and teaches cleaning skills while he sweats all day outside. It may sound a little brutal, but he will learn.
Ultimately you rushed into marriage. You did not know everything about your partner, or you poorly calculated that he would change. Your finances are minimal and you have no health insurance. See what I meant about the idea of raising the income requirements for sponsors. You assured me your income was well over the needed amount, you lived very comfortably paying cash for everything, and did not live high on the hog with material things, etc. Really?
Now you are working 74 hours a week, spending all your money on unneeded luxuries, and your husband has no interest in helping you. What would happen if your husband were to fall and break a leg? What would happen if you were to fall and break a leg? Do you have the savings to pay for that? Could you go 4 months without working? It's time to do a little house-cleaning and I mean the "real" house, the relationship, and getting priorities in order. You can't change your past, but you sure can change your future.

TBone- That could be the case, on the other hand you having a Colombian fiance or spouse should recognize quite a few of the negatives regarding this situation. I had written a long post earlier in the day and I accidently hit the back button and it all erased before I posted so I decided not to write it, and I'm not going to write it all out here. But here are some details regarding the way it not only probably is, but also the way it is for the majority of Colombianas...
1) Most Colombianas over the age of 30 have very little opportunity for employment unless they are already employed somewhere, and the farthur north of 30 years of age they are the closer they are to being unemployed... FOR LIFE
2) Unless this fiance was in the drug trade somehow or is a divorcee of or child of a politician she probably had no home/apartment etc to sell
3) Colombia is an extremely chauvanistic (sp) country. What the man says, typically goes.
4) If a female isn't married by the age of 25, her potential for marriage is extremely limited.
5) If this woman did own a home, apartment, or any land there is no way she would be marrying a 58 year old gringo, much less even talk to a 58 year old gringo. It just doesn't happen in this culture.
5) Given that the USC male is 58, I would assume the female is not less than 25-28 years old. Any age less than that would be very odd. 28-35 years old would be very normal, and if by chance she is over 35 years old the prospect of marrying was a true miracle.
6) I would venture that she lived with her parents, as most unmarried Colombianas do, for most of if not all of their life, assuming they do not ever marry.
Given the above (which is painted in stone, but are high probabilities... as in over 85%), I assume this Colombian fiance is over 28 years old, has very little to go back to (i.e. no money and no potential to work), and will absolutely do everything she can to stay. If her USC doesn't want her I would almost guarantee that she will find some Colombian friends or family in the US and become number 40,000,001 illegal immigrant in the US. And quite frankly, I don't blame her. Many can post on here that it's 2 adults, etc. Bullsh*t. Maybe if the beneficiary is from a non-third world country, but I can tell you all from experience... yes, marrying someone from a third world country requires patience and understanding. Yes, it is just like raising a child for at least the first 2 years. I in fact married someone from a third world country 15 years ago who had lived in the US for 10 years before I met her here in the US... and it was still like raising a child. She was the most humble and caring woman in the world, but it was still like raising a child. Heck, I've been divorced for eight years and I still feel like I have to teach her things almost monthly.
Those who say, "Just throw her and the 2 kids out," or "She knew that the decision she made to come to the US could blow up," or "She should have had an exit/return plan," etc have no idea what they are talking about. This is a Colombian woman, not an Australian, not a Canadian, not an affluent or educated Phillipian, not a European. This woman probably has 0 chance of ever being able to work another day the rest of her life. Now, that was probably the case before she left as well, but going from "A miracle to nothing in a matter of 2 weeks?" I guarantee you she will not be getting on that plane.
The alternative is she was some 28-32 year old gold-digger. He potentially goes to Colombia acting like Daddy Warbucks, as many do, easily convinced a hot 28-32 year old that she should come to the US and marry him. I say easily because her prospects on marrying a Colombian being over 25 and with 2 kids... no chance. He being 58 and having a potentially smoking hot wife, he was in heaven. Sugar daddy lost his job and wants to cut loose.
I'm not saying it's 100% one of these two scenarios, but I'd put money down saying that it is.
T-Bone, am I wrong?

+1 especially considering the boy is only 18. He's got his whole life in front of him. Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. No need to rush into anything. Spend some "serious" time together... weeks together over a period of years. Honestly, what's the rush. Statistics show if you marry, there is over a 50% chance it was a poor decision. You guys have never met, he's only 18, he's not even in the working world yet. Give it time.

