WhidbeyGirl

Congrats to HisGirl & Sam&Rasta on the upcoming January interviews!!! I believe there are just four left from our group waiting on interviews!!!

Glad to hear things are better. Moments/days like that often happen more than once.

Its good that you've got him taking vitamin D. It should help a bit with his mood as well as overall health. We've been taking it for many months now. I have found that exercise has really been the thing to improve my mood. But its so hard when its cold and wet all the time.

I don't know much about Whidbey Island, except I hear about it on the weather forecast. You mentioned its hard to get off the island. Can you describe how you get off? I imagine by ferry, but does it not run every day or at restricted times/seasons?

Actually getting off the island is quite simple. I only live about 1 1/2 miles from the ferry and it runs from 4:40am to half past midnight and nearly every 1/2 hour. It's the cost that makes hard to leave. Car & driver is nearly $20 round trip and passenger is $4 and then the vehicle I drive only gets 12mpg so traveling to Seattle and back takes at least 6 gallons of gas at $3/gallon. So just getting off the island is nearly $50 and that doesn't include babysitting, event, and parking costs. The other route is travelling north and driving off the island by bridge but then the gas would be over $50 and more time which would increase the babysitting costs, etc, etc, etc.

Hi all, just an update - all is fixed all is better.

All fixed and all better now.

Uno - not to worry dear. The only part of your post that bugged me at first was that of my daughter calling him "daddy", but then as I thought about it - you have NO IDEA our life situation and that the man who donated sperm for her is in prison for 8 to life and even if he is released she has a lifetime protection order against him. So you see she deeply desires to have a daddy, I NEVER mentioned or asked her to call him daddy, it was all her so that tells me she see him as filling that void in her life. I agree it is an earned title and one not to be taken lightly, that is why I told husband if he leaves it's not just me he is leaving.

One love.

CONGRATS!!!

Thanks Reeses.

1. We discussed this before he came here and he told me, "No don't worry about it at all." Yet the other night when he woke me up in the middle of the night one of the things he said was that he used to send his family 100,000CFA every month, so now I know he did expect to send them money, even though he is the youngest.

2. Where he works actually has a GREAT pay process, he is paid every Friday for the work through that Friday, so his paycheck was a complete paycheck.

3. Working full time

4. I keep trying. Part of the issue is me working so much too, especially when he doesn't see any income coming in from the farm or the tools, just outgoing. In farming this is the time period when everything goes out, incoming is in spring and summer and the tools I had taken a year off to be able to sponsor him so I'm rebuilding and so yes money is outgoing, although I have a major radio promotion starting tomorrow so am praying with Christmas coming it will start paying off.

5. Getting off the island is extrememly expensive and we both don't like spending money on excessive things.

I've got him taking Vitamin D to help with the lack of sunshine, even though he doesn't think he needs it. Right now I think a lot of it is two extremely independant people attempting to coexist. I know I'm set in my ways and if not approached at the right time in the right manner any suggestions fall on deaf ears. OH did I mention it was PMS and AF week when all this happened???? LOL!! Bad timing!

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He just started working and got first paycheck. He wanted to help out with the bills so I set up an excel spreadsheet that showed him what I paid each week where and then had it compute how much each us would contribute based on our take home pay. Even though I had been sending him emails weekly showing him where my money was going it never clicked with him how much it costs to live here. He was discouraged when after taking us all out to eat once he only had $77 dollars left for the week to put into savings. He refuses to accept that I have cut everything I possibly can out of the budget, he says we live in poverty and he doesn't want to live like this. I see nothing wrong with the way I live, yes I'd like to own a house, but we can't afford it and my parents have told me the house we live in is ours when they pass away so why would I want to try and buy another. Since he's started working our income has nearly doubled I'm in heaven!!! I've NEVER had money left over after pay day - NEVER, I'm actually going to be able to get the kids gifts myself this year for Christmas. I've asked him to give it a year. I don't know if he will or not. I've told him it's not just me he'll be hurting by leaving, my daughter has bonded so much with him, already calls him Daddy and my son finally has a mature, responsible man he looks up to. I can't force him to stay, so whatever God has in store I'll deal with.

I know this is all transition stuff, I warned him before he came but he was certain all would be fine, "Nigerians can make it anywhere." is what I've been told over and over. I know it's lack of sunshine, extremely small town compared to what he's used too, lack of compatriots, moving from a singleman household to a family of 6 with 3 teenage boys, not much job opportunity on an island forced him to take a job in construction which isn't where he wants to be, I'm a different person with life going on around me compared to when I visited him and was on vacation. I'm ready to face these things head on, I was ready before he came here, it's up to him if he's willing to stand with me.

whew, WG, plz don't be offended by what I am about to say;

it seems as if he had "high hopes/big dreams/grandiose notions" of how his living standards were gonna be once he got to America, after all, he did marry an "Ahhmerikkhan"

I_ donnnn't_Knowwww * * when I was going through "vj" my ex use to say,

"how can you say dat living in Ahhmerikka is hard to an AAFrickhann, we wont beleeeve you! You Ahhmerikkhans will only say dat to discourrrrage us from coming and we wonnnnt beleeeve you!"

Maybe, just maybe he has the same mind set as my ex; he thought YOU were underestimating your own personal situation......and of course they know better than US what American living is like due to MTV and BET and other sensationalized media that's pumped into their country

Now as far as your daughter calling him "daddy"... ...ahem....thats all I'm gonna say about your issue.

I can't talk 'bout you, I can only talk 'bout me: a child of UNOz aint callin no other man daddy; if he just got here and my child only heard of/chatted with/he just integrated into the household/etc....don't care if we's married or naught; 'specially if she/he's old enough to know that that person is NOT their daddy...OMG!!! And UNO would not ever tell a man, "the kids love you or what about the kids" to a man if he wanted to leave, 'specially if they are NOT his kids!

and so he's forced to take a construction job, he should count his blessings, he could be shoveling...####### for a living and eating scavenger.

sorry, he seems unappreciative, but at least he's willing to go back to his home country on his own after realizing "it was all a dream...!"

p.s. I'm just sayin....

UNO

Thanks for your response, it has been logged into my memory bank. We have different perspectives but I do appreciate you taking the time to give me your opinion.

I think he'd rather us move as a family but he would never ask me to move my children. If it were just me, I would consider, but not with my kids still in school.

Whidbey are you serious?????

Unfortunately yes.

He just started working and got first paycheck. He wanted to help out with the bills so I set up an excel spreadsheet that showed him what I paid each week where and then had it compute how much each us would contribute based on our take home pay. Even though I had been sending him emails weekly showing him where my money was going it never clicked with him how much it costs to live here. He was discouraged when after taking us all out to eat once he only had $77 dollars left for the week to put into savings. He refuses to accept that I have cut everything I possibly can out of the budget, he says we live in poverty and he doesn't want to live like this. I see nothing wrong with the way I live, yes I'd like to own a house, but we can't afford it and my parents have told me the house we live in is ours when they pass away so why would I want to try and buy another. Since he's started working our income has nearly doubled I'm in heaven!!! I've NEVER had money left over after pay day - NEVER, I'm actually going to be able to get the kids gifts myself this year for Christmas. I've asked him to give it a year. I don't know if he will or not. I've told him it's not just me he'll be hurting by leaving, my daughter has bonded so much with him, already calls him Daddy and my son finally has a mature, responsible man he looks up to. I can't force him to stay, so whatever God has in store I'll deal with.

I know this is all transition stuff, I warned him before he came but he was certain all would be fine, "Nigerians can make it anywhere." is what I've been told over and over. I know it's lack of sunshine, extremely small town compared to what he's used too, lack of compatriots, moving from a singleman household to a family of 6 with 3 teenage boys, not much job opportunity on an island forced him to take a job in construction which isn't where he wants to be, I'm a different person with life going on around me compared to when I visited him and was on vacation. I'm ready to face these things head on, I was ready before he came here, it's up to him if he's willing to stand with me.

He just started working and got first paycheck. He wanted to help out with the bills so I set up an excel spreadsheet that showed him what I paid each week where and then had it compute how much each us would contribute based on our take home pay. Even though I had been sending him emails weekly showing him where my money was going it never clicked with him how much it costs to live here. He was discouraged when after taking us all out to eat once he only had $77 dollars left for the week to put into savings. He refuses to accept that I have cut everything I possibly can out of the budget, he says we live in poverty and he doesn't want to live like this. I see nothing wrong with the way I live, yes I'd like to own a house, but we can't afford it and my parents have told me the house we live in is ours when they pass away so why would I want to try and buy another. Since he's started working our income has nearly doubled I'm in heaven!!! I've NEVER had money left over after pay day - NEVER, I'm actually going to be able to get the kids gifts myself this year for Christmas. I've asked him to give it a year. I don't know if he will or not. I've told him it's not just me he'll be hurting by leaving, my daughter has bonded so much with him, already calls him Daddy and my son finally has a mature, responsible man he looks up to. I can't force him to stay, so whatever God has in store I'll deal with.