Yes, the center of the universe where all things are good.

alan there are extreme nutters on both side of the political isle. there are even worse control freak nutters both religous & non-religious that want to dictate what me & you do in every aspect of our lives.
to label all religious people as 'the religous right' & claiming they want to this or that to everyone and they are all racist is ridiculous. i was raised catholic & do attend church..not regularly...but, i do go. i'm raising a 10 year old daughter who's mother is latino & i'm married to a filipina...'not a racist'.. i don't give a damn what you do in your home or in public for that matter...as long as it doesn't directly affect me or have a negative impact on my family...i really do not care. have you ever ran across a guy by the name of steven here on VJ? he is a religous person & IMO about as far left as someone could be. many of his political views mirror yours.
eta: why do you feel you're more valuable than anyone? honestly, that sounds extremely arrogant.

This can have an element of truth to it, but it is also one of just many excuses the naiive are willing to accept without cause. We always give the benefit of the doubt, even when we walk in the bedroom with them on top of their boyfriend. We just need an excuse supplied to us. So it's her culture.
Here again, the vast majority of people go their whole lives without someone committing paternity fraud on them with a leper child. This is soap opera drama material, not normal life. Not a big deal, I did not lead a normal life - not even close. But we have to know ourselves. Why did this hunter-killer unit zero in on you? Because hunter-killer units have radar operating 24/7 to detect people like you. Once they do, it is like a lion spotting a zebra.
There is no deep insight here. People are attracted to "their kind of people": the kind of people they want to be around. So you see sports nuts at sports bars, the band geeks doing their thing together, etc. These psycho hunter-killer manipulator units are looking for the naiive, happy-go lucky, gullible fellow who gives the benefit of the doubt no matter how outrageous their behavior is.
Your "filter" is broken or nonexistent. Some relationship advisors say to have this list of "dealbreakers" so you aren't such a retard about who you allow into your life to waste your scarce time. Things they absolutely must have, or things they absolutely must not have.
I have been this outdoor maniac, so all the hunter-killer psycho units would tell me how much they loved the out-of-doors, fishing, camping, etc. "All my life I wanted to live in a cabin in the woods..." My filter was whether they actually did anything amenable to cabin life with a wood stove as opposed to being a townie in high heels just weaving B.S. to manipulate me. You can make all the excuses you want for them and in the end the mistake was not filtering them out in the beginning because they had a dealbreaker.
There are some really important dealbreakers you just cannot make excuses for. If they lie, they're out. If they have this big drama going on through no fault of their own, that is a person who is going to have drama for the rest of their life through "no fault of their own". So you write down on paper: No drama. You would be amazed how that simplifies your life.
I guarantee that with this psycho hunter-killer unit that pulled paternity fraud with the leper child on you - there were red flags you ignored on the way in. As a matter of fact you told yourself that it showed your conscientiousness, your empathy, your understanding for giving her a chance despite seeing her morph into a reptile or have mirrors shatter when she looked in them. I did the same thing with people and had to learn over and over again that there are a lot of bad people who will hurt me because of it.

I am with the poster who says that she has her Maslow's way jacked up. When you work 2 or 3 jobs and have a high income but no health insurance that is pure foolishness. I am a nurse and let me tell you, if dear hubby or baby girl or yourself incur a huge hospital bill you will be saddled for the rest of your life paying for it. Because you have 2 or 3 jobs or whatever and your income is high, even though you are uninsured you won't qualify for any charity programs at the hospital. I know this because I work at the teaching hospital in my town that provides the majority of indigent care. The income requirements for the uninsured to receive any help is really, really low. Having said that, I am not sure why you think he will just magically "wake up" and start respecting you when it is obvious that he has no respect for himself, his daughter or you. He proves this every day by his actions. You claim you adore him. Well, more power to you. If this lifestyle is acceptable to you, then by all means carry on. I just feel that maybe you have some self esteem issues that need to be resolved before you will ever decide that you deserve more than you are getting at present time.