I know this is all transition stuff, I warned him before he came but he was certain all would be fine, "Nigerians can make it anywhere." is what I've been told over and over. I know it's lack of sunshine, extremely small town compared to what he's used too, lack of compatriots, moving from a singleman household to a family of 6 with 3 teenage boys, not much job opportunity on an island forced him to take a job in construction which isn't where he wants to be, I'm a different person with life going on around me compared to when I visited him and was on vacation. I'm ready to face these things head on, I was ready before he came here, it's up to him if he's willing to stand with me.

hubby wants to go back home says he'll give me his GC, SSN & ID card

Well I am glad I am not alone!!! People have been telling me that Social Security is jerking us around. I don't know what else to do.

Just go in and have him fill out the paperwork. We waited four weeks because that's what we were told but he got tired of waiting and just filled out the application - got it in less than a week.

He wants to give me his GC, SSN & ID card and go back home.

Page 4 all, had to bump us up.

How is everyone?

guess there's still time for Oprah, just saw the headline, didn't actually read that show ends in 2011.

I was in a hurry this morning and had and after thought but did not have time to post again. Dateline NBC, they do stories along these lines and have done a story on Nigerian scammers before. You may want to bark up that tree as well, I watch a lot of news programs and talk shows and have not seen one about this kind of scam. You could be the one with the ground breaking story

Pres we think too much alike. I already been saying that to people. I will be on the next Dr. phill or Operah.

People need to know the story of immigration scam. I wish more woman would speak out so they could stop someoen from making a mistake.

thanks pres!

Hey Missy,

I was re-reading your posts and I remembered something, way back during a flame war ( I am sure you remember those in this forum )

Someone had suggested, ( I doubt in a sincere manor) that the poster (if I remember it was Idocare) to go on Dr Phil.

I was thinking about this, I think that it would be benificial for those who have been scammed to try and get a message out to other single women, to try and get on Dr Phil, or Oprah. If several people went to them, I think that they would listen, they say to send in show ideas.

It was just a thought, to send a message to a lot of people.

If you want me to help with this by contacting them too, send me a message or give me a call, I sent you my number in an email

P

1 - too late for Oprah she's quitting/ending

2 - there is already a TON of NEGATIVE press regarding Nigerian scammers, why on earth would you want to add fuel to that flame??

You can't honestly tell me that NO ONE said ANYTHING to you when you mentioned you were dating and then marrying a Nigerian. I am truly honestly sorry for the things that have happened, but you know as well as I do that NOTHING you say even on a national tv show is going to change someones mind about "their Nigerian man", NOTHING. I know you're hurting right now but why punish a whole country for something ONE man did to you? Go through your past posts, I don't know for certain but I'm willing to wager you came to the defense of Nigerians while your relationship was good, saying that not all Nigerians are 419, it's just the 419 get all the publicity.

I did NOT sit back and do nothing - not my style at all! I sent emails to the embassy politely asking what exactly they were investigating (they didn't request anything else from us). I offered to give them anything they needed or to help in any research they needed. I also called DOS at least 3 days a week to ask of updates. I don't know how your embassy works, but in Senegal any emails generated require them to print them up and put them in the file, this keeps the file on the top of the pile. Also, when calling DOS if you EVER get Sarah - truly FABULOUS woman, gently press her a bit, she'll usually give you more info than the others, she'll read the embassy notes. On one such occasion, she said, "they would love to meet with you". I had sent an email to the embassy asking if they wanted to meet with me and if that would help in what they were investigating. Once I had that information in hand (and it just so happened that the Lord blessed me that week with some life insurance money from my grandma) I email Senegal embassy again this time quoting what a representative from DOS (didn't name her) told me and told them I was planning a trip to Senegal and I could be there on "this" week or "this" week to meet with them, which one would they prefer? They picked the furthest out one and we were set!