Sarah
I know we've had a rather uninspiring discussion in the past. I'll throw in my two cents and I'll give you a piece of advice and a suggestion on how to make some real life needed changes.
Advice... Get your priorities straight. If you show poor decision making how can you expect better judgment from him. I've read all through this post of a messy house, internet, nintendo, tv's, books all over the place, messy floors, BMW or Mini-Cooper, a futuristic vacuum cleaner. Uhmmm... did you ever purchase that health insurance? See what I mean? If you aren't a positive influence how can you expect him to be? You don't purchase health insurance and you have stated what kind of living conditions you live in, and then you have all of these luxuries in your home... an unsanitary home.
Suggestion... New rule, have him clean the house, or lock him out of the house while you are gone at work. What can he do? Give him a broom and tell him to sweep the sidewalk, clean the windows in the building, pick up trash in the neighborhood. I.e. Either clean the house or learn how to clean/do something that benefits society and teaches cleaning skills while he sweats all day outside. It may sound a little brutal, but he will learn.
Ultimately you rushed into marriage. You did not know everything about your partner, or you poorly calculated that he would change. Your finances are minimal and you have no health insurance. See what I meant about the idea of raising the income requirements for sponsors. You assured me your income was well over the needed amount, you lived very comfortably paying cash for everything, and did not live high on the hog with material things, etc. Really?
Now you are working 74 hours a week, spending all your money on unneeded luxuries, and your husband has no interest in helping you. What would happen if your husband were to fall and break a leg? What would happen if you were to fall and break a leg? Do you have the savings to pay for that? Could you go 4 months without working? It's time to do a little house-cleaning and I mean the "real" house, the relationship, and getting priorities in order. You can't change your past, but you sure can change your future.

Sarah
I know we've had a rather uninspiring discussion in the past. I'll throw in my two cents and I'll give you a piece of advice and a suggestion on how to make some real life needed changes.
Advice... Get your priorities straight. If you show poor decision making how can you expect better judgment from him. I've read all through this post of a messy house, internet, nintendo, tv's, books all over the place, messy floors, BMW or Mini-Cooper, a futuristic vacuum cleaner. Uhmmm... did you ever purchase that health insurance? See what I mean? If you aren't a positive influence how can you expect him to be? You don't purchase health insurance and you have stated what kind of living conditions you live in, and then you have all of these luxuries in your home... an unsanitary home.
Suggestion... New rule, have him clean the house, or lock him out of the house while you are gone at work. What can he do? Give him a broom and tell him to sweep the sidewalk, clean the windows in the building, pick up trash in the neighborhood. I.e. Either clean the house or learn how to clean/do something that benefits society and teaches cleaning skills while he sweats all day outside. It may sound a little brutal, but he will learn.
Ultimately you rushed into marriage. You did not know everything about your partner, or you poorly calculated that he would change. Your finances are minimal and you have no health insurance. See what I meant about the idea of raising the income requirements for sponsors. You assured me your income was well over the needed amount, you lived very comfortably paying cash for everything, and did not live high on the hog with material things, etc. Really?
Now you are working 74 hours a week, spending all your money on unneeded luxuries, and your husband has no interest in helping you. What would happen if your husband were to fall and break a leg? What would happen if you were to fall and break a leg? Do you have the savings to pay for that? Could you go 4 months without working? It's time to do a little house-cleaning and I mean the "real" house, the relationship, and getting priorities in order. You can't change your past, but you sure can change your future.

I don't necessarily agree with the slant you're putting on this, but this is my basic take on the story. Reproducing should be a basic human right (My opinion, not necessarily based on precedent or UN edict). The problem is not that people reproduce but rather that government taxes society to pay for it. Get rid of the entitlements and this discussion will be a mute point. There will be no need for politburo approval of reproduction.
As far as tax deductions for kids, we should just move to a usage based tax system (ie. sales tax, VAT tax, whatever you want to call it) instead of income tax. If people use more because they have more children they will pay more taxes. If they manage things responsibly, they will pay comparably.

Every baby girl should be sterilized at birth. When they prove that they are responsible (have a job, married, tax returns, bank statements, work stubs, credit check all turn out ok) then they undergo rigorous testing and interviews to see if they are approved to be unsterilized.
All women want babies at some point. It would be great motivation for some. The leeches would instead of being paid to breed would not be deemed responsible enough to have children.
I don't think most women want kids at 18. If I was a girl I'd at least wait until 22 or 23 (after graduating college) to undergo the rigorous testing and interviews.

I like the general idea of the OP but I have to disagree on some points. Reproduction is a basic right. We cannot regulate basic rights like reproduction.
However, we can regulate what happens to folks who take the free money. You want the free money? Take the shot in the arm. No further kids while you're on the dole. No extra money for extra kids. One flat rate for anyone on welfare. Same thing with all other welfare. You want the money? Fine. But, you can't have any more kids. Don't like that? Fine. Don't take the free money.
I'm all for licensing and permits per kid, etc. But, we simply cannot do that. What we can do though is deny extra money.