If they ask the same question 20 times, you give the same answer 20 times.

Never change your answer to the same question, even if they ask it in different ways.

If they try to ask you a vague question, or if they try to be tricky, ask them to please repeat the question.

If you still don't understand, ask them to clarify.

And if you still aren't sure, say "I don't understand what you are asking, or what exactly are you asking?"

You can ask them to clarify.

If they put words in your mouth, you politely correct them.

If you make a mistake, correct it immediately.

If they ask a question you don't know the answer to, you just say you don't know the answer.

Always, always pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath before answering any question.

Never rush or get upset or excited.

Remember, they are a person just like you.

This is an important interview, you deserve to take time, be careful, and be sure of your answers.

Never blurt out anything that pops into your head. Always think about what you about to say before you speak it out loud.

Only pay attention to the question at hand, the one they are asking at that moment, don't think back or ahead.

If you need time to gather your thoughts or recall something, then say so.

Always look them in their eyes.

You have a right to these things.

You should not be treated with disrespect.

You should be treated with dignity.

Always, always tell the truth.

Always tell them, when you do have written evidence with you, that you have documentation of that statement/fact/event/etc, and offer it to them at that moment.

If they refuse to accept the document, ask them at the end of the interview if they would like to take the copy of your documentation you made for their convenience, so that they can review it if they have questions later.

I would also add that if they barage you with questions (they did that to my husband) take one question at a time and respectfully ask they repeat or slow down the questioning.

The male CO in Senegal would ask my husband 3 or 4 questions in a row without giving him a chance to answer. We were put on AP for a short time, but thankfully the 2nd interview I was able to go AND we had a VERY NICE and UNDERSTANDING woman CO. We even had MAJOR descrepentacies but she allowed us to explain and understood how our view points could be different and granted us an approval. I pray the best for you verde. I have been following your posts, just haven't commented because I remember the first 3 days after our first interview, while I don't know exactly how you felt because you have extenuating circumstances, I do know how the rejection feels when you've done EVERYTHING right and by the book!

10th pregnancy??? whoa whidbey.........that's....brave! With the experience you have now you should become a midwife/doula! Seriously.....if only you lived nearer I'm looking for one right now.....it would be fun if t could be you .

Well lost 5 of them in first trimester - always in October/November, so if we get pg it won't be while 1st trimester is in those months. I read a study and they have actually found that more women in the US miscarry Oct-Dec than any other time of the year. They speculated it had to do with lack of sun those months and also high stress levels with holidays & such.

Have never thought of being a doula before. I had one my last pgcy mainly because my ex wasn't around.

I had the BP issues too. Drink lots of water and lie on your left side, those are the things that helped me. I eventually did have to go onto medication, though with my 5th child (10th pregnancy).

Zee still doing this????

Hubby just got a call from the local speedex office(fedex/speedex in Sialkot) to bring his ID and come pick up his passport stamped with the visa!!!!!!!! OHHHH JOYYYY! LOL! THIS IS SO UNEXPECTED!. As I've been expecting Taj's to get hers before us.....but I had the lingering feeling in my mind that since we reside in Sialkot...a very minor city in Pakistan that we would have less of a wait with this AP.......but I still never could bring myself to believe that fact fully.....even now, I'm still not FULLY going to believe it until I see that visa stamped on my husbands passport!!!!!!!!! But I can't help but say it..........OHHH HOME SWEET HOME HERE I COME NEW YORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAAAAHHHH!

:D

WOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Let us know when you have visa in hand!!!!!

I DON'T do the shoppin' thing - AT ALL!!! My venues - thrift stores and if I feel like treating myself Wal-Mart. LOL! Going to Africa and having my hubby buy material and have a tailor sew me things for my body was impressive. He would ask me which material I liked I told him which one and he would say, "No no no that's not good enough material you need the best material!" I was like "OK then you pick because they all look the same to me."

I have one purse - and actually it's a pink wide mouth tool bag that I sell to women for their tools, and I own 1 pair of running shoes, 1 pair of black flats, 1 pair of black cowboy boots, and 1 pair of black snow boots - that's it. Jewelry is another thing I don't do, but that's because I'm allergic to EVERYTHING except 24K gold - TOO DANG EXPENSIVE, so I have a wedding ring.

Call me practical. Although some would argue I'm not doing my part to stimulate the economy. LOL